My freind is attracted to his own sister in law ... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

RCAlyra2004 · 01-30-2005, 08:08 PM

This past weekend my buddies brother in law stayed at his house with his family. He and his sister in law hit it off really well. His brother in law is an alcoholic and basically has abused his wife to no end... that guy still has a drinking problem.

His own wife has been on anti-depressants for years... I think personally that her and her brother are too much alike... they are both depressed

Let me make this clear. The depressed people are brother and sister, their spouses have become attracted to each other. The two people that are attracted to each other are not related at all.

Is he crazy to think about his sister in law.... this afternoon He said:

"I have never seen it from this perspective before but we would be a lot better off without her husband and my wife. Neither of us drink much and are basically happy people... except for the trouble we have had with our spouses. It seems that this brother and sister pair has ruined our lives"

What do I say to that? He is asking my advice and frankly I do not know what to say.

Vincentt · 01-30-2005, 08:26 PM

If they don't have kids....go for the scandal. If they have kids... well it just seems like that could be bad for them.

Kurant · 01-30-2005, 09:31 PM

Not that big a deal.

My sister in-law is drop dead fucking hot. I've even told my wife she's hot.

Suave · 01-30-2005, 10:13 PM

I've long suspected my family of having in-law "relations" so to speak. Nothing serious, but it seems to be quite common. In the case of these people, I think they should just go for it.

ironmaiden7o7 · 01-30-2005, 10:32 PM

It's always natural to connect with someone without any drama after being with someone who is sad or depressed. And also, it's natural that he finds his sister-in-law attractive, there is nothing wrong with that, he's human. Though, you should be careful about giving him any advice on this, this is a decision that he needs to make, anything that you do say can and will be used against you. If there aren't any children involved and they feel the same way about it, I'd tell him to go for it.

pig · 01-30-2005, 10:52 PM

So, when y'all are saying "go for it" are y'all talking West Virginia style "go for it?" Because I would have to throw in a big old "pump your fucking brakes" on that notion. My guess is that it is entirely probable that they are both stressed out as all get out over their crappy marriages to abusive (physical or pschological - addicts are always abusive in some way) alcoholics, and they are bonding with people who are convenient, are already entrenched in the same situation as they are, etc. I would say that if this attraction serves as a psychological vehicle to get them both to re-assess their marriages, then it will have served it's purpose. I would also wager that if they do get all Springer, that after the marriages have fallen apart, they will feel uncomfortable around each other. If they want to try to make a go of it, handle it the right way. Dissolve the marriages first, and then evaulate whether the attraction was genuine or stress-induced. At least that's my take.

Sweetpea · 01-30-2005, 11:00 PM

They both are probably sad to have ended up in the marriages that they did and are looking to each other for comfort perhaps?

If he and she both are Unhappy with their spouses and their quality of life is not what it should be . . . they should BOTH leave their spouses . . . but not for each other! . . . but because no one should stay married to someone that makes their life full of misery . . .

If he is truly unhappy with his wife (and there are no kids to screw up here) then he should leave and start a new life for himself . . . EVERYONE deserves to be happy . . . life is just too short to stay with someone who makes you miserable IMHO.

As his friend though . . . just offer him a place to vent his feelings, be his sounding board, but don't really offer too much advice, he needs to come to his own conclusions about his life and where is it going --- perhaps he should seek some couseling about what he is experiencing in his marriage? instead of perhaps thinking about an affair . . .

that is a tough situation for any friend to find themselves in . . . good luck in helping your friend through an obviously somewhat tough time in his life . . .

Sweetpea

doncalypso · 01-31-2005, 08:46 AM

I don't care how wonderful they feel in each other's company or how well they click.... bottom line is that your friend and his sister-in-law are both married individuals and should not stoop so low as to resort to adultery.

Both need to find a way to work things out with their spouses, but they should not even consider having an affair.

Sage · 01-31-2005, 09:47 AM

i definitely think that affairs are bad news, but if he's so unhappy with his wife why not just leave her? i agree with what was said earlier, that life is too short to be in misery. talk to this guy, tell him that perhaps an affair would not be the best option, but that you're there to offer support should he decide to divorce his wife. if she's pulling the "but you can't leave me i'll kill myself etc" stuff to make him stay, tell him to get her ass in thearapy then file for divorce. i understand that they probably loved each other once upon a time but they shouldn't be trying to stay together just for the sake of nostaliga. good luck

RCAlyra2004 · 01-31-2005, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by doncalypso

I don't care how wonderful they feel in each other's company or how well they click.... bottom line is that your friend and his sister-in-law are both married individuals and should not stoop so low as to resort to adultery.

Both need to find a way to work things out with their spouses, but they should not even consider having an affair.

Suddenly I see it... you are correct... there is good reason for them to dissolve things first if they feel they have to have a relationship. Regardless of how depressed their spouses have been they must give them thier due course.. and either leave first, or put up!

Thanks again

drakers · 01-31-2005, 02:46 PM

I agree if there are children involved then that could create problems but if there are I would seriously consider against it. And no I would not recommend to start an affair, make a clean break and head for the sunset.

caz · 01-31-2005, 02:58 PM

The children aspect is definately a HUGE factor. I can see why this is a sticky situation. How often are these people around eachother? I realize that they are both at family functions but I am curious whether they live in the same area. I think that the "forbidden fruit" aspect plays into this situation and wonder if they would still feel the same if they weren't already married. I agree that advice is a touchy subject on this one, but I will say that regret is a bitch... something you have to learn to live with or change and cope with. Also how long have these couples been together?

pinkie · 01-31-2005, 03:09 PM

Cheating is cheating.

They should either get into marriage counseling, or end the relationship first.

Cimarron29414 · 01-31-2005, 07:20 PM

Cheating is the worst possible choice. There is no excuse for it.

Also, if the alcoholic man is abusive, the cheating will give him a reason to be abusive. Personally, I would feel like crap if I knew I did something to cause a woman to get beaten.

I agree that you need to avoid giving advice, they are all adults and can make decisions without dragging you into it.

Why does life have to be so complicated?

01-30-2005, 08:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
RCAlyra2004 Crazy Location: North of the 50th Parallel	My freind is attracted to his own sister in law ... This past weekend my buddies brother in law stayed at his house with his family. He and his sister in law hit it off really well. His brother in law is an alcoholic and basically has abused his wife to no end... that guy still has a drinking problem. His own wife has been on anti-depressants for years... I think personally that her and her brother are too much alike... they are both depressed Let me make this clear. The depressed people are brother and sister, their spouses have become attracted to each other. The two people that are attracted to each other are not related at all. Is he crazy to think about his sister in law.... this afternoon He said: "I have never seen it from this perspective before but we would be a lot better off without her husband and my wife. Neither of us drink much and are basically happy people... except for the trouble we have had with our spouses. It seems that this brother and sister pair has ruined our lives" What do I say to that? He is asking my advice and frankly I do not know what to say. __________________ Living on the edge of sanity Last edited by RCAlyra2004; 01-30-2005 at 08:12 PM..

01-30-2005, 08:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
Vincentt Addict Location: Tokyo, Japan	If they don't have kids....go for the scandal. If they have kids... well it just seems like that could be bad for them. __________________ .

01-30-2005, 10:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
Suave Twitterpated Location: My own little world (also Canada)	I've long suspected my family of having in-law "relations" so to speak. Nothing serious, but it seems to be quite common. In the case of these people, I think they should just go for it. __________________ "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

01-30-2005, 10:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	So, when y'all are saying "go for it" are y'all talking West Virginia style "go for it?" Because I would have to throw in a big old "pump your fucking brakes" on that notion. My guess is that it is entirely probable that they are both stressed out as all get out over their crappy marriages to abusive (physical or pschological - addicts are always abusive in some way) alcoholics, and they are bonding with people who are convenient, are already entrenched in the same situation as they are, etc. I would say that if this attraction serves as a psychological vehicle to get them both to re-assess their marriages, then it will have served it's purpose. I would also wager that if they do get all Springer, that after the marriages have fallen apart, they will feel uncomfortable around each other. If they want to try to make a go of it, handle it the right way. Dissolve the marriages first, and then evaulate whether the attraction was genuine or stress-induced. At least that's my take. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

01-30-2005, 11:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
Sweetpea Fade out Location: in love	They both are probably sad to have ended up in the marriages that they did and are looking to each other for comfort perhaps? If he and she both are Unhappy with their spouses and their quality of life is not what it should be . . . they should BOTH leave their spouses . . . but not for each other! . . . but because no one should stay married to someone that makes their life full of misery . . . If he is truly unhappy with his wife (and there are no kids to screw up here) then he should leave and start a new life for himself . . . EVERYONE deserves to be happy . . . life is just too short to stay with someone who makes you miserable IMHO. As his friend though . . . just offer him a place to vent his feelings, be his sounding board, but don't really offer too much advice, he needs to come to his own conclusions about his life and where is it going --- perhaps he should seek some couseling about what he is experiencing in his marriage? instead of perhaps thinking about an affair . . . that is a tough situation for any friend to find themselves in . . . good luck in helping your friend through an obviously somewhat tough time in his life . . . Sweetpea __________________ Having a Pet Will Change Your Life! Looking for a great pet?! Click Here! "I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

01-30-2005, 09:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
Kurant Junkie Location: Don't worry about it.	Not that big a deal. My sister in-law is drop dead fucking hot. I've even told my wife she's hot.

01-30-2005, 10:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
ironmaiden7o7 Insane Location: NYC	It's always natural to connect with someone without any drama after being with someone who is sad or depressed. And also, it's natural that he finds his sister-in-law attractive, there is nothing wrong with that, he's human. Though, you should be careful about giving him any advice on this, this is a decision that he needs to make, anything that you do say can and will be used against you. If there aren't any children involved and they feel the same way about it, I'd tell him to go for it.

01-31-2005, 08:46 AM	#8 (permalink)
doncalypso TFP Mad Scientist Location: Philadelphia, PA	I don't care how wonderful they feel in each other's company or how well they click.... bottom line is that your friend and his sister-in-law are both married individuals and should not stoop so low as to resort to adultery. Both need to find a way to work things out with their spouses, but they should not even consider having an affair. __________________ Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

01-31-2005, 09:47 AM	#9 (permalink)
Sage hoarding all the big girl panties since 2005 Location: North side	i definitely think that affairs are bad news, but if he's so unhappy with his wife why not just leave her? i agree with what was said earlier, that life is too short to be in misery. talk to this guy, tell him that perhaps an affair would not be the best option, but that you're there to offer support should he decide to divorce his wife. if she's pulling the "but you can't leave me i'll kill myself etc" stuff to make him stay, tell him to get her ass in thearapy then file for divorce. i understand that they probably loved each other once upon a time but they shouldn't be trying to stay together just for the sake of nostaliga. good luck __________________ Sage knows our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's She answers hard acrostics, has a pretty taste for paradox She quotes in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics she can floor peculiarities parabolous -C'hi

01-31-2005, 02:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
drakers Psycho Location: IOWA	I agree if there are children involved then that could create problems but if there are I would seriously consider against it. And no I would not recommend to start an affair, make a clean break and head for the sunset.

01-31-2005, 02:58 PM	#12 (permalink)
caz Tilted Location: Illinois	The children aspect is definately a HUGE factor. I can see why this is a sticky situation. How often are these people around eachother? I realize that they are both at family functions but I am curious whether they live in the same area. I think that the "forbidden fruit" aspect plays into this situation and wonder if they would still feel the same if they weren't already married. I agree that advice is a touchy subject on this one, but I will say that regret is a bitch... something you have to learn to live with or change and cope with. Also how long have these couples been together?

01-31-2005, 03:09 PM	#13 (permalink)
pinkie Helplessly hoping Location: Above the stars	Cheating is cheating. They should either get into marriage counseling, or end the relationship first. Last edited by pinkie; 01-31-2005 at 03:36 PM..

01-31-2005, 07:20 PM	#14 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	Cheating is the worst possible choice. There is no excuse for it. Also, if the alcoholic man is abusive, the cheating will give him a reason to be abusive. Personally, I would feel like crap if I knew I did something to cause a woman to get beaten. I agree that you need to avoid giving advice, they are all adults and can make decisions without dragging you into it. Why does life have to be so complicated? __________________ Gives a man a halo, does mead. "Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly." Last edited by Cimarron29414; 01-31-2005 at 07:23 PM..