Acting Silly In Bed
 

I am a pretty funny, goofy guy. Unfortunately, this does not seem to translate to the bedroom. I had a sexual partner tell me that she was turned off because I make her feel silly--it's like a childish relationship. She said she felt like a Playboy, and I was seeing boobs for the first time.

So.

First of all, a disclaimer: I'm not going "oooooh, boobies!" I do joke about them, and joke in general, often because I thought it would defuse tension. Apparently it just defuses desire.

This brings me to two questions:
1) What's your take on joking around in bed? How much is too much?
2) What's the appropriate way to act in romantic situations? How do I act romantic? Heck, a step-by-step guide would be good here, though probably not appropriate.

I know this sounds dumb, it was really just a big ego hit that my demeanor in the bedroom is less than sexy. How should you go about it?

Too much is never quite enough. It's kinda like anal lube.

That however is my preference. You either have to match your partner or get a new one. It all depends on how valuable they are.

Nothing wrong with acting silly and being silly in bed... If you can't have fun whilst having sex -- when can you have fun?

BUT -- it's gotta be your personality -- if you go from Mr Serious at dinner - -then when the lights go down you turn into Mr Silly, well that can be a little creepy.

Silly in bed to me is a turn on, but some might not like it. I agree with Mal on this one...if you are a little goofy at other times then I say go for it.

Messing around in the sack is part of the routine for me too and any girl who finds it to be a turn off might run into problems with me. The way I see it is if you can't laugh and act screwy while screwing, when can you cut loose?

I'm often silly then, because well, it's fun. Why make a job out of it? :D

But I guess some people look at it differently, and that comes down to compatible partners. Fortunately, I've had ones that saw it the same way and made it a great experience.

To me it's rather a matter of familiarity. I wouldn't act silly for the first few times with a partner, but if I get to know her good, and I know she has at least a minimal sense of humor, then sure, it just adds to the fun.

Sillyness in bed can be a turn off for me. It's okay to laugh and tease and what not, but I don't want to be in bed with someone who can't stop acting stupid or who keeps cracking corny jokes.

I guess it depends on the sense of humor of the person. If we have the same kind of humor it's okay, but I don't really like people with really silly or doofy senses of humor.

For example, I know a girl who always uses these really goofy, high pitched voices and makes corny ass jokes, and although she's a cool person, I don't really like her sense of humor.

It's all about timing. Sometimes it's fun to be goofy and funny in the bedroom. I don't think I'd say MOST of the time, though.

Incidentally:

Same thing. In bed you WANT some tension. Things shouldn't be 100% comfortable and relaxed. That's how you want to feel going to sleep, not having sex. There should be an edge to it, something should be a little hightened or elevated about the moment. Having Mr. Laff Riot in bed goofing around might take away the tension, but it probably makes her at least a little self-conscious.

I believe you should be comfortable in bed to me this make it that much more pleasurable and free. I think that being funny is a great thing and being goofy has its times. I don't think that perhaps some goofiness should be done in the bedroom. A lot of people take time to feel comfortable with a sexual partner and also with their body and being goofy about them can sometimes put them off. I have always found that making pranks of yourself tends to lighten the atmos and creat less misunderstandings.

Overall however I would have to agree it really depends on the mate. Perhaps explaining that to them and that you only wanted them to be comfortable might help?

Maybe she's just too self conscious. I dunno. Cuz my ex husband was always like, 'BOOBIES!!!!' and I was like, 'well duh, whatcha gonna do with 'em?' and that's where he lost it... I think maybe he WAS just childish...

My thoughts exactly. There's got to be some transition, though I personally think the 'fun' part of the bedroom is essential.

Can you give us an example of the goofyness in question?

Fun silly sex is great, I love it, we do it a lot, or rather it starts out that way, usually ends up being quite full of passion before its over with, but there are many times Im on top of Dave, going to town and we are cracking jokes.

It just depends on the mood and the situation, there are some times that call for intensity and seriousness

Exactly... the timing is important. But what is more important is becoming comfortable with who you are and those feeling being reciprocated.

Playtime in the bedroom is an integral part of a relationship. It should be lighthearted and fun.

That in turn will bring more passion.

Seriousness all the time would be quite boring to me. I like being able to celebrate that feeling of just being alive and so close with another person. That in itself is enough to make me happy. :)

Don't get me wrong.. there is a limit. Some people limits are higher than others. And some people don't find humor/goofballs attractive at all. You have to be able to "read" the other person to be able to tell when enough is enough. I guess being able to this will come with age and experience. When the passion reaches a certain point. It is time to stop joking and get down to business. :thumbsup:

i agree with xim, what kind of silliness are we talking about? if you talk to her like you would guys in the locker room, it might not just be a turn-off, but offensive.

personally, it depends a lot on my mood. if i'm feeling fun and playful, being silly just adds to it and makes the sex that much better. if i'm looking for passion and romance--it makes me feel like i'm sleeping with a twelve-year-old. the last thing i want to hear is "mmmm...boobies!" and have him blow a raspberry between my tits when i'm in the mood to hear him tell me i'm beautiful and he loves me as he caresses my body.

I don't think she's pissed that you're silly. She's pissed because you weren't romantic.

Too much of anything is a bad thing in bed, so it's time to do some bookwork and suprise her (or the next girl of your dreams). Rent a nice hotel room and take her to dinner at that hotel. Buy her something small and inexpensive, that she can touch each day. A single red rose perhaps? Or maybe a haircomb.

I think you get the idea. Setting up something like this isn't that expensive or difficult to do, and the sex is worth it. If you're in a relationship and she's interested in you, this is the sort of thing that will get her attention.

Being silly in bed is fun, but you can't overdo it. Just like having special names for things, it's best in small amounts rather than overkill. And keep it private.

It's definitely possible to silly (well, playful might be a better term) and romantic, though.

I think being playful is great in bed.
As people have mentioned, there's a time to be silly, and a time not to. And she may not like to be as silly as you. That one, I'm afraid, you'll just have to find out on your own since there's no real universal guide book.
Another thing: I think it takes awhile for some people to work up to being silly. I mean, if you've only been with this girl once or twice, it might not be the right time to spring your bedroom stand-up routine. Show her that you can be romantic and passionate first (and probably several, several times) and then start working more playful things into it.
And if you're being playful at her expense.....stop immediately!!

My wife and I are always laughing & making jokes but we know each other and don't have a problem with some humor during sex. We talked about it and if someone made a joke at an unwanted time, the other said something. There are also different times during sex in which laughter is just going to do much more harm than good. If she is about to orgasm and you tell her that her tits are swinging to the same beat as the song on the radio, don't be surprised at the angry reaction. Likewise, you never want to make her laugh while getting head by saying something like my dick keeps hitting your tonsils.

Basically, talk to her and agree when to interject humor. If she says never, you either need to say OK or find someone else.

I'm not sure if there's a definitive example of the silliness in question. I think it's like tilted bc said: she's not pissed because I'm silly, she's pissed because I'm doing it at the expense of romance. I'm not sure exactly how to combine the two; typically, I probably give her some over-the-top, grandiose compliments, or make a show of sweeping her off her feet and into the bed, etc. etc. Stuff that makes the giggle, but apparently kills her mood.

As long as it's not stuff like giving your penis dialogue or doing your best Carrot Top impression, I'd say it's fair game. If she can't handle it... issues.

Mr Penis says, "I must find somewhere to hide!"

I was in bed with this one girl way back when I was 18 (way back, heh I'm only 20 now), and she was riding on top of me. I dunno why the fuck I felt like saying this, but I was just like, "Ride 'em cowgirl!" Mid-fuck she started CRACKING UP, and she was like, "Aw man you killed it!" I sat up (yes I was still inside her), looked her in the eyes with a fiery passion, and said, "No, I didn't," and kissed her deeply.

That was our first of seven sessions that night. :) Ah, the memories. :)

Edit: I forgot to add my point to this story. :p sorry. Anyways, what I meant to say is, as long as you're as smooth as I am, you can get away with pretty much everything. :)

I'm a funny guy and love making my friends and significant others laugh, but in the sack I am all business.

its really awesome to be able to laugh and smile about something funny (whether it was intentional or accidental) in bed and to continue on. thats something special. but the middle of having sex isn't the best place to practice your material or give a stand-up routine.

unless, of course, you find smoeone for which that is something they're into. then you have apparently hit your own personal jackpot. that isn't usually the case, though.

at any rate . . . silly sex can be fun :)

Exactly, i second Shanifaye . . . Sex can be fun sometimes and serious the other times . . . it's just about knowing the subtle nuances of your lover's mood . . . learn to notice what mood he/she is in . . . :)

I love to joke around, but I have always felt that humor does not belong in the bedroom. DOES NOT BELONG! But, that's just me.

That's rediculous, being funny is what gets my wife in the mood. Be yourself and if your telling the truth and your not being overly funny, then what your doing is fine. Your suppose to have a good time before, during and after...go with what works for you HALCYONDAZE!!

Its interesting to see people that think everything in the bedroom should be serious....no way I could do that :lol:

You have to be able to kid around in the bedroom. OK, yes timing is everything, but if you can't kid around with someone you are passionate with, then someone is always going to be holding something back and that isn't right.

I've noticed that my sense of humor is one of the things that attracted my girlfriend to me in the first place. Whenever I crack a joke that she really laughs at, she usually hugs me and gives me a kiss. Overall a little joking around in the sack seems to just fuel the fire.

You know it's true love when you can sing the hundred-bottles-of-beer-on-the-wall song.

I've only had a handful of women in bed, so, I'm no expert, but I believe a little humor sometimes is necessary to break some of the tension.

My apartment had paper thin walls so everything I did in the bedroom was heard in the kitchen, the living room, etc... Anyway, the woman I was seeing was a little nervous about being the center of attention even in the other room. I offered to put a little music on, but forgot the only CDs in my stereo were a couple of musical soundtracks and a disney compilation I got at McDonald's (I used to sing them at work to scare and amuse my fellow employees). She thought it was quite funny and we had a nice time with our 'mood' music.

So, I guess the moral of the story is Disney gets you action. No, wait...if that's who you are then that's who you are and if she doesn't like it...well, she won't like you.