shortynickel

not sure if this should go here or general but anyway....

i have this female friend that i play with online all she really does it play on the computer...we talk either on the phone or via computer...we usually say hi, talk about whats going on...(more me then her), and stuff. tonight i said hi and said so how have ya been havent talked to you for a while...she replies "I'm upset"...cause i actually do care i ask her how come...she said that it doesnt matter and wont respond about it after that...i beleive that she is depressed and i try to help her with that but she, most of the time, will only say i'm upset and leave it at that...

so my ? is if your gonna say that ur upset but not talk about it why would ya bring it up...its not like she is getting anything off of her chest /shrug

phredgreen

you're gonna find that is the case with many women. there's some odd self-concious thing where they want your concern, but they don't want you to concern yourself with their problems. if she's not willing to divulge, simply be there for her as the good friend you are, and if she feels like letting you know what's going on, she'll tell you. if she dosen't tell you, then don't push the subject. you two are friends, not partners, so her issues may give you cause for concern, but ultimately, it's not your problem.

__________________
My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.
- Thomas Paine

shortynickel

aye...i actually realize all that lol...i guess its just that we do talk about hows the other person is doing but sometimes its just like they hang ya out to dry /shrug lol

Kalnaur

It's because their problems are, it seems, only their problems.

My wife does this. It drives me nuts.

__________________
PC: Can you help me out here HK?
HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags.
PC: And the other 2 percent?
HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

shortynickel

same here lol...i have to practically drag somethings out of her cause she is worried how i will take it

EDIT: yay i now am crazy *points at title* lol

SparklingDot

That's nuts. If someone asks me what's wrong, they get the whole story and then some. Or at least I'll say that I can't talk about it yet, but they'll hear about it later. I don't know if that is good or bad, but at least it doesn't leave my SO in the dark.

__________________

17 seconds is all you really need
- Smashing Pumpkins

minimedgirl

maybe it's a trust thing. i had the same problem the other day, all this shit weighing me down and i was upset/depressed etc when i hung out with my guy friend that i adore. he wanted to know what was up, i wanted to tell him, but i was afraid he'd run in the opposite direction once he got a taste of "crrrraaaazy!" and that if i started talking, it would all just burst out and it would be overwhelming. and i didnt want to burden him. no one needs that. rationally i know he'd be supportive, but emotionally i just didn't want to be a burden on him or anyone.
all i can say is give it time, and KEEP PROBING and reassuring her that nothing she could say would make you run away i guess. the worst that can happen i guess is she'll get pissed off and blow up and you, and then it'll all come out.
or if you are totally convinced she is depressed, it will take time, shitloads of it. cause she will really not want to "burden" you with stuff. sometimes, when i was going through that, i would call up a friend and tell them to "just talk to me, talk about anything' and i would listen to them ramble on about some computer program or school or something. and it may have been a distraction from my stuff, but they KNEW that eventually i might say something, and even if it took a couple hours, eventuallly i would feel comfortable enough to trust them a little bit with what was going on. and THAT'S when you would encourage her i guess to talk to a counselor, and offer to go with her to drop her off etc or pick her up...
i wish i could help a bit more. depression is not a fun thing. ...just be there for her, but rememeber not too get too worked up over things, stability is always nice, but in the end she has to admit to her self that there is a problem and get help. but extending a hand or a 20-ft extension ladder out to her is nice too.

shortynickel

thanx minimedgirl...i was depressed and have it under control to a point lol so i know about it hehe...anyway, i left her alone for a bit not sure if she was busy or what but she finally said that men were driving her nuts lol...one of her male friends said that he missed sleeping with her and other day wanted to come over and cuddle (awww) but he didnt want to get as close to her again cause he couldnt /shrug (didnt get the whole story bout that tho)...she then said that she had to get away from men altogether for the night so she logged off and prolly went to bed....all i want is to be able to semi understand some women at least...what i would do to become mel gibson in "what women want" lol

some women never ceses(sp?) to amaze me

MSD

When she's back to talking to men, give her a hug. You wouldn't believe how often a nice big hug can solve people's problems and make them feel better. Just make sure you don't come across as having ulterior motives.

shortynickel

i do that often...just cant irl...she is in la

i also mentioned to her/semi asked...you do know that i luv ya and dont want to piss u off or anything....something like that...it sounded better with the exact words tho

shortynickel

well i talked to her tonight and she said she is depressed and didnt feel like playing(online game)...i asked her why and she said "didnt you hear?""im a slutty skanky bitch and whore"

so i would say she is depressed

tiltedbc

Ask her "is it true?" (being slutty). No doubt she'll say NO.

I've been accused of things by people who wanted to hurt me and the fastest way to get over it is to ask that simple question. If the answer is no, the other person is a liar. And that's probably true.

minimedgirl

sounds like she is depressed/really upset with herself/perception of self.
best thing...talk about why she feels like that...did she do something, did someone call her something? is she scared shitless for some reason and wants to push you away. i know that my friend generally tends to bite heads off people when she wants them to hate her...they'll realize she is a bitch and not want to hang around with her and she won't have to deal with them, --sort of an easy way to isolate herself without saying the words outright. and it's because she is scared to death of getting close because of a whacked self perception...that she is not good enough to be friends with them, that they are better off without her etc etc. but at the same time she is torn and wants to spend time with them, but doesn't want them to like her. go figure.
best bet: sit down and talk about why she thinks she is a bitch/whore/slut etc etc

oh..and the semi -asking thing? never works. why don't people just come out and say it: i like you/ i love you/i care SO much about you, ..honesty is never ever a bad idea in this case. if said without the expectation of reciprocation and only to just let another person know you care for them, you shouldnt have to fear feeling diminished or lesser after saying the words. argh! sorry. minirant.
goodluck!

shortynickel

umm that is what i try to do but she never will answer me for prolly the rest of the night...

well i quit playing that game a month ago and i saw her on aim and i said hi...she said oh i thought you just forgot about me *shrug*

Knoweffects

lol eh, time heals all wounds

__________________
no h8 only <3

Vincentt

Send her a virtual flower or card or whatever.

Then use your computer right, and play some more video games.