Coping with anxiety during a emotional separation? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

thinkng · 11-05-2004, 12:38 PM

A week ago today my wife told me she has feelings for an old high school boyfriend (15 yrs ago), but hasn't acted on it yet. She's always promised it's just a friendship, but fell into it deeper. We're seeing a marriage counselor now, but the anxiety I get when we're not together is killing me inside. Lots of foodless days, sleepless nights and crying. She has been reassuring me that she just needs the space to explore her independence and our relationship will probably be okay. We are still living together, sleeping in the same bed and she comforts me when I need it. But we are not emotionally connected and she doesn't have any "desire" for me but does love me. We've been married for 13 years, have four kids, plus I work at home.

Any advice on how to cope with that sinking feeling of loosing it?

pinkie · 11-05-2004, 01:25 PM

First off, I'm very sorry you are having to go through this. My heart goes out to you. Secondly, all I can say is that you deserve desire and love. How long have things been this way?

Have you asked your doctor about help with this anxiety? I have it bad anyway, and sometimes need to take Valium.

thinkng · 11-06-2004, 06:49 AM

This will be the first full week. I remember last Saturday taking our dog for a walk at 5:00 in the morning because I couldn't sleep all night. I don't really feel like I deserve the desire and love because of how we've "survived" over the last 13 years. I haven't been the greatest outlet for support emotionally for my wife and kids but now see a whole new side of me emerging. I desperately want to explore this with my wife to prove that our relationship will be better that it ever was before and try to earn her love...but I can't reconnect with her right now. I hope in time that she will put down that wall of resentment and let me back into her heart. I hope the road is not too long because I don't know how to endure this "all is lost" feeling. Maybe the meds. the Dr. prescribed will help until the feeling eases a little.

Thanks for listening.

11-05-2004, 12:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
thinkng Upright	Coping with anxiety during a emotional separation? A week ago today my wife told me she has feelings for an old high school boyfriend (15 yrs ago), but hasn't acted on it yet. She's always promised it's just a friendship, but fell into it deeper. We're seeing a marriage counselor now, but the anxiety I get when we're not together is killing me inside. Lots of foodless days, sleepless nights and crying. She has been reassuring me that she just needs the space to explore her independence and our relationship will probably be okay. We are still living together, sleeping in the same bed and she comforts me when I need it. But we are not emotionally connected and she doesn't have any "desire" for me but does love me. We've been married for 13 years, have four kids, plus I work at home. Any advice on how to cope with that sinking feeling of loosing it? Last edited by thinkng; 11-05-2004 at 12:40 PM..

11-05-2004, 01:25 PM	#2 (permalink)
pinkie Helplessly hoping Location: Above the stars	First off, I'm very sorry you are having to go through this. My heart goes out to you. Secondly, all I can say is that you deserve desire and love. How long have things been this way? Have you asked your doctor about help with this anxiety? I have it bad anyway, and sometimes need to take Valium.

11-06-2004, 06:49 AM	#3 (permalink)
thinkng Upright	This will be the first full week. I remember last Saturday taking our dog for a walk at 5:00 in the morning because I couldn't sleep all night. I don't really feel like I deserve the desire and love because of how we've "survived" over the last 13 years. I haven't been the greatest outlet for support emotionally for my wife and kids but now see a whole new side of me emerging. I desperately want to explore this with my wife to prove that our relationship will be better that it ever was before and try to earn her love...but I can't reconnect with her right now. I hope in time that she will put down that wall of resentment and let me back into her heart. I hope the road is not too long because I don't know how to endure this "all is lost" feeling. Maybe the meds. the Dr. prescribed will help until the feeling eases a little. Thanks for listening.