Women's advice please - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

pan6467 · 10-31-2004, 12:54 AM

Ok so am I an idiot, stupid or will she understand.

I met a lady and we had played phone tag and what not. She seemed extremely interested in me and I in her.

So today there was a halloween party and I had offered to take her, but she had told me she might go out with friends, which was cool it was kind of a last minute invite (Thurs.nite).

She called and explained she was going out and I was driving around and was cool.

THEN IT CAME:

Her: "Well I'm going out with some g/f and I"m not going out on a date with another guy or anything, maybe I can get away early."

ME: "Whoa, it's not like we're dating yet (stressed word YET), if you have plans with another that's cool it's none of my business."

From there she got kind of taken aback and then I got nervous wanting to tell her that what I was trying to say was I respect her privacy and she didn't have to explain her going out. Instead I sounded like a total blithering idiot, and the more I appologized the worse it sounded because I didn't know what to say after that original statement.

She knows I'm seperated and she is a very nice lady with a good heart that until I was a blithering idiot seemed to be someone I could have a relationship with.

SO was I naive and she was giving me some form of signal about her night out...... was I an idiot by my response.... how can I explain to her why I turned into a blithering idiot who made no sense..... help....

SiN · 10-31-2004, 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pan6467

.. and then I got nervous wanting to tell her that what I was trying to say was I respect her privacy and she didn't have to explain her going out.

then do just that, if it comes up/if there's discomfort that may need attending to. (if everything's ok, you may just let it go, not everythign needs a discussion).

Quote:

Originally Posted by pan6467

..
SO was I naive and she was giving me some form of signal about her night out...... was I an idiot by my response.... how can I explain to her why I turned into a blithering idiot who made no sense..... help....

perhaps. no. don't stress/worry about it too much, and just keep it simple. (partly to keep you from tripping over your words, partly because it's not a big deal).

good luck

twotimesadingo · 10-31-2004, 03:03 AM

Yeah, i'm with SiN on this one. don't worry about it.

As to your question, yes: she definitely was giving you a signal. Next time, just act like you would with a friend. Say: "Cool. I'd love to meet up with you then." There was no reason to bring up the fact that you weren't dating and respected her privacy. She offered a piece of information. Take it and make the best of it. Talking about respecting her privacy and whatnot might be a sign that you were trying too hard. It's all about being comfortable and normal around the opposite sex.

EDIT: Whoops. Must have not noticed the .. uh... thread title. I am male, so maybe I'm not the angle/perspective you're looking for.

st33lr4t · 10-31-2004, 05:43 AM

im a male too and your response was stupid (i should know im a male who says stupid things all the time) and i'd say she was throwing you a signal...but im a guy and so who knows

maleficent · 10-31-2004, 06:29 AM

Quote:

SO was I naive and she was giving me some form of signal about her night out...... was I an idiot by my response.... how can I explain to her why I turned into a blithering idiot who made no sense..... help....

I'd say there was a signal being given. (I know, I know, why can't women just say what they mean...) and well, you're response that You aren't dating yet... (Betcha she didn't hear the yet)

She's clearly interested in you, and wanted to see you... She wasn't throwing over her girlfriends for you - but wanted to spend some time with you... your choice of words wasn't the best.

Call her and ask her out for another time... just make this water under the bridge... something you can laugh about later... I'm not sure that this really requires additional conversation...

(ps we think guys who are occassionally blithering idiots to be more than a little adorable... we know our perfume or choice of ensemble is working... we know blithering around us is usually means that they aren't totally thinking with their brain)

pan6467 · 10-31-2004, 07:53 AM

Thanks all.

Squishor · 10-31-2004, 09:00 AM

Yes, what you said could have been interpreted as "I'm not really interested so don't think I am." So now you need to show her you are interested, that's all. Depending on the level of discussion you've already had relationship-wise, I might hesitate to give her the "respecting her privacy speech" although it was a lot better then what you did say.

It seems that this might just escalate the awkwardness of it all right now, so instead just make the next move, be attentive, laugh at her jokes (hopefully, don't be fake though) and let nature take its course. She may be a little edgy because she's kind of putting herself out there and taking a little risk by showing so much interest, so she's in a vulnerable spot. If it's reciprocated, she'll forget about the awkwardness and you guys can talk it over later after the next level of intimacy has been established.

10-31-2004, 12:54 AM	#1 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Women's advice please Ok so am I an idiot, stupid or will she understand. I met a lady and we had played phone tag and what not. She seemed extremely interested in me and I in her. So today there was a halloween party and I had offered to take her, but she had told me she might go out with friends, which was cool it was kind of a last minute invite (Thurs.nite). She called and explained she was going out and I was driving around and was cool. THEN IT CAME: Her: "Well I'm going out with some g/f and I"m not going out on a date with another guy or anything, maybe I can get away early." ME: "Whoa, it's not like we're dating yet (stressed word YET), if you have plans with another that's cool it's none of my business." From there she got kind of taken aback and then I got nervous wanting to tell her that what I was trying to say was I respect her privacy and she didn't have to explain her going out. Instead I sounded like a total blithering idiot, and the more I appologized the worse it sounded because I didn't know what to say after that original statement. She knows I'm seperated and she is a very nice lady with a good heart that until I was a blithering idiot seemed to be someone I could have a relationship with. SO was I naive and she was giving me some form of signal about her night out...... was I an idiot by my response.... how can I explain to her why I turned into a blithering idiot who made no sense..... help.... __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

10-31-2004, 03:03 AM	#3 (permalink)
twotimesadingo Psycho Location: that place with the thing	Yeah, i'm with SiN on this one. don't worry about it. As to your question, yes: she definitely was giving you a signal. Next time, just act like you would with a friend. Say: "Cool. I'd love to meet up with you then." There was no reason to bring up the fact that you weren't dating and respected her privacy. She offered a piece of information. Take it and make the best of it. Talking about respecting her privacy and whatnot might be a sign that you were trying too hard. It's all about being comfortable and normal around the opposite sex. EDIT: Whoops. Must have not noticed the .. uh... thread title. I am male, so maybe I'm not the angle/perspective you're looking for. __________________ I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons. I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason. I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son. They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself." - A Perfect Circle Last edited by twotimesadingo; 10-31-2004 at 03:05 AM..

10-31-2004, 07:53 AM	#6 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Thanks all. __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?" Last edited by pan6467; 10-31-2004 at 08:00 AM..

10-31-2004, 05:43 AM	#4 (permalink)
st33lr4t Psycho Location: Dallas, Tx	im a male too and your response was stupid (i should know im a male who says stupid things all the time) and i'd say she was throwing you a signal...but im a guy and so who knows

10-31-2004, 09:00 AM	#7 (permalink)
Squishor Frontal Lobe Location: California	Yes, what you said could have been interpreted as "I'm not really interested so don't think I am." So now you need to show her you are interested, that's all. Depending on the level of discussion you've already had relationship-wise, I might hesitate to give her the "respecting her privacy speech" although it was a lot better then what you did say. It seems that this might just escalate the awkwardness of it all right now, so instead just make the next move, be attentive, laugh at her jokes (hopefully, don't be fake though) and let nature take its course. She may be a little edgy because she's kind of putting herself out there and taking a little risk by showing so much interest, so she's in a vulnerable spot. If it's reciprocated, she'll forget about the awkwardness and you guys can talk it over later after the next level of intimacy has been established.