Who initiates sex in your relationship?
 

After I did a search, it would seem that there have been a few posts that have referenced this subject, but none directly, at least in the last year or so. If it is a duplicate for this group, I apologize.

In my relationship, I (married, male) have initiated sex for 6+ years. She has rarely complained when I feel the need so it seems to work for us, however I'm not sure that's entirely healthy. I'd like her to be 'friskier' more often, instead of making me feel like I use her vagina to masturbate (only very rarely does it feel this way). I'm planning on talking to her about it, but I thought I'd poll the audience about your relationships and personal reflections on the ever challenging problem of matching sex drives in relationships...

Sorry, for those of you who are in gay or multiple-partner relationships, the polling just got too complicated...

Well, this is an exact duplicate of a poll in the Ladies Lounge...but, we'll see how the results are out here in Sexuality.

I'm not married and we initiate sex equally - luckily! Loverboy and I have both been in former relationships where each of us took like 90% of the initiatives to sex and we were both fed up with it. So I'm thrilled about the way things are now :)

I have to initiate most of the time, but she's usually willing and ends up having fun. She just thinks it's too much trouble to get things started. Twenty-one years so far, so the arrangement works for us! :) :icare:

this doesn't look like a good advertisment for marriage - seems like women lose interest once they've walked down the isle

we arent married YET...but we are working on it.....

ours would be equal..

I always start it, my hand has no choice in the matter.

/me sinks back into his dark corner and shuts his mouth

Married, and its about equal.

See I don't buy into this, its my experience that if a woman loses interest in sex its for a reason, like depression, stress, medications, etc. Its almost always an indicator of some other problem.

Who ever is the least tired !!
(That's what 2 kids does to you)

I guess I'll be the one. My wife initiates sex much more often than I do. It's not that I'm "cold" or unwilling, but we're both 26 and she just has a very healthy libido. I'm more of the "cuddling then sex, before bedtime" type and she's the "blowjob during the commercials" type. Can't complain, really :D Part of the reason I married her ;)

at the beginning of the relationship it was my gf that tended to be the initiator. As time went on it became evident that she has a healthier sex drive (she required very little time between sessions) than me, and as it stands we basically do it whenever I initiate it since she's almost always 'good to go'.

I am often more horny but really get off on the fact if she initiates it. I like to tease her a bit (even though I'm probably hornier than her). It drives her wild.

Not married, and we are both equally horny. Works well for us. I have always has a raging libido and she loves sex ;)

We are perfect for each other...

in our relationship, sex is initiated by whomever attacks the other first. It generally works out to about 50-50%. We try to keep it on a "unless you're highly pissed or feel REALLY bad, the answer is yes" basis, and we try not to ration orgasms.

We've been togather 10 plus years and have a kid, and it seems to work well.

WOW! That's awsome. To be together for 10 years and still have that kind of sexlife is simply amazing. I hope I am that lucky.

She inititates I'm almost always ready...
 

When the lady says go ... I'm ready! My libido is a quite a bit more active so I wait for her signal that she is ready and then we ...... Going on for well over ten years and the orgasms are still as powerful if not even better...

I'm not married, but its pretty equal for me. It goes in cycles, sometimes i iniatite more, sometimes he does, sometimes we both think of it at the same time!

I usually let her decide when a lot of the time, because once she decides, I'm ready!

This is great information. Obviously this poll isn't a great representation of the populace as a whole, given we're voluntarily reading Tilted Sexuality...often...but its great info all the same.

We live together, and I am definitely more sexually aggressive and needy than her. Were it only that I weren't, though...

I do it 1st most of the time but love it when the girl makes the first move.
I dont really mind that happening because i'm pretty much up for it ALL the time!!

I used to be the one to initiate 90% of the time but then we talked about it and now it is 50/50 and happens more often.

It's like 75% of the time for me initiating

She generally always initiates it, but that's because she only rarely is interested in having sex whereas I'm pretty much always up for it.

We go back and forth.

I'll tie her to the couch one night... the next night she'll chain me to the bed... back and forth

I'd say it's about 60% me simply because I want it more

I do about 95% of the time. She is usually up for it once I start something but rarely horny enough on her own to start it.

I voted for not married, both equal. Basically, I'll have to start the process, with a bit of light kissing to let her know I'm in the mood, and she'll be up for anything from then on. She rarely lets me know when because she's typically too ashamed, it seems. A little weird, but I can pick up on when she wants to normally.

I have been married 15 years and have initiated sex probably 90% of the time. Once we get going she is really into it most of the time. Otherwise she understands my biological needs. Too long between sex is really bad for the system.

Mine used to be too ashamed to ask. That changed. She must've been ashamed a lot :)

My wife wants my body just as much as I want hers. It's great! :)

Difficult one, I guess it would be me mostly. We have 2 young kids, difficult life altogether and my wife gets totaly worn out by taking care of the kids, mostly it's "if you want some, let's get it over and done with" thing..... but hopefully that'll geta lot better once the kids get a little bigger

The poll show what is my exact experience. Before I was married, my wife had a great deal of sexual interest. After we were married, and especially after two kids, her interest is minimal. This has become a problem in our relationship, because now she is not even responsive. I never knew until now, why so many married men have affairs even when they never thought they were the "type." I have not had an affair myself, but it is getting more difficult to deal with my wife who expressly says she has no interest in me physically. And it's not like I'm ugly.

I haven't been with my girlfriend for that long yet, but we seem to be pretty equally horny, and so far we've each initiated sex pretty equally.

Not married. We're equally horny. =o)

Not married...yet. But we're both pretty damned horny.