zoltan

...but he doesnt know i know about it. this girl we both talk to in our class talks to him on the phone reguraly and i was talking to her last night and i had heard that he was bi but i didnt belive it, so i asked her and she said he was. i am totally confused on what to think of this all and i want to remain being his friend. should i let him know i know? i dont want to upset him, and i want to support him. the people who have told me this make it seem like hes open about it

cliffs
1.found out good friend is bi
2.dont know what to think of it

plz give me some advice

btw: im not bi, so dont ask

skier

What does it matter if he's BI or not. He's still the same person you've known since you met him.

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zoltan

yeah but should i let him know i know?

exizldelfuego

I guess if I were in your shoes, it'd be one of those things where I wouldn't talk of it unless he started talking of it. But that's largely because it wouldn't bother me and is a characteristic that really has no particular place/ranking in any of my friendships. I'd be just as equally unlikely to say "Hey, I heard you were bi. Is that true?" as I would be "Hey, I heard you were heterosexual. Is that true?" But if he ever wants to talk about it, be there and listen, share your thoughts and offer your support.

The only time I have talked to a friend about their sexuality was when a female friend of mine with whom I went to high school first realized she was bi and wasn't sure how to handle it, so she confided in me and we discussed the various ways it impacted her life, the positives and negatives of it, her moral dilemmas (her being raised a catholic), etc. I was the second person she told and so she was still looking to see how those people close to her might react to the info. She was still very unsure of herself. Happy to report that nowadays, she's plenty proud and comfortable of her sexual orientation.

shakran

why would you? He's not making a big deal of it (um, hey! Probably because it's not a big deal!) so why should you?

This country is too damn hung up on labels. I'm tired of hearing about the black guy, the blind girl, the gay man, and the Indian. I'm more interested in who people are, and frankly their bedroom preferences don't have a whole helluvalot of bearing on that.

I mean, we just found out that you're straight. Should we get all hung up about it?

phredgreen

big fucking deal. so he's bi. unless you're so insecure in your own questionable manhood that you think that hanging out with him is gonna turn you into a grabasstic faerie, just get over it. he's your friend. let that be the basis of your friendship. so he likes a little meat along with his fish taco... so fucking what?

i swear, it feels like we're in junior high... a person finds out that a close aquaintance has some "deep dark secret" (read: completely inconsequential) and all of a sudden the friendship will never be the same. grow the fuck up and accept people as who they are, whoever they may be.

i don't possibly see how this could be an issue worth discussion.

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stonegrody

If he wants you to know, he'll tell you. I don't recommend you call him out on it. He might not be ready to be public about it, even to a small degree. Just continue being his friend and let him decide if he wants to discuss it. It really shouldn't be a big deal.

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merkerguitars

I wouldn't give a shit about it if I where you. He's a friend thats that. Don't let something stupid like that mess everything up...

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analog

Honestly- what the fuck difference does it make? let the guy sort it out. If he is, great- if he isn't, that's great too. It doesn't matter.

shakran

Oh, and while we're on the subject, your female friend is a jackass. If he's not telling his good friend about this, then it's safe to believe that he told her that in confidence, which she quickly blew by running her mouth off to you about it. Don't tell any secrets to her because she'll blab it to the world

Glory's Sun

if you're a friend you should be able to ask him without it becoming a major issue. If he is bi (or as I like to say heteroflexible) then tell him you'll still be a friend and all that. He's the same person no matter what kinda of sexual tendencies he has. Phred's right..it does feel like we're in junior high

Dark Assailant

say this : I love girls, you love girls and boys !
lol....

No there's nothing necessary to say... that's who he is and that's it !

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Rlyss

Zoltan - how old are you? Just out of curiosity.

Even though I agree that this really isn't an issue, and that his sexuality isn't your business and doesn't make him any different to the friend he was yesterday, my mind's been churning away...

I'd say that you're just asking if you should act any differently around him. You've gotta realize that he was bisexual yesterday, and a week ago, and a month ago, so don't worry about him making any moves on you tomorrow. That's a pretty big misconception I think, that bisexual people are out there to hit on everyone and that you've gotta watch out for them. It's bullshit. If he didn't hit on you last week then he's not going to do it tomorrow in class.

As for whether you should tell him that you know, I don't think you should. Clearly he trusts this girl enough to tell her that he is bisexual (God knows why, by the sounds of it she can't keep her mouth shut), so whatever they talk about is hopefully kept between those two. If your question is about whether you should tell him you know, in order to support him and let him know that he can tell you about personal things, then I still think you should ignore it. If he wants to tell you then he will do so himself, but clearly for whatever reason, he's chosen to tell this girl.

If he tells you, then it's all cool, he's the same guy. If he asks for support, then you support him. If he doesn't ask for support, if he just tells you he's bisexual, then slap him on the back and say you're proud of him for coming out, and leave it at that. If he doesn't want 'support' then offering it might just make him think that he's doing something wrong.

As for the chick, shakran's right about not trusting her.

wubbawubba

If he wants you to know he will tell you.
But then again you might want to let him know that people are saying this about him, incase he isn't or wants to keep it secret.

Squishor

I'd like to point out that even if he does hit on you, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. I'm bi, a fact that has almost no impact on my day-to-day life, but when I was in high school it was a big huge deal and I was all perturbed about it. One day I got all awkward and teenage and tried to hit on my best friend. The offer was rebuffed, I backed down, and we just kept on being friends. It can happen and still be okay.

Phant84

big fucking deal. who cares if he's bi? clearly nothing changed with him and the way he acts towards you when he found out that he was bi. if anything had changed, you would have known it right away. so there are only two things here.
1 either you were a really shitty friend who didnt even notice if things changed (which they prolly didnt)
2 your the only one this is a isssue for.

grow up and get over it man.

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zoltan

were both 15 going on 16. i know hes the same guy and all but how many people can honestly say that things are always going to be the same after gaining that knowledge, no im not going to hold a grudge or anything kiddy like that. were both atheists so dont use that god made him that way stuff

if he were to have told me about it i wouldnt have told anybodys, thats just how i am, yeah shes about 1-2 years younger than both of us , but the way she said it was like he was open about it, which he isnt to my understandings

Redlemon

See you in a bit over 2 years, then.

zoltan

what are you talking about?

Glory's Sun

kinda figured ... maybe phred was on to something with the jr. high thing

Missy

I think you should ignore the issue, continue being friends with him, and let HIM bring it up when/if he's ready.

ratbastid

Sad thing is, Missy, he'll never get that advice. I mean, unless he comes back in a couple years and hunts this thread up.

And just in case he does: Hey, zoltan! How's it hangin, bro! Whatever happened with that bi friend of yours, anyway?