It's kinda funny...

My wife never keeps up with my libido, and that's ok. But as soon as my libido drops, she is convinced that something is very wrong. I'm cheating, I don't find her sexy, I want to leave her for someone else... So being the attentive husband, I parrot to her the excuses she uses for me when her libido is low, and they are never acceptable.

So if I may be so bold as to ask a personal question... why did you have a lower libido beforehand? Were you cheating, stressed out, only looking for a handyman and not a lover? If none of these were your reasons, why should they be his reasons either? If any of those were your reasons, I can see why you'd feel a little nervous. As much as women go on about how they don't feel sexy to their man anymore, you would think they be a little more understanding when their actions make their men feel unsexy too.

Perhaps he has simply resigned himself to being a garbage taking-out, lawn-cutting machine. It's hard to be interested when you feel that you are only seen as that. Of course you can't ask him about that - that constitutes a feeling and men aren't allowed to talk about those. But you can change the way you relate.

.. .. .. ..

Personally, I have a very stressful workplace where I am managing a bunch of idiots who refuse to listen to me, cry literally when I point out their mistakes, I get reprimanded by higher management for not fixing my underlings... THis all turned me very sour, I forgot about sex, stopped paying attention to my fiance, I forgot to ask her about her day and spend the time to understand her daily life. I would bitch and moan about my situation to the point where not only was the sex bad (I do my thing and she rolls over when I am done) but it got to a point where we finally broke everything off.

Don't let things dwell as is. I wish my fiance took the time to understand my issues and she wished I took the time to deal with hers... Take some time aside for just the two of you to have a very straight forward conversation before it gets to a point like mine. She ended up falling for a fellow actor/ cast member in a play she was in during my neglect...

Wish you luck and hope you don't endure what I went through. Obviously I didn't have that long of a relationship to have older kids. It was a four year relationship with our marriage pending a year away.

Wow - janda, I hope this thread has helped you - but it really has helped me to know other guys have gone through a libido drop. My sig other went through a period of depression and for six months we didn't have sex. It was incredibly difficult, and I essentially had to lay in bed every night and supress all of my desire and need. I felt a lot of guilt for even feeling horny (for lack of a better word) when she was in such a bad place mentally.

You can guess where this is going. I taught myself to lose attraction out of necessity, and than when she came around I was stuck there. It was aggravating and frustrating for both of us.

Here is my point - be sensitive when you talk with him about this. Whatever the cause for his lack of desire, men are supposed to be "good to go" at the drop of a hat (just look at the posts in this thread) and when that is missing in you, it challenges a man's self esteem at the most base level. Case in point, this is the first time that I have ever "talked" about it to anybody.

The drug therapy solutions may be a good idea just to help him spark the fire. I have to believe that he wants passion in his life, just like you. Men are pretty good at stonewalling all of that stuff though... Good Luck -

Lie down next him in bed, then take your clothes off and start masturbating in front of him. If his dick can't get hard over that, then his problem is erectile disfunction.

hey Janda:

dont take this the wrong way:

maybe some night when you know he will walk in, lay naked on the bed and use a dildo to do the job.; When he asks what is going on say"i need it some how" and tell him you miss having sex with him