sky_driver

Last night while lying in bed, my wife walked in and said "OK I am ready for you". I then said, "bring that big ole butt to me" at which she got very upset and said " what, you just lost out boy, calling my butt big".

Now in all honesty, my wife does not have a big butt. It is just nice and round, and she knows that I think her rear is the sexiest part of her. She is 5'4, 125 lbs, and 35-26-37 which I think is perfect. But she got pissed at me.
Needless to say, I did not have any fun last night.

So my advice, never use the work "big" in a sentence about your wife's figure.

Xenomorph

...if she subtly expresses despair at what she believes to be her inadequate breast size, it might be wise to express your satisfaction with them.

Other than that...yeah, you're right.

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The facehugger is short-lived outside the egg which normally protects it. Armed with a long grasping tail, a spray of highly-concentrated acid and the single-minded desire to impregnate a single selected prey using its extending probe, it will fearlessly pursue and attack a single selected target until it has succeeded in attachment or it or its target is dead

Redgirl

Hi, my name is Redgirl and I have a big butt.

Some of us are very pleased with our big butts and don't mind when it is called such. Your wife should learn to embrace her bottom (but not literally as that would be difficult and pretzel-like).

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

stonegrody

I'm sorry, I can't stop laughing. What were you thinking, man?!?!? I hope you're stopping by the florist on the way home today...

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absorbentishe

Did she say,

*soup nazi voice
"No booty for you"?
/soup nazi voice

Sorry, couldn't pass that up.

maleficent

not only did you call her butt big, but you called it old too --

Did you enjoy sleeping on the sofa?

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NoSoup

NoSoup(tm)

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I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...

kurty[B]

Yeah, I've tried my hardest to strike the words Big and Old from my vocabulary. They always seem to just get me in trouble (even when used as positives).

micah67

Yeah, I got it in trouble with my (ex)wife, once.

The term used was "lard ass"

I meant it as a term of affection. Honest.

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~micah

Willravel

Jeez. She seemed to feel that you were honestly making fun of her. You obviously were not. Her problems with self image aren't your fault.

Cadwiz

My wife wonders why I don't participate with her in useless chatter. Talking just to be talking. I get in enough trouble talking with her when I have a reason.

ShaniFaye

hey redgirl....lets start a club I have a big butt too...and damn it I worked hard to get it that way

Tilted Sexy Big Butts

I volunteer to take pictures of all the girls for it

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

MrsRight41401

ROFL - oh man. That's just wrong. My hubby mooed at me when I was pregnant. He slept on the couch for a month.

Rachel

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss

CityOfAngels

I've had a similar thing happen to me with my ex once. You see, she used to like to wear these blouses that were pretty much crop-tops with straps, only they had two crossing pieces of fabric to conceal the breasts. My ex's breasts aren't small, but they aren't particularily big, either, so these all it took was a quick downward glance for someone to get a glimpse of some nip. Two 4th of July's ago, we went to this big get-together in Torrance, and when she and I were laying down for nearly an hour, I finally noticed that one of those pieces of fabric moved and her breast was exposed to everyone there!

I know this sounds controlling, but out of respect for myself (I didn't want my girlfriend flashing everyone whenever she went into public), I asked her to please not wear blouses like that unless she was sure they're properly secured. On one of the many occasions that we were fighting, she "went out with her friends" (in quotes because she is a habitual liar) to the pier, and when she finally came back to reconcile things with me, I saw that she was in one of those tops again (she wore it because we were fighting), and sure enough, it wasn't secure at all. I expressed my concern regarding the issue, and she asked, "What is it you hate so much about these tops?" and I responded with, "Honey, your breasts don't fill those tops properly and..." She then gave me a menacing look and said, "That's the meanest thing you've ever said to me!"

Given the fact that she and I had just gone through one of many split 'n' make-ups, which included her "retaliating" against me by hanging out with another guy at the pier, and given her insecurities, things didn't go too well.

robodog

Obviously not married

Funny stuff. I was smart enough to never make fun of my wife during her pregnancy. Of course she didn't even show until the 8th month.

cardfan4269

My ex's name was cindy and once I began to date again my then girlfriend's name was susan. We were arguing and I called susan-cindy. You talk about pissed off!!! I never lived that down Now I have a new girlfriend........I made sure her name began with a different syllable!

Flyguy

Your wife needs to realize that there are guys out there that love a big ass.....

Hard8s

Just for future reference,
Never tell your wife her diet is not working!!!!

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If ignorance is bliss, then wipe this smile off my face!

xxSquirtxx

"I like big butts an' I cannot lie.
You otha brothas can't deny.
That when a girl walks in wit' a itty bitty waist an'
A round thing in yo' face. You get SPRUNG.
Wanna pull up tough, cuz you notice that butt was STUFFED.
Deep in the jeans she's wearin'.
I'm hooked an' I can't stop starin'.
Oh baby, I wanna get wit' ya,
An' take yo' picta.
My homeboys tried to warn me.
But that butt you got makes me so horny."

~Sir Mix-A-Lot~

SecretMethod70

hmm, that's too bad. If I were to say that to ono, she'd like it

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Le temps détruit tout

"Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

The Phenomenon

Oh man that sounds like it could be fun :P

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bermuDa

live and learn, next time your wife says "I'm ready for you" just say "well then, start your engines"

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DJ Happy

If marriage has taught me one thing, it is "Never say anything." I decided upon this strategy when I foolishly agreed with something my wife said while she was fishing for compliments.

spindles

My wife has a big nose - but then so do I - we quite regularly call each other "big nose" (ala Monty Python's Life of Brian)

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who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

Rinndalir

w3rd

My anaconda don't want none if you ain't got buns hon

nowthen

im english. now, all english girls are mortified that they may have a fat arse. for some reason, the ideal for them is to have no butt. go figure.

my wife is latina. now the latin woman WANTS to have a big round butt....

Yeah, it took me a while to get my head around that cutural difference!

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"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."

George Bernard Shaw

Redgirl

OK Shani! I like the idea of the big butt club. And we can be the judge of what constitutes "big", that way we have an excuse to look at all the girls asses!

My husband once told me my arms are so flabby they feel like extra titties. That wasn't the nicest thing he's ever said to me. I don't recall making him sleep on the couch. Usually I just bite him to show my displeasure.

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

mo42

I'll have to keep some of this stuff in mind; I'm noticing a tendency of sticking my foot in my mouth around my girlfriend recently.

Oh! And saying "I love you even though you're _________" is best not used. It just ends up sounding bad.

SilverScooter

oh man... does this situation have anything at all to do with your "ex" staus?

SilverScooter

"...better than me" works EVERY TIME

st33lr4t

too bad she took it too personal. why didnt you have any fun last night?...you still have a hand dont ya?

waltert

man, thats bad. my girlfriend got mad at me (separate occasions) when i called her fat and ugly.

its funny, no matter how many times you tell her that she's the most beautiful girl in the world(and sincerely mean it), a CLEARLY light hearted and non serious statement will have you eating shit for hours.
If you look at it objectively, its almost not worth the breath to compliment them, seeing as how one non-serious joke can outweigh more than a thousand compliments and praises

mo42

I really gotta try that one some time. Thanks

StickODynomite

Hmm maybe he doesn't want to admit that he had to end up calling upon pamela handerson?

Hmm.. I'd be turned off If I were in his shoes.

All kidding aside, I tend to get ticked off for little things like that, even though im constantly being told how beautiful I am. I don't really know why. Its insecurities, I'm sure. . but hearing it in your mind and hearing it out of your SO's mouth are two very different things.

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"The human mind is like a parachute, it works best when open."

Averett

Yes, us girls tend to take little jokes like that to heart sometimes. What if it were the other way around? And she said "Get your skinny little dick over here." I'd bet he wouldn't be happy about it

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

xxSquirtxx

You are absolutely correct, and I say that as a woman. It's sad, really, that (most) women can't seem to take a compliment (or 1,000), and that we tend to crucify our men when they joke around and say something about our bodies.

xxSquirtxx

Hahaha....my husband would just respond, "OH! Get over here! I'll show you a 'skinny, little dick!!"

Dane Bramage

My (ex)wife and I were arguing once and I called here frigid... heh heh... look the feck out!

Could that be the #1 thing NOT to say to your wife?

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PDOUBLEOP

I remember one time when i meant to say to the ex "Good morning, I love you" but what came out of my mouth was "You miserable whore, you've ruined my life"

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