gentlesoul43

Dude, the window of opportunity has opened... if you wait too long it will close, and it WILL close. The intensity of the moment will wear out and if you have not made a move yet then it will be too late.

Carpe Diem!
NOW NOW NOW

shipofshame

Ah! Just found this thread.

DUDE!! Go for it! The same exact thing just happened to me/is happening to me. Except this girl had been with her boyfriend for two years and I've been digging her for even longer than that (we've been best friends for 10 or so years).

I had enough this year and just before her prom I made my move. Totally made her dump her loser boyfriend, went to prom with her and spent prom night, morning-after, etc. with her. Haven't looked back since and we're coming very close to seriously and "officialy" becoming a couple. Never felt better in my life, man.

Seriously dude, I would have regretted it so fucking much if I hadn't made my move and watched her go to her prom with that loser she was dating. Now that I've told her how I feel, she told me she's felt the same all these years for me but never had the guts to do anything about it. Best decision of my life.

Don't miss out on your opportunities. You don't get too many things handed to you in life, especially girls.

Pigtails

Okay, Okay you guys and about jumping her bones! Halx you're a hoot. but seriously coming from another chick.

Since you are friends with all these people, you will have to consider the pros and cons of your friendship with the other two guys and of dating her. Because you probably in all likelyhood lose both those guys as friends if you actually offically date her. They will be uncomfortable around you and the guy she currently broke up with still seems pretty infatuated with her, so he will definately not see you in a positive light.

For your own personal and safety and well being you want to consider the fact the she was talking to you about her bf problems when she was actually dating that other guy. Who will she talk to if you both have problems dating? Does this type of situation happen alot to her? Is this the first time? Does she just need an excuse to offically break up with the boyfriend? What makes her think the both of you together will be different?

I say this not to question you or her but to make sure that you don't get hurt, I believe in questioning people's motives even if they want to date and especially in your odd circumstances. The question to ask yourself when getting into relationships is "Is It Worth the Risk?" I hope this helps some. Keep us posted!

water_boy1999

When I was 18, I had NO balls either. I had these crushes on girls but I never acted on them because of lack of self esteem. It wasn't until years later when I would bump into them that I would find out I could have lost my virginity years earlier. Turns out, some of the girls I had crushes on but never asked out had crushes on me as well. They have told me that they wished I had asked them out back then. Do I regret it now??? Hell yeah I do. I could have lost my virginity at 16 instead of 20. hahahaha!

Dude, do yourself a big favor and ask her out already. Profess your crush to her. Seems like the two of you are so close, yet so far because you won't step up to the plate. I am pulling for you though. I know you can do it. I want all the dirty details afterwards.

Late!

__________________
Doh!!!!


-Homer Simpson

toxic515

Dude. Why, exactly, are you sitting around waiting? You think that the infantile "I got here first" argument applies for this other guy? Who cares who got their first... Unfortunate timing doesn't mean that I'm going to sit back and wait for something I want. If someone gets to my car first, is it any less mine? I think not. This isn't like calling "shotgun" first to ride in the front seat...

__________________
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies
like a banana.

trevlya006

pigtails you are amazing! you are the only perwson (besides me) who has looked at it from that stand point that you mentioned..

what makes me think that its worth the risk? nothing.. i just fee flow my life..

and she is still dating the kid i guess :-\ they are going to home comming which is in october so they are together till at least till then.

i got serious with her the other day and asked her why she wont just dump the other kid, and she said that she was affraid that she would hurt him... also the kid has a lower source of income.. also she dosn't want to put the kid out of a job because if they broke up then they would still be working together and he "would shurly quit"..

so in anycase i see this as a big problem and that she wont dump him.. she told me also that she has never dumped either of her boyfriends because the firstone wasn't a real boy friend and well these two are still together...

i dont think that she realizes that i like her.. maybe she knows but just dosn't approach the situation at all.. and i think that people are the same no matter who they are with.. people will pick up tendencies such as music, certain words, etc,. but i dont know what would make things different between her current boyfriend and i.

thats all for now.. i will see how things go!
thanks for the support everyone!
-trev

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

skier

dude. There are some 40 posts from people telling you to go for it and you jump all over the single post telling you not to. 97% of the people in this thread think it would be best for you to go for it. These are people from all walks of life with varied experiences. Overcome your fear and ask her out.

This isn't a "hint". It's not even flirting. In girl speak she just said she wants you. Bad. You would be hard pressed to find a come-on more direct from a girl. Also, look at the relationship with the other guy. Does she sound happy in that relationship? Don't you think she would be much happier with you?

Just grab your balls from out of the sissy box and ask her out.

__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

shipofshame

Ugh, trevlya006.

Listen man, you sound like a helluva nice guy. Very considerate, which seems to be pretty damn rare in males nowadays. I'm a nice guy too, but you have to know when it's time to put yourself ahead of other people. Get selfish.

Enough waiting around! If you wait for her relationship with this guy to dwindle down you're going to be sitting on your ass for months and months on end wishing you had the balls to do something, praying for a solution to the problem. Well guess what? You got the solution in the first reply to this topic!

You can also be a nice guy and think about this in terms of how she feels. She's stuck with a "boyfriend" who she apparently highly dislikes. She doesn't want to be with him anymore. She wants YOU. She wants you!

Do the girl a favour and ask her to homecoming. Screw "Dom" or whatever his name is. Just ask the girl out to homecoming and tell her how much you care about her. Tell her that you know she feels the same way too and that she'll be much better off with you. You'd be making the both of you extremely happy.

If you don't act on this, then you're just losing out man. No one to blame but yourself. The way things are going right now, I could make a case that because of guys like you the adage of "Nice guys finish last" came to life.

trevlya006

/feels you all getting mad at me soon enough

the post i put up earlier tells you all why shes not going with me.. because she cant let go of the other kid because she will "feel bad" about whats she done because hes poor and spent his only money on a suit and cant stop talking about homecomming and how its going to be the best time...

hes got a case of what i had with my last girl friend..DIHL

DIH = Deer In Head Lights

he dosn't see the obvious warning signs of whats going on and how she dosn't like him..

so not saying i dont want to try, but this has to atleast wait till homecommings over.. she said she would kill herself (i dont know about literally or not) if she dumped the kid before homecomming was over..

so untill october 9th..

/end feeling sad for trev

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

Xiomar

Well, ok. Nothing for us too do but wait here with you.
*pulls out a few cases of beer and starts grillin burgers*

chickentribs

I'll keep simple for ya, Trev. The worst regrets you will have are the things you didn't do. I was in a similar situation back in high school, and your worse case scenario happened to me. She wasn't interested in being more than friends. But it also got me over that fear - and it was the best thing in the world for me. We'll give you until homecoming - but then you need to cowboy up! She will respect you for approaching her regardless. And respect ain't bad.

__________________
Oft expectation fails...
and most oft there Where most it promises
- Shakespeare, W.

shortynickel

i have to agree with her point that i quoted above...it has some real ? that imo you should think about....i have always been someone females/girls always talked to hehe...so i have been in ur situation before...they all had good bf's for the most part lol and/or they were friends of mine haha

just some additional info bro...gl

Flyguy

damn straight........

Pigtails

Well it looks like you might have to put her on the spot about her feelings for you. If you are important enough to her, she will work out her problems with the other guy (him quitting his job, hurting him etc.)

She seems to want to not have to deal with the unpleasentries of a break up but still lead you on, until the relationship finally fizzles out. This is completely unfair to you. She could still date you and go to homecoming with the other guy.

You need to tell her she needs to make a decision, she is leading both of you guys on by not wanting to make up her mind or take any action in one direction or the other.

denim

That sounds like a confrontation. Bad idea. Just do it, don't talk about it.

Flyguy

trevlya006:

Update man, what happened? Did you hit it or what?

shortynickel

i would have to agree with denim that doing the above would be a bad thing...if you can work it into a conversation that imo would be the way to go about it

trevlya006

i have been thinking about her alot latly.. and i think i am just going to do it.. i was washing laundry at the laundro-mat yesterday and texted her that it was boring and she stopped doing her HW and came out and talked to me while i did my laundry... but still i would like to know how she is feeling about this first before i go and make my self feel like an asshole

thats just me though...

thanks everyone
-trev

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

toxic515

updates, keep up the updates!

__________________
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies
like a banana.

kulrblind

Can't imagine why...

*grabs a burger and a beer from Xiomar*

denim

What, didn't you know that women can read guys' minds? Oh, no, only the lower one.

trevlya006

woot after tommorow i can tell you all more! :-\

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

waltert

this was the first time Id seen the thread and I was already getting ancy wanting to know how it turned out. ive seen enough potentially good relationship situations go wrong on the boards that I want to see someone succeed. you're the horse im putting my money on, make it happen.

trevlya006

arg.. i guess i need to update now...

but i have to go to work so i will do it later..

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

trevlya006

ok well heres my update..

yesterday was homecomming and she went with her boy friend.. i went to hot import nights at the IX center in cleveland and it was amazing.. now i realize that i really have a thing for asian girls..

she told me that i should have gone to home comming also, and i said that it was impossible because i cant get a ticket for i have graduated and she said she would have gotten me one..

RIGHT LIKE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME TO HANG OUT WITH HER AND HER BOY FRIEND AT HOME COMMING..

ok well my buddy and i went to McDonalds and she called me and was like hey i want to come see you, where are you at? and i told her that i was at McDonalds with a girl, and she got really questionable about who i was with and i told her it didn't matter and she goes yes it does.. but then i told her i wasn't with a girl.. but it was interesting to hear her flip out about it.. but anyway she came to McD's and i talked to her for a little bit with her and her boy friend, and not to make anything obvious i started joking around with my buddy and writing things in the dirt/dew on my car, and she said oh well i can tell you dont want to talk to me so i am going to leave. and i told her that wasn't true, but it kind of is getting to that point now..

i am not sure what to think about what is going on, she said she likes to tease me alot, and in which case i dont think i should have to settle for that at all. it kind of pisses me off.. when i talk to her i really want to, but it seems like she is just a flirt..

and we had a discussion about her dumping her boy friend, and she said she was going to but i bet her she wouldn't and today she said that she cant do it for more than the reasons of:
1 hes poor
2 he is immature
3 he has no future in mind
4 he only talks about his skate board
5 hes boring
6 and the list goes on..

so obviously its "something else" but who knows what it could really be..

like said earlier i do like her but i am thinking its just time to move on and not deal with her anymore so that i dont have to feel i am not going to get things working, OR i need to just tell her that i fucking like her and that she has to dump her boyfriend so that i can go out with her..


but i wont do it and continue to make myself sad about it for no reason..

thanks,
-trev

LEAVE COMMENTS!

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

denim

The boyfriend isn't your problem. Ask her out. Now.

Lockjaw

PSYCHO!!! Trust me man give this one a wide birth. She's a tease,she's wishy washy, she sounds immature...but then again I doubt you are trying to marry her.
She has you all twisted up and she knows it. She's just holding you in her back pocket just in case the guy she'd rather be with falls through. The mere fact that she is willingly staying in a relationship with a person that is all those things she listed and those are the reasons she CAN'T break up with him instead of it being a bonafide reason to dump his butt further in my book proves this chick ain't worth the time.
To me it sounds more like you REALLY want to lose your virginity than this girl being somebody that you really and truly want to be with relationship wise. So I'd suggest taking a long good HONEST look at your desire for this girl and if it's more for the booty...then you might want to reconsider how much that is really worth.
But I know what it's like being an 18 year old that wants something so badly that they are willing to put up with so much shit it's not even funny.
Here's what YOU need to do.

Put your position out there. Tell her how you feel stop pussyfooting around and just put it out there. You don't need to give her an ultimatum of dumping her boyfriend she SHOULD be bright enough to figure that out on her own but you need to make it clear how you feel in no uncertain terms. Then leave it at that.
She likely will bite because it sounds like she is looking for a stronger male than the one she has she's just not sure you are that alpha male yet and frankly you haven't acted like it as most guys would have jumped on her the second she made that initial statement and would have said screw her boyfriend and persued her until she said yes or wouldn't talk to you anymore.
If in two weeks she still hasn't dropped her loser boyfriend then you need to start making yourself a little bit more unavailable both emotionally and physically.
In my honest opinion this chick is using you as an emotional dumping ground or she WILL be using you for this at some point. You just need to make that call of if she's worth it. One thing though this should give you a reason to be more confident around the fairer sex and be willing to take risks. It should be obvious by now that you do at least bare some attraction to the females so use what you've got. Just be confident.

trevlya006

werd.. i do need to just put it out there.. and its not the fact that i want to lose my V card.. its the fact that i am looking for a relationship..

and i dont make myself available for her to come see me.. i do not know why she canme into mcD in a home comming dress, but its not my fault.. and its not like i said oh please come visit me i am so sad.. she said she wanted to see me..

i hate it, and i dont usually answer my cell but if i dont answer it eventually she will call my house at 12:45 in the morning and piss off my parents.. so sometimes i need to answer..

and i dont want to be an emotional dumping ground for her and frankly it blows because i have no one to dump my feelings/emotions on..

ehh

i am not EMO enough! AHAH!

but thanks,
i am going to put it flat out

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

fatcat20

Why do you keep stalling? Do iT!

denim

I don't think he's actually interested. He just likes the drama.

trevlya006

i hate the drama

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

Madd

looking at the date he first created this thread, and at how many people have told him to go for it, and all the other obvious stuff thats happened I'm betting your right.
Sorry trev, but if you like this girl and your just shy to ask her out on a propper date then you better grab all the confidence you can and do it now, waiting for the best time to ask her maby? The time is as soon as possible. The window can close at any time and you dont want to kick yaself later on about this.

On the other note if it is just the drama you like and your not intrested in her any more, just to let you know its not that nice to have been pulled along by someone else. Cut her lose if this is tha case.

Edit: Good point Lockjaw, i guess the only person who can work out the situation is trev. Make up your mind and report back. You have alot of people here who are hopeing the best works out for you.

__________________
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer.

trevlya006

thanks everyone, i think i will just let her know..

i mean i have nothing to loose right?

as my mother always says "theres plenty of other fish in the sea"

and madd.. you didn't read all my posts about this because like i said in a different one above that i wasn't going to update until after the 9th of october..

but wutever.. people think what they want.

i am a very shy person, and very self consious about things.. SO i dont want to do this, but its better to get it out in the open before something terribly and tragic goes on.

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

Madd

Sorry bout that trev, must have missed it, g'luck anyway.

__________________
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer.

trevlya006

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

trevlya006

----------------------------october 9-------------------------------------
ok well heres my update..

yesterday was homecomming and she went with her boy friend.. i went to hot import nights at the IX center in cleveland and it was amazing.. now i realize that i really have a thing for asian girls..

she told me that i should have gone to home comming also, and i said that it was impossible because i cant get a ticket for i have graduated and she said she would have gotten me one..

RIGHT LIKE THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME TO HANG OUT WITH HER AND HER BOY FRIEND AT HOME COMMING..

ok well my buddy and i went to McDonalds and she called me and was like hey i want to come see you, where are you at? and i told her that i was at McDonalds with a girl, and she got really questionable about who i was with and i told her it didn't matter and she goes yes it does.. but then i told her i wasn't with a girl.. but it was interesting to hear her flip out about it.. but anyway she came to McD's and i talked to her for a little bit with her and her boy friend, and not to make anything obvious i started joking around with my buddy and writing things in the dirt/dew on my car, and she said oh well i can tell you dont want to talk to me so i am going to leave. and i told her that wasn't true, but it kind of is getting to that point now..

i am not sure what to think about what is going on, she said she likes to tease me alot, and in which case i dont think i should have to settle for that at all. it kind of pisses me off.. when i talk to her i really want to, but it seems like she is just a flirt..

and we had a discussion about her dumping her boy friend, and she said she was going to but i bet her she wouldn't and today she said that she cant do it for more than the reasons of:
1 hes poor
2 he is immature
3 he has no future in mind
4 he only talks about his skate board
5 hes boring
6 and the list goes on..

so obviously its "something else" but who knows what it could really be..

like said earlier i do like her but i am thinking its just time to move on and not deal with her anymore so that i dont have to feel i am not going to get things working, OR i need to just tell her that i fucking like her and that she has to dump her boyfriend so that i can go out with her..


but i wont do it and continue to make myself sad about it for no reason..

thanks,
-trev

LEAVE COMMENTS!

----------------------------last night------------------------------------
ok so i talked to her about some of the things that she had said and she was like the,:
Chr "you just need a good girl"
Tre "well i am looking"
Chr "maybe you need to stop looking an check right in front of you"

"oh you must have cought me when i was falling asleep"

and i replied, "no it was about 9:30"

she said "oh...."

also she said she wants someone to decide moves for her so i told her, "DUmp andrew and go out with me" then decided that i should throw something else in there.."or go out with someone else.."

and i told her that i felt i interefered with her relationship and she started freaking out and was like, "dont do this to me, your the only one who dosn't want anything from me"

and so i told her "oh well i guess its time to go fish in another pond"

and started some metaphoric things with the old man and the sea and about how he had the fish of his dreams, but right before he got back to shore to tell people and show them the fish got away..

i am not quite sure if she got it all or not, but pretty much i told her she was my uncatchable fish..

also i told her that its weird when i talk to her about some certain things like her b/f and when i see them together its just akward and that i didn't feel in a place..

but on a good note she said she would give me a hug haha

thants all..

guess its not working and i have wasted 2 months of my life on a dumb immature bia

thanks
-trev
LEAVE COMMENTS!

__________________
"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

read about my situation Here!

and always check back because i update it all the time

phredgreen

your two threads have been merged into one. there's absolutely no reason to have two active threads on the same subject on the same page of a forum.

i'll link you to king's thread: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=72117

all of this junior-high back and forth metaphoric nonsense is bullshit. if all you're gonna do is play games or get played in her games, dump the bitch and lose about 90% of the stress in your life. drop the painful, honest truth on her once and for all, and if she dosen't respond postively, wish her a good life. just stop tearing yourself up (and everyone else here by proxy) with these maybe/maybe not games. this is not a request. we don't want to hear anything else about this pathetic situation until you've grown your balls out enough to drop some hard truth on this pain in the ass of peice of ass you're dealing with and garnered some real resolution as a result of that hard truth.

__________________
My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.
- Thomas Paine

denim

Good ansa, Phred!

shortynickel

only one more thing to add at this time...i understand about being shy and stuff...i used to be. it can be fun to be played with but only if you get something out of it, ie her as ur gf. imo if she gets to vent to you...she should let ya vent to her...but at least you are at least (i hope) somewhat venting here...i have at least one friend myself where we talk and if need be we vent about things that bother us...in summary i would have to say that if she is just playing you then stop the friendship you have now, or at least downgrade it.

Flyguy

This is the kind of shit I was talking about in my other post (see below)

Guess I should have used this thread as an example.


Link