Gogogo

Warning: Long post and lots of rambling.

Ok, it's saturday night, I am a little drunk and I just came home from a party.
I get hit on all the time, and I know most guys would dream about being in my situation, but recently I have become very insecure sexually. I don't really have anyone to talk about it with so maybe you guys could help a little.

I'll tell a little about myself. I have had a pretty tough life, but still a good one. I had a lot of anger against the world and in my teens and early twenties and I had two ways of dealing with that anger. One was to play guitar, and the other one was sex. I became good at both. I knew that in this fucked up there were two things that I did better than most.

I was an asshole. Several times I slept with girls that had boyfriends, but a lot more hit on me. Although they all, but one, said that they were single or "they had just broken up", they all lied. There were other girls too of course.

Then, in my mid twenties, I met a girl that I had a fling with, but quickly fell in love. I really, really loved her (still do, but we're through now). My life had finally turned for the better, but not only because of her. Other things started to go right for me as well. It was my first love, and I wanted it to be special, different and great in bed. It was not.

I had never loved anyone and it really meant something to me. It felt so different, so much better, and it was as though I was a virgin, not at sex, but at love. Of course this carried over to the sex and I became insecure. And as is typical when a guy gets insecure, I came waaay to easily. This made me more insecure, and a bad circle started. The sex was good, but not great, at first then it became pretty bad.

The problem is that even though we are not together anymore, this insecurity stays with me and I don't know how to get rid of it. Of course it makes it worse that I know that insecurity is the biggest turn-off for women. (Why do you think all those girls with boyfriends wanted me?). I really want to get that confidence back, but I don't know how, so maybe you guys could help me out here a little bit?

Chuckles

Kinda the same with me man, the insecurity but its a little different. With the one girl im with now i really love so much that I come waaay faster then i did with previous girls. Oh well haha I make sure to really please her before and after multiple times

MageB420666

Well, it could just be that your feeling insecure about yourself because you got really nervous that you were going to screw up with the girl that you loved and since it did go badly you are nervous that your insecurity is going to stay with you forever. I suggest you just sit back, take a deep breath and try to relax. You apparently(from your description) got nervous that you would not be able to satisfy the girl and therfore did not. If you can't relax by yourself, try having a drink (and I mean a drink, not a few, just one beer or an equivalent) to help you calm down, realize that there is more to life than just sex, do your best, and if you still finish early, wait till you can get it up again and try again. And try not to rate your life on how you do in bed.

__________________
Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

KirStang

You know, i'm in almost the same exact situation. Almost got with the girl of my dreams, but everything fell apart, i fell in love; she didn't, and now i feel really really insecure.

My solution is to just try to get out and meet people. It feels good when some cute girl from across the room smiles at you and some of that old confidence comes back. But this insecurity ought to pass with time

Good luck

maleficent

That doesn't make you an asshole. If they lied to you... You can't be expected to carry around a lie detector with you and make sure what you are being told is the truth.

__________________

rukkyg

Karma is getting you back.

timalkin

__________________
Trinity: "What do you need?"

Neo: "Guns. Lots of guns."

-The Matrix

Gogogo

Maleficient: I was pretty drunk and editet my post a lot. That sentence was left from a paragraph I meant to delete completely.
Basically it said I was an asshole, the kind a lot girls fall for and get hurt by. As a guy I want a sweet and charming girl, and most guys I know also want nice girls. It boggles my mind that so many women are attracted to assholes, but they are. If imagine myself in some of those girls's situation I cannot understand what made them come back to me or even like me.

rukkyg: Hell Yeah And more than you know, everything that was bad in my life has turned good, and the few good things I had have turned bad.


I am not in a bad mood because of it though. Everything else in my life is great, and I even got a new job today. The way I feel about it is that it is a nuisance because I know I can do so much better if I just get out of this insecurity.

What I am thinking is that I have no reason to fuck the world through the girl, but plenty of reason to love the world through the girl. And I just need some time learning how to love...