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Old 08-05-2004, 08:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Maybe venting will help.

So I'm new here, lurked a bit but this'll be the first real post. Figured I'd wait until I had something worthwhile before wasting space with it. Oh well, close your eyes and jump right?

Advanced warning - I type like I talk, so this will be laced with profanity. We're all 18+ here, but some people dislike that, I apolgize in advance if so. Onward and upward.


So I'm 21, 22 at the end of the month. I've cruised through life with a fair amount of ease. Had my troubles, but hell, who hasn't? Decent job. Good hair. Good friends. Fair to middling sex life. Yippe kiyi aay and all that happy horseshit.

The thing is, I'm a heartless bastard. I just really and truly don't care about people. Sure to an extent, and there are exceptions. But mainly I just couldn't care less. Everything's fair game if I don't know you, and sometimes even if I do. Girlfriend get run over by a bus? I will indeed joke about it in front of you. You like me and think we should go out? Yeah sure kid, now get out of my apartment so I can go to work. Don't call me, I'll call you. Thus it has been for a long time. I was ok with that. I'd accepted that. Acceptance was a big part of my life.

Acceptance...That I'd die alone and largely unloved. That I'd go through life not feeling love for anything or anyone. That'd I'd never be, well, normal, I guess. I was A-O-FUCKING-K with that. Hell, I LIKED it. Emotional invulnerability is great. Family dies? Meh, another day another dollar. Girlfriend of two years cheats on you and leaves? No big deal, I was ready to end it a long time ago, just was easier to wait. God, I was an asshole. If you haven't guessed by all the past tense usage, things changed.

Shelly.

One word. One person. Eleven days. That's all it took to bring my safe secure little emotionless ice fort crashing to the ground.

Shelly is a friend of my best friend. They went through EMT school together. She used to have a thing for him, he didn't reciprocate so she moved on, but they still hung out occasionally. Hence when we were running out for a bite to eat after an arduous afternoon of system link Halo, it wasn't a big surprise when she called him up to say she was in town and wanted to hang out. No biggy, you can meet us at the resteraunt. Standard stuff. I get to finally meet this Shelly character that I've occasionally heard stories about. Whoopee.

Whoopee indeed. Dinner was standard issue for me. Joke around, mild flirting (Or the guy equivalent of the word flirting, whatever. Moving on.) So on and so forth. We go back to her Dad's place afterwards, since she's just in town for a little under two weeks and is just crashing there. More standard tomfoolery commenced. Jokes, "get to know new people" conversation about music, movies, work etc. etc. The night comes to a close because I have to play my part of the perpetual DD and drive Nick home, seeing as he's a wimp and can't hold alchohol. Goodbyes are said in the driveway. I'm still running in "I will never see this girl again" mode, and offer up a hug which lasts for long enough to upgrade to "I might see this girl again, once" mode. This is confirmed and upgraded again when the kissing starts and I am informed that I "should really come up and see her again". Yippee. Horny women are not on my hate list. I am now happy, but feel somewhat odd...Nerves I tell myself. I'm running on forty some odd hours of no sleep and a long day at work. Just nerves.

HAH!

Smooth sauve me takes her to the movies and leaves with the same "nerves" minus a plausible weariness related explanation for it.

Hah Hah Hah

Date three. Sex is now a definite. Except that doesn't happen. Instead I'm up until three AM talking to her. Telling her shit I haven't told anyone before. Partially because nobody's ever cared to ask, or I haven't cared to give an honest answer. Finding out all sorts of things about her, her past, her dreams...Shit I would normally tune out and commence daydreaming about Neve Campbell if I heard it from anyone else. Our little two person party breaks up due to fatigue and I drive away with a kernel of knowledge wedged securely in my head. Knowledge of the fact that I am now, well and truly, FUCKED.

Dates 4-6 I am now scared shitless of something for the first time in my life. It's shorter than me, has brown hair that looks great down, and has a face that is amazingly lit up by a rare genuine smile. I am now officially fucking terrified of this woman. She represents a complete reversal of everything I believed, expected and depended on. My armor doesn't so much have a hole in it, or hell, it could, I wouldn't know because I don't know where it is exactly. I am now prepared to live the life that I have dreaded, mocked and hated. Wife, kids, dog, house. It's all there. It's there and it mocks me like I once mocked it. I am fucked, because if there is any justice in the universe, I will marry this woman.

Justice? A call for Justice? FUCK YOU AND YOUR REQUEST FOR JUSTICE!

So she's a combat medic assigned to the 101st. She shipped out to Ft. Campbell monday, and will be going to Iraq for 18 months starting in November...As a combat medic...Who have something like a 90% casualty rate if they're frontline. Pull out a medpac or a stretcher and you now have your very own bullseye. GOOD FUCKING GAME LIFE! Good fucking game. I fall completely, hoplessly in love and now that love has to go through the minor test of three and a half years of long distance relationship bullshit, and what else? Oh yeah the ever looming threat of violent death.

SON OF A BITCH


That's it, I'm done. Twenty-something angst over. It feels good to get that out. In any event...Relationship advice, long distance or otherwise, would be happily accepted, for I this is all so sadly new for me. Otherwise, hope I didn't bore you too close to death.
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Old 08-05-2004, 08:11 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I have no proper words for a long distance relationship, but I do have this to say. Save this thread in your favorites or bookmark it or what-have-you and come back here often, especially when you can't remember why you are sitting and waiting for her...because there will, I'm sure, be times when you find yourself asking that question...

Congrats on finding someone who makes you feel so much!! It will only get better, if that's what she believes also. Make sure to ask her that before you get all worked up about it. I also believe you will have your chance to see her on her leaves, but I don't know how that works...
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Old 08-05-2004, 08:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Ahh, thanks. That's a fine idea, bookmarked it is.

And yes, I will get to see her on leave. I'm wedged somewhere in between her huge family and her 20 years worth of friend.
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Old 08-05-2004, 08:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Right behind you...BOO!
If she feels anything about you like you seem to feel about her, I am sure her family and friends will be able to accomidate some boyfriend time, or you could be really brave, and face family time Either way, I hope that all goes well, and we get to see updates on this story as it progresses.
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Old 08-05-2004, 08:31 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Heh. The last day she was here I went to one of her going away parties. I was the only one there not related to her. Five hours of outright staring and whispering about me. Yay. Probably didn't help that in a moment of what can only be called complete abject stupidity I wore my Dropkick Murpheys shirt featuring a large cross with skulls on it. Apparantly strict Mormons, which her family is, don't appreciate that whatsoever.

Quick question - As the story progresses I will indeed be updating. Should I just resurrect this thread each time? Or would that be considered necroposting?
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Old 08-05-2004, 08:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Location: Right behind you...BOO!
hehe@the shirt! I can't imagine how that must have felt...the mormons whispering, or the fact you had to go through it for 5 hours...there's a testiment to remind her of in later days, or for the grandkids...'When I first met your Grandmother...." Sorry...can't help it with the future outlook thing...

As for the ?, I have no clue what necroposting is, nor what is considered such. But I would guess that using this thread for any updates would be my route. Plus you get to check in and see yourself how this situation has changed you and your feelings over time.

If there's anyone out there (mods...more frequent posters) who thinks this isn't the way to go, feel free to let 'us' know
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Old 08-05-2004, 08:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Take it from this former "combat medic". If you write her and offer her some personal relief by knowing "someone" back home cares about her, could be the BEST move you could ever make. It really can blossom into a great thing. Patients is tested and the will to make it work is also pushed to limits yet unkown.
I too, am a rather cynical person when it comes to the over all general society thing. You may or may not grow out of it, but if this woman brings out the best in you, you should move forward.
If you think 18 months is too long, just count the total months of your life and divide it to get a percentage. Pretty small if you figure it out. Make sure she leaves, knowing EXACTLY how you feel. If you missed your chance, then put it in a letter. If you don't have the address, call the base she shipped out of and they will give it to you. Good luck dude
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Old 08-05-2004, 09:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Good read man. And congrats on finding somebody that allowed you to break out of your shell. I'd have to admit, I was like you once. In fact, I still am to some extent. My wife is just like your description of your girl, completly opposite of how I was. As a result, I'd like to think I'm better off.

Good luck with the long distance thing. Mabye all that shit over there will be over with sooner that we all think.
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Old 08-06-2004, 04:00 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Annnnd the first update.

I just talked to her, and told her (kind of) how I feel. She already knows (kind of)...Ok, I suck. I fucking hate phones. I need face to face interaction or I just become a gibbering rambling moron. The good news is that I'm going to be going up there next weekend and will have ample opportunity to pour out my pathetic heart. So if I never post again, it's because I did something stupid or insulted someone and some psychotic Army Ranger ripped my limbs off and beat me to death.

Sidenote, thanks for the support and advice guys.
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Old 08-06-2004, 04:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Well I hope everything goes well with telling her. Make sure to get an address to send letters and care packages to. As someone else said, it can really mean a lot to someone out on the battlefield in Iraq to get letters and packages and know that someone cares.
Keep us updated
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Old 08-06-2004, 05:20 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I can't add anything more to this that's not already been said. Best of luck to you, hang tough - sounds like it's worth it. But when it's all said and done, write a book, because you have a very captivating skill in that area. I couldn't stop reading your post once I started.
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Old 08-07-2004, 06:21 AM   #12 (permalink)
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That was an awesome read and please continue to keep us updated.
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Old 08-07-2004, 04:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Yeah good luck with that man! Sounds like she's an awesome person; I hope everything works out for you.
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Old 08-08-2004, 02:58 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Yeah, your writing/story-telling style is excellent, as others have said. I too am curious how this story will continue. Keep us updated by posting to this thread.

Good luck with the whole thing.

Oh yeah, Dropkick Murphy's:
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Old 08-08-2004, 03:16 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Ya...keep us posted on the outcome. This is very interesting not to mention rather inspiring......
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Old 08-08-2004, 04:37 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Talon Valdez
Annnnd the first update.

I just talked to her, and told her (kind of) how I feel. She already knows (kind of)...Ok, I suck. I fucking hate phones. I need face to face interaction or I just become a gibbering rambling moron. The good news is that I'm going to be going up there next weekend and will have ample opportunity to pour out my pathetic heart.
Careful there, tiger. Easiest way to spook a girl is to start gushing at her. You're going at a good pace so far, it sounds like. Choose your words wisely and sparingly, and write to her often if things stay running smoothly.
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Old 08-08-2004, 05:40 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Ahh. Yes. I somewhat misposted there, badly worded I guess you could say.

I don't plan on unleashing the flood when I talk to her. There's just some things that were unsaid that need to be in the open or I'll regret it later. I'll save the outpouring of all my emotions for a more appropriate time.
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Old 08-09-2004, 04:30 AM   #18 (permalink)
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if you can get through that relationship, you have got it made and you can last through anything, it will be the most painful and horrible experience of your life, but also the most rewarding, go for it, because no offense, but your life prior to that seems very meaningless and lonely...
i can relate to it in a lot of ways, there's even a girl in my story... only the girl dumped me because she's afraid of commitment (commitment? i didn't ask her to marry me or anything!)
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Old 08-09-2004, 10:36 AM   #19 (permalink)
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This sure was an interesting read, thanks for that.

However, I can't be too optimistic about the long distance relationship thing.

In my opinion these things never work out in the end. Sure it seems like you can pull it off, and of course you want to desperately, because it's strange and special and has unleashed feelings in you that you thought (or hoped) you never could have, emotions that make you feel alive (yes, pain tends to do that as well). But chances are, a few months down the road, you'll grow numb, and your love will lose its edge. I'm not being cynical, just realistic. Life just works that way, but you probably know that already. Besides, she's going to Iraq, a goddamn warzone. People tend to change after spending time in a fucking warzone. Even if she feels something for you right now, you can bet your ass that she'll have a somewhat altered outlook on life and you after a tour in Iraq.

By all means, tell her what you feel, write to her once she's gone, but remain realistic in your hopes. Sometimes life just plainly sucks and there's nothing you can do about it.
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Last edited by roboshark; 08-09-2004 at 10:58 AM..
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Old 08-09-2004, 01:12 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Hey, just wanted to say that 18 months = 1.5 years, not 3 and a half.

Just a little something that might lighten up your day and make the wait not seem so long Good luck.
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Old 08-09-2004, 04:23 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Talon Valdez

The good news is that I'm going to be going up there next weekend and will have ample opportunity to pour out my pathetic heart. So if I never post again, it's because I did something stupid or insulted someone and some psychotic Army Ranger ripped my limbs off and beat me to death.


Hmm.... maybe I should call my friend Jerry and make sure he takes his meds, although there's probably psychotic Army Rangers on every base
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Old 08-09-2004, 09:34 PM   #22 (permalink)
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My expectations are, as always, extremely low. I operate under the simple theory that if I expect the worst, things will go easier. If the worst does happen, I'm prepared for it. If it doesn't? More the reason to celebrate. Rather a half-assed or just plain sad way to go through life, I know, but it's saved me a lot of pain over the years. Kept me from a lot of joy too I suppose. Water under the bridge friends, water under the bridge.

I know this experiance will probably be the most painful thing I've ever had to go through, even if it works out. I am reminded of two seprate song lyrics that I heard on my way home today that sum things up pretty well. The first by Bon Jovi - "You can't win, until you're not afraid to lose" is dead on except for the part where I'm scared to death. Oh well, brave face to the front and all that. The second is Allison Krauss - "To you the next best thing to playing and winning is playing and losing" says it all. Even if she rips my heart out and throws me into the grips of massive depression...I'll always have the time we spent together, and I'll always have her in my memory. Bad or good. Win or lose. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Not even becoming the worst thing that ever happened to me could change that.

Love, they say, fades. Passion dwindles and the shine wears off of everything eventually. I disagree with those that would group those two things together. Passion may fade, but it doesn't take love with it. If you find that love left on the same bus as lust, then love was never really there. Love isn't found in a romance novel or a soap opera. Love isn't confined to the bedroom. True love doesn't walk out when all the other emotions have left the party. No, love stays and helps clean up. It holds your hair back over the toilet the next morning. It lives with you in silence and in rage. It stays by your side through the good times and the bad. Why am I saying all this? To try to put into words how I feel, and why I can't walk away. Here goes.

I know I love this girl. I knew it when I didn't have sex with her. That may sound stupid, but I never claimed to be smart, eh? Here's the deal. I wanted to spend time around her. It's as simple as that. Merely being in her presence makes me happy. I fucking well helped her fold clothes as she packed. I sat on the couch with her while she played the Sims. I went with her to wash her truck. I had ZERO chance of sex with her seeing as she had just started her period, and neither of us is down with that (once was enough, another story for a different time). I was ok with that. I skipped two parties where I know for a fact that I could've gotten laid. I skipped them to help her wash her truck. Now as I type this I'm realizing it sounds kind of stupid, but for me...Well, I guess you'd have to know me to realize how big a deal that is. Beside the point, moving on. What I'm getting at is this. I knew she was leaving. I knew I wouldn't get anything physical out of it. I knew if I pursued a relationship it would be extremely hard and probably painful. I know all of this and I still have to try. Why? I've already said it. I HAVE to. My heart is leaving me no choice in the matter.

Meh. I'm not very good with words, but I think that helps paint some more of the picture.

As always, thank you for your advice, and most of all your honesty.

Oh yeah. The 3 1/2 years thing isn't time spent in Iraq, that's service time left. Sorry, wasn't clear on that.
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Old 08-09-2004, 10:09 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally posted by Talon Valdez

I know I love this girl. I knew it when I didn't have sex with her. That may sound stupid, but I never claimed to be smart, eh? Here's the deal. I wanted to spend time around her. It's as simple as that. Merely being in her presence makes me happy. I fucking well helped her fold clothes as she packed. I sat on the couch with her while she played the Sims. I went with her to wash her truck. I had ZERO chance of sex with her seeing as she had just started her period, and neither of us is down with that (once was enough, another story for a different time). I was ok with that. I skipped two parties where I know for a fact that I could've gotten laid. I skipped them to help her wash her truck. Now as I type this I'm realizing it sounds kind of stupid, but for me...Well, I guess you'd have to know me to realize how big a deal that is. Beside the point, moving on. What I'm getting at is this. I knew she was leaving. I knew I wouldn't get anything physical out of it. I knew if I pursued a relationship it would be extremely hard and probably painful. I know all of this and I still have to try. Why? I've already said it. I HAVE to. My heart is leaving me no choice in the matter.
Sounds like love to me. Maybe it's the first time you felt this, and maybe you realize that the physical thing is not important when you love some one, and maybe you never realized that before, and that's why you think you sound stupid. Well, you don't. Parties and getting laid don't mean shit if you can be with the one you love. But you know that now.

As I said before, try and make it work, by God, it'll make you realize what life is all about. I just want to say that at 22 these things can appear larger than life at first, only to dwindle and fade out in a few months. I've been there, I wouldn't be saying this otherwise. It can work, and you should try and make it work if you really feel what you describe. But know that it's going to be pretty hard, simply because people change, in spite of themselves.
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Old 08-10-2004, 07:00 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Good luck to you on the relationship man. I can personally attest that Long Distance Relationships are incredibly difficult, but the payoff beats the pain you go through by a million. I started dating my girlfriend last July, and over a year later, we're still together. We love each other and to me that is the most important thing. In the almost 13 months we've been together we've had our ups and our downs, including a time where we were separated, but in all that time we have probably been together in person for about a month total.

In fact, I just sat in the airport crying this morning as she flew home after the best three weeks of my life. Today has been the toughest day of my life, but I know that she is going through the same; we're going through it together. Next year she is tentatively planning on moving from Michigan to Seattle to go to school. Two years after we met and a whirlwind relationship began, we will be together.

One thing that helps is to have something to look forward to. Three and a half years seems like forever, but knowing that there is a definite time frame is better than not knowing anything at all. Communicate all the time, whether it is email, instant messaging, phone, mailed letters, anything, just let them know your thinking of them.

I don't claim to be an expert at these types of relationships, but I hope this helped, and writing out some of my feelings has definitely helped me feel better today, knowing I'm 2000 miles away from my baby and not knowing exactly when I'll see her next.
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