thespian86

I'm not great with words so... I'll try to explain it.

I love my ex girlfriend. In fact, I have never loved anyone so much and when we made the "plan", which consisted of her pretty much leaving me while I still felt so much for her, I just shook my head yes in shock.

I am now in a situation with my ex where I have to be with her from time to time. I have noticed that she is acting like she did when we first started dating. Hitting me playfully, using pet names for me.. ect. Thats fine, although it is pretty painful for me because, well, I still love her and she hits hard . Also I'm trying 110 % to be all buddy buddy with her and shes taking that.

I guess the problem is, I love her so much but I know she wants me to be with her as a friend. It's hard I guess.

What should I do about it. Work through the pain or try to avoid her. Any tales of your own might help also.

Thanks

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EX: uh...
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Carno

If you want to get over her, cut all ties with her.

The more you are exposed to her, the longer it'll take for you feelings to go away. Just explain to her straight up that you need some time before you can hang out with her, and she might understand.

I can't guarantee that she'll understand though, because I did the same thing and my ex went crazy berserk apeshit. Then again, I already knew she was nuts.

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maleficent

It's a tough situation...

I dated a guy for a while, and fell pretty hard for him... After a time, we decided to break up, but because we started as friends, we honestly felt there was no reason to not continue being friends... Until the late night phone calls when he wanted to talk to his buddy (me) about the new girls he was dating (which he always did before - -never bothered me before) but it was too hard to listen too. I finally had to say that I really couldn't be that kind of friend anymore... and he never quite understood why.

It's so hard to have loved someone, and to still love them, and try to be just friends with them when you've had so much more than that.

If it were me, I would want to take care of myself for a bit, and put some distance between me and my feelings.

She left you romantically, but now has you as a friend. She's got a darn good friend, one who loves her, but she's also dating other people, which is going to get painful for you to watch, and to hear about.

Time does heal all wounds, and in time, you may feel differently, but for now, maybe you want to take a break from her.

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sailor

Pretty well said... Id cut those ties, at least for a while, until you get over her. If that ever happens. Unfortunately, ya'lls friendship has probably been changed forever.

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hex1848

I'm in a similar situation right now. I was with my ex for 5 years before some BS went down and she left me (it was mostly my fault, but she left went things got really bad for me). Now we are friends and talk on the phone alot. It helps that she lives 5 hours away now and I have only really seen her 3 times since we broke up, but i really hate listening to her talk about dating, etc. She was my first love so I guess its made it all the more harder.

All I can say is, get out.. meet new girls, get a hobbie, get your mind off of it as best you can. I know its hard, like I said its been a year and im just now getting to the point where i dont care.

The Phenomenon

Tell her that you can't do this and tell her that you need to distance yourself from her. Set up very strict boundaries and cut all the ties so that you can recover.

She is not helping the situation with how she's acting, so tell her to stop with the pet names and everything else.

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st33lr4t

distance yourself from her. i was in the same situation and the pain wasnt worth it.

lurkette

I'm throwing my vote on the "distance" pile - if she wants to be friends, great, but you need some time to heal and being around her is not helping. As hard as it might be, stop seeing her until you've had some time to regroup and stop hurting so much.

I'm so sorry - this is a hard situation.

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ManWithAPlan

you should tell her to stop jerking your heartstrings. tell her how you feel. tell her how you percieve her behavior.

__________________
In the end we are but wisps

Dale Kemp

Just slip out the back, Jack
Just make a new plan, Stan
No need to be coy, Roy
Now listen to me.

Force yourself to back off.

Loneliness will follow. That's the hard part.

Then, as soon as you can, date someone new. Don't get serious with them. But do date. Several new people, even. That will put a nice perspective on your past love. And you may get lucky. A little nooky will ease your pain far more effectively than advil.

Grow.

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Trueheart

thespian86

The distance thing can't happen. We work together but it's a job where I can't avoid her. It's a summer camp and we both counsell full time so I see her every morning, every afternoon, every night, we get up every morning and walk together to the morning meeting. She goes out of her way to talk to me and I do too.

Most of this is my own fault. I love this girl so much that my heart doesn't seem that importent. She is what I'm all about right now. And it's been that way for a long time. I go out of my way to say hi. It feels so good just to see her smile and to talk to her. A week ago she was walking past me and I just kind of grabbed her hand for ten seconds and she kind of squeezed back and smiled but she had this look in her eyes that she used to get before she kissed me. I'm in over my head.

Hi, My name is Punk music fan and I've got a problem...

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EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

xim

I have a different perspective. Ive been through this exact situation.... I look at it as a lesson in having game. You sound like you really want her back but have given up on it.

Ill tutor you...

So our battle plan has to deal with you seeing her.

You both still like each other, the problem is that she doesn't realize it. You broke up (sounds more like she broke up with you). But if you still talk all the time then she still wants an emotional relationship with you. She only closed the physical relationship.

To girls everything is a game. You worshipped her and so she didnt have to earn your approval anymore....GAME OVER. I know you probably think she is so wonderful that she would never think like that, but for girls this isnt a concious thing, its just the way they are, and most dont even understand it.

You are still worshipping her and shes sucking it up like a sponge even though she isn't being physical with you.



You need to respect yourself. Youre saying its your fault and your heart isn't that important so you can continue to worship her after she hurt you.


She obviously likes you still.

If you want to get back together with her you have to start acting totally indifferent towards her. So far you have been an approval slut to her, just handing it out no matter what she does.

That actually gives you an advantage though, because in a sense she is addicted to your attention. And just like the forein aid the US gives to small nations all over the world, you can jerk it right out from under them if they arent doing what you want.

Act TOTALLY INDIFFERENT to her. Pretend like shes totally unfascinating no matter how bass ackwards that feels. Dont be rude or mean but act as if you would just assume be anywhere else as with her. Hopefully, (and most likely judgeing from how shes been acting towards you) she will start to think, "whats the matter with me?" Drag it out for a while longer than feels necessary so she really gets a feel for how much she wants you...


Good luck

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maleficent

Your heart is important...

How over is the relationship? Could it be possible that you are imagining the hand squeeze?

How would you feel about talking to her and asking her to stop with the flirting, and teasing and other bits of affection, until you get a handle on your feelings. A good woman would understand that.

Like I say, it's a tough situation... But you will get thru it...

How about aversion therapy? What are her bad qualities, look in the annoying girls topic, see how many apply to her -- remember that --

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thespian86

You get it. I am an approval slut... Don't look at me, I'm a monster

I do feel that I could be with her again. So you're saying, try not to act like I'm head over heels in love with her? So she will like me more? Isn't that kind of grade five?

I'd also like to add that Maleficent has given some great advice. Thank you very much.

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

Kurant

Cut her loose chief.

Been there, went through it, and the best choice I made was to sever all ties with her. I was still sleeping with her 10 months after we broke up, and I coulden't handle it anymore. I was also cheating on my GF with her, simply because emotionally it's where I wanted to be.

I cut ties, and I told the girl I was with what had been going on. I really didn't care, as she was more of a companion then anything else. We just started seeing more of each other, and eventually started sleeping together. She wasen't upset, and after all that happend, I met the woman that eventually became my wife.

I've never thought about her again. She even works in the bank I go to. Like my roomate in college always said, ALL women are replacable. I never believed him until the day I met my wife. It's a cruel thing, but you can always find happiness somewhere else. There is always someone else out there. And if what your grieving over was meant to be, it will be.

Kazic

I have to agree with Maleficent on this.

I am in sorta a similar situation. I can't think of not being with her. Even though after all thats happened between us things are strained. Old habits die hard. I am head over heels. I want to try and distance myself but when I do she tells me that I'm acting weird and thats If I really cared as much as I said I wouldn't do that.
We decided just last night actually that we are going to takes things day by day and work things out.

I was on cloud nine. We went out on a date last night and as much as I was exstatic to be around her and to touch her and even hug her. I tried not to let it consume me like I normally do.

I guess what I am saying is don't let your emotions get the best of you. If you feel like this is it for you both. I say distance yourself.
If not and you talk to her about how you feel vs. how she feels and you think maybe you should work things out with some time.

Above all you really need to try and watch how you feel you could end up getting really hurt by this. And I would never wish the pain I had on anyone. Not even my worst enemy deserves pain like that.

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affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in
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Mantus

I think we have a graduate.

If she is still intrested you will know pretty soon. If she is just using you as her little intelectual whore then she will give up on you.

Carno

It will either cause her to forget you, or she will began to want you again.

I agree with xim's post 100%. I've been in the exact same situation several times and that's how it has worked out each time. You can call it childish or whatever you want, but it will get results.

But for God's sake, turn around and go pick up your penis, wherever you dropped it.

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fallenangel

I agree with Xim... you are being underappreciated, you need to back the fuck off... I'm also spewing words that i'm having trouble following myself, so i really really know the difficulty you're having. She is able to have what she wants with you because you still want her involved in your life (obviously if you're very much in love with her still).

I believe it was Original King who suggested (from advice from a friend) to "Fuck them out"... give it a whirl? I dunno, it's gonna suck the big one for the short term... maybe that's what it'll take for both of you to realize more clearly what you want, then you can choose the best course of action to pursue your wants.

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Joe H.

Just a stranger's .02 here....it might help to stop thinking of her as your 'ex girlfriend' and see her as a human being. Kind of a 'new eyes' thing, where you try to see her in a more objective kind of light. It took me about two years to get over my failed relationship, and I was only able to do so when I realized that my thinking of her in those terms was coloring my perceptions of her as a person.

People have flaws--sometimes big hairy ones.