She never decides...
 

If this is in the wrong forum, please move it... I didn't know quite where to put it.

I'm currently in a great relationship of six months, our first serious relationship each, and things are going fine. One thing puzzles me, however. Whenever we're together, and a decision has to be made about whatever, (say what we're going to do, or where to go, etc)... she flat out refuses to make a decision herself. It's always on me. Now, I don't mind making decisions, but sometimes it leaves me feeling like, even though she refuses to decide, I'm controlling the relationship.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

ive gotten the same thing before... i would sometimes try to force her to make a decision... never really could figure out why it was like this...

Yeah, I've been with girls like this before. It always made me wonder. I like it when a girl can be decisive at times. I think she will get better with time.

Dont sweat it. It's a girl thing ;)

*dons fire-retardant suit*

i think its more of a confidence thing. i never used to make decissions because i always thought the other person would think it was stupid. either that or she really has no idea what to do.

Dependent Personality Disorder?
D/s?
I don't know?

Same boat. It is sometimes frustrating because you are left to make all the decisions. What if they are saying "yes" only to please you? What if she would rather be doing something else?

I have had to force them to make decisions before.

I'm like that. I think it's the fear of being wrong about something, and then chastised. Maybe she has/had a very dominant male presence in her family's household (father, brother, etc.) living with her. In that respect, she has learned to let them make the decisions. It's all about female subordination.

On top of that, I know from personal experience, that I would let my boyfriend make decisions (still do pretty much, unless he just won't) because I wanted him to be happy with the choice.

I bet your girlfriend just doesn't want you to be pissed if she makes a wrong decision since it's only been six months.

She's probably afraid to decide because if you don't like it, it will be her fault...and she feels insecure about that.

That would annoy the crap out of me though.

Sometimes I don't make decisions because all the options sound good to me and I can be a bit indecisive at times. It helps to have someone else chose what to do. But if I don't like what is decided on I'll make it known.

Is she an Army Brat?

My wife is one, and she has the same problem. Her dad was always making the decisions for her all the way through most of her life...where they'd eat, shop, go on vacation, etc. She's happy now that I need and ask for her opinion, but she wasn't used to that at the beginning.

Hell, I'm in a relationship where we're BOTH like that. Neither of us wants to make a decision. Its really aggravating. If she refuses to decide, then complains about what you pick, remind her that she had her chance. Suggest she decide next time. Or take turns. That's worked for us in the past. Try to find a system. I bought a set of dice that has different activities on one, different types of food on another etc. Come to think of it, we should find those...

I'm not sure there's anything wrong with what's going on. Do you ever get yelled at when she wants you to make a decision and you make the wrong one? If not, then you're money. I'd rather trust myself rather than others, and I'm sure lots of people feel the same way.

It can be a girl thing, but I've known guys like that, as well.

I've used the 'You decide' cop-out on occasions when I didn't know what the guy liked (as far as food or fun) or if I wasn't sure of his disposable income (never want to pick a place out of his price range - I'm nice like that). However, if it was someone I'd been seeing for 6 months, I think I'd be able to know enough about him to suggest things we'd both like.

It may be an insecurity/uncertainty thing, which has been mentioned. Maybe just be more attuned to things she mentions, so that you can work those into the dates, should she continue to shrug the decision-making off onto you, so you can both enjoy your time together.

But...if she won't decide simple things like where to go or what to eat, is that indicative of something about her personality, and if so, is it something she'll grow out of, or can work on? Those points should be pondered if you're considering a long-term something with her, and how you could deal with all the potential answers to those questions.

Some women just like things to be taken care of for her. Maybe she wants you to take control a bit. Perhaps she will relax with more time. Show her a good time out type of thing. After a while I am sure she will start making decision.

Simple solution: "I've decided that tonight/today I want you to decide." Then be happy with the choice she makes or she may never make a decision again.

Well you could always do exactly what you know she wouldn't want. Just take note that women don't respond to full-on fisting without proper notice.

Give her time and she'll probably warm up to being vocal about what she she likes. You're gonna have to bear in mind that a person is never as vulnerable as when they're nude - and I'm sure you can imagine the feeling of vulenerabilty when allowing someone to enter your body.

You could talk to her about it but if she's not completely comfortable telling you what she wants she probably not going to be comfortable explaining why she won't and so the situation will be complicated further.

Give her time - open up to her and hope for the same in return.

Could be the way you handled her ideas in the past. If you made sour faces (or something like that) at things she suggested in the past she could be afraid of a poor response. Be genuinely interested in things she wants to do; don’t make it out to be a chore for you and never say that you would have rather spent the time doing something else.

if you never make a choice, you'll never make the wrong one...

My gf is like this too, I'm not sure if her reason is a cultural one. it just takes some work to get her to make decisions. Don't force her into anything, just assure her that there is no wrong choice.

Well, don't you worry, now. If you two end up getting married, you can be sure that she will start making decisions - and expect you to fall in line, accordingly.

That can be frustrating. I guess you get to do what you want all the time then :P Does she seem to have opinions on many things, i.e. politics, life, the world, or even what she does and does not like? If you're looking for someone who does you might want to talk to her about that, but it's likely she won't change too much. I've found the 'accept or veto and suggest' technique to be good for making decisions with other people. This is how it works for choosing where to eat, someone suggests a place, then each person in the group either has to accept the suggestion or if they veto they must suggest and different place. There is no veto without subsiquent suggestion. You avoid indecisivness from people who don't like what you want but don't know what they want either. Also no one gets to complain about the selection because everyone has a say. Try it with your girl, that way you don't feel bad about going where you want because you gave her the power to choose what she wanted.

It might be something horribly wrong with her psyche that was damaged by aliens when she was abducted at only 3 years old... Or she might be like me: easily pleased with most options so doesn't really care which one to pick. I often avoid making a decision out of a few options of things to do because I know my girlfriend usually has one that she would like the most and I couldn't care less between them, so I provoke her to just tell me. Other times, I'm just lazy.