telling her im not interested. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Dilbert1234567 · 07-05-2004, 10:07 AM

So I was introduced to a friend of a friend, and we sorta hit it off the first night (just dinner). she is nice, smart , great personality, and a great body. But... she talks way too much and wears way too much makeup (big turn off for me) and she is way to religious for me, I’m a pure bred atheist and she is converting to Catholicism.

I personally am way to nice, i bend over backwards for most anyone. She needed a ride to an interview so I took 3 hours out of my day to sit in a car and wait. (and listen to her talk and talk and talk) and I think that sent the wrong signals. truthfully i would have done that for just about anyone who really needed it.

Anyway she is real interested in me, and I want to know how to tell her I’m not interested with out offending her.

Oh and now her parents want to meet me.

Help!

maleficent · 07-05-2004, 10:12 AM

Being honest with her is not about being too nice. A nice guy would tell her that hey, you're a nice girl, but I'd rather be friends, rather than lead her on and letting her think that there's something there when there's not.

Have a friend you could introduce her too?

YOu could always not return phone calls, and not be available for her when she wants you.

Jim Kata · 07-05-2004, 10:30 AM

Next time you hang out, start talking about some girl that you are interested in. But make sure she knows its not her by giving her traits that she knows she doesn't have....like being Jewish or something of that sort. She will get the hint. Unless she is in complete denial.

pig · 07-05-2004, 10:51 AM

I've been in similar situations before, and I've found that the following works:

If you want to be friends / acquaintances with her, treat her that way. She'll probably catch the signals, be upset by it, and either you'll be something-less-than-friends or you just won't see each other much. If it comes to a point where you have to either be the a. friend or b. prospective boyfriend, then you have to come clean with her and make sure she knows that you're not interested in dating her. That's where something like the athiest/Catholic thing becomes very important. I would avoid telling her that she looks like a harlot with all the make-up going on, and that you think she must breathe through her ass in order to keep talking incessantly, but a mention of divergent faiths and how you "just don't see it working out," and you're "not ready for that kind of committment right now." Don't forget "It's not you, it's me." The old gold standard.

Do not go meet her parents in the official "meet the parents" capacity. Wrong signal to send.

amge · 07-05-2004, 11:26 AM

I think I posted this before, but do a George Castanza.

Suggest a three way. And hope she is not into it.

Stare At The Sun · 07-05-2004, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by amge
I think I posted this before, but do a George Castanza.

Suggest a three way. And hope she is not into it.

Heh, worst case, you get slapped. Or...you get to be in a threeway. Works for me.

Really though, i'd just do one of two things; lie lie lie. You have been talking to your ex lately, and you like her, but don't want to hurt her feelings. You've got a lot of things going on, school, work, perfecting your yoga moves, whatever, just to busy for her. Just take a lie and run with it.

Or, you can just tell her the straight up truth. If you got the balls, it makes things really easy.

pig · 07-05-2004, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by amge
I think I posted this before, but do a George Castanza.

Suggest a three way. And hope she is not into it.

I thought that was Jerry when he was trying the roommate switch...or are you talking about the one where the male roommate decides he's in for it? I seem to recall that happening as well in an episode...

Dilbert1234567 · 07-05-2004, 02:49 PM

thanks for the advice, for now i have been 'busy' when she wanted to meet her parrents, ill try and make a speech. but first ill talk to the mutual friend for her advice.

Stoneygirl76 · 07-05-2004, 03:00 PM

I'd just be honest (maybe take the chicken way out and do it over the phone) and tell her while you think she's great, there are too many differences for her to be someone with whom you'd pursue a romantic relationship. Mention religion if she presses for reasons - can't go wrong there. Making her think you're interested in someone else might make her believe there could be a chance if not for this other girl, which is essentially leading her on.

maleficent · 07-05-2004, 03:02 PM

Since there's really no length of time that you are dating, heck it doesn't seem you are even dating. Phone is completely acceptable way of breaking up.

Once there's sex involved, then you gotta do it in person. Just be honest with her.

and do it soon, otherwise you'll be picking out a wedding band soon.

Kazic · 07-05-2004, 04:29 PM

heh

Quote:

Originally posted by amge
I think I posted this before, but do a George Castanza.

Suggest a three way. And hope she is not into it.

it was George, when the girls roomate was just like George and she was way to clingy. He suggested a threeway and he was into it.

Anyway. I go by the if you haven't been on at least 3 dates and no sexual activity has taken place. Stop calling. If they were interested and they call you and are like "hey haven't heard from you!" be "Yeah been busy. But thanks for calling lets uhm Keep in touch!" and then pretty much don't.

Gamer90 · 07-06-2004, 04:14 PM

Whatever you do, do not tell her your athiest or she'll try to explain to you why God is good ect.

RainbowBright · 07-06-2004, 05:01 PM

Have you actually gone on a date with her? Just don't bend over backwards for her anymore and treat her like a friend. Or just don't hang out with her anymore. Personally if you haven't even had the conversation about being "together" she's a bit over line expecting you to meet her parents. I'd be running.

MSD · 07-06-2004, 05:24 PM

Tell her you're not looking for commitment and ask if she'd settle for fuckbuddy. If she's converting to Catholicism, she'll run screaming.

slimshaydee · 07-08-2004, 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by maleficent
YOu could always not return phone calls, and not be available for her when she wants you.

1. That's mean
2. Unfortunately there are many people out there who don't get the idea

Dilbert1234567 · 07-08-2004, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by slimshaydee
1. That's mean
2. Unfortunately there are many people out there who don't get the idea

i would never not return her calls, that is just rude,

i had a talk with our mutual freind and she said she does come on a little strong, im going to have a nice chat with the lady tomorow (wish me luck)

slimshaydee · 07-08-2004, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dilbert1234567
i would never not return her calls, that is just rude,

i had a talk with our mutual freind and she said she does come on a little strong, im going to have a nice chat with the lady tomorow (wish me luck)

thats the way to do it
good on you

Slauncha Man · 07-08-2004, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by MrSelfDestruct
Tell her you're not looking for commitment and ask if she'd settle for fuckbuddy. If she's converting to Catholicism, she'll run screaming.

That's golden. Of course, if she's still into it, then the religion thing can't be too much of an issue, now can it?

07-05-2004, 10:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	telling her im not interested. So I was introduced to a friend of a friend, and we sorta hit it off the first night (just dinner). she is nice, smart , great personality, and a great body. But... she talks way too much and wears way too much makeup (big turn off for me) and she is way to religious for me, I’m a pure bred atheist and she is converting to Catholicism. I personally am way to nice, i bend over backwards for most anyone. She needed a ride to an interview so I took 3 hours out of my day to sit in a car and wait. (and listen to her talk and talk and talk) and I think that sent the wrong signals. truthfully i would have done that for just about anyone who really needed it. Anyway she is real interested in me, and I want to know how to tell her I’m not interested with out offending her. Oh and now her parents want to meet me. Help! __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

07-05-2004, 10:12 AM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Being honest with her is not about being too nice. A nice guy would tell her that hey, you're a nice girl, but I'd rather be friends, rather than lead her on and letting her think that there's something there when there's not. Have a friend you could introduce her too? YOu could always not return phone calls, and not be available for her when she wants you. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

07-05-2004, 10:51 AM	#4 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	I've been in similar situations before, and I've found that the following works: If you want to be friends / acquaintances with her, treat her that way. She'll probably catch the signals, be upset by it, and either you'll be something-less-than-friends or you just won't see each other much. If it comes to a point where you have to either be the a. friend or b. prospective boyfriend, then you have to come clean with her and make sure she knows that you're not interested in dating her. That's where something like the athiest/Catholic thing becomes very important. I would avoid telling her that she looks like a harlot with all the make-up going on, and that you think she must breathe through her ass in order to keep talking incessantly, but a mention of divergent faiths and how you "just don't see it working out," and you're "not ready for that kind of committment right now." Don't forget "It's not you, it's me." The old gold standard. Do not go meet her parents in the official "meet the parents" capacity. Wrong signal to send. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

07-05-2004, 02:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	thanks for the advice, for now i have been 'busy' when she wanted to meet her parrents, ill try and make a speech. but first ill talk to the mutual friend for her advice. __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

07-05-2004, 03:02 PM	#10 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Since there's really no length of time that you are dating, heck it doesn't seem you are even dating. Phone is completely acceptable way of breaking up. Once there's sex involved, then you gotta do it in person. Just be honest with her. and do it soon, otherwise you'll be picking out a wedding band soon. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

07-05-2004, 10:30 AM	#3 (permalink)
Jim Kata Swollen Member Location: Northern VA	Next time you hang out, start talking about some girl that you are interested in. But make sure she knows its not her by giving her traits that she knows she doesn't have....like being Jewish or something of that sort. She will get the hint. Unless she is in complete denial.

07-05-2004, 11:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
amge Crazy	I think I posted this before, but do a George Castanza. Suggest a three way. And hope she is not into it.

07-05-2004, 03:00 PM	#9 (permalink)
Stoneygirl76 Upright	I'd just be honest (maybe take the chicken way out and do it over the phone) and tell her while you think she's great, there are too many differences for her to be someone with whom you'd pursue a romantic relationship. Mention religion if she presses for reasons - can't go wrong there. Making her think you're interested in someone else might make her believe there could be a chance if not for this other girl, which is essentially leading her on.

07-06-2004, 04:14 PM	#12 (permalink)
Gamer90 Tilted	Whatever you do, do not tell her your athiest or she'll try to explain to you why God is good ect. __________________ *This posting is provided "as is" with no warranties, and confers no rights*

07-06-2004, 05:01 PM	#13 (permalink)
RainbowBright Crazy	Have you actually gone on a date with her? Just don't bend over backwards for her anymore and treat her like a friend. Or just don't hang out with her anymore. Personally if you haven't even had the conversation about being "together" she's a bit over line expecting you to meet her parents. I'd be running.

07-06-2004, 05:24 PM	#14 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Tell her you're not looking for commitment and ask if she'd settle for fuckbuddy. If she's converting to Catholicism, she'll run screaming.