st33lr4t

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maleficent

If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it was meant to be, otherwise...

Time might help this, but if you are talking to her folks, and still talking to her when she's been pretty clear about what she wants, then you aren't too far off from stalking her.

Leave her alone for a while...

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timalkin

Dude, I was the same way. You just have to let things go. You don't want to be seen as a stalker, so don't do anything, even the tiniest thing, that could label you as one. You'll get over this, just like you've gotten over every other thing that sucked in your life.

I'm sure there are two sides to the story anyway. You're just blaming yourself for the end of the relationship when something else was probably going on with the ex. You can't make somebody love you.

dirtyrascal7

i agree with mal and tim... while it might seem like the worst idea to you right now and the hardest to pull off, you really do need to just back off and give her some space. and by that i mean don't talk to her, her friends, or her parents until she contacts you.

it's likely that she left you because you were overly protective or clingy... and no amount of words or actions are going to instantly change her mind. you need to go out and regain your confidence first, then from the mistakes you've made in this relationship, apply what you've learned in your next relationship... whether it's with her or someone else. have faith that everything will work out, but don't count on it being with her.

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"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

st33lr4t

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timalkin

Welcome to the club. I suggest you visit the TFP Lonely Hearts thread in the sexuality forum.

Jackebear

Been there, done that....sorry about what's happening to you. One thing I did that will help a little is go away on vacation as soon as you can. Go to the Bahamas or Amsterdam and enjoy yourself.

Good luck to you.

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Life's jounney is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn-out shouting, "Holy sh*t! What a ride!" - unknown

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bookerV

Couple of things. Definitely let her go. If she doesn't want to be with you then you can't force her. Don't be the ex that is always getting in the way making it harder for her to move on, while also keeping you locked into trying to get her back. You had your chance and you made mistakes, learn from them. Next girl you meet don't make those mistakes again. Use this experience to your advantage. Make it work for you instead of against you.

Next, definitely be happy alone. You have to be able to be happy with yourself in order to have a good relationship. You shouldn't have to be worried about being on your own. It's not a bad thing. If you are always trying to get someone because you can't be by yourself then girls will pick up on that. And it can seem a little desperate. So just take some time and be on your own. Open yourself up to meeting new people and just take things slow. Make some new friends, get out on the scene with the friends you have left and get back into the groove of just having fun. You won't have all these insecurities if you can focus on building yourself up. When that happens then you will end up meeting someone, and this time, you will know not to make the mistakes you did with this one. The second you start taking a partner for granted is the second things start to go down the wrong path. If you try and control someone then it isn't going to work. If the relationship is solid things will work out for both of you without you having to tell someone what to do.

Just take some time and get back to basics. Learn from your mistakes. Wipe the slate clean. Get happy with yourself and your solo lifestyle. Move on.

Good luck I hope it goes well.

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"That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy."

Lionel Hutz

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maleficent

Good for you... for recognizing it, and acting on it...

When you feel better, don't sit in your empty apartment, get out, meet people, volunteer at something, you don't have to be alone by choice...

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Supple Cow

Well, by saying that her skirts are too short and the like, you told her that you don't trust her on a couple of levels: first, as a human being who has the right to decide what she will and will not wear; second, as your girlfriend who is mature and committed enough not to cheat on you. Convincing her to take you back will likely involve you learning to see her as your equal (i.e. let her dress herself, trust her to be responsible, address her and not her parents) and then (this is the hard part) convincing her that you've done so. Good luck to you.

__________________
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
(Michael Jordan)

Kazic

Sorry to hear about this man. I know somewhat how you feel.
I like u have to look at life as an independent happy person first.
I was told by my dr. that I must be happy then I will find love and finances in that order.
Don't look at it as a lonely apartment look at it as a new Fortress of Solitude. You and you alone make all the decisions and its your place of healing.

__________________
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man
affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in
darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening
to repetitive electronic music."
-Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

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hossified

oh man..I can see the path where this is heading. She's broken up with you.....but wants you to stay around to help her with broken stuff....or when she's feeling lonely etc....

Been there....done that. Dude you gotta be careful here and not read into things that may not be there. She has told you she is 100% done.....and you still have super feelings....you gotta be careful here...or you're gonna go insane. I'd say to give her some space and if she calls say you are busy...or don't answer. Yeah you love her to death.....but she knows that and is gonna use you as a safety blanket. Be careful.....this is how stalker / psycho boyfriends are made.....

Redgirl

I don't know, I wouldn't necessarily take it as a sign that everything's cool with her now just cuz she needs your help. All that says is she hasn't found anybody yet to take your place so she still calls you for shit. It might be a way for you to stay friends if she still needs you, but know that is probably the category you're in right now- friends.

You should continue to explore yourself and back off from her. She may come back to you and you can rebuild your relationship, but even if she doesn't you will be a more confident person if you're happy with YOU.

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Nitrox

Look, what you need to do is what everyone on her is echoing. Do something different, use the free time to pursue a hobby you've always had or wanted to participate in. This will put you in contact with a group of like-minded people and you can make new friends.

For example, anytime I go on a dive vacation, I end up making friends with the other divers and dive masters. The last time I was in Cayman, My wife and I ended up going out in the evenings with one of the dive master's and her parent's who we also dove with everyday.

We are actually timing a trip down there this fall to coincide with when she she will be there.

My point is, do something different. Not only will it open up new doors for you, but you might just meet some interesting people along the way.

analog

been there... 3.5 year relationship... wanted to marry her. that was over a year ago now. i'm well over it now, but it still hurts at times.

good luck

Uiberto

If you've lost a job, it's easier to find a new one than to beg to get it back. And it's ludicrous to do work for free for your former employeer in the mean time.

Once you've even recognized the fact that you need to move on, which you seem to have done already, you're on your way.

Good luck.

Prince

Sounds like bad news to me, man. Bad, bad, icky bad.

Calling you for computer help or car advice doesn't mean she still harbours some sort of fond feelings for you, at least not ones that she'd like to act on. The problem being at this point that you are doing way too much thinking. And the reason for this is because you have time on your hands that she no longer occupies. Which is why you should find stuff to do that gets your mind off of things...off of her. It's not just to keep you from feeling blue, it's also to keep your mind from going in circles.

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Who is John Galt?

tooth

Don't let yourself be strung along. No computer help, no car help, no nothing, unless you have the opportunity to speak your mind. You both need to know where the other stands before you have any more contact, friendly or otherwise.

Edit: And get your PC back. Now!

dirtyrascal7

that's a great analogy. unfortunately in this case, it's all very true.

the simple fact is that your ex knows you'd do anything for her at this point and she's completely exploiting the situation while having no intentions of either getting back together or even being just friends. i'd bet if you tried to hang out or talk to her when she didn't need something from you, she'd blow you off just as quickly as you'd take her back.

do not back away slowly and don't bother turning around and running... you need a much quicker getaway than that.

__________________
"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

st33lr4t

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Averett

What do you have to say to her? It sounds like you just need to cut your losses and get out of there. If you need to, send a letter. Other than that, she's just using you while she can, and don't let her do that.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Mango

Averett

Bwahahahahaah... God I love that website.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

st33lr4t

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Averett

Aww you're not a chump. Sometimes it's hard for us to realize what we're doing. It's hard to let go.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

st33lr4t

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Averett

Okay well first of all... If you're going to be looking for a replacement then you're fucked. You won't find a "replacement" and you shouldn't want to. So please don't do that. Don't compare other girls to her. And don't think that you can only be happy with her, and not with sombody else.

You'll find somebody else. Maybe she won't look as good as your ex. Maybe she won't do some of the things you two did together. But just maybe she'll be all that you could want in a girl. Right now you just THINK that your ex is the perfect girl. You've got to get that out of your head.

Don't think of it as finding a replacement. Think of it as finding somebody to enjoy spending time with. We're all individuals, it's not far for men or women to compare our future mates to our past mates.

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

wonderwench

I think it is time to let go. She says her mind is 100% made up. The more you try to get to her through her family and friends, the more likely it is that you will irritate and alienate her further.

IMO, the best way to find a compatible partner is to go about living one's life in a productive and enjoyable way. Then you will attract someone who wants to be with you instead of someone who "needs" to be with you. There is a big difference between the two.

The best relationships are ones which enhance both partners instead of filling a void. The way you describe things, I think your former relationship was the latter. Sorry if this sounds harsh - but I've been in both places and know how destructive it is to "need" a relationship.

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timalkin

It sounds like you're on the right track. Keep up the good work, but save some of those phone numbers for me. I'm hurtin over here.