sexual tension with a friend - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

duckduck · 04-19-2003, 03:04 PM

Dating one of my friends who happened to be a girl only blew up in my face. Just my personal experience, though. Just keep asking yourself if you'd be willing to risk her as a friend to have her as your partner. Once you can answer that, you'll have a decent idea about what to do.

SeXuaLSoYBeaN · 04-19-2003, 04:09 PM

Don't take it too quick, or else it won't work.

j_lonty · 04-19-2003, 04:14 PM

I often find that friends end up making the best lovers. You mention tension, though - of what sort? Is this just you suddenly lusting after her, or has there been some sort of oddness on her end. Do you have any good indications that she's thinking of you as more than a friend as well? Think about this honestly, as if this is just your libido kicking in, I'd say nix it. But if there's something more, you may be in for a lot of fun.

tricks · 04-19-2003, 04:25 PM

I'm with duckduck. When the opportunity arose for me, I chose the friend instead of the lover. Aside from the fact that she mentioned not talking to guys after she slept with them. One night stand kind of things, I guess. Even if she knew them awhile. I sort of regret not hitting it when the opportunity did arise, but she's still around.

a1t3r3g0 · 04-19-2003, 05:06 PM

If it's just going to end up being sex with no strings attatched, and you both are perfeclty ok with that (and you can't just try to tell yourself that you are, you have know you would be ok about it), then have a go at it.

If you think that a relationship may evolve out of it, see what she thinks about it and go from there. If you guys do break the tension, going back to what duckduck said, you may have to face dire consequenses if there is a break up. Sometimes people get along fine with their ex's, but sometimes you just can't be around that person anymore, and you never know how it will go.

rogue49 · 04-19-2003, 05:34 PM

There is no such thing as sex with no strings attached.

Be wary, of any advances.
Let if mature slowly.
Actually, it's probably best to let her make some of the moves.
This will help eliminate any ambiguity on her part,
and let you know that she wants it as much as you do.

It can work, but be aware, no matter what happens
good or bad
It will change your friendship with her.
Not good or bad, just different.

Good luck.

i8one2 · 04-19-2003, 06:19 PM

I with rogue49 on this one!
PS...I don't use strings, but really nice rope, seems to work

juanvaldes · 04-19-2003, 06:58 PM

Prepare for the worst.

If you hit it accept the fact that you will never be just friends again.

mazak · 04-19-2003, 07:08 PM

i beg to differ , 23 years ago,my best freind and i,had the same or similar dilemma. were still best freinds ,married, and have two children. it's all up to the poeple involved i would guess.

MSD · 04-19-2003, 08:03 PM

I was in a situation with a friend where we were obviously attracted to each other, there was some tension, and nothing happened, and I still kick myself over it (pauses for a kick.) If you think that she's thinking the same thing, go for it. If not, sit back, reassess the situation, and pull your mind together for reanalysis of the circumstances.

jazzmanzem · 04-19-2003, 08:46 PM

I've had both good and bad experiences with friends...it can turn out great, or really REALLY ugly.
Your relationship will never be the same again, that's for sure. Zmileys right though, if you're going to go ahead, make sure you treat her right afterwards...don't act like a jackass and everything might turn out ok.

Good Luck!

rs8001 · 04-19-2003, 09:51 PM

I will prefice this by saying this is not a rip on you Uuudar. These things are never easy.

Quote:

Originally posted by Uuudar
...I think she's hot as hell and would totally be all over it if I wasn't friends with her.

Unless you're not interested in a long term relationship this just doesn't make sense to me. Why wouldn't you want to pursue a deeper relationship with somebody you were best friends with? Are there other issues? Are you both available?

I have to agree with Rogue on this: there is no such thing as "no strings" sex. If it is just an urge I say forget it. If the choice (it'd be nice if it was this clear) was friendship or sex I too would opt for friendship. However, I'd risk any friendship to take it up a notch if that is what I desired. I finally realized that I was tired of being 'friends' with girls I was interested in. There is no reason it has to ruin the friendship. If you're like me you probably will, or at least make things uncomfortable for a while though.

Does it have to go direct from best friend to sex? Perhaps you're missing a step or two?

Sluggin · 04-20-2003, 12:41 AM

I'm in the same situation right now.. not sure what to say as I have yet to make a decision myself. But it's currently almost 4 am on Easter and I have yet to get to sleep thinking about her. I'll have smoked a whole pack before anyone wakes up tomorrow....

If only I could read people better!!!

apetaster · 04-20-2003, 04:19 AM

Bang and keep as a friend. Give her high fives afterwards and act all buddy buddy. There will eventually become resentment when long term relationships come into play, but that can be dealt with in therapy.

fhqwhgads · 04-20-2003, 04:28 AM

Good friends will come and go, but a hot chick who's willing to let you crunch it is a real treat. I'd say hit it, get it on tape, and the memories will last a lifetime.

Then again, I'm a shallow bastard with some serious issues.

ratbastid · 04-20-2003, 05:20 AM

Tension comes from lack of communication. Notice how you're not talking with her about how there's tension there? Instead you bring it here for advice.

I know this isn't very male of me, but you should have a coversation with her about this. "Hey, I'm noticing it's a little different between us lately. I'm feeling some fairly interesting ways about you recently, and I don't know what to make of it or what to do about it. What do you think?"

She'll respect you for being honest with her. Then, if you're lucky, she'll fuck you silly.

shotofgmplease · 04-20-2003, 09:55 AM

i have been in this exact situation and i just let her make all the moves since i was worried about screwing up our great friendship. ever since we did cross the lines things have changed and the fact that she had a man didn't help things either. we've just started talking about about a month ago but she's still taken. i guess you can never just tell what might happen but i have no regrets and i don't think she does either since i do feel she still has feelings for me but just finds herself in a difficult situation since she does have feelings for someone else aswell. my situation yes is slightly different but we did cross the lines of being friends many time and oh god was it wonderful and i wouldn't trade in those time for anything. i still thinks she's a very cool and awesome person (of course the cheating part isn't that cool but ohwell) she's still on top of my list!

Antagony · 04-20-2003, 01:28 PM

Well, you could always fall back on jerking off to a picture of her and drinking until you pass out every night.

JimmyTheHutt · 04-20-2003, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Antagony
Well, you could always fall back on jerking off to a picture of her and drinking until you pass out every night.

Yeah, who needs a liver anyway?

Seriously, though, these things can get very complicated very quickly. It depends on the level of emotional maturity on both parties. Regardless, you should have a conversation with her about it. If you do have a friendship that you value, you should be able to discuss this like rational people. It may avoid a lot of hurt later on, and not a small amount of obsession and psychological damage (speaking from personal experience on this one). I say talk to her and see what she says. You never know, you make your friendship stronger, or even end up with a partner you can totally commit to. Good luck regardless!

Veritas en Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt

gjbourke · 04-20-2003, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ratbastid
Tension comes from lack of communication. Notice how you're not talking with her about how there's tension there?

Too true. Lack of communication will drive you and her nuts!!
I have never been able to understand the crisis that develops regarding the leap to having sex (making love) with the best friend who is a girl .
Must be the bird in the hand (friendship), is worth two in the bush philosophy (intimate friendship and sex).

Going by the aversion to having sex with friends that must mean everyone is either having NO sex or are only ever having one night stands.

Lonely.

Quote:

Originally posted by rs8001
Does it have to go direct from best friend to sex? Perhaps you're missing a step or two?

If there are some steps between "good friends' and 'lover" I'd certainly like a bit of expansion on the idea!

sub zero · 04-20-2003, 02:11 PM

Quote:

Bang her like a screen door in a hurricane

Quote:

let her make some of the moves

Personally, I'd prefer to become a girls friend before I get into a more sexual relationship with her. Becoming her friend ensures that factor of liking her and thinking she's a cool person etc. Since yall are friends and there's sexual tension, I'd say this is optimal opportunity for action.

That said, I'd like to point out something: If you start having sexual relations with this person you will start to have 'feelings' for her -if you haven't already. She, on the other hand, might consider you as nothing more than a booty call. Don't start dwelling on your feelings for her even if it seems like she has started getting attatched to you. Not dwelling will help you think straight instead of being forced in a direction by your emotions. It would be best if you started to have, show, and act upon your feelings as if to synchronize them with hers. [No matter how un-natural this may be, I still think it's best.]

Typically here's how I think things will play out.

-you'll get into sexual relations with her
-she'll like it but will want to have you as her 'booty call' since you were her friend and she can count on you
-you'll start to 'fall in love' with her
-she'll 'fall in like' with you... but will still want her other guys
-you lose

Hopefully I'll be wrong.

Here's how I'd like to see things played out.

-you'll get into sexual relations with her but will be sure to keep in mind not to hold her captive in your island of love
-you'll let her do what she wants with other guys and will be patient by not letting your feelings exist (get the best of you).
-she'll like your luvin and your booty calls
-you wont start to fall in love with her -cuz it takes some girls 'time' to fall in love; instead, you'll synchronize your feelings with hers (or at least act like it) and PACE YOURSELF
...

-you'll continue to come to tfp for further advice

BigBlueWrecking · 04-20-2003, 03:26 PM

I have had things work out both ways. The real problem is if only one person shares the desires. That is when things get wierd. I would make sure she is feeling the same thing before you make a move.

Uuudar · 04-20-2003, 03:54 PM

JimmyTheHutt · 04-20-2003, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Uuudar
UPDATE: Well, I talked to her about how things seemed different over the last week. She proceeded to get embarrased and admitted she's liked me for like over a month, in that way. We proceeded to make out (thank gawd the room mate is out of town). Heh, we still need to figure out what we're going to do, considering she lives across the hall from me now and she is one of the 10 people that will be living in a house next year. Ah well, at least my instincts were right about her. Thanks for the advice folks, always appreciated.

Glad to hear things are working out well. Enjoy it, no matter how it turns out at the end. It may fizzle, but it will be interesting.

I'm actually kind of jealous now.

Veritas en Lux!

Jimmy The Hutt

muttt · 04-20-2003, 06:49 PM

just talk about it. you'd be amazed what can happen when you're both on the same page.

but don't talk about it too long, because you don't want those 5 minutes of lovin' to be... um... well... anticlimatic

wraithhibn · 04-20-2003, 07:14 PM

good luck dude, have fun with your hottie

440sixpack · 04-20-2003, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sluggin

If only I could read people better!!!

Story of my life.

loganmule · 04-20-2003, 08:45 PM

what Rogue said, if you're serious about any kind of future relationship...otherwise, hit it, and come what may

Slims · 04-20-2003, 10:44 PM

Go for it, if she rejects you, she will still be flattered, and you will only lose a little self respect.

If it works, then....life is good. If things go sour (or at least get stale) you will probably be able to bail out and keep the friendship, as long as you are loyal enough to end it before you start banging anyone else. At least that has been my experience.

If you don't risk anything, you can't gain anything. You already know you get along with her, and she is hot, and she apparently is into you, so what if she were the ONE? you would never know unless you put things to the test.

Good luck either way

tobasco · 04-20-2003, 11:19 PM

i'm kind of jealous too

blizzak · 04-20-2003, 11:40 PM

jealous? you know I am
would we all be as lucky to be in romantic relationships with friends
to those of you who will not take the risk, take it slow
put on the attitude as if it was getting to know a good friend better, and let things be as they may
I know I will

Atropos4 · 04-21-2003, 12:26 AM

as i've said in other threads... alpha phi was my best friend before we got together...i was scared as hell too....he kept trying and finally i relented...now we've been married going on 3 years...good luck
give her a friendly massage and if it turns into a kissing/fuck fest ...i believe you'll know your answer

ratbastid · 04-21-2003, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Uuudar
UPDATE: Well, I talked to her about how things seemed different over the last week. She proceeded to get embarrased and admitted she's liked me for like over a month, in that way. We proceeded to make out (thank gawd the room mate is out of town). Heh, we still need to figure out what we're going to do, considering she lives across the hall from me now and she is one of the 10 people that will be living in a house next year. Ah well, at least my instincts were right about her. Thanks for the advice folks, always appreciated.

GO UUUDAR!!! Congratulations!

muttt · 04-21-2003, 11:45 AM

way to go bud

liquid_dreams · 04-21-2003, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by zmiley
Bang her like a screen door in a hurricane, while you have the chance. Treat her right afterwards, and it'll all be good.

dont do that man sorry zmiley but dont risk her she sounds like a really good freind let her bring it up a notch you sit back and wate she do that one day then it well all be fine

gov135 · 04-21-2003, 03:03 PM

If you can, do it. In other words, if shes comfortable, go for it.

You gotta talk about it to her at some point. But it can't be a bad idea, cause its fun.

zfleebin · 04-21-2003, 05:35 PM

Whats more important? Are you willing to risk everything you have with her? Do you think it will last?

RWE · 04-22-2003, 03:01 AM

I did this with a friend once. It turned into a partial relationship afterwards and that went to pieces. She complained about it to a bunch of our mutual friends and they judged me about the relationship knowing only her side of the story. Sometimes it's more than just your friendship with her on the line.

Spidey · 04-22-2003, 06:11 AM

Don't jump too fast into the relationship though. Go Slow and get the results you desire, unless you want her purely for sex though.

04-19-2003, 02:44 PM	#1 (permalink)
Uuudar Insane	sexual tension with a friend .. Last edited by Uuudar; 10-03-2008 at 11:42 AM..

04-19-2003, 03:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
duckduck Psycho Location: Where hockey pucks run rampant	Dating one of my friends who happened to be a girl only blew up in my face. Just my personal experience, though. Just keep asking yourself if you'd be willing to risk her as a friend to have her as your partner. Once you can answer that, you'll have a decent idea about what to do. __________________ Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way!

04-19-2003, 04:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
tricks Crazy	I'm with duckduck. When the opportunity arose for me, I chose the friend instead of the lover. Aside from the fact that she mentioned not talking to guys after she slept with them. One night stand kind of things, I guess. Even if she knew them awhile. I sort of regret not hitting it when the opportunity did arise, but she's still around. __________________ People Are Stupid. People can be made to believe any lie, either because they want it to be true or because they fear that it is.

04-19-2003, 06:19 PM	#8 (permalink)
i8one2 COMPLETED and A TRAINER Location: BEAN_TOWN	I with rogue49 on this one! PS...I don't use strings, but really nice rope, seems to work __________________ LEATHER, LATEX and LACE "SSC" "Nothing That Gives Pleasure is Bad" Quality is for those who know what they want and are at peace with what they have. "S/M is about emotion; the erotic tension between my impulse toward something and my resistance against it."-- Virginia Barker

04-20-2003, 05:20 AM	#17 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Tension comes from lack of communication. Notice how you're not talking with her about how there's tension there? Instead you bring it here for advice. I know this isn't very <i>male</i> of me, but you should have a coversation with her about this. "Hey, I'm noticing it's a little different between us lately. I'm feeling some fairly interesting ways about you recently, and I don't know what to make of it or what to do about it. What do you think?" She'll respect you for being honest with her. Then, if you're lucky, she'll fuck you silly.

04-19-2003, 04:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
SeXuaLSoYBeaN Loser Location: Florida	Don't take it too quick, or else it won't work.

04-19-2003, 04:14 PM	#4 (permalink)
j_lonty Upright	I often find that friends end up making the best lovers. You mention tension, though - of what sort? Is this just you suddenly lusting after her, or has there been some sort of oddness on her end. Do you have any good indications that she's thinking of you as more than a friend as well? Think about this honestly, as if this is just your libido kicking in, I'd say nix it. But if there's something more, you may be in for a lot of fun.

04-19-2003, 05:06 PM	#6 (permalink)
a1t3r3g0 Psycho Location: 127.0.0.1	If it's just going to end up being sex with no strings attatched, and you both are perfeclty ok with that (and you can't just try to tell yourself that you are, you have know you would be ok about it), then have a go at it. If you think that a relationship may evolve out of it, see what she thinks about it and go from there. If you guys do break the tension, going back to what duckduck said, you may have to face dire consequenses if there is a break up. Sometimes people get along fine with their ex's, but sometimes you just can't be around that person anymore, and you never know how it will go.

04-19-2003, 05:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	There is no such thing as sex with no strings attached. Be wary, of any advances. Let if mature slowly. Actually, it's probably best to let her make some of the moves. This will help eliminate any ambiguity on her part, and let you know that she wants it as much as you do. It can work, but be aware, no matter what happens good or bad It will change your friendship with her. Not good or bad, just different. Good luck.

04-19-2003, 06:58 PM	#9 (permalink)
juanvaldes Banned Location: shittown, CA	Prepare for the worst. If you hit it accept the fact that you will never be just friends again.

04-19-2003, 07:08 PM	#10 (permalink)
mazak Crazy Location: louisianna	i beg to differ , 23 years ago,my best freind and i,had the same or similar dilemma. were still best freinds ,married, and have two children. it's all up to the poeple involved i would guess.

04-19-2003, 08:03 PM	#11 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	I was in a situation with a friend where we were obviously attracted to each other, there was some tension, and nothing happened, and I still kick myself over it (pauses for a kick.) If you think that she's thinking the same thing, go for it. If not, sit back, reassess the situation, and pull your mind together for reanalysis of the circumstances.

04-19-2003, 08:46 PM	#12 (permalink)
jazzmanzem Insane	I've had both good and bad experiences with friends...it can turn out great, or really REALLY ugly. Your relationship will never be the same again, that's for sure. Zmileys right though, if you're going to go ahead, make sure you treat her right afterwards...don't act like a jackass and everything might turn out ok. Good Luck!

04-20-2003, 12:41 AM	#14 (permalink)
Sluggin Upright	I'm in the same situation right now.. not sure what to say as I have yet to make a decision myself. But it's currently almost 4 am on Easter and I have yet to get to sleep thinking about her. I'll have smoked a whole pack before anyone wakes up tomorrow.... If only I could read people better!!!

04-20-2003, 04:19 AM	#15 (permalink)
apetaster Insane Location: P.R. Mass.	Bang and keep as a friend. Give her high fives afterwards and act all buddy buddy. There will eventually become resentment when long term relationships come into play, but that can be dealt with in therapy.

04-20-2003, 01:28 PM	#19 (permalink)
Antagony Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate Location: ...between Christ and Belial.	Well, you could always fall back on jerking off to a picture of her and drinking until you pass out every night. __________________ On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll. Sleep is a waste of time. Join the Insomniac Club. "GYOH GWAH-DAH GREH BLAAA! SROH WIH DIH FLIH RYOHH!!" - The Locust

04-20-2003, 04:28 AM	#16 (permalink)
fhqwhgads Junkie	Good friends will come and go, but a hot chick who's willing to let you crunch it is a real treat. I'd say hit it, get it on tape, and the memories will last a lifetime. Then again, I'm a shallow bastard with some serious issues.

04-20-2003, 09:55 AM	#18 (permalink)
shotofgmplease Upright Location: NEAR DC	i have been in this exact situation and i just let her make all the moves since i was worried about screwing up our great friendship. ever since we did cross the lines things have changed and the fact that she had a man didn't help things either. we've just started talking about about a month ago but she's still taken. i guess you can never just tell what might happen but i have no regrets and i don't think she does either since i do feel she still has feelings for me but just finds herself in a difficult situation since she does have feelings for someone else aswell. my situation yes is slightly different but we did cross the lines of being friends many time and oh god was it wonderful and i wouldn't trade in those time for anything. i still thinks she's a very cool and awesome person (of course the cheating part isn't that cool but ohwell) she's still on top of my list! __________________ whadata my damie.

04-20-2003, 03:26 PM	#23 (permalink)
BigBlueWrecking Psycho	I have had things work out both ways. The real problem is if only one person shares the desires. That is when things get wierd. I would make sure she is feeling the same thing before you make a move.

04-20-2003, 03:54 PM	#24 (permalink)
Uuudar Insane	.. Last edited by Uuudar; 08-02-2010 at 07:24 PM..

04-20-2003, 06:49 PM	#26 (permalink)
muttt Upright	just talk about it. you'd be amazed what can happen when you're both on the same page. but don't talk about it too long, because you don't want those 5 minutes of lovin' to be... um... well... anticlimatic __________________ -M

04-20-2003, 07:14 PM	#27 (permalink)
wraithhibn Dopefish Location: the 'Ville	good luck dude, have fun with your hottie __________________ If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

04-20-2003, 08:45 PM	#29 (permalink)
loganmule Junkie Location: midwest	what Rogue said, if you're serious about any kind of future relationship...otherwise, hit it, and come what may

04-20-2003, 10:44 PM	#30 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Go for it, if she rejects you, she will still be flattered, and you will only lose a little self respect. If it works, then....life is good. If things go sour (or at least get stale) you will probably be able to bail out and keep the friendship, as long as you are loyal enough to end it before you start banging anyone else. At least that has been my experience. If you don't risk anything, you can't gain anything. You already know you get along with her, and she is hot, and she apparently is into you, so what if she were the ONE? you would never know unless you put things to the test. Good luck either way __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

04-20-2003, 11:19 PM	#31 (permalink)
tobasco Crazy Location: land of poor spelling	i'm kind of jealous too

04-20-2003, 11:40 PM	#32 (permalink)
blizzak Crazy	jealous? you know I am would we all be as lucky to be in romantic relationships with friends to those of you who will not take the risk, take it slow put on the attitude as if it was getting to know a good friend better, and let things be as they may I know I will __________________ Fueled by oxytocin!

04-21-2003, 12:26 AM	#33 (permalink)
Atropos4 Think about it Location: North Carolina	as i've said in other threads... alpha phi was my best friend before we got together...i was scared as hell too....he kept trying and finally i relented...now we've been married going on 3 years...good luck give her a friendly massage and if it turns into a kissing/fuck fest ...i believe you'll know your answer __________________ Minds are like parachutes. They work better open. "If I were Hermione, I would have licked his pantleg."

04-21-2003, 11:45 AM	#35 (permalink)
muttt Upright	way to go bud __________________ -M

04-21-2003, 03:03 PM	#37 (permalink)
gov135 Junkie Location: Midwest	If you can, do it. In other words, if shes comfortable, go for it. You gotta talk about it to her at some point. But it can't be a bad idea, cause its fun.

04-21-2003, 05:35 PM	#38 (permalink)
zfleebin Addict	Whats more important? Are you willing to risk everything you have with her? Do you think it will last?

04-22-2003, 03:01 AM	#39 (permalink)
RWE Upright	I did this with a friend once. It turned into a partial relationship afterwards and that went to pieces. She complained about it to a bunch of our mutual friends and they judged me about the relationship knowing only her side of the story. Sometimes it's more than just your friendship with her on the line. __________________ "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

04-22-2003, 06:11 AM	#40 (permalink)
Spidey Crazy Location: Wellington, New Zealand	Don't jump too fast into the relationship though. Go Slow and get the results you desire, unless you want her purely for sex though.