World's King

Okay…


Bleed Me Dry and I have broken up for now.


My question to you all is this… Do taking breaks in relationships really work? If we were to take some time off to set some shit straight while she finish’s school and I get my life back on track is it possible to get back together in like two months? Has anyone ever done this with success? I have to be honest. I don’t feel to confident that it will work and we can jump right into things later. Assuming that we even want to at that point…

Okay… Just tell me that it’ll all be okay in the end and that it was better for the both of us…


*hates this shit*


Did that make sense?

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jay-g

Mango

If you need to take a break it isn't working. Move on.

Mango

Are you broken up while taking your break? If so can she go out and ride anyone she wants? If she does will you be OK with it?

jay-g

I dont know about all that buddy. Cant we be alittle more positive. Anything can happen....

World's King

Well, taking a break means that we care enough about each other to make it work. And to answer your second question... if she doesn't have time for a boyfriend right now why would she want to go out and "ride anyone she wants"? Make sense now?

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WarWagon

Don't mean to get you down, but my ex and I who dated for 2 years and 3 months "took a break" for reasons very similar to your own, and it ended up being one of the nastiest breakups you could imagine.

Eugeni

No similar experience, sorry.

If you're both positive about it and it is more an external reason than a bad relation between you two that causes it, I am also positive about it.

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dami³

I've never taken a brake in a relationship, but I have recently witnissed it with an other couple I know very well - I'll have to add that they were in a relationship for three years before they took a brake [don't know if this is relevant, just thought I'de add that fact] - this "seperation" initially was also meant to be for a couple of monthes. The "girl" innitiated it and after the time expired she wanted to move on, the "guy" got his hearth broken, frankly he is a mess right now. In hindsight it appears that the relationship was doomed and that no time apart could resolve it. The "girl" had allready made up her mind ...

That's the only case I know of, and I doubt that it was what you wanted to hear ... but that's how it played out in their case ... so to answer your question "Do taking breaks in relationships really work?": my anecdotical experience would suggest not. Then again you're not them - maybe it could work in your case, but based on the very little information you have provided I doubt it since your post suggests that getting together again was not part of the deal when you broke up.

tenchi069

If by taking a break you mean dating other people, then probably things won't recover. I doubt your SO would want you with someone else and vice versa ( though your relationship may be different ).

If by taking a break you mean the two of you stop being intimate, going out, all that "dating" stuff, and NOT seeing anyone else ( i.e. both being single ) then that is more along the lines of a long distance relationship. In that case it is a matter of if the two of you want to wait "x" amount of time.

Hope this helps.

tenchi

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World's King

Some good points... some not so good points.


Thanks for the words.

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txlovely

How long have you been dating? I think "taking a break" is an excuse for avoiding either 1) actually breaking up, or 2) talking through your problems. If some serious and deep discussion can't get to the root of your issues, then time apart certainly won't help. If you love her, tell her you're not willing to take a break. Convince her you love her enough to sort through your problems. It will reassure her that you are serious about the relationship and hopefully, if there is an impetus to her wanting to be apart, she will come clean.

I wish the best for you. Talking is the hardest part, at least it is for my SO and me, but you have to do it and you have to be totally honest with each other. There's no point in wasting time, be it not staying together or staying together, whichever case may prove appropriate.

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World's King

I agree with your two points. I would much rather talk about it then take a break which gives it time to fester. In our case we really don't want to break up but we don't have a choice... (at least that's what she said.)

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Untitled

There's always a choice. I'd try to talk to her, and figure out why she thinks there's no other option. If you really want to make it work, you can find away.

Best of luck.

onodrim

For a little positivity...

Secret and I took about a month break earlier this year, and actually it did make things better. I knew for sure I wanted to be with him, and I felt it strengthened the relationship in the end. Sometimes a break can be what you need, and either you'll come back together stronger, or realize that you're not meant to be together. I hope things work out well for you guys.

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"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

gorilla

I've done the take a break thing, and I cant say I see how it could possibly work. I was dating this girl for awhile and I thought it was pretty serious, the whole relationship went really well until like a week before we took a break. We never really had a big fight and were mad at each other, but there were little things. She decided she wanted to take a break for just a weekend, get away from each other because we were together alot. I thought that after the weekend, I'd miss her alot and she'd miss me alot and we would settle all the shit and we would continue to fulfill our potential. I knew she was good friends with this guy from out of town, but she spent all day with this guy and I got jealous about it. According to her, he's a good looking guy and they've been friends for a long time, so I was worried about him replacing me (I dont think that is too hard to understand) and we had a huge fight... I've been living with a broken heart for 3 months now. On a better note, I hope things work out for you. Hopefully, your situation is different. I will never ever take a break with my girl again.

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analog

It will be ok. You will both be better off, and have a better relationship, as a result of this. Calm down.

I was with my now-ex (i'll explain in a minute) girlfriend for 3and a half years... then, after living together for 3 months, we decided we needed a break.

It was the first time living with someone else like that for either of us, and we were not totally prepared for it.

Like in your scenario, the timing of events was poor, (my job/money issues were killing me) and lead to problems which helped cause and perpetuate depression, fights, etc.

We decided to break up because our stresses of work, money, etc., were tearing us apart. We got back together about 2 months later, and things were better than ever... and we were a great, happy couple before.

Several months later, when we finally split up- the reason we split up was my own, and was totally unrelated from the first time. I've since seen my mistake.

Long story short- I've done it, it works fine, sometimes it's just what you need.

Also you might note to yourself that you're not doing it simply because you "need time apart" or "it isn't working", but it isn't working BECAUSE you have these SPECIFIC ISSUES (your money and her school) that are in the way.

Ask yourself simply, and I know you'll be fine, "Without these specific issues, aren't things fine?"

And in a few months, when you are issue-free, all will be golden.

bermuDa

King's definition of a break sounds like a healthy step in this relationship, considering the circumstances. BMD needs time to dedicate to her studies, and having some time for that is a rational request.

It seems that it's not that the relationship is unhealthy, but she can't dedicate enough time to it that it might cause problems. Just keep in touch with her, she's worth keeping around

ps: my own little story about "breaks" that illustrates the importance of the understanding of the word. one of my first girlfriends calls me up a week after she tells me she loves me and says "I think we need a break." I knew she was a fanatic friends fan, and I'm familiar with the show's retarded dramas. this meant she wanted to sleep with someone else guilt-free. I told her that if she wants to break up with me she should just do so and stop playing games, so that's what she did. Wow that was more long-winded than I intended.

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sixate

Recently, yes.

I broke up with the girl I'm dating right now a little over 4 years ago. We liked each other, but for some reason it just wasn't working, so we both moved on. Oddly enough we ran into each other about 6 weeks ago, and everything just clicked, and things couldn't possibly be better. We laugh now about how dumb we both were because we've each changed/matured a lot.

Although, when we broke up it we weren't taking a break. We thought we were finished with each other. Weird as hell how things work out sometimes.