Attracting the wrong type...
 

Many of you currently know of my problem in one of my other posts... aboiut my wife possibly cheating on me currently.

I dunno if its me or what, but I seem to attract the cheating types?!? Almost every female that I've ever had a relationship with was either cheating on someone else, or cheating on me!

Is it possible that I'm just cursed?!

My first girlfriend was cheating on her S.O. My 2nd girlfriend dumped me about every other week for the new guy she met.
My 3rd girlfriend, whom I was close to, but we never really moved past friends, but came VERY close, was actually married, and had kids towards the end of our friendship! (It was a long distance relationship, so I guess that was pretty easy to hide)...

And now, I've got a wife that just can't seem to settle down...

Does anyone else have this problem, and what am I doing wrong?

Or am I just the only person that still believes in monogamy!?

Re: Attracting the wrong type...
 

Huh ? Am I reading that you were the one your first ex was with while cheating on her SO ?

And your 3rd GF was married ?

Maybe you should spend more time getting to know these women before deciding you want to persue a relationship with them.

Yeah.. you read that right... not that anything ever HAPPENED in any of the situations, besides my wife... but the first I dated for a month or so before I found out, and left. And the third I never found out... she just didn't want to commit, so I eventually left. Was recently doing google searches for people from my past when I found out that she was married before I moved away, and actually had a child while I was still talking to her... Was always wondering at the time why she'd disappear for weeks at a time... now I know.

And my wife and I dated for almost 2 years before getting married. After the wedding, things changed... or maybe I was just blind before...

<Shrug>

Maybe the problem is who YOU are attracted to, and not the other way around.

It could be to whom you are attracted.
It could also be that what you send out attracts people of this ilk.

You should ask yourself, "what characteristics am I generally attracted to?"
And you should ask yourself, "am I sending out signals that invite these kind of people? how can I change in order to attract the 'right' people?"

Yeah, I dated a lot of girls that cheated on me. I was just going for the wrong type, band groupies and party girls. Maybe you could identify a common thread in these girls (besides the cheating of course) and avoid these types. Hopefully though you and the wife will work things out and it will be a moot point.

dingdingdingdingding

Give the man a cigar.

The common denominator appears to be YOU. You could just have extraordinarily bad luck, but I'm guessing there's either some characteristic you (sub)consciously look for in a woman (needy? young? reluctant to commit? immature?) or some behavior you keep repeating in your relationships (though this seems less likely, since two of them were cheating with you on their SO's). What seems to be the common thread that you're not seeing? How have these women perceived you? Worth looking into.

Wow, life really knows how to hurt us sometimes, huh? It is amazing that we somehow keep bouncing back - but that doesn't make it hurt any less...

I can't help but think that it is a maturity issue with these women. They aren't mature enough to know what they want or to resist temptation, or to be serious and steadfast. Your problem is that you are attracted to these women and know how to find them out. It could also be "dumb" (bad) luck too. Definitely cruel fate either/both way(s).

I would see if you can find a woman to date on americansingles.com or date.com or udate.com -whatever all those online ones are. Those women WANT to meet someone serious and are sick of messing around. I would bet that those women know what they want and are less likely to fool around than the women you are finding elsewhere. - only thing I could think of...

Maybe, just do the opposite of whatever you were doing before to meet and choose women...
As George Castanza would say:

Waitress : Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.
George : Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever
worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna
on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted ... and a cup of tea.
Elaine : Well, there's no telling what can happen from this.
Jerry : You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon is the opposite
of tuna, 'cos salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.
George : Good for the tuna.

( A blonde looks at George )

Elaine : Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.
George : So what? What am I supposed to do?
Elaine : Go talk to her.
George : Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents,
don't approach strange women.
Jerry : Well here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being
intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.
George : Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.
Jerry : If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be
right.
George : Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it
for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do
something!

They are all the wrong type.

Re: Attracting the wrong type...
 

I don't mean to offend, but it sounds like you really don't believe in monogamy, given the past that you've shared with us. You mention cheating with one GF and having a long-term affair with another. I'm no psychologist, but this seems to be a pattern I've seen with people who have low self-esteem--they're attracted to unstable relationships because they don't think they deserve better, nor do they think they could do better if they tried.

I suggest you just cool it for a while. Chill out for about a year and realise that it's OK to be alone. It won't kill you. You sound kind of needy to me and that's a scary place to be. Calm down and relax and make some serious changes in your life. Stop doing what you have always done. Identify the kind of man you want to be and then become that man. Choose what you want to do in life and then pay for it. In commitment and determination and effort and truth. Stand up and be a man and quit hiding behind these women you are using to keep you from growing and doing what you know you need to.

I don't know about women who cheat. But I am cursed to attract women who are needy, thats probably just as bad. Just women who want all of your time and need something from you. Gets on my nerves any one who can help this guy please help me out as well. I think I am cursed.

This is coming from a person who had the same problem, so don't take any offence to what I have to say. Most likely the problem has been that you have dated the same type for so long, that is all you are attracted to. The easiest thing to do is to step away from the situation and stop seeing people who are already involved and figure out what you want because apparently you are just now figuring out what you want.

I say go gay. It seems like those are the relationships that show the most caring in these times, and the games that the bad people try to play with you will probably be patently obvious because it'll be men trying to run them.

Man, a lot of people are blaming you. I feel for ya. I don't think there is anything interwoven in our DNA to choose bad women. I've had friends/girl friends who ultimately haven't settled down. You can either be accepting or jealous. It really comes to a cross road right there. If she is cheating, because she has lost feelings for you that's one thing. But if she just wants to "play"...well fuck play with her. Maybe you guys could find new things sexually about your realationship, who knows. I may be coming from far left field on this one. But I've just witnessed in my own life with a friend, not a wife granted. But i'd say you have to come to a decision one way or the other soon, if you're gonna say stop/no, then do so, if you're gonna say "can I play too?" Then you better do that as well.

Good luck whichever way you choose, but I wouldn't blame yourself. That's like blaming yourself for having a bad car off the lot, if you don't know anything about cars. And I'll be honest with ya, any guy who knows women is fooling himself...

you want what you cant have

a fear of commitment and intimacy coupled with self loathing causes you to seek out a partnership that is doomed from the start

that way it ends before it gets to serious and there's a reason to break it off

/*psycho babble off

I've had bad luck with my past two relationships as well (fortunately I was not married though).

When I look back I think it could be that I attracted the wrong type of girl and myself was attracted by the wrong type of girl. Given that you're already married I wouldn't tell you to dump your wife.
But do confront her about it and find out if she's cheating on you or not. And if she is cheating, then definitely get rid of her and go to the doctor's to check whether she may have passed on some STD to you.

ten points