alpha

Once again the weekend is over and I'm back in the army from my holidays. Once again the weekend ended like it does every now and then.. me inbetween my girlfriends spread legs, angry and depressed because I couldn't do it. I couldn't get it up.

I suffer from prostatitis, an "infection" of the prostate which has caused me erection problems ever since I started having sex. Think about it, a 19 year old guy with erection problems. Is there anything more pathetic?

Anyways.. I've dated her for almost a year and a half, and always during our relationship I've had these problems. Usually there's no problem and the sex is even good. But too often I can't do it, and I can't help getting really angry and depressed about it.. My girlfriends so sweet and understanding but what's bothering me is that I want to be good to her, I WANT to be a good lover.. I used Viagra for a while which worked, but I don't wanna anymore.. Again, what's more pathetic than I guy under 20 using Viagra?

It's a vicious circle.. I can't get it up and I get depressed.. I can't get it up BECAUSE I'm depressed.

Somehow I always keep going, try to not think about it, try to concentrate on the essential (I know sex isn't everything in a relationship).. but now I just want this problem to go away. Doctors can't do anything about prostatitis.. they don't know enough. I'm not even sure if it's the main reason.. maybe it's mental now that it's gone this far.. and I really don't know what to do about it. I don't want this to ruin what I have.. I love my girlfriend so much. But I hate embarrasing myself again and again... Having to concentrate on your erection takes all enjoyment away from the sex...

I want to get over this.

filtherton

There's no shame in viagra. Or more accurately for you, there is less shame in viagra. If ditka can use it, than who is to say it lessens your manliness. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get what you want to do done. Especially if your condition has no viable treatment options. Otherwise if you think it is all in your head, go get some counseling.

Ustwo

Cases like this is why viagra was made.

Should have no problem getting it if you have a condition like that.

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skysooner

You are still young yet. Making love with a woman involves so much more than penetration. You might be focused too much on the erection. There is absolutely no shame in using Viagra. My wife had to use lubrication for a long time when she was on Paxil. It caused her to lose her libido a bit and getting her highly turned on was an issue.

I coach basketball from time to time, and I always tell my players that if they aren't hitting their shots on a particular night to refocus on the stuff that won't disappear on them (i.e. rebounding, defense and good passing). Inevitably when they start doing the other things well their shot comes back. I feel this is mental and applies to many things in life. Refocus on pleasing her in other ways (orally, touch, atmosphere, emotional connection) and the rest will get easier.

RoboBlaster

And if you are really interested in pleasing her, you don't exactly need your penis. For those times that you can "get it up," have fun. When thing aren't working so well, use the ole trusty tongue. Of course, this isn't a permanent fix, but it should keep things going well for her while you sort out the problems with Viagra/counseling.

Mephex

So the infection of your prostate is the cause of your recent impotence ? Or is it stress related ? I'm confused.

I've had this problem when I was younger, and only with a certain girl. I was feeling so inadequate, that I couldn't hold an erection, that's if I was able to have one in the first place.

If this is truly something to do with depression/anxiety. I'd suggest that you do a bit of "self exploration" and show yourself that you 'can' function on your own. Then, combine that with communcation, and less focus on you, more focus on her, and you'll be fine in no time. This is, to say, that you don't always suffer from your condition.

But damn, from what I'm reading about prostatitis, it seems that it's extremely painful! Thank you for sharing this, as I wasn't aware it existed, and I hope things turn out okay for you.

BCD

Take the Viagra. You have a medical condition; Viagra was made for this very reason.

ratbastid

Dr. ratbasitd's proscription: ELIMINATE the word "pathetic" from your vocabulary right freaking now.

There's nothing "pathetic" about a medical condition and its effects. There's nothing "pathetic" about using medication to treat a medical condition. That's what it's for.

This doesn't seem to be a problem for your girlfriend. Why make it a problem for you? Take the viagra and get to it!

irateplatypus

for gosh sakes man, don't be so hard on yourself.

i'm sure there are plenty of people with one dysfunction or another. plus, there are tons of guys with everything in working order, but no one to share it with. if you can't help it, then you can't help it. i know that getting over it easier said than done, but you've got a lot going for ya.

keep your chin up.

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jbrooks544

Let's see, you use viagra and the problem is fixed...

so, what's the problem?

If you had a headache, wouldn't you take aspirin - or something?

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and feel thankful that there is this wonderful little pill that you can take and fix all of or your problems. If you had a broken leg, wouldn't you get a cast put on it? There is no reason to feel "pathetic" because of a medical problem. You are very lucky to be here - and be otherwise healthy, happy and in a good relationship. Now go take a blue diamond and throw a bone in there for the rest of us!

Johnny Rotten

I envy you, dude. You got a sweet little lady, and you're in love with each other, and all you have to do is take a little pill to add the last piece to the puzzle.

Believe me, man, you have the difficult parts behind you. Would you rather be alone, horny, AND have this complication? Sheesh .

If only everything would fall into place if *I* took a pill .

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fhqwhgads

My thoughts exactly. You've got a medical condition. If you were having problems with your heart, you'd take your medicine and not think twice about it.

As with all problems in life, you can either hit it head on, or let is slowly eat away at you. I say hit it head on, and take the Viagra.

Not being able to "get it up" due to a medical problem does not make you less of a man. Tackling this problem and not letting it define you will make you stronger.

Good luck bro!

Rodney

I hear Cialis is pretty good -- comes faster than Viagra, lasts 36 hours. Known in France as "le weekender." If you can score some samples from an MD, check it out.

phathom

I tend to think that a bit of it might be mental. I know that when I first started having sex, I was really concentrating on it, my brain was in overload and I would have performance problems like not being able to cum when she was ready, or not being able to get it up like you said, but when you just relax, let your emotions and everything flow, it tends to release that tension and bring everything back into check. Also maybe don't do something sexual to get yourself arroused, but sensual, like giving her a nice warm oil massage, no matter her position if shes lying down once you became aroused you could just dive in right there and even continue the massage at the same time if you can multitask. Anyways, that's just my 2 cents as he said about basketball or anything get something else in check and everything else falls into play, positive reinforcement. You want to pleasure her, give her oral, finger her, play with her breasts, do what she likes, her moans of pleasure should be enough to get you going and then WHAM let it happen. Also no shame in Viagra at all, if it is a medical problem, that's what it's for. So use it.

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alpha

Thank you for the supportive messages, you guys are great. Many of you suggested Viagra but I still want to try to fix this without it. I do think that at least some part of my problem is in my head and I've got to be patient to get rid of it. Like I said, usually the sex is good so the problem can't be only physical.

Also, the last few weeks we've had to use a condom but now she's back on the pill which I'm happy about. I hate condoms, when using one I have to concentrate on getting hard more than without one.. and I like sex more better without one so it's great to finally get rid of them again.

What makes things difficult is that we only see each other on weekends, so when I fuck it up I think about my failure over and over again during the week, and be stressed about it the next time I see her.. thank god my service in the army lasts only till July.

You guys gave me a lot to think about, I'm glad there's a place like this where I can talk about anything because I really don't have anyone besides my girlfriend who I can talk about this with.

I'll try to be patient and not worry about what others might think of my situation. Hopefully things will get better with time.

water_boy1999

Bro, you are not alone. I don't have a medical condition and I have no problems now, but when I was younger and just learning about sex, I sometimes had difficulty getting it up. I thought it was a problem so I stressed about it till it became more of a problem. It can be very trying on a man's emotions when his "manhood" is put to the test and fails a few times. Don't sweat it dude! Don't think about it. You are so lucky to have a gilr you love and loves you back.

One suggestion I remember reading years ago dealt with my own personal relationship with my hand...yes, masturbation. It mentioned that I should vary the grip on my penis sometimes as to not get used to cumming when I had the death-grip choke hold on it. It mentioned varying the speed at which I took the strokes as well so I could get used to longer sessions and have more control of the sensations. I know it sounds goofy, but I actually did practice it and now I am a god in bed! lol

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AfterBurn

Hey look at it this way, at least you can get girls to open their legs for you ;P

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