Zorvox

Well, I am once again.. victim of confusion!

Well, I guess everyone has suffered this and all that but.. yeah... every situation is different hey ! - but anyway, just want some advice on a few things.. or perhaps answers hehe.

Lets see... there is a girl, called "melony" (just for names sake), I havn't known her for long, but ever since I met her, I have practically spent alot of time with her, in the morning, at college and after college.

I like her, she is cool as.. she is cute, she's your mate - she speaks to you.. and around her, I feel really shy.. perhaps even nervous.., she is fun to be around and I enjoy spending time with her..

Hmm, how can I say this.. well, when we are together.. it sort of feels like we are together or something.. like, we will wait at the traffic lights to cross the road, and i'll be standing behind her.. she'll then lean back onto me - another e.g. we were in a shop by ourselves and she grabbed my arms and put them around her stomache..

Now don't get me wrong, having a girl that you like do that, does bring a bit of ease to the mind when you are thinking about the person and what to do say / next?... especially when you are fond of them..

I don't know her that well.. but I feel asif I know a lot about her, who she is, her past and what she's about.. but then again, I hardly know anything.

I have a few concerns.. firstly, she seems to have alot of "ex boyfriends" and by alot.. i mean well, heh alot.. I don't know how many exactly of course, but alot of people she introduced me to - they went out with her.

She was with a guy I know for a year.. which gives me the impression that she can hold onto a relationship.. or something like that.

A few times, when she's around her friends she speaks .. a little weird? i.e. "when I go out, I want a smoke, a good drink.. and a good root".. I mean fair enough, but it just doesn't sound right when she says it, or how she says it.. like today she said to me "I won't shit you, I like sex and when I want it.. I want it, it should be spontaneous for both sides" or something like that.

I was in a relationship not too long ago.. and have approached this one, well... a little more educated? I feel like i'm on the defence or something ?? I am saying things I usually wouldn,t, and I am really shy around her.. and sort of find it a little hard to be myself.. I think it's just because I like her.. and I dunno where we stand.

Like yesturday and today at college, before she went to her classes, I got a nice little kiss on the lips and a goodbye.. blah blah, when she says gbye to some of her male friends, she kisses them on the cheek... which makes me feel special :P.. I can feel something there, but I don't know what's going on.. I feel like it's only from me, but then when I think of what has happend, I think *nah, she wouldn't do that if she didn't*

We went to the beach today by ourselves and 30 minutes passe din 30 seconds.. the time just flew, we just sat down and spoke for a little bit about who we have been with, what happend who they were and what we want.. although I didn't get my turn.

She had some good points and all that..

I know who I am, and what I want..

I want a girl, that I can just laze around with on the couch and watch TV, a girl that I can go to sleep next to, wake up next to, a girl I can take out, a girl that I can be with my mates around, have fun with, party with.. all that stuff.

But I don't want a full on thing, take things slow..

I don't know why.. I really like this girl, I think she is awesome.. she is the type of girl that I imagine could be my girlfriend, but my best friend too.. and I am sort of scared whether to get involved, because I feel so unsure about what will happen.. I don't want to just be another name on the list...

I want something meaningful and lasting..

Like today, I went to HER bus stop, to get on the bus with her and her friend, so I left earlier and walked to her stop.. we got on the bus went to school etc, she waited around for 3 hours for me until I finished.. then we went back down towards our places, she changed.. (infront of me), well she was completely topless at one stage.. she didn't say look away (i don't think), but she turned around.. so she wasn't facing me... I won't deny it.. I was looking .

Then we came up to my place, I introduced her to the people and then my friend (her friend too) came and picked her up and took her to a party.., I didn't go.. wasn't invited even.. I dunno, I am sort of missing her lol..

Now I feel like she will be at the party, living it up, letting things loose and probably getting laid or what not.. I dunno, I feel like I wanna explain things, but will feel like an idiot if there's nothing there.

I don't love her or anything, but I am certainly interested in her as a person, and I would love to take her out, do things with her.. spoil her even.. I wanna move things along.. not now, but I sort of want a way to suggest, that I am interested in something with her, but not to rush into it, be friends -- not bf/gf, just friends.. who flirt, kiss whatever.. but like take an oath not to do anything with anyone else????

We will be talking to one another, and she'll move in all close to me, rub her nose against mine and stuff, with my ex.. I would like wrap my arms around her, kiss her.. and just be myself, now I just stand there, smile and laugh and stuff... It's weird.. I am so lost!

So I dunno what the go is, or what's going to happen, or even.. what to do.. she lives about a 5 minute walk away from me tomorrow.. I would love to see her, but I feel like if I went down there.. it would be a bit full on.. after spending hte last 3 days straight with her or what?

I feel like I am not reading the signals??? if there are any??? like all I wanna do is be all over her and stuff.. but it seems completely wrong when I want to do it, so I don't.

Help?!?!

Heh, I feel so weird

I just don't wanna fuck myself up.. or screw shit up.. I want this girl, she is AWESOME FUN to be with, she makes me laugh and well, makes me really shy :P - but she is cool... and everything.. feels so..... um.. well I dunno.

I want to explain things, but can't word it correctly.. I am scared

Cheers

bing bing

She will break your heart my fellow Aussie. I was in a very similar situation with my best chick friend and the sooner i got myself out of love with her, the better.

You also don't know what it is you want. You want her but you don't want her ex-boyfriends and her promiscuity.

Mettler

Oh dear... one of those girls.

You need to find out damn quick whether you're on her friends ladder or her sex ladder... looks to me like you're on her friends ladder.

Mephex

I really don't know what you expect to get out of a relationship with a girl like that. Granted, she's fun, she's full of life, and she makes you feel special.

I suggest, you let your gut feelings take control, and keep your distance. I know you know what I'm talking about, and I know you know the feeling. She is dangerous to you. She will use you and throw you away like the ones she's left in her wake.

You can be a cuddly, sweet, thoughtful person, and the fact that your harmless doesn't hurt either. But you need to focus on something else, thinking about her, analyzing her every action towards you, it's just leading to disaster.

Disconnect yourself, let her make you happy, but don't get involved. Let her have her fun with you if you like, but don't let her have your heart.

Just my 2 bits.

blizzak

if you haven't already, read plan9's thread on getting girls 101. Or if you don't wanna read it, I can try and tell my take on what's going on.

Basically, right now she is controlling the situation. She's making a lot of friends with guys, and she could pull one of them in any time for a relationship. What you have to do is stop focusing on just her; if you guys go out, make sure you talk to other girls. Don't just focus on her, have a good time, have fun and you'll find that she might start to take more of a liking to you. By just focusing on her, and by you two not being in a serious relationship, you are making yourself look less confident and less attractive and more like a wimp. But you're not a wimp, you're a man, and you gotta show her this.

So get away from just looking at her and enjoy life...if something happens it happens. If you get too close into the friend zone though, you'll never get into a relationship with her unless you somehow manage to jump ladders, and that's not an easy thing.

so just take it easy, live, and see what develops

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Zorvox

cheers people :] it all made sense

and im gonna be careful :P

gabshu

uhmm, signals, yeah. she wants you it could be something serious or you might just get laid. go for it with a little caution, but go for it.

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kurty[B]

blizzak has good advice.

This is in my view, so you don't have to take any heed whatsoever. My best friend, is one of these girls. Extremely playful, extremely lively, fun to be around, and loves to flirt, even does things that make you think she's very interested and she may very well be. When I first met this girl I never even thought of her in a sexual manner, more like a sister to me, and so I never second guessed her actions, or tried to tie hidden meanings to every hug and kiss even. We partied together, were snowboarding buddies for two full seasons (60+ days of snowboarding each season), experimented with drugs together, and even fondled each other (that was the real test of our friendship), after that situation blew over we realized we're best friends and that sexual attraction is simply an after thought, I like her more as a friend. She's introduced me to two long-time girlfriends, by the way.

Back to talking about her though, and not us. I've watched her over the years flirt with men. Entices them, plays with their minds and hearts, teases them. She'll even break it down for me afterwards "Oh, I want this guy so bad, he's so hot!", and she'll play with them, and play with them, get what she can out of them and then toss them aside for the next best thing. Or, (I've had a problem with this and confronted her about it), she'll pick out a guy that she can get something out of, alcohol, fancy things, merely material things, tease them, pull them along, let them poor themselves and their attraction to her just to get what she wants from them. She'll make it seem like she's truly interested, flirt, hugs, and what not, get what she wants and then right when she realizes she won't be getting any more, or loses interest she'll right in front of their face move on to the next guy. You can watch girls do this in bars... I've seen her do this to the manager of a rock-climbing gym (although I didn't complain, both her and I had free access to the gym for six months while she was dating him). Basically, I never had interest in her, and after I saw how she treated boys/men/possible boyfriends I didn't really want anything to do with that aspect of her life anyway.

To describe myself a little, I'm not much of one to get played. If I feel that genuine love (not sexual, but simply generosity and compassion) from a girl I'll bend over backwards for her, do anything for her, but as soon as I feel she's simply playing a game I take a step back and really look at the situation. Sometimes I wonder if I'm on the defensive a little too much. Don't hand this girl your heart... Again, do what blizzak says, don't focus everything, your thoughts and all on her, socialize with other girls, sure you still may be more intriqued with her, and lust/love (whatever you want to call it) after her more than others, but don't make her your sole desire. I must also add in, the girl I described above, she's changed a lot over the years, she's grown, and she has been in a serious relationship for two years now (sure had her ups and downs, and during the downs she tended to go back to her old ways), but putting things in her perspective she's only playing the field till she found someone she could really confide in... Keep that in mind. While you might set your mind on this girl, she might have her mind set on finding what's best for her, and while you may be on her list of top options, doesn't mean her mind is focused on you as yours is on her.

rockzilla

I've learned the same thing as kutry[B], except I had to go out with the girl for 2 years before figuring out that we should be friends (she's now my best friend, and I like it much better that way). Like he said, she's playing the field just as much as you are (or should be).
If you're looking for something meaningful and lasting, you probably won't find it with her, but if you play your cards right, you might have some fun, or you'll have a lady friend who can indroduce you to some of her hot friends.

Johnny Rotten

She's either sowing her wild oats, or she'll always be that way. Judging by her history, though, I'd say she's just one of those girls who gets what she wants. It'll be fun for a while...if you don't get emotional about her. But--and this may be a stretch, granted--she wants you to get emotional about her. It sounds like that is her ultimate goal with all the guys she's been involved with. Pull them in like fish, then toss them back. And she may be all the more persistent if you start playing it cool. She may find herself actually getting emotional about you.

But you know what? That's not the right reason to start a relationship. If you have to walk away for her to respond like you'd wanted her to originally, that usually leads to emotional game playing on both sides, down the road. Not healthy.

Maybe she'll get burned by some guy and reconsider the way she deals with guys, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

This situation sounds more difficult than it's worth.

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Plan9Senior

You have already stuck yoruself into the friends category, you more then likely are not getting out of this category. I hope for your sake you haven't read my thread about how to get girls because you are doing absolutely everything wrong. To top it off, you now have One-Itus with a girl that you aren't even hooking up with .

As my friends would say, "Man up Zorvox!".

unoaman

"Disconnect yourself, let her make you happy, but don't get involved. Let her have her fun with you if you like, but don't let her have your heart." (quote from Mephex, but I must not understand how "quotes" work...)

Absolutely true, looks like you are getting some good advice here Zorvox. Probably kinder advice than I would give...I would say screw her socks off, and head for the hills, because thats what she is going to do if you don't beat her to the punch. Might be good for her to have the tables turned...

noodles

well, since this thread was dug up, i'm kind of interested in the outcome so far, i remember reading it when it was fresh

honestly if i didn't know any better i'd say he was talking about a girl that i know; the situation sounds exactly the same as what was going on between me and her. we dated for a bit, she dumped me, just like the long line of guys before. girls like this are bad news if you're looking for anything long-term or worth investing emotions into.

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raiders4610

you guys r friends?