Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

“I’m in show business. I look at my boobs like they’re show horses or show dogs. You have to keep them groomed.”
Dolly Parton

“The function of muscle is to pull and not to push, except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.”
-Leonardo Da Vinci (1425–1519),

Sex on the beach is great... it just takes too long for a corpse to wash up.

“Oral sex should be an Olympic sport, because it's harder than curling and if you're any good at it you deserve a medal.”

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

"Personally I know nothing about sex because I have always been married."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
-Gloria Leonard

"There's no shortage of pussy- it's just the delivery system that's messed up."
-Dr. Roy V. Schenk

"When the lights are out, all women are beautiful."

"It is not true that sex degrades women... if it is any good."
-Alan Partridge

"Sex is like a bridge game; if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."

"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
-Emo Phillips

"Chastity is curable, if detected early."

"The penis mightier than the sword."
-Mark Twain

"If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast."

"Sex is dirty only if it's done right."
-Woody Allen

"No sex is better than bad sex."
-Germaine Greer

"My husband's German. Every night I get dressed up as Poland and he invades me."
-Bette Midler

"Give a man free hands, and you'll know where to find them."
-Mae West

"The art of life lies in taking pleasures as they pass, and the keenest pleasures are not intellectual, nor are they always moral."
-Aristippus

"Proof is arbitrary... unless we're talking about sexual gratification."

"Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie."
-William Shakespeare

"It's the good girls that keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time."
-Tallulah Bankhead

"Give me chastity and continence- but not yet."
-Saint Augustine

"Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite."

"I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now."

"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
-Groucho Marx

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant."
-Henry Miller

"If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?"
-Bette Midler

"If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter."
-George Carlin

"In the nineteenth century masturbation was a disease; in the twentieth, it is a cure."

"Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring."
-S. J. Perelman

"It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up."
-Joan Rivers

"From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it."
-Bette Davis

"Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got."
-Sophia Loren

"Every so often, I try to masturbate a large word into conversation, even if I'm not really sure what it means."

"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."

"Sex multiplies the possibilities of desire."

"Cunnilingus is next to godliness."
-Kali Nichta

"The web is a dominatrix. Every where I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit."
-Nytwind

"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."
-Woody Allen

"The brain is viewed as an appendage of the genital glands."
-Carl Jung

"My brain is my second favorite organ." -Woody Allen

"Apparently one can temporarily sterilize oneself by heating one's organs in boiling water."
-Annonymous British Teenager

"Some things are better than sex, some things are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it."
-W. C. Fields

"No one has ever died from an overdose of pornography."
-J. Money and P. Tucker

"It'll be a sad day for sexual liberation when the pornography addict has to settle for the real thing."
-Brendan Francis

"A man must be potent and orgasmic to ensure the future of the race. A woman only needs to be available."
-Masters and Johnson

"Healthy, lusty sex is wonderful."
-John Wayne

"I have brains and a uterus, and I use both."
-Pat Schroeder

"Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing."
-Charles Bukowski

"Censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself."
-Potter Stewart

"It is better to be unfaithful than to be faithful without wanting to be."
-Brigitte Bardot

"An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card."
-Alex comfort

"Sex is emotion in motion."
-Mae West

"The angle of the dangle is equally proportional to the heat of the meat provided that the urge to surge remains constant."

"I consider sex a misdemeanor, the more I miss, de meaner I get."
-Mae West

"Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself."

"Hacking is like sex. You get in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can be traced back to you."

"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer."