insidious_machinae

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ariekitten

i was raised with strong "values" about how sex is wrong unless you are married. maybe if she could talk to a counselor (not necessarily a shrink) about the psychological aspect of how she views sex. i imagine she wants to be able to enjoy sex with you, but i can understand what you described happening to her. i think it's just a matter of becoming personally ok with that aspect of her life, and realizing it's a natural beautiful act and it doesn't have to be ugly or wrong.

i've had to really fight with my inner self to deal with the issues of my upbringing and whatnot, but i ultimately had to find out what my values were apart from my parents, and i decided i didn't believe sex was wrong before marriage. hope that helps, and if i just sound like a ranting idiot, you can just ignore me. hope it all works out for you two.

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LaughinMon

answer to first question is a no

as for the second question it probably is the result of her morale/religious upbringing as you have guessed yourself.

i know that for the first times after i whacked off i felt all guilty about it because i was taught that it was wrong in catholic education class that i took when i was younger.

it isnt an uncommon thing to feel this way about doing just about anything if it contradicts what you were told when you were being raised. but it isnt at all a permanent thing and i think arie's suggestion of a counselor would help alot.

just remember to be supportive and reinforce the idea that sex isnt a bad thing

ubertuber

Your scar is completely normal, but most men don't ever notice it. The way you described it made it sound more major than it really is. The damn thing even has a name, but I can't recall it off the top of my head.

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Redlemon

Agreed, the scar is normal (you probalby should have made this two threads).

Regarding your girlfriend crying... sounds like she had a flashback to something very bad in her past, perhaps abuse or rape. I don't think it had anything to do with you, but something was triggered there that brought her back. I had a friend in college who would flash back to a time she was forcably abducted as a young teenager.

Please, a psychologist would probably be for the best. I wish you both the best of luck.

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:::OshnSoul:::

I've unfortunately been there once before myself. Then I decided to step back and examine my life. Then I realized: I've got two sides- one, it feels so good and not wrong- two, it's bad and sinful to be doing this before marriage. Soon I decided that I will do what I feel is right and good to me, regardless of how I had been brought up.
The best thing for her to do, is what like everyone else has suggested- seeing a therapist. Hopefully it can uncover and resolve any bottled-up confusion or pain she may have from the past. But- best thing to do in your situation, as a suggestion, is to just be there for her and don't push the sex thing. I know it's hard, but respect her needs. Things will get better, regardless.

wilbjammin

I wouldn't just say "don't push the sex thing", I'd say to give it a considerable break... even if she thinks it will be ok soon, that guilt will get to her afterwards. Seeing a therapist is a good idea, but beyond that take special efforts to show her that its her that you like, not just having sex with her. It could be many things that caused this, and jumping to conclusions isn't a good idea because you might not end up addressing the real issue. Just be careful, patient, and let her know that you're going to stick around.

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Slims

Ok, if she starts doing that, you need to stop whatever it is that you are doing and give her some space.

I am willing to bet money that she was sexually abused in the past.

Ask her about it, but don't push.

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Craven Morehead

I think maybe la petite moi should seek out someone to discuss this with, someone that know about this more than we do. She's experiencing some intense reactions and you and her do not want her to associate sex with this in the future. See if you can find a good counselor on campus (I assume you're in college), one that she can feel comfortable with and open up to.

Slims

This thread bugged me a little so I searched La Petit Moi's previous posts, to see if I could find anything that might give you (and us) a little insight. ...

here are some lines La Petite Moi wrote:

"I have changed some. I used to have MAJOR problems with myself. I would self-mutilate in any form possible. I still get depressed and have unhappy bad thoughts, but my Lover helps me through my bad times...in memory, or by my side. =)"

and:

"I get flashes of death in my head...like, shooting myself in the back of the throat, or slitting my arm open. The only person that knows when I do usually is my lover. I'm sure he wants them to stop. I do too. But I always feel it. However, I'm still young, so it's probably just emotions.

My suicidal thoughts go a few years back. I got them a lot when I had eating disorders. I didn't think I had the strength or the will to live. I took too many pills, made myself sick for a few days. I cut my arms open in a weak attempt to get help, though I just refused any that came to me. I finally looked for a gun, held it to my head, and hoped it was loaded as I pulled the trigger. Thank god it wasn't, because now I have the most beautiful person in my life. =)"

and:

"Cutting was a form of expression for me, and a way of coping with problems. .."

and I had to dig, but this thread just about says it all:

Thread Link

Where she writes:
and
So, I guess I was right about her being abused. My several people close to me were sexually abused as children (though not by family) and they had problems that almost exactly parallel those she described above.


The single biggest piece of advice I can give you is to restrain yourself. If she is curling up into a ball after sex, or during, etc. you need to stop doing whatever it is that is causing her to do that. She probably isn't ready yet.



Edit: Oh, one more thing. She mentioned that she was abused until she was 15. In another post (probably the reason she was banned), La Petite Moi said that she was 17. If she was abused for 15 out of her 17 years of life, she hasn't really had much time to get over her issues, or to at least learn to live with them.

I doubt she will be willing to go see a psychologist, but it is ok to ask her.

If she is unwilling to go see one, you can contact one yourself and see if they can give you any constructive advice.

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

motdakasha

a) all fetuses start off female in the womb. it isn't until the late in the pregnancy that fetuses start developing into males. that scar is from when your labia majora were coming together to form a scrotum. this all happened naturally in the womb, so there's nothing to worry about. all guys have it.

b) listen to greg. sounds like she's having subconscious reactions/flashbacks. she needs counseling or therapy, and you should support her through it all.

Edit: It's the labia majora, not minora.

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insidious_machinae

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SecretMethod70

wow, well, I was going to reply to this but greg pretty much covered everything. Listen to him, and I'd show la petite moi what he said too. She definitely needs some sort of therapy - and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Sounds like her past has caused some serious issues.

As for that line, motdakasha covered it. It's called the perineal something-or-other.

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analog

Love, love, love, and counseling. Greg hit it on the head. HUGE abuse/guilt issues here, be there for her as much as possible.

iamnormal

Has she been under more stress in the past couple of days before the night you two had sex?

Sounds like stress + bad past + chemical imbalance in the brain = to what happen.
What happen may have been a panic attack.

FallenAvatar

Is it a scar or a strech mark?

ratbastid

Greg700 has this one covered.

I just want to ask you to let la petite moi know there are people here who miss her and are thinking of her, and that we look forward to seeing her again... after her birthday.

All the best to both of you.