Should dating change your behaivoer
 

If your dating


has your so changed your behaivoer have you changed theirs


and is it healthy to allow a so to change your behaoiver


i will chime in later but frist i want some of your thoughts

I think it is fine for your behavior to change somewhat. A lot of stuff I didn't like about myself changed because of my girlfriend. I am less shy, I worry about things less, and I try a little harder to look less like a bum.

I haven't lost anything I like about myself, and in fact like myself more. I think this isn't really a black or white issue.

I have changed some. I used to have MAJOR problems with myself. I would self-mutilate in any form possible. I still get depressed and have unhappy bad thoughts, but my Lover helps me through my bad times...in memory, or by my side. =)

I don't really see how a so would change anyones behaviour. I see a so just like any other friend except the only difference is that you can have sex, be more open to your boyfriend/girlfriend. I've had 4 girlfriends my entire life and I don't think any of them changed me or had any impact on me at all but I have had a few friends that have had.

I tend to become a nice guy when I'm dating someone. The "asshole" goes back into my head for a little while and I get all romatic and... annoying.


It's a natural change. Most people start think for two. You can't only do what's best for you anymore. I hate that part.

Ah, but when you find that person with whom thinking for two IS doing what's best for you... Well, marry her, that's all I have to say about it.

Incidentally, this is really a relationship question, and so probably belongs in Tilted Sexuality...

Dating someone is a big change in your life, so it is only logical that it would have a big impact on your behaviour. I'm sure it would be an ego-boost to know that someone cares about you like that and there is security in this.

Should it? Try and keep it from happening. If you don't change naturally and start "thinking for two", it's not a relationship yet.

Well, if you ask me, as far I'm concerned, there's 2 different kinds of "Dating". There's I've-Only-Met-Her dating and We're-In-A-Relationship dating.

If I just started dating this chick, I'd be on my best behavior, after all they do like your "good" side. When the dating part moves beyond into a relationship, that's when I show my true self. But sometimes the first few dates can actually permeantly change my attitude and that's reflected in the relationship kind of dating.

Damn, I gave myself headaches...

I would like to think that being in a relationship should change people's behavior. After all, when you're not in a relationship, then your only obligation is to look out for your own best interests.

But being in a relationship brings with it the obligation to take your partner into account, to determine how your actions (or inaction) will effect the other person. If for some reason this isn't happening, then I really couldn't hold out much hope for the survivability of it all.

This does not mean that there should be an effort made to change what makes a person fundamentally unique. You don't like certain things about your partner? Either learn to love these little "quirks" or else re-think your compatibility.

But, as always, it's just IMHO.

One thing I recommend everyone not to do when you get in a relationship. Don't stop being friends with your friends. Most of my friends who have girlfriends now stopped talking to me or don't talk to me much anymore. When I had a girlfriend, I would always make an effort to hang out with my friends, but they never did. It fucking pisses me off. So don't be like them, you might regret it later.

Speaking of "shoulds"...

I find it interesting that the general consensus on this thread is that it's perfectly normal for dating to change your behavior (well, aside from AfterBurn). Yet over on the other related thread (http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=40613) people are just as adamant that while it's ok to ask for advice, you should definitely make your own decisions.

Which is where the issue comes in. Problem is, even the most compatible relationship is still going to have a few areas of conflict. Sometimes you're faced with the choice between hurting and possibly losing someone you love, and betraying a part of yourself. While I think it's natural to change minor aspects of yourself when you're dating someone, it's critical not to change anything you know you'll regret later. If the person you are now would be horrified with the person you'd become if you change yourself, don't. Sounds obvious, sure, but that can be a lot harder to see if you're in the middle of that kind of conflict and not seeing how any good can come for either one of you if you do lose your s.o.

In the end it's a cost-benefit analysis, but people can be all too good at rationalizing. Sometimes the only answer is to trust your gut.

Damn this man is smart! :)

I have to agree and disagree with what wry1 says. I think that when you fall in love with someone you fall in love with them with your eyes open. You realize their good points yet you realize their bad as well, and you accept the bad with the good.

If you go into a relationship thinking to change that person....then you are not going into it with the same person you fell in love with.

You do however have to accept the idea that you will take your SO's considerations into account. If you love them and you know that your doing a particular action will hurt them....you won't do it. So yes, relationships do require some give and take on both parts....but as far as trying to change yourself - then I think you are just trying to hide your true nature. And you know what....after 10 or 20 years of being together - your true nature is bound to show. As far as trying to change someone else....don't. You might as well put them in a little prison and take on the position of warden. You either love that person and accept them or you don't.

I see things in black and white!