ex-girlfriend showing up wanting sex
 

Why does this happen? I'm really sick with a gross cold, minding my own business and she wants to hang out and help me because I'm sick. She has a boyfriend, and so I figure it isn't a big problem. She shows up and is all over me from the second she got here. I didn't reciprocate anything, and by the time she left I was feeling really creeped out. She made blatant remarks about wanting to have sex with me many times. Is there a point when this stops? It really bothers me that she would do this when she has a boyfriend. I think I need to stay the hell away from her.

<i>edit:</i>

I should add that this not at all like how she was 5 months ago and earlier before we broke up and while we broke up. This is a definite big change in behavior. A big part of its creepiness.

I'd recommend just telling her to leave you alone, if that wouldn't/doesn't work, tell her boyfriend about it or get a restraining order on her if she is really bothering you.

Just tell her you don't want to hang out if all she wants is sex. She should get the message quite easily. Oh, and make sure her boyfriend isn't able to kick your ass, in case she goes and complains to him. lol

speak softly and carry a big stick.

If she wants to hang out so she can spend time with you make it a group outing....safety in numbers!

As far why it happens and when it stops... i can only guess. Maybe she's one of those girls who is never happy with what she has and always wants what she can't have. I have an ex who still makes comments about us having sex. We dated in hs and never had sex (both of us have now). He broke up with me on a beach trip after about 8 mos. of dating b/c he was gay. We're still friends and talk quite often. He.. again (this is only like the millionth time).. is confused about his sexuality and would like to know what having sex with a girl would be like. Instead of choosing one of the thousands of girls on his campus he decided to tell me we should hook up. Boys.......

I'd stay away from her. Sounds like she has some serious issues, and her having a boyfriend does NOT help either... Maybe she's just out to hurt him for some odd reason, and you should not let yourself be used, in that case.

Stay away until she figures out what the hell she wants.
Because if you're uncomfortable with this, then you'll definitely be uncomfortable with anything that comes next.

Avoidance is key. If you're a good liar, you can taste of the fruits again and try to get her in trouble with the new boyfriend for revenge, but you have to be very careful to come out on top. It's easier to not pick up the phone.

Good luck.

This is definately the best response :)

Maybe her new boyfriend just doesn't satisfy her in bed. Being the booty call couldn't be all too bad unless there is a lot of emotional baggage, which it sounds like there is.

Honestly, I would just stay quiet and let her drift away from you. Create a list of excuses that you can use, like they did on Seinfeld once.

Sexual satisfaction based on a purely physical relationship only lasts for so long. It is the emotional stuff that goes on behind the scenes that determines long-term satisfaction. I can only guess that her new relationship isn't what she though it would be (or she has some deep-seated low esteem issues) that causes her to want what she can't have (the ex-boyfriend). Either way, to sleep with her would be a big mistake. Allowing her to hang out would be a big mistake given all the possible consequences. Just tell her flat out that if she wants to be friends that is fine, but you will not have sex with her unless you two are back in a committed relationship. Don't take this to mean that I don't believe in sex outside of relationships (i.e. when neither person wants a committed relationship), but in this particular case, it is very difficult to go back and forth with someone that you were once committed to (and now has someone else involved in their lives) without getting hurt (emotionally or physically).

Was she very distant sexually with you? Maybe she likes the break up sex better, and was doing that when you were together? But if you want her to leave you alone, then tell her, but be nice about it, unless she doesn't get the hint. Definately don't give it to her, or she'll be hanging on <B>Forever!</B>

she wasn't sexually distant...

Well, I broke up with her and she took it hard. Finally she started seeing why it wasn't working out and she said that she didn't want to be with me again. And then suddenly said she started missing me again as a friend... Right. I actually thought she'd be over me by now, she has a boyfriend, she seemed to have gotten her life together (I'm not so sure now), but she definitely doesn't need me at all. I don't know what she's thinking, maybe she isn't thinking at all. I really don't want to know. I'll just stick with being alone and suffering from the "rebound" relationship I got in that failed terribly. Ugh... weakness. I think I need to retreat to my Fortress of Solitude for a while. Right now it seems that girls are just trouble for me.

Yeah I made the mistake of having X-sex. It was good and all, not what I remembered. But for years she called and even became "freinds" with my mom. Then I moved out of state and was traveling back there one day and ended up seeing her again after like 4 years. We ended up sleeping together but not having sex. Her husband was not too happy and she ended up getting pregnant with him like a week or so later so it looked like it could have been mine, but wasn't but he did not know that and anyway they ended getting divorced a year later or so. But she STILL calls me! its been 7 years.

I would never suggest having ex-sex, unless you think that you are likely (75%) to get back together. It puts those emotional ties back on both of you and can cloud the reasons why you broke up in the first place. If you two split, there had to be a good reason for it.

Remember, in ALL relationships, you either break up or you get married. And then, you either stay married or you get divorced. There are not a lot of options.

If you are broken up, stay that way. Flings have this nasty way of coming back and haunting you.

If she says she is missing you as a friend, that translates roughly as "i need someone to treat me like a princess and i can't find a guy to do it. i know you will treat me well, especially if i give you sex." If she holds such a low opinion of sex, think of how low of an opinion she holds of you.

Sex with ex = Very Bad.

I did it once, and within 12 hours I had mutual friends asking me when we had started dating again. It took me all of five minutes to get on the phone to clarify that situation.

"I just want to fuck" somehow came to mean "I want to be together forever and always" about two minutes after the act was completed. It's women like that that can give the rest of the gender a bad name.

I reccomend you fuck her. Go for the dirty sanches.

Yeah my old ex wanted to just have sex with me after we broke up.

But here is why we broke up. She was messing around when we were together with another guy. Too bad her roommate clued me in on the situation. Anyway we broke it off, and then she finds out she got some STD from the guy she was having an affair with.

The ex tried to pass it to me. Again I was luckly I was still friends with her roommate. She told me about what she caught from the frat boy. Because I think I would have gotten back with the ex.

Cover that thing if you are really going to hit it with your ex.....

Repeat after me: Sex with Ex = Bad.
Have her repeat after you: Sex with Ex = Bad.

It sounds like she wants to use you as a reason for something. Maybe she's unhappy with her current relationship. Whatever her reasons, it sounds like bad news to me.

P.S. the quote is actually "Speak softly and carry a big stick, you will go far," but that's just me being anal. it's an African proverb that Roosevelt made popular in the US.

Just because I'm a guy doesn't mean that I have no control over my sex drive. If anything, I'm not the kind of guy to have sex with anyone if I'm not feeling committed to her. I simply refuse to go the route of objectication of others and myself (which both would be true if I had sex with her) out of philsophical reasons. I'm strong enough to handle that; it just sucks that my dealings with women have come to me basically having to defend myself. What this is accounting to is that I'm going to basically have to lose her as a friend because she isn't being mature enough to handle a friendship. That is the real issue for me, not whether or not I should have sex. The answer is definitely "no!". This is why the Fortress of Solitude is looking like a good place to return to for a while, I can always trust myself at least.

Have sex with her and then say you don't want to see her anymore.

IMO don't do it. Break up sex is one thing -- you break up, have sex, go your seperate ways. But having continuous sex with an ex, only leads to a stagnant life for the both of you.

I had a buddy (it always starts out like that, right?) who had sex with his ex for almost a year after they broke up. They dated other people, had relationships, but always had random sex with each other. One person is always going to be more attached than the other -- so even if you rationalize it and say that you're just going to 'hit it.' be wary of what kind of emotional signals you're sending her. Also be sure to wrap your salami -- if she's messing around with other people, you never know what you could get.

again, its just not worth it.

This happened to me near end of high school. I had gone out with girl for several years. I was her first. She then got another boyfriend, fooled around with a few guys and got a little slutty for a short while. She came back wanting sex and we had at it and it was great. She later broke up with that guy and we fooled around on and off for years. It was great. Nothing wrong with a little casual sex. You will get over any creepiness when you are banging her. She isn't married to the guy so it isn't real cheating. Go for it, it might turn out great!

Just remember the old song: 'All me exes live in Texas/ That's why I live in Tennessee...'

Update on the situation:

She's online telling me that seeing me made her doubt her relationship with her boyfriend, even though I didn't do anything. Then she goes on to tell me that she's proud that she wasn't in a relationship for 4 months after I dumped to which I replied "yeah, but you were having sex well before I was"

Followed by blah-blah-blah justifying the sex because she didn't enjoy it, etc. Oh, but now she sees sex as an "act of love". She thanked me for "helping her" realize this. How I did that, I have no idea. I hardly spoke to her. Well, hopefully she'll want to stay away from me now. I won't be so lucky, most likely...

Weird.

sounds like bullshitt to me

Acquire moderate, treatable std.

Apply to said ex-ladyfriend.

Take pills.

Voila, no more ex problems.

*tongue very much in cheek*

You didn't tell us she was psycho. Never pick up the phone again. :p In fact, change your phone number, and see if you can get some random person you meet on the street to change their number to yours.

Well she needs to work out who she wants to be with, you or him (that is ofcourse assuming u r single) ask her about it?

But no its deffo not right!

Obsession can lead to some serious issues, tell her to stay away.

you need to break all contact with her this is vital

I say follow your instincts if this doesn't feel right and it makes you uncomfortable and anxious then DON'T do it. Stay far away. Even if you can't pinpoint why you are uncomfortable you know at least in your subconscious that somethings wrong with this picture. Trust your instincts.

hide a tape recorder in your house for when she comes over. Then when she puts moves on you you have it from her own mouth in case her bf tries to be a dick about it.

Reading the rest of the thread she *is* more psycho than the average female, so your original decision is prolly a good one. If she was just missing the cock I'd be all over it personally unless she sucked in bed or something, but I'm a perverted sex crazed freak. :o

So right... Drop her like last night's dinner. Plenty of other fish in the sea.

You mean sex with crazy people is bad???

;)

If I was single and my ex-girlfriend from back home asked to have sex with me I'd be jumping her bones in a heartbeat.