Questioning Relationship - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Wise1010 · 11-20-2003, 05:18 PM

I'm just looking for anyone's opinion who has had to confront this at some time or another, if anyone has

. I've been with my girlfriend for 3 months now. We live 5 hours away from eachother as I met her over the summer where I worked. The distance is really killing me so it's tough. Seeing her once a month just doesn't cut it. But I don't think that's what is bothering me as much. She told me before we started dating, that she had genital herpes. Now at the time, I wasn't concerned about it all that much cause the possiblity of sexual actions were never on my mind. The further we go along the temptation continues to rise. But even more as we go on, I question our relationship. I care a lot about her, but I just know I will have to cross that road sooner or later. Just asking for someone's opinion on what I should do? The last thing I want to do is hurt her and I should've thought about that before I said yes I would be her boyfriend, but I'm sure most of you know how that goes, the beginning is when there's true feelings and just enjoy the chance of getting to know someone new. So it's my fault for that but doesn't anyone have any suggestions on this? Thank you

googleplex · 11-20-2003, 06:03 PM

I'm not expert, but I can add my two cents.

First of all, herpes is sketchy territory since there is no cure for it.

Second of all, long distance relationships suck (so I imagine). I know you don't want to hurt this girl, but it seems to me that it has to be done. I know that I would never get involved with a girl with any sort of STD. I think that it's more than the herpes of course. Seeing your GF once a month sucks, and in my opinion, it's not worth being with somebody if you see them so little.

Anyway, I hope that helps.

Wise1010 · 11-20-2003, 07:15 PM

Thanks for the response. The distance is very tough and of course her having herpes just adds to it. I'm just trying to come up with a way to kinda let us go our own ways without me really hurting her. Cause I know how much in love with me she is. I feel bad really cause she's always been involved with the wrong people and when she finally found me and we got together she's happier than she's ever been since I respect her and actually listen to her. So I'm just really scared of hurting her. Thanks

WarWagon · 11-20-2003, 08:16 PM

IMO, just tell her how you really feel. Its not uncommon for two people to have the same thoughts. My ex and I both knew the end was inevitable, as I'm 11 hours away at school for all but 3 months out of the year.

googleplex · 11-20-2003, 09:58 PM

As well, it seems as though you could end up being unhappy in this relationship in the long run. I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but really you've got to look out for #1 in life. If you spend your life worrying about other people's feelings, you'll have no time to worry about your own.
She probably won't understand at first, and maybe she'll be upset or angry, but she'll learn to cope with it. It's not unreasonable.

diddagirl · 11-21-2003, 10:36 PM

Wise- you probably didnt realize just how tough and complex a long distance relationship can be. It takes serious effort on both people's part, and even then..it is soooo hard. When you love someone, and want to be with them but you cant- it can create alot of problems.
As for the herpes thing, thats a whole other story. I myself dont think I would be comfortable dating someone with herpes, but thats just my thoughts. . If you practice VERY safe sex (including wrapping up your boys) then you could very well have a great sex life. Just whatever you do- be honest withthe girl about why you are doing what you are doing. Girls appreciate honesty sooooo much.

vveronica · 11-22-2003, 06:24 AM

Well... my two cents if you want them.. I am in sorta a long distance relationship now and it is tough... I think you have to look at both issues seperately. How long are you two going to be in the long distance thing... If you dont see there being a resolution down the road and you both cant find a way to make one then you might consider moving on..

As far as the herpes, it depends on the severity of the case she has. Talk to her about it and discuss it openly.. She knows she has it she told you so talk about it..

Shifter59 · 11-22-2003, 08:15 AM

I dated my gf for a year solid while i moved home from college, about 5 hours away, and we all worked out fine, we switched it up driving to see each other and did so about every other week. The herpes adds a little different flavor though i know that, my girl didn't have an STD or anything so you are on your own for that part of it. I couldn't imagine taking an incurable disease from a girl unless i was actually married to her and knew she wasn't going anywhere, good luck bro

rufgti · 11-22-2003, 08:47 AM

About ten years ago, I met a girl who was from Boston at a hotel where I worked. She was staying for a week and we ended up hooking up. The crazy thing was we were sooo compatible. And we shared many deep dark secrets (both painful and joyful). Suffice it to say, we fell madly in love.

She told me off the bat that she had genital herpes. She did not break out throughout our time together, but she was extremely adamant about safe sex--which we followed to a tee. Admittedly, I have never had better sex in my whole life--even now.

Obviously she had to go back to Boston. She sent me a ticket to go and visit her there over the holidays and I met her whole family. It was great.

Long story short, she and her twin wanted to move to Spain. She asked if I wanted to move with them. The biggest mistake in my life was being afraid of change and telling her no.

Your situation is different, but the feelings are the same. I could deal with the STD--being careful, etc--but the distance is tough. I'm sad to say that if I believed in soul-mates, I think she was the one

Dixie · 11-22-2003, 11:18 AM

I think I'm qualified to give you some advice on this point, as my roommate has recently been diagnosed with herpes and we have been asking a lot of questions and getting a lot of answers.

First of all, don't lose hope. You can have sexual relations with this girl and not be at risk of contracting herpes. If you do have sex with her, make sure she's not having an outbreak (no lesions) and use a condom for added security.

As far as the distance thing is concerned, I've had to handle that a few times as well. What it all comes down to is how much are you willing to sacrifice for her? If you feel like you love this chick, then you'll know what you have to do. Otherwise, I would just take it one day at a time. It may be easer just to be involved casually with her and not limit yourself. Good luck!

Wise1010 · 11-22-2003, 01:23 PM

Thanks for the replies

11-20-2003, 05:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
Wise1010 Upright Location: West Virginia	Questioning Relationship I'm just looking for anyone's opinion who has had to confront this at some time or another, if anyone has . I've been with my girlfriend for 3 months now. We live 5 hours away from eachother as I met her over the summer where I worked. The distance is really killing me so it's tough. Seeing her once a month just doesn't cut it. But I don't think that's what is bothering me as much. She told me before we started dating, that she had genital herpes. Now at the time, I wasn't concerned about it all that much cause the possiblity of sexual actions were never on my mind. The further we go along the temptation continues to rise. But even more as we go on, I question our relationship. I care a lot about her, but I just know I will have to cross that road sooner or later. Just asking for someone's opinion on what I should do? The last thing I want to do is hurt her and I should've thought about that before I said yes I would be her boyfriend, but I'm sure most of you know how that goes, the beginning is when there's true feelings and just enjoy the chance of getting to know someone new. So it's my fault for that but doesn't anyone have any suggestions on this? Thank you Last edited by Wise1010; 07-17-2005 at 06:00 PM..

11-20-2003, 07:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
Wise1010 Upright Location: West Virginia	Thanks for the response. The distance is very tough and of course her having herpes just adds to it. I'm just trying to come up with a way to kinda let us go our own ways without me really hurting her. Cause I know how much in love with me she is. I feel bad really cause she's always been involved with the wrong people and when she finally found me and we got together she's happier than she's ever been since I respect her and actually listen to her. So I'm just really scared of hurting her. Thanks __________________ "Faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to!"

11-21-2003, 10:36 PM	#6 (permalink)
diddagirl Addict Location: Calgary, AB	Wise- you probably didnt realize just how tough and complex a long distance relationship can be. It takes serious effort on both people's part, and even then..it is soooo hard. When you love someone, and want to be with them but you cant- it can create alot of problems. As for the herpes thing, thats a whole other story. I myself dont think I would be comfortable dating someone with herpes, but thats just my thoughts. . If you practice VERY safe sex (including wrapping up your boys) then you could very well have a great sex life. Just whatever you do- be honest withthe girl about why you are doing what you are doing. Girls appreciate honesty sooooo much. __________________ "Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done." -Matthew Arnold

11-22-2003, 06:24 AM	#7 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	Well... my two cents if you want them.. I am in sorta a long distance relationship now and it is tough... I think you have to look at both issues seperately. How long are you two going to be in the long distance thing... If you dont see there being a resolution down the road and you both cant find a way to make one then you might consider moving on.. As far as the herpes, it depends on the severity of the case she has. Talk to her about it and discuss it openly.. She knows she has it she told you so talk about it.. __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

11-22-2003, 08:15 AM	#8 (permalink)
Shifter59 Upright Location: Bellingham, WA	I dated my gf for a year solid while i moved home from college, about 5 hours away, and we all worked out fine, we switched it up driving to see each other and did so about every other week. The herpes adds a little different flavor though i know that, my girl didn't have an STD or anything so you are on your own for that part of it. I couldn't imagine taking an incurable disease from a girl unless i was actually married to her and knew she wasn't going anywhere, good luck bro __________________ I kissed a drunk girl~Something Corporate

11-20-2003, 06:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
googleplex Tilted	I'm not expert, but I can add my two cents. First of all, herpes is sketchy territory since there is no cure for it. Second of all, long distance relationships suck (so I imagine). I know you don't want to hurt this girl, but it seems to me that it has to be done. I know that I would never get involved with a girl with any sort of STD. I think that it's more than the herpes of course. Seeing your GF once a month sucks, and in my opinion, it's not worth being with somebody if you see them so little. Anyway, I hope that helps.

11-20-2003, 08:16 PM	#4 (permalink)
WarWagon Loser	IMO, just tell her how you really feel. Its not uncommon for two people to have the same thoughts. My ex and I both knew the end was inevitable, as I'm 11 hours away at school for all but 3 months out of the year.

11-20-2003, 09:58 PM	#5 (permalink)
googleplex Tilted	As well, it seems as though you could end up being unhappy in this relationship in the long run. I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but really you've got to look out for #1 in life. If you spend your life worrying about other people's feelings, you'll have no time to worry about your own. She probably won't understand at first, and maybe she'll be upset or angry, but she'll learn to cope with it. It's not unreasonable.

11-22-2003, 08:47 AM	#9 (permalink)
rufgti Crazy Location: North of the Border	About ten years ago, I met a girl who was from Boston at a hotel where I worked. She was staying for a week and we ended up hooking up. The crazy thing was we were sooo compatible. And we shared many deep dark secrets (both painful and joyful). Suffice it to say, we fell madly in love. She told me off the bat that she had genital herpes. She did not break out throughout our time together, but she was extremely adamant about safe sex--which we followed to a tee. Admittedly, I have never had better sex in my whole life--even now. Obviously she had to go back to Boston. She sent me a ticket to go and visit her there over the holidays and I met her whole family. It was great. Long story short, she and her twin wanted to move to Spain. She asked if I wanted to move with them. The biggest mistake in my life was being afraid of change and telling her no. Your situation is different, but the feelings are the same. I could deal with the STD--being careful, etc--but the distance is tough. I'm sad to say that if I believed in soul-mates, I think she was the one __________________ Sometimes, you gotta say no to a stripper....

11-22-2003, 11:18 AM	#10 (permalink)
Dixie Psycho Location: the land of cotton	I think I'm qualified to give you some advice on this point, as my roommate has recently been diagnosed with herpes and we have been asking a lot of questions and getting a lot of answers. First of all, don't lose hope. You can have sexual relations with this girl and not be at risk of contracting herpes. If you do have sex with her, make sure she's not having an outbreak (no lesions) and use a condom for added security. As far as the distance thing is concerned, I've had to handle that a few times as well. What it all comes down to is how much are you willing to sacrifice for her? If you feel like you love this chick, then you'll know what you have to do. Otherwise, I would just take it one day at a time. It may be easer just to be involved casually with her and not limit yourself. Good luck! __________________ talk is cheap, so i buy every word you said. scared me half to death, now i'm half dead.

11-22-2003, 01:23 PM	#11 (permalink)
Wise1010 Upright Location: West Virginia	Thanks for the replies __________________ "Faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to!" Last edited by Wise1010; 07-17-2005 at 05:53 PM..