What the hell is wrong with girls?
 

This is my very first post, so forgive me if it's a negative one, but i have to get this off my chest.

Here's the thing, me and a mate like to go out to pubs and clubs on a weekly basis. Since we've started university, we don't see each other at school anymore; We don't really go to these places to pick up girls, but more to talk, have a few drinks, and stumble home; you know, typical guy shit.

There's this one time where this really horny guy came with us; another mate from our high school days. He encourages us to pick up; we're like "yeah, what the heck'; my friend builds up the courage to talk to a girl that he fancies, and he wants to be be his back-up. "sure" i say.
We go up to a couple of lonely girls, and my friend starts talking to one of them; we chat for a few mins, just idle chit-chat; whats your name, etc etc. Then one of them says "we're going to get drinks" and they get up, leave and don't come back. A bit rude, but ok, maybe they didn't like us, fair enough.

Me and my friend get knocked back a few times; for instance, i'd say "Hi" to a chick, and she's say "hi" back and then turn around and leave. It's happend more than once. I don't think i'm monstously ugly, i'm in good shape, clean etc; and neither is my friend.

This sorta shit just totally shatters my confidence; why the hell are girls so rude? If a girl i wasn't interested came up to me and start talking to me, i'd reply, i'd be as polite as possible, and i definitely wouldn't just turn around and ignore them.

Now, I haven't had an enormous amount of experience with women, i've had a few short term relationships, so i haven't had much time to figure out how women think.

could someone, preferably a female, explain to me why the hell a lot of girls are so rude?

looking in the wrong places? i dunno. how do you dress?

usual; jeans, black longsleeve shirt with a collar, a band tshirt underneath; Converse all-star shoes... usual teenage shit, y'know? all clean and tidy

"There's this one time where this really horny guy came with us..."

"girls" are smart to reject this guy and anyone who may be influenced by the likes of him.

it's not really to do with him, he was the one that started us out. changed our objectives from drinking to picking up...

let me just say that i'm not asking "why don't girls like me, i'm such a hot bitch"; it's "why are most girls so damn rude? why do they act like they're just too good? i dont get it.

You were on the prowl. They could tell. Perhaps they don't like being considered "small game".

It doesn't sound like you are making a legitimate attempt to talk to them with the intent of getting to know them as people. It sounds like you are just trying to score.

Consider the context. You're in a bar, hitting on girls who may just be there for a nice drink and don't want to be hit on, or who are used to being hit on by jackasses who can't take a hint, so they've learned to be a bit blunt as a protective mechanism. There's no rule that says every woman who's in a bar is looking to be chatted up and hit on. If you were out on the street and you just walked up to a strange woman and said "hi, what's your name," you wouldn't expect an answer - why do you expect one in a bar? I agree with Peetster. It sounds like you're on the prowl, and are looking at these women as good-looking targets and not necessarily as people. If that's the case, you got the reaction you deserved.

makes sense, i guess.

but, how do some guys pick up in bars? i can never get the hang of it; i mean i can't exactly go up to every girl ... eh fuck

See <a href="http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?s=&threadid=31052">"Getting Girls 101"</a>. If your goal is to score for meaningless sex, that's the place to look. Good advice there, if that's your aim.

Dude, you need charisma. if youre an average looking douche-bag walking up to a girl and hitting on her with some inane banal shit that 90% of guys are going to use, then of course she's not interested.

Why is she a bitch to you? She doesn't like you. Simple. Imagine what would happen if she nicely let you down. You'd probably mistake that for her showing interest. She has to be a bitch to get rid of you, because she has decided in that instant, that you suck.

Also, you're some drunken random dude. Why does she care if she hurt your feelings? Why does she have to care?

You care because you do not want to get rejected or look like a chump. Whatever. Who cares? At the end of the night, the handful of girls you talked to that evening will have their lips WRAPPED around somebody's cock and it might as well be yours. So, I'm saying don't lose confidence. But change your approach and dont fucking care if you get rejected.

This is simply not true.

Firstly why cant you walk up to a girl on the street and say hi? do you think all people meet in clubs or at work. I picked up a girl on the train today by doing this exact thing.

Secondly the environment changes all the rules for social dynamics and interaction. You can't walk up to a woman at the mall and give her $100 and get sex. You can do this at a brothel though.

The bar environment is not like the street. You're in the bar for a reason. To drink, have fun, dance, fuck, whatever. Either way, its a lot more acceptable because women know you will be hitting on them there. If they didn't like this fact, they wouldn't put themselves in the environment.

I know I do the same thing. I don't think that any man just has the right to come up and start hitting on me assuming that I must want this bc I am in a bar.

That is why I don't go to bars. Bad place to meet people. Men are only there for two things. Find women, get drunk.

Been in that situation alot. its real simple here. Most guys, and specially at a bar, if a girl say one nice thing to them at all they think we are interested and the latch on like a dead weight hanging around all night. There is no way to get rid of that type of guy other than to be rude... Im not saying you were that type of guy, but, it is not like we get hit on once or twice a night, try 30 or 40... but sweetie if i knew it was you, i would not turn you away. smoochiesssssss

I've (almost) never been to bars. Every time I think about it, I consider what happens to people when they get drunk.

That's usually enough to quash the temptation. I'd rather get drunk with a couple friends watching a football game.

Besides, usually people (both men and women) have to be in a particular mood to want to deal with other people who are (or appear to be) just looking for a fuck buddy.

well you see, famels aren't dumb. this girl obviously know you just want to fuck her so she's doing the good thing and walking away. she's probably not there to get fuckin 'picked up' as you say -- she's probabaly just trying to get the fuck out of her house and hang out with friends

I like it when they're blunt...that way neither of you waste time. Whats even worse is when you have honorable intentions, and they try to slowly let you down, but you mistake it as interest. I say, it doesnt matter if you're trying to score or start a relationship, being blunt saves both people alot of time.

blade02 is so right, when you came up to her and she knew she didnt like you and you had 0% to score right there but she continued talking to you and gettign your hopes up and when you ask her to go hang out with you or whatever and she says no, you have just wasted time and enegery.

Yeah, I think being blunt is one of the most importiant parts of the whole "hooking up" thing. A lot of energy is wasted trying for someone who is letting you down soft, also a lot of energy is wasted on someone who is too shy to speak up and ask someone out.

i guess you're all right.

bah; i wish i was gay

Don't say that quite yet... we're not all like that, and you should really try talking to people when you're out doing anything, not just go to a bar to find a girl. Say hi when you see a cutie at the grocery store, etc. Most people are kind enough to say 'hi' back if they don't think that they're fresh meat to you! ;)

Fastseduction.com is your friend.

sillygirl>> i dont think they're fresh meat; no way. Sometimes all i say is "hi"; and they say "hi" back, roll their eyes and turn away. $%&*$&%*$&*$&%*$&!!!!

I'm reading your post, Mesh, and a few details float to the top. (One) You are at a bar dressing like a teenager -- I can only assume that you are (two) in a college-bar setting and are, in fact, underage and drinking. Or maybe this is my own personal experience filtering into the scenario and shading how I answer your request for information. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Like you, I have never had a significant amount of fun in bars. The only women that really want to hang out with me are those that came in the front door already my friends.

I read above that guys only go to bars for 2 reasons: to get sex and alcohol. While this is generally accurate, its not necessarily true outside of the youth-bars (the typical hole in the wall college bar). I, personally, go to bars to hang out with my _friends_ and have a _few_ drinks -- not getting drunk. Try changing your venue. Go to a bar with women that are interesting in meeting people (eg., singles bars). Quick! Before you shut me off ... let me put that in context. Think about why the women are going to the bar. They are probably going to hang out with friends and have a few drinks (like me and my friends) -- they might not be seeking sex or anything of the sort. Then again, maybe they are. I can't really pigeon-hole by using sweeping generalities to cover either the male or female gender to describe why they are going to the bar.

Well, I guess my point is ... pack up the show and move to a more hospitable venue. Take your act to an audience that is interested. Dunno...

Then again, it might have something to do with the underage detail from above. It could be that you are too young in the opinions of the women ... or...

...Maybe they were just bitches...

Maybe you have a boogie hanging out of your nose or your fly was open. I've had both situations happen to me ... never at the same time though.

His "accent" (or whatever sembelance of one that is put forth via his word choice online) seems to be that of a non American. I'm thinking he might be in a country where the drinking age is lower (e.g. Australia) or nonexistant. Not to many Americans I know use "mate" that often or say they've "started university".

Regardless, the age thing can still hold. Women who are older will often turn away from a "silly boy" who is hitting on them. I've just turned 21 a few months ago (allowing me into bars in the US) and believe me, I've been a "silly boy" before. Then again, a friend and I got chatted up by a couple of ~30 year olds last night (he is 22, I as previously stated am 21...).

Best bet is to never give up. Girls can be rude, but as others have said, its gets it over quick and easy. There's nothing worse than thinking you have a chance only to get rejected in the long run and walk away feeling bitter because you feel like you've been jerked around. Trust me on that.

No offense, but you may want to reconsider the footwear. They've already checked you out from head to toe before you've said a word, and any detail that stands out is a mark against you. Also, well-groomed hair is a plus.

However, hitting on girls at a bar is a bit risky in the long run, especially for a young puck. You're competing against older gents with more experience, nice threads and important-sounding jobs. I've always had the best luck being introduced to a mutual friend at a private party.

tritium>> vitaminH is right; i'm from Australia so the drinking age here is 18+ (i'm 19), and i hang around girls in similar age bracket.

i dunno; i'm starting to think you're all right. bars just aren't the place to pick up.

johhny rotten>> but honestly, does footwear really matter that much? i mean these are the shoes i always wear:

http://www.zappos.com/images/C/Conve...erse65bkwd.jpg

don't tell me they're not the coolest in the world :D

Backup??? What the hell do you need back up for? Is your mate gonna hold your rubbers for you?

i dont know; it makes rejection that one degree easier to handle :D heheh

It takes a charismatic individual to overcome Chuck Taylors in a bar situation. I recommend a dressy pair of boots. And khakis or cargo pants over denim, unless they make your butt look nice :). But your friends have to be similarly attired.

man, those type of clothes are so uncomfortable. I don't want to appear forced; like i've got a stick up my ass or something

Ok, Converse All-stars are very cool....on a guy walking down the street. Put a little more thought when you're going out to pick up chicks in a club.
Also, you were probably already drunk. (I don't know, I'm just assuming) and people act stupid when they're drunk. She could probably just tell, and wasn't in the mood for a young, drunk guy.
I'd say, if you're looking to score at a bar, dress up a little, stay reasonably sober, and just keep trying.

yea, that's probably good advice

i don't get smashed before i try, anyways :)

This is the same mentality as "Women know that sexy clothing makes men want to touch them and whistle at them. If they didn't like this fact, they wouldn't put themselves in these clothes."

Just because a woman goes to a bar
Just because a woman might be wearing sexy clothing
Just because a woman has a vagina
Just because a woman is pretty
Just because a woman ....

Does not give you the right to be a pig.

That is all.

amen

I guess I am a behaviorist at heart. Sadly it is a learned behavior. Most men just don’t get the hint when a woman is not interested. Most women learn this early on, and unfortunately you are just a victim of other people’s past idiocy.

Women will let you know when they are interested, and not interested. They can be extremely subtle about it (and some not so), but the signs are always there. It can be as simple as the look in her eye if you catch a glance, the way she smiles at you, a light touch on the arm while talking in a group, even their posture standing at a bar. If you are observant you will see these things and together they tell you who is approachable and who isn’t. When you see it, that’s when you need to get your courage up and act. If you don’t see the signs then they probably aren’t there to be seen and you will get the same results you have been getting.

Read the signs so you don’t fall into the Alpha male trap and be that pig that motdakasha mentions.

A similar situation.

I was walking down the street the other day dressed in blue police pants,police jacket,police badge,police hat,shoes and and a gun when someone came running up to me scraming.
"Officer, officer come quick theres a robbery taking place"
I was schocked , stunned even.
"Wait just one minute" I replied "Just beccause Im dressed like this does not make me a police officer"

Moral of the story..you may not be a whore, but you sure are dressed in a whore's uniform.

I'm sorry, but that is a most pathetic comparison. A uniform is designed to convey a message, fire, police, doctor, whatever. A woman dressed well is not an invitation. Get a freakin clue.

i dont know if they should be referred to as "whores". maybe they just want to look nice; i mean, just because i dress neat and clean, doesn't necessarily mean i'm out to pick up.

I'm always dressed neat and clean, in fact.