Misplaced my mojo
 

Well not mojo so much as libido. It has disappeared. For the past 3-4 months I've had almost no desire for sex. And it's not just with my wife. No porn, no masturbation...nothing.

When the wife and I do get together, it takes me a few minutes to get into it, but then everythings fine. I enjoy the closeness and sharing. And I still absolutely love making her moan, but as for my own orgasm...meh.

I'm 37 years old and resonably healthy. Is this normal? Has this happened to anyone else? Will my libido return?

Are there any outside factors that may be playing into this? Stress from work, kids, etc?

This happens to me after having had a lot of sex, or for example my boyfriend went to visit me at my hometown and we stayed with my parents, and I couldn't even think about sex then.

So I don't know did you move into a new house, what's different? and may i suggest viagra?

This is probably one of two things.

The first could be medical or a situation you are in. First are you on any medication that might be causing it. It could also be a tough work situation or something stressful in your life. I felt less sexual when I was working on my MBA since I was gone a couple of nights a week and work was stressful. Are you feeling good about yourself (weight, health, etc.)? Sometimes if you are feeling bad about yourself it can cause you to feel non-sexual.

The second could be the relationship. Are you spending enough one-on-one time with your wife. My wife and I went through something similar a couple of years ago when we were both busy with our own stuff. We spent time together, but it wasn't what I would call quality time. We weren't spending the time talking together, and consequently it made sex seem a bit like a job rather than just fun. When we spend the time to really talk to each other (at least an hour every day), it makes things go so much better in terms of both the relationship and our sexual appetite for each other.

These things ebb and flow. You are right to be a bit concerned but the good part is there are ways to fix it whatever it is.

Thanks everyone for the responses and suggestions. It really helps.

Yeah, it's probably stress. We bought our first house in August which was incredibly stressful, then we got married in October, again, lots of stress. Not to mention what the wedding ended up costing...

It's just kind of bizarre. I've never had that kind of reaction to stress before. But you've all had me pondering things most of the weekend and I think the stress of the last few months has probably triggered a slight depression. Sometimes it takes an outside view to help me see when I'm getting overwhelmed.

And yeah skysooner, you're right. We haven't spent a whole lot of quality time together lately. We got so tied up with the wedding and all the things that followed we haven't had much personal time.

Again, many thanks to all of you for the responses!

Stress takes your libido completely away. Try to schedule some downtime and just spend it together. It doesn't even have to be that much really. Just a little time (say an hour) each day where all you do is talk face-to-face. We use part of our dinner for this as the kids rarely eat with us and then usually some time after that. It isn't set in stone and some days it just doesn't happen. On those days though, I make sure that what little time we get together is extra-special (i.e. I give her a little massage, touch her back and neck) just to let her know I love her.

:) take a weekend vacation... one that doesn't give more stress which means.. keep it low key and inexpensive. :)

libido doesn't just include intercourse.

lost your sex drive. oh god i'd die!!!!!!!!!

Try experimenting with your wife, and alone... fantasize and all that. ;) Things just might've gotten too hum-drum or repetitious and you need a little something new to give yourself a kickstart.

-+ Ivy +-

Stress can do all kinds of shit. Damn near anything can be caused by it. Relax, settle in, it'll return. If you can't make love, make time. Spending time will get you closer, and that itself may help alleviate some stress.