StephenSa

Here's my dilemma. I was helping my fiance' move to her (soon to be our) new house and I found a large collection of bondage erotica. As a guy I have my share of porn, pretty straight forward sex videos, the ususal Vivid video type porn, but the sheer volume of this far outstripped my collection. It was all of the bondage, S&M variety as well. Mostly stories, not so much pictures. My curiosity piqued by this I did what I probably shouldn't. I started snooping. My hasty search revealed a collection of about five various sized dildos, a cock ring, a whip, leather collars and wrist bands, a satin glove and some leather bits that in my haste I couldn't identify. Hoo boy, this freaked me out. I'm aware at thirty three my fiance has a sexual past and bully for her! Still this sort of thing is beyond my experience. I asked her if she was deep into this lifestyle and were there things I needed to know. She said it was something she tried "a couple of times, a long time ago" with an ex-boyfriend but it was no big deal and she had forgotten that stuff was even in there. She went on to say most of it was for a Halloween costume and she had just thrown it all together in the same box. I accepted what she said but honestly I am having trouble buying it. Her large collection of erotica seemed to show more than a passing interest and she went so far as to buy "gear". She also has an eleven year old daughter and I should think if she wasn't into it she would have dumped the material long ago lest it be discovered by the little girl. I also found an S&M birthdaycard signed by her "Master" (who had the same first name as me, as if I need that aggravation). I gotta say I'm having trouble getting images of her all bound up and prodded by some other guy out of my head but with just a little time I'll get over it. Her past is really none of my business but I wonder about our future. If this is the sort of thing she is into will she become bored by me? I'm a pretty meat & potatos sort of guy and being cuffed and hit with a whip just ISN"T going to happen. Does one just stop needing that sort of sexual excitement or does it become part of one's sexual dynamic? Bottom line, Should I worry about our future due to this?

Jedbeck

I don't know if i would worry about her becoming bored with you. Obviously you have both made a commitment to each other and that has to mean something. It probably is like she said something that happened a long time ago and she forgot she even had remnants of it.

Hell, if you are feeling adventurous one night maybe you can suggest you use it on each other and see if it is your cup of tea or how into it she is.

But as always the past is the past and will always be there.

Jim Kata

Maybe she is a bit embarrassed to talk to you about it. I mean look at how you are semi-worried about it now.
And look, if it "just ISN'T going to happen", then you need to check yourself and this relationship with her before getting married. Its all about compromising my friend. Be a little more open minded about it.
What are you gonna do if she does get bored in bed after a few years? What if she really wants to be tied up or vice versa? Are you gonna say no? If you guys aren't sexually compatible, then it may cause some headache later on.

WhatAboutBob

I agree, the last thing I want to do is start envisioning my SO's past, knowing it would only drive me crazy.

The whole S&M thing is more normal than you think, and if it's in her past, respect that and enjoy your future together.

Leviathan[NCV]

Not to be rude, but God that was funny.

Ok back to the point at hand, if she was deeply into it, she would be looking for someone else deeply into it. The fact that your engaged gives the hint that it's not a big deal to her, and the entire thing may just have been a little trial fun.

And yeah, that's just a thing about being a guy, you can't unsee mental pictures. I shudder just thinking of that whole subject.

jbrooks544

Dude, just let it go... If you end up with this girl long, long term - it is a very good thing to know that there will always be the possibility of something new and interesting around the corner, in the future... 15 years from now it will probably be you asking her to be your sub - mark my words - this is a GOOD THING!!!

Dano069

Being bound doesn't neccesarity mean she's being boned. I concur with the folks above, don't sweat it. She loves you otherwise she wouldn't be engaged to you. Good luck! Should make for an interesting honeymoon, no?

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shannon

i can see both sides of this. everyone made really good points. i'm thinking it's gonna end up that you need to talk to her some more, cause i don't think anyone on this board can really tell you for sure.

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mattevil

I wouldn't worry too much about it. the worse that could happen is some new spicyness in the bedroom. If it's not your thing just let it be known but also be able to do it for her if she requests it since life is compromise. If she says it 's in her past she may have gotten burnt out on it. /\Anyboy here have any tests this guy could do to see if she's still into it? a light spanking perhaps?

vveronica

Okay,,, from where sit, if you cant even embrace the idea that you could enjoy light bondage or bound sex you BETTER make sure she knows. She has to be able to put it in her past. I got into bondage and bound sex years ago and while, I have more vanilla sex, I could NEVER let it go completely. While I have never been into the pain side of bdsm there is no better sex than bound sex

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Dilbert1234567

Give it a try, you may like it, but she wants to be with you, we all have our fantasies, but just remember that she loves you.

If you are worried, start a conversation about it with her.

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StephenSa

Earlier in our relationship (before my discovery) she made a few comments about tieing me up or cuffing me, that sort of thing. It seemed to be light spirited and in a joking manner. In light of current events it was probably a way of gauging my response to that sort of thing in a non-committal way. At that time I told her the only time I was ever cuffed was due to an unfortunate brush with the law in my misspent youth and had decided NO ONE would ever cuff me again. She mentioned it another time, again jokingly and I again expressed that I would never allow myself to be restrained. No way. Perhaps that makes me boring but I just wouldn't feel comfortable. I don't think I would get excited. I think I would get nervous and angry. She therefore knows how I feel about the subject. BTW, our sex life now is great. She generally has multiple orgasms and enjoys what we do. She is happy and genuinely loves me. I THINK she understands my position and I hope she isn't thinking its something she could talk me into in the future. I compromise in many ways and maybe in some distant future I could somewhat compromise this to please her but I have real doubts. Some lines some people just can't cross. All the replies have been great and I welcome any and all advice. There are some really great people on this forum.

mattevil

man i would at least try it once WITH an open mind. if it doesn't work out that's ok but it could open doors for you guys.

yournamehere

Well, I think that puts the <i>something she tried "a couple of times, a long time ago"</i> spin to rest.

Since you were obvious in your unwillingness to play, she's given up on opening up this side of herself to you. The fact that she's marrying you says she thinks you're more important, though - so I wouldn't sweat it.

Like others have said, though - try it - you might like it.
keep an open mind.

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sadatx

You probably shouldn't just forget about it in my opinion. It obviously bothered you a little and from what you've said bondage seems like something she's interested in.

So have an open discussion about. Bring the topic up to her WITHOUT BEING JUDGMENTAL. I'm not saying you would be it's just that if think it's a weird thing to do that'll come across in your conversation and if she senses that she won't open up to you. So just be mindful and try to hear her side of it (why she likes it? what her desires are?).

If after talking to her you still feel like it's not something you want to try. Tell her that you feel uncomfortable with doint it at present (again, just be careful not to make any judgements on her desires, last thing you want to do is make her feel embarassed).

She'll respect your wishes. Just keep in mind that she might still want to watch those bondage erotica tapes so she can have an outlet for that part of her desires.

Jedbeck

Remember, you don't necessarily need to be the one who is restrained.

analog

Firstly, to assuage your fears and active imagination of "being prodded by some other guy"- most bondage, S&M, etc. is not about sex at all. It's about pain as a form of pleasure, and restraint as a form of either dominance or submissiveness, not "i got tied to a chair and ass-fucked for an hour".

Someone already said it, but i'll repeat- she "joked" to evoke your repsonse, to "feel out" your opinions in the matter. If she weren't willing to part with that portion of her life, you'd not be with her. She's decided to hang up her accessories for YOU. For YOUR meat-and-potatos ass. lol... so don't sweat it. Love her, cherish her, treat her right. You'll be fine.

Lunchbox7

Sounds like she respects your desire not to do it. Thats a positive aspect. Saying that I think you should at least try it (both being the bounder and bounded). You might suprise yourself and like it. Ive known a few girls who felt the way you do until I tied them up. They changed their mind pretty fast. If you still feel the same way afterwards she will probably respect you more for caring enough about her to give it a go. Besides if you endulge her fantasies then you have a good leg to stand on when requesting the fullfillment of your fantasies.

bermuDa

holy shit! you hit the motherload!!!

ps: sounds like she's a sub, so you shouldn't worry about getting tied up

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Met22

The past is the past!
Be glad she is yours now.

Besides S&M junkies can't live without it and obviously she hasn't initiated it with you.... let it go

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ducatiboy

Better be careful, she might have a super gigantic strapon in that stuff

StephenSa

Lots of good advice here. I've certainly been able to calm down and feel more at ease about the situation. I'm going to wait a week or two then calmly and logically ask her about it again in a non-judgmental way. A part of my head is saying let sleeping dogs lie but I think I should give her a chance to express her desires and needs without worrying about me freaking out. That's got to be better than her possibly bottling something up out of fear. I really do want her to be happy. If it turns out she really does want to explore this bondage thing further we'll try to work out some sort of compromise. Maybe I'll have to try it once, maybe she just likes the erotica. Whatever. All in all we have a great relationship and I look forward to many years with her. Again, thanks everyone for all the helpful advice.

Jedbeck

Good Luck to you. It sounds as though you should be able to over come this. Nice Job.