Would you date a married person? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Harshaw · 10-10-2003, 01:23 AM

This is purely academic for me, I am either in a slowly dying relationship, or recently broken up.
But I was talking with someone today and we clicked, we have the right amount of things in common and enough things different to remain interesting. We ended up talking for 4 hours. The only problem, she is married. She doesn't like her marrage, sounds like she wants out, but that doesn't change the fact.
This made me start to wonder, could I ever "date" someone who is married. I think I could, if she hated her marrage enough that it looked like it might end at some point. I would probably try to keep sex out of it (for as long as I could at any point). But I feel if she doesn't like the relationship, I could in theory give it a try.

So how about the people of this board? Could anyone here be in a relationship with someone who is married?

Lebell · 10-10-2003, 02:22 AM

I was also in a dying/dead relationship and dated a married person.

I thought she would leave her husband as I left my wife and we would get married.

I did and she didn't.

It turned out ok, because I was getting divorced for the right reasons (not her), but never ever again.

My advice?

Don't do it. I've been there, done it and have the t-shirt and it ain't worth it.

LittleOralAnnie · 10-10-2003, 02:33 AM

I've been there done that too. Dating a married person isn't worth the trouble it brings. The ex's wife caught wind of me and would nonstop harass me over the phone. I threatened to tell the police about her bothering me but she kept doing it anyways. She was a maniac! Also, when they 'claim' they are leaving their spouse, it's usually just a line used to get closer to you so they can get what they want from you and then leave you high and dry.

SiN · 10-10-2003, 04:09 AM

hmm Harshaw, you sure know how to pick the available women, eh?

i mean that in the nicest way possible...but also to make you go 'duh' and i dunno...learn/change something.

anyways....i voted yeah sure...but NEVER seriously, only as a 'fling'. to do it any other way, with expectations of anything more, is just silly.

but for fun, um...i think i would, never done it tho. closest i ever got was with someone who was engaged (to someone else, duh)

[important edit]
if they had kids, no no no never
[/edit]

MSD · 10-10-2003, 04:49 AM

No way. I wouldn't want someone to do it to me, so I wouldn't do it to them.

G5_Todd · 10-10-2003, 05:28 AM

depends.....

Redlemon · 10-10-2003, 06:11 AM

I know someone who is dating a married guy whose wife is in the later stages of dying of MS. However, all people involved explicitly know what is going on, so this is the only way I see this as being appropriate. In fact, as I understand it, the dying wife recommended that her husband date.

twotimesadingo · 10-10-2003, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MrSelfDestruct
No way. I wouldn't want someone to do it to me, so I wouldn't do it to them.

Well said.

Isn't marriage supposed to be founded on trust? I couldn't date a married person, because I'd be breaking a trust between two people. Just think that's really the act of a scumbag.

vveronica · 10-10-2003, 07:31 AM

I would but, it would be clear that I am in it for fun and sex and not to break them up.. I would let him know that this is just for fun.

Midlandmadman · 10-10-2003, 07:51 AM

I did back when I was young...... I was 19 she was 29 , she hated her husband already... I had nothing to do with that. She liked to fuck. I always told her that I would be her toy but I couldn't marry someone who could cheat on her spouse. It worked great for about 4 years!!!!!

yournamehere · 10-10-2003, 08:23 AM

I did once, a long time ago - and I've felt bad about it ever since

It was wrong on so many levels - to her husband, naturally; to her, because we entered the relationship for different reasons (I was only in it for the sex; she wanted emotional support); to her kids (she had to lie to them about where she was going all the time), and finally, to me, I guess, because I did something that I'm ashamed of and will live with the rest of my life. Don't waste your sympathy on me, though.

World's King · 10-10-2003, 08:45 AM

Been there...

Done that... or her should say.

skysooner · 10-10-2003, 09:39 AM

Never a good idea. There are too many people that can get hurt (especially if there are children involved).

raeanna74 · 10-10-2003, 09:54 AM

#1 You would have a hard time trusting her should she eventually leave her husband. Simply because you would know she was willing to do it to him - why not to you?

#2 Statistically these types of relationships usually end within 3-4 years and primarily because they've been found out. The chances of this being a lasting relationship and you marrying her is slim.

#3. People in married relationships that start "dating" other people often will stay married longer than they probably would have without the affair. It's a matter of having your cake and eat it too. Why would she leave and go through the turmoil of divorce when she can still have you as a friend or maybe even lover.

I suggest keeping it cool until she does get divorced.
That said - I don't know if I could resist the temptation to have a relationship like that.

On the positive side - You know you don't have to worry about being Stuck in a relationship - She already has a guy.

Minx · 10-10-2003, 12:57 PM

Married people never leave their spouses for a "fling" so don't expect anything to come of it. Sure she is leaning on you but I would be very surprised (sorry for the sarcasm/bluntness) if she walked out on her marriage. It takes a lot to do that and most married people who are having an affair are just filling a gap in their lives and don't really want out of their situation, imo.
I would absolutely advise against it.

amge · 10-10-2003, 02:30 PM

When I was a teenager, I had this really hot neigbor. She had two younger kids, 4 and 6. Anyway I would baby sit them. Anyway she started to hit on me during one summer vacation. Flirting, and having me come over to watch the kids while she showered, did laundry, etc etc.

Well the horny little guy in my started to play along. For around two months, she started to show me what a real woman could do....

ismark · 10-10-2003, 03:32 PM

i was married, she was married... now we are married to each other with two great kids

sixate · 10-10-2003, 05:26 PM

No!
Although, I fucked a married chic for a while.

She was my ex-girlie's best friend and after we broke up she made a move because her husband is a complete stiff and wouldn't fuck her. I told her from day one we weren't dating and I'd never get serious over a chic who was cheating on her husband. She was just too damn hot to not bang her so I couldn't pass it up. After some time she told me she was gonna leave her husband so we could get together.....

She told me this right after we had sex, and I told her she was nothing more than sex and fun and I was never and would never be serious about her. I got up, put my clothes on, and left. That was the end for me. She's tried a few times to talk to me, but I ignore her.

View Poll Results: Could you date someone who was married?
I could give it a try	12	29.27%
No I would hate to break up a home	29	70.73%
Voters: 41. You may not vote on this poll

10-10-2003, 01:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
Harshaw Is mad at you. Location: Bored in Sacramento	Would you date a married person? This is purely academic for me, I am either in a slowly dying relationship, or recently broken up. But I was talking with someone today and we clicked, we have the right amount of things in common and enough things different to remain interesting. We ended up talking for 4 hours. The only problem, she is married. She doesn't like her marrage, sounds like she wants out, but that doesn't change the fact. This made me start to wonder, could I ever "date" someone who is married. I think I could, if she hated her marrage enough that it looked like it might end at some point. I would probably try to keep sex out of it (for as long as I could at any point). But I feel if she doesn't like the relationship, I could in theory give it a try. So how about the people of this board? Could anyone here be in a relationship with someone who is married? __________________ This too shall pass.

10-10-2003, 02:22 AM	#2 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	I was also in a dying/dead relationship and dated a married person. I thought she would leave her husband as I left my wife and we would get married. I did and she didn't. It turned out ok, because I was getting divorced for the right reasons (not her), but never ever again. My advice? Don't do it. I've been there, done it and have the t-shirt and it ain't worth it. __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

10-10-2003, 04:09 AM	#4 (permalink)
SiN strangelove Location: ...more here than there...	hmm Harshaw, you sure know how to pick the available women, eh? i mean that in the nicest way possible...but also to make you go 'duh' and i dunno...learn/change something. anyways....i voted yeah sure...but NEVER seriously, only as a 'fling'. to do it any other way, with expectations of anything more, is just silly. but for fun, um...i think i would, never done it tho. closest i ever got was with someone who was engaged (to someone else, duh) [important edit] if they had kids, no no no never [/edit] __________________ - + - ° GiRLie GeeK ° - + - ° 01110010011011110110111101110100001000000110110101100101 Therell be days/When Ill stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practise what I preach Last edited by SiN; 10-10-2003 at 08:42 AM..

10-10-2003, 06:11 AM	#7 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	I know someone who is dating a married guy whose wife is in the later stages of dying of MS. However, all people involved explicitly know what is going on, so this is the only way I see this as being appropriate. In fact, as I understand it, the dying wife recommended that her husband date. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

10-10-2003, 02:33 AM	#3 (permalink)
LittleOralAnnie Banned	I've been there done that too. Dating a married person isn't worth the trouble it brings. The ex's wife caught wind of me and would nonstop harass me over the phone. I threatened to tell the police about her bothering me but she kept doing it anyways. She was a maniac! Also, when they 'claim' they are leaving their spouse, it's usually just a line used to get closer to you so they can get what they want from you and then leave you high and dry.

10-10-2003, 04:49 AM	#5 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	No way. I wouldn't want someone to do it to me, so I wouldn't do it to them.

10-10-2003, 05:28 AM	#6 (permalink)
G5_Todd Junkie Location: Reichstag	depends.....

10-10-2003, 07:31 AM	#9 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	I would but, it would be clear that I am in it for fun and sex and not to break them up.. I would let him know that this is just for fun. __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

10-10-2003, 07:51 AM	#10 (permalink)
Midlandmadman Redwing fan extraordinaire Location: Michigan	I did back when I was young...... I was 19 she was 29 , she hated her husband already... I had nothing to do with that. She liked to fuck. I always told her that I would be her toy but I couldn't marry someone who could cheat on her spouse. It worked great for about 4 years!!!!! __________________ Its good to be back.

10-10-2003, 08:23 AM	#11 (permalink)
yournamehere Invisible Location: tentative, at best	I did once, a long time ago - and I've felt bad about it ever since It was wrong on so many levels - to her husband, naturally; to her, because we entered the relationship for different reasons (I was only in it for the sex; she wanted emotional support); to her kids (she had to lie to them about where she was going all the time), and finally, to me, I guess, because I did something that I'm ashamed of and will live with the rest of my life. Don't waste your sympathy on me, though. __________________ If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors: "If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too." It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

10-10-2003, 08:45 AM	#12 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Been there... Done that... or her should say. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

10-10-2003, 09:39 AM	#13 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Never a good idea. There are too many people that can get hurt (especially if there are children involved).

10-10-2003, 09:54 AM	#14 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	#1 You would have a hard time trusting her should she eventually leave her husband. Simply because you would know she was willing to do it to him - why not to you? #2 Statistically these types of relationships usually end within 3-4 years and primarily because they've been found out. The chances of this being a lasting relationship and you marrying her is slim. #3. People in married relationships that start "dating" other people often will stay married longer than they probably would have without the affair. It's a matter of having your cake and eat it too. Why would she leave and go through the turmoil of divorce when she can still have you as a friend or maybe even lover. I suggest keeping it cool until she does get divorced. That said - I don't know if I could resist the temptation to have a relationship like that. On the positive side - You know you don't have to worry about being Stuck in a relationship - She already has a guy. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

10-10-2003, 12:57 PM	#15 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Married people never leave their spouses for a "fling" so don't expect anything to come of it. Sure she is leaning on you but I would be very surprised (sorry for the sarcasm/bluntness) if she walked out on her marriage. It takes a lot to do that and most married people who are having an affair are just filling a gap in their lives and don't really want out of their situation, imo. I would absolutely advise against it. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

10-10-2003, 02:30 PM	#16 (permalink)
amge Crazy	When I was a teenager, I had this really hot neigbor. She had two younger kids, 4 and 6. Anyway I would baby sit them. Anyway she started to hit on me during one summer vacation. Flirting, and having me come over to watch the kids while she showered, did laundry, etc etc. Well the horny little guy in my started to play along. For around two months, she started to show me what a real woman could do....

10-10-2003, 03:32 PM	#17 (permalink)
ismark Crazy Location: Sydney	i was married, she was married... now we are married to each other with two great kids __________________ The Grumpy Old Bloke

10-10-2003, 05:26 PM	#18 (permalink)
sixate Registered User Location: Somewhere in Ohio	No! Although, I fucked a married chic for a while. She was my ex-girlie's best friend and after we broke up she made a move because her husband is a complete stiff and wouldn't fuck her. I told her from day one we weren't dating and I'd never get serious over a chic who was cheating on her husband. She was just too damn hot to not bang her so I couldn't pass it up. After some time she told me she was gonna leave her husband so we could get together..... She told me this right after we had sex, and I told her she was nothing more than sex and fun and I was never and would never be serious about her. I got up, put my clothes on, and left. That was the end for me. She's tried a few times to talk to me, but I ignore her.