Sleepyjack

I couldn't find this in a search, but i decided to post this thread for all singles who want to pine about being single and the loneliness and so forth....

Also what they'd like or want in a relationship and so on.

atm i am a little pissed at one of my good friends cause he cheated on his grifriend and didn't treat her all that well (even though he's a cool guy and all) and then they got back together recently and everything is rosey. I get a little frustrated that he fucked with such a good thing he had (even though he's got it back, it was a tough effort on his part to resolve) and seem to disrespect it and take it for granted.

To tell you the truth i don't really know where this thread is going, aside from some whimsical thoughts....although mainly i am a little pissed at being single for so long now and really want to have someone else important in my life. I've had some good times being single the past few years but I sure don't mind a change from all that.

does anyone else have anything to say about their single life, pros and cons and so on???

Averett

My single life: Shitty

It's not even like I'm out there hooking up with random guys at bars or anything. Or having sex with different people. There's been none of that. Not that I really want to be sleeping around, but I think you know what I'm getting at.

I've been told at least 5 times in the past 2 years by guys that they had a crush on me last year/in college/last summer. Well gee, thanks for the information now when it DOES NOTHING FOR ME!

I'm sure I'm coming across as really bitter and desperate. I'm not. I'm happy alone, but it would be nice to have somebody to share things with. And to make out with

I think I'm a fairly decent looking girl. I never get approached though. Well, hardly ever. It's not easy to meet people. And when I do, it never seems to work out.

Maybe with this most recent guy something will happen. I'm trying not to get my hopes up though. I'm sick of being disappointed

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Troublebot

Know where you're coming from with both those points. Sometimes I feel like I live in this really big house and there's a whole wing that is closed off. I know there are some nice rooms and cool stuff in their, but I can't get in.

I'm ok on my own, but it would be great to have someone to open up that area of the house and share it with, ya know?

Plus, I miss the making out. Alot.

__________________
Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend.
Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

Jim Kata

Don't sweat it too much. This is the perfect time for you to perfect your hobbies and do everything you want whenever you want. Cause when you have a SO, you can't always do what you want (at least in my experience, as limited as it is).
You are only 20 years old....you have plenty of time. I was always bitter about not having a companion, and then one day I just stopped worrying about it, then all of a sudden I happened to meet my girlfriend and we have been with each other for a little over 2 years (I am the KING OF RUN ON SENTENCES!!).
Be patient...things seem to usually work out from what I've seen.

Averett

Hey Jim. I get what you're saying. But you don't understand how irritating it is for me (and other singles, I'm sure) to hear that. Being told "Oh, it'll happen when you least suspect it" just doesn't help.

I don't want to sound like I'm coming down on you, just letting you know how that sounds to somebody who's single..

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Sleepyjack

Mainly comes down to being alone too long such that you become a bit lonely.

It'd be very nice to share stuff with someone else and also make out with, the most important thing

Sleepyjack

i don't like that it'll happen stuff either
The girls i've gotten with etc recently have eventuated into nothing, although i keep going to the same clubs, mainly, to meet these girls, so i guess thats the problem. And also uni is no good cause i study software engineering and its all guys, no that's too much of a bad thing....

i didn't mean to change this into where to meet people thread....

edit: i don't constnatly pine about it, only sometimes althouugh more so tonight after my basketball game, when i had a profound moment when talking to my friends girlfriend.

hopefully it'll all change tommorow, sure don't mind a change.

Spiker

Well, I'm now three months into being dumped by my fiance. I was with her for 4 years. She ended it very suddennly on June 1. Have not heard a word from her since. Damned if I'll call and beg her back.

So as a mid thirties guy, I have to get used to being single and being on my own. It's very hard to get your married friends out, golf once a week is like pulling teeth. Saturday nights at home alone suck the big one. I do like the fact that I can play hockey twice a week now, golf after work whenever I want, hit the gym when I want etc.

I feel like I'm ready to do some dating though. For a non club person, whats the best way to meet "quality" women? Any ideas?

JazzmanAl

What about for a non-drinking, non-participant single in college?
My major is Computer Science, not too many chicks, and I am not yet part of any orginizations. I hate the thought of drinking as means to meet a girl....

Being alon does blow assholes. I don't know how much longer I can take it. Also, living in a dorm really puts a damper on the wanking off, so that just adds to the pressure.

I feel like I am whineing about shit I should be able to take care of. poo

__________________
I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
-The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, T.S. Eliot

Your dumber then me.

meff

Uhmm, if he cheated on his gf and treated her bad, what makes hima 'really cool guy'? I guess that kind of activity is 'ok' now? *sighs* .. Some guys and girls need to shape up, or they're never going to have a good relationship or significant other.

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Toy-like people make me boy-like.

wally

I'm single, age 22- do I get lonely? Yes, at times. But I'm also not one of those people who will try to date any girl just so they won't be alone. I'm a very independent person, and I love to be able to do what I want to do whenever I want to.

Am I currently looking for a girl out there to date? Of course I am. Any single guy who isn't looking probably has some issues. I'm fully confident that I'll meet my future wife when I least expect it. Whether that is one week from now or 5 years from now, I don't know. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the freedom of being independent and single

pappymojo

it comes and goes in waves. I'm cool with who I am and I have fun all the time, but yeah it would be nice to share some time with a girl.

Recently, I fell really hard for this girl that I work with. I totally dig her, but she is self conscious about herself and had just gotten out of a long relationship. I tried everything and I couldn't get her to open up.

It is so frustrating. Now I'm kind of wrapped up in something that is probably not going to happen, and it kills me. Makes me question everything about myself (which can be a good thing at times and in moderation).

<<sighs>> I just need to get laid.

kurty[B]

I'm with wally, but like pappymojo it comes and goes in waves. Sometimes I'm just happy to be an individual, do what I want whenever, other times I really wish I had someone to share experiences and intimacy with.

Recently I was hooking up with a girl who had recently dumped her boyfriend (cause of multiple issues, mainly cheating and being a leech), but I recently called and talked with her and she says she's giving him one last chance (not sure how many chances he's had before), and then proceeded to tell me how she lets him walk all over her, and didn't want to even go with me out hiking or anything to avoid temptation (that second part, well both parts were rather frustrating for me). I asked her if she thought he would actually change, and she said "No". Told her to keep that in mind, keep me in mind, and have pretty much left it at that, don't really expect anything more.

I'm not really looking too hard, would be nice to find an outdoorsy girl at least. Someone I could take on real hikes (I've found my definition of hiking and other people's definition vary greatly), and show her the beautiful places I've found to venture to, clear ones mind and relax.

I've currently joined a couple clubs, Recreational Sports, and Snowboarding and biking clubs at my school, and well they are all things I enjoy, but I also see them as opportunities to get to know some more people that are into the same things I am, and see where things may go from there.

I'm fine on my own, but there are those urges and wants of a companion. Even a one-nighter has really lost it's appeal to me, I'd rather actually have a relationship.

KnifeMissile

I can relate to so much of all this.

I don't understand how so many girls can go out with so many jerks (people who really treat them badly) for so long (these relationships often endure) while I'm single. You'd rather get screwed over by this guy than go out with me?
I can only assume that these women don't want to go out with someone good for them and that they _need_ or _want_ to be treated badly. What other explanation is there?

Actually, here's a theory (and it's _only_ a theory). I'm a nice guy who's really good-looking ("beautiful" is the word most girls use to describe me, not that it has helped my ego any) but I just don't live a lifestyle where I meet a lot of people. I'm a hardcore geek so I don't have a lot of hobbies that involve meeting other people. When you think about it, if you don't meet new people, how _can_ you date?

So, I guess the real question is how do we meet new people? I know this question has been asked before and I can only assume that we haven't answered it 'cause it's a difficult problem. But if we, at least, _know_ that that is the problem then this will be helpful.

Oh yeah, now I know where I was going with all that. Maybe by wild coincidence, all these jerks that I speak of are really social people so all these girls that I never seem to date have no choice but to go out with these guys or stay celibate their entire lives never meeeting me...

Did this make any sense? Oh well, I'm going back to my FFT-A...
Hmm, there is a retro 80's night at a local dance bar tomorrow, perhaps I should go check it out?

lyxo

Pretty much, it all boils down to if you have been in a relationship before. If you have you probably do think about it when you're lonely. I do.
The way I deal with it is to think to why I got together with her in the first place, why she liked me, and why we were together for that long. I take all my positive traits and blow it up, and up goes my confidence, and down goes my lonliness.

Confidence = Conversation = Meet interesting people. It's up to you if you want to be with them or not.

Me? I like being single for now. Get to spend a lot of ME time, something I lacked when I put someone else in front of myself. But relationships are fun, esp. the part when you screw 5 times a day.

bermuDa

i like being my own person, an individual.... but i'm extremely lonely.

I'm really not the kind of guy to approach girls and I don't like social construct of 'dating', so I'm really my own worst enemy. I can talk to them fine but i'm usually oblivious if they actually are interested. I think I convince myself that they aren't so I can be myself, but at the same time that prevents me from doing anything.

I miss holding someone in my arms and forgetting about everything else... I miss just having someone to hold.

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Sleepyjack

Oh i didn't mean to mnake my friend sound like a complete prick. He made a drunken mistake and lied to his girlfriend (shit this might make it even worse) but they had been through some tough times over a few ytears and have recently decided to et back together. People are human and they make mistakes, as long as he learns ffrom it, depsite it sbhould be a given not to cheat. I don't support cheating! or think its cool. He never lied to me or cheated on me and we've been good friend for a while so i forgave him and support him. I was just a little bitter cause he "seemed" to take the relationship for granted, but i only found out a whole lot more about it when they where seperated. Also because he's my friend and did this, doens't mean i am gonna do it. I indirectly saw how everythiong was fucked up so i don't think or feel i could ever cheat. Anyway, this isn't about my friend.

Also i don't really have a confidence problem. Sometimes i can be a little bit too alpha male and getting with random girls isn't too much of a problem for me. Just as kurty[B] said one night stands and other meaningless crap don't appeal to me much anymore and i'd much rather a relationship.

As for meeting new people, it has a bit to do with utility and game theory. not that i know much about either, i may even get them wrong, but basically the more risk averse you are the better the rewards if the risk pays off. The whole you only live once and will try anything once choice. So i might try changing some things up and take a lot more risks (within reason, avoiding breaking the law, personnal injury) and hopefully something more signifigant will happen.....

motdakasha

I bitch and moan a lot about needing to get laid, but I don't want to just get laid. I want to have sex with someone who knows every inch of my body and can effectively satisfy me. I tried dating a few times and it was just a horrible experience for me. The last guy I dated I wanted to murder, but I don't think he even realized how much he irritated me.

I know I'm not single for lack of effort. I'm a fairly social person. Every now and then, I'll go to a goth club. I'm part of my college's Outdoor Club. I talk to and meet a lot of people on the internet. I'm a regular at a coffee shop (and I don't even drink coffee). None of my efforts seem to get me anywhere. I feel like I'm going in circles.

And the guys I meet that I'm actually interested in have completely opposite social lives to me. They never seem to enjoy going out or doing something interesting or fun or cheap. They never want to hike, or bicycle, or DDR, or snowboard, or go to a museum, or surf, or ANY T H I N G. Sometimes, they'll go to a social gathering, but it's usually only after I drag them out by their ears. Or, the only thing they're willing to do on a regular basis is go out to get fast food because they can't cook! W T F. My first (evil) ex couldn't even cook canned food. My last date couldn't even make Cup O Noodles. It's a wonder how I met these hermits in the first place.

They seem so cool in the beginning, then they get worse and worse. I can't help but wonder if it's because I actively look to identify their flaws, or if they really do just change over time.

When a guy does make a first move (pretty rare for me), it's usually some guy I really don't want to make a first move. And I have a tendency to pick out the guys that don't like me. Go me. Woo. :/

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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

Minx

Sometimes I feel like the only person on the site who doesn't have a comment (either good or bad) about their SO and I think "Hey...at least you have someone". Wow...it's nice to know I'm not alone!

I can relate to this. I hate the sleeping alone end of it and to be quite blunt - I get cranky when I don't get some fun & lovin' on a regular basis! No wonder I'm turning bitter Overall it's not so bad I suppose - I have my kids to keep me company and to fill the quiet times but I really miss having someone to laugh with...I miss the companionship of a relationship. I miss the things like walking into a room and lighting up because that special person is there. *sigh* And heck...I talk to my dog so much that I think pretty soon he's going to start answering back!

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You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

kurty[B]

wanna go hiking motdakasha??

motdakasha

sure....... if you visit California. ( distance )

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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

iamjero

My single life is aight. Nothin to brag about, but nothing to despair over either. I was living with my G/F for about 1.5 years, we were in Chicago and life was good. Then she found out her dad had cancer and she had to go home to Japan to see him. So she left and I was stuck in Chicago, not knowing anyone, not making all that much money, not in school, and with no reason to be there. So I got a job with this company and they said they had a job in Kentucky. I dont mean to offend anyone if yall are from here, but this place is the biggest shithole I have ever lived. On the bright side I have to say that I have never had so many women calling me and wanting to hook up than I have since Ive been here. I mean its really nothing to brag about beacuse all you have to have is "most' of your teeth, a job even if its at McDonalds, and not be a wife beating alcoholic to be a mack daddy pimp.
So the single life hasnt been that bad for me, this time, but this hasent always been the story. I have had WAY MORE than my sahre of dry spells and honestly I would be hard pressed to find something more miserable than the downward spiral that is caused by not getting booty for an extended period of time. Nothing scares the women away faster than the smell of a man that hasnt been laid in a whyle.

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"Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?"

- Joseph Stalin

IC3

As Much as I hate being single...I love it at the same time, I can do what I want, When I want and not have a Girlfriend there to complain about what I choose to do.

I don't like being Single cause I love Affection..And all the good things that come from Having a Partner.

But...

I have been getting Laid Almost on a Regular Basis Lately...I am 25, I think sometimes I am not ready for a serious relationship anyways...So maybe it's better this way...I hate having a relationship with a Girl for 2 weeks, Then she decides she wants to Stop seeing Eachother...So I am just going to Enjoy myself for a little while longer.

iamjero

I totally feel you on that IC3. I know I aint ready to get married, but being single is tough. Im 26 and I am enjoying playing the field.

__________________
"Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?"

- Joseph Stalin

IC3

I am doing pretty much the same thing...But I think Girls play to many head games...Eventually I just wanna settle down with a Nice Girl...Minus the Head Games...But that is Highly Doubtfull..Maybe it's just the girls that i know..But the Impression I get is that All women Like to play head games...I may be wrong though.

iamjero

I dont think its just the girls you know beacuse most of the girls I know do the same shit. I have found that older women dont play as many games, but then again mabey I just cant figure them out.

__________________
"Ideas are far more powerful than guns. We don't allow our enemies to have guns, why should we allow them to have ideas?"

- Joseph Stalin

Minx

Saying "All women like to play head games" is about as fair as my saying that "All men play head games as all they want to do is get laid."
I'm sure a few of you "nice" guys out there would take offence at that comment. You can't pidgeon-hole an entire group of people because of a few past experiences. That's just not fair!

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You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

Sleepyjack

i agree with Minx, pigeon-holing is not fair. There are plenty of nice, normal girls out there, although the vast majority seem to only want to be friends....

Thraeryn

Okay, this is the POV from a non-single, so feel free to ignore it. Thought I'd let you know ahead of time.

It's time to change your outlook.

When you think that the world owes you a living, and that it will hand you all that you deserve, it does. There are simply a few things that you must remember:

• you must always retain, somewhere in your mind, the fact that you are Hot Shit. The course of evolution has existed simply to produce you.
• the person that you eventually choose to be with must be your equal. They must kick ass in so many ways that you get a little astounded by it.
• "Chance favors the prepared mind." -Louis Pasteur. GO AFTER THEM when the chance pops up. Don't back off. Wear them down. Keep pushing. They will eventually cave, or will go away exactly like they would have if you didn't push. You're not missing anything by being persistent.

I hope some of you take this to heart and that it helps.

Sleepyjack

good tips Thraeryn

and i'm gonna keep digging till i feel something, anything....

anti fishstick

yes! and then i usually end up falling for them anyway bcos of their persistance and i'm a loser who doesn't think i have any other options because i can't meet people on my own. haha. :-x

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

Battlefield

Hey enjoy the single life! It's amazing how much you can get done when you're single be it career, education or hobbies. Having a SO is a trade-off, and even though I am personally very happy sometimes I long for those times when I was single and had alot more time to devout to my own development.

motdakasha

2 out of 3 ain't so bad, is it?

I did that twice. I'll be damned if I do it thrice. I've turned into something like a runaway bride, except it's not marriage. Any hint of incompatibility and I skeedaddle. Unless I'm infatuated with someone who doesn't like me back; that's when I'll stick around for a while and persist. It's not like it's hurting anyone (except maybe myself, but that is my own responsibility and yada yada).

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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

mirevolver

My single life.

Pros: I can look at any girl who passes by.

Cons: After looking at girls, I come home to an empty apartment.

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Aside from my great plans to become the future dictator of the moon, I have little interest in political discussions.

anti fishstick

yea i think i've done it about twice as well. ahahaha! that's how i broke up with my last boyfriend. any sign of incompatibily and i'm outta there. sorry dude.

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

djm

Sometimes, I just want to die about it.

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Don't call my name out your window; I'm leaving.

motdakasha

we must be related somehow!

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

Thraeryn

Which two of the three? They're all important.

Averett

[list][*] I'm so Hot, my shoes are melting[*] There's this particular guy.... He plays soccer. So there's the kicking aspect [*] I will be dialing my phone tonight. I will be persistent!

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

motdakasha

Thrae: I'm not Hot Shit. That's how I see it and that POV's not changin' it's tune.

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)