Sex with someone who's had sex with someone you know... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

analog · 08-02-2003, 05:04 PM

A thought just came to me... would you have sex with someone who has had sex with someone you know (a friend)?

Like, if you buddy has sex with a girl, and then you are in a spot to be able to hit it as well. Your thoughts?

tikki · 08-02-2003, 05:12 PM

Sounds like my situation atm. I'll let you know what I do

gbrad64466 · 08-02-2003, 05:26 PM

yup been there..
my wife was my best friends girl for a while...
we have tossed around the idea of a three way...
but my friends wife is kinda prudish about that..
we'r still working on his wife and slowly getting there...

Mephisto2 · 08-02-2003, 05:45 PM

Interesting question analog!!

Do you mean WOULD we do it, or HAVE we done it?

It's happened to me in the past. I've been with ex's of some of my mates.

It's not an ideal situation as there is plenty of scope for awkwardness and resentment from your mate, if they still like the girl/guy you sleep with.

And the tables have been turned on me too. Before my wife and I got married, we broke up for a while and she ended up sleeping with one of my "mates" (turned out he was an asshole anyway, but that's another story!).

It's not a nice feeling!

But if your friend doesn't care, where's the harm?

Mr Mephisto

Mael · 08-02-2003, 07:06 PM

the first girl i ever slept with had the summer before had a one night stand with one of my frat brothers. i felt kinda weird at first about it, but then got over it quick. the only time i would not fuck a girl taht had slept with a friend is if they had been seriously dating (and are now broken up). once a girl has dated a friend, and more than a couple dates, then i consider her off limits for good (or unitl i'm no longer friends with the guy, which has not been the case yet). if it was just a few dates that they had, and it was a while previously, i'd probably do it if my friend had never been madly into her, because i wouldn't want to hurt a friend.

saying that though, i would fuck a friend even if i had no interest in dating her and knowing that when she realized that she would be pissed (it actually happened once, but i don't care for 2 reasons. 1: i'm not very good friends with her, but i'm good friends with her old roommate, and 2: i have no problem being an ass.)

Mephisto2 · 08-02-2003, 07:08 PM

LOL

I like reason two best.

I have no problem being an ass

Classic...

Mr Mephisto

Slims · 08-02-2003, 07:32 PM

Unless your buddy is hung up over the girl, it shouldn't be a problem.

08-02-2003, 07:41 PM

Hell, I was trying to hook up with this girl who was a mutual friend with my roomate at the time.. We're partying and we all had a few too many beers. She ends up sleeping with my roomate.

No hard feelings tho. We hooked up like three days later and had a pretty good run together. That and it was funny hearing that my roomate had issues maintaining unless he used Detane cream

We're still friends. Both the roomate and the girl.

chavos · 08-02-2003, 10:14 PM

depends on the guy...with a friend's blessing, i might consider one of their ex's. But given that i usually am the one who people go to with all the problems of their relationships, i would already know this chick's bad habits better than she does. Not fun...nor would the idea of getting seconds from my friend. Would have to be pretty exceptional for me to consider it.

Creamies · 08-03-2003, 07:56 PM

I am have a girlfriend now. Kinda wierd. My best friend had a roomate few years back and the roomate had a girlfriend. We have all hung out a long time ago. The roomate is a good aquaintance of mine. Anyway, they had a 4 year long relationship and they broke up about a year ago. The roomate found a girlfriend 2 weeks after they break up. And recently i hooked up with his ex. You think its bad/wierd?

Meta · 08-04-2003, 02:09 AM

I dated a girl once, after about a year it comes out that she was at one time involved with some other guy I used to know from one of my old high schools. (I moved during 10th grade.) Incidentally it turns out he was gay, but I don't think it's her fault. But she did tell me when they were involved they were a lot more experimental, and a good portion of her body was, for lack of a better word, 'used.' Like, "any port in a storm" type used.

There's a lot of stuff she wouldn't even consider doing when we were together because of that relationship, and good lord, I wouldn't even want to anyway, but the fact that she was all into some (in my opinion) real wild stuff back in the day was kind of at turn off.

platypus · 08-04-2003, 04:34 AM

Back in college, a friend of mine had a smoking hot girlfriend that he used to treat rather badly. Not in a physical way, but she was lonely and unhappy with their relationship. She came on to me one evening, probably more to spite him. All of a sudden, she was my girlfriend. He didn't seem to mind and we remained friends. I never understood his attitude toward her as she was a lot of fun.

Konichiwaneko · 08-04-2003, 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Creamies
I am have a girlfriend now. Kinda wierd. My best friend had a roomate few years back and the roomate had a girlfriend. We have all hung out a long time ago. The roomate is a good aquaintance of mine. Anyway, they had a 4 year long relationship and they broke up about a year ago. The roomate found a girlfriend 2 weeks after they break up. And recently i hooked up with his ex. You think its bad/wierd?

Not weird. Some guys like me have a hard time just "Hooking Up" and it's a lot easier to get together with somone you know you've been comfortable with before. Your situation is a classic case of this.

Congrat's man, try to be understanding that she's probably still going to rememebr a lot from that 4 year relationship.

Screech Powers · 08-04-2003, 06:07 AM

Yeah, I'd hit it.

eci · 08-04-2003, 09:10 AM

I don't think it would be a problem if you stay good friends with your mate - after all, you can't control your feelings, right?

blindawg · 08-04-2003, 09:15 AM

Been there done that.. A few times..

aintyoboyfriend · 08-04-2003, 10:18 AM

Its ok to do if neither your relationship or your friends relationship was serious with the girl. If either ends up serious, then it makes for a very akward situation down the road.

I voted have/would do it. but only if it was purely a sexual relationship.

neoinoakleys · 08-04-2003, 10:39 AM

Been there done that, and had it done to me....

I am not going to dwell on the specifics, but here is the moral of the story...

There is an unwritten rule between my friends that we just don't o after girls that one of us has had, or had an interest in having. This keeps things on a very trusting level. Last thing we want is to constantly be double guessing my friends' motives and interactions with females.

With this said, I would tell you to re-evaluate how much this friend of yours means to you. If the relationship with this girl goes sour, or even if it works, is worth loosing this friend over this girl. In my experience, you keep friends for a lot longer than you keep a girlfriend. There are MANY other fish in the sea, why go after this one??

It really doesn't matter what the friend says, even if he says for you to go for it...how do you know this friend didn't just say that to seem like a nice guy, or to seem like he is a bigger man and doesn't want to seem like a prude, but deep inside he is uncomfortable with the whole idea??

Again, my question is, why would you want to put yourself in this situation???

I have a very large group of friends. This includes guys and girls. We regularly hang out together. I will admit that some of the girls in our group are ex-GF of some of the guys, but we are still a happy family of friends and we won't date these girls since they are one of our buddy's ex. Also, what happens if one of us DOES date one of these ex's? How would that affct the dynamics of the group?? And assume for a second if this relationship ended badly...how would THAT affect the dynamics of the friend circle? People would feel like they would have to choose sides, and suddenly we won't be able to just invite everyone to our gatherings because we won't know who will have a problem with whom.

In my experience, there are always feelings tied with an ex. No matter how insignificant the relationship is, and you want to be able to trust your friends.

Imagine if you were with a current girlfriend, and one day you just have a fight. Do you really want to be worried that one of your friends might be putting the moves on your girl, in the emotional state that she might be in? It's all about trust, man.

Also, doesn't it seem a little hypocritical?? If this was a good friend, then he was probably pouring his heart out about all of the problems he might be having in his relationship with this girl and you would have given him advice and maybe even comforted him, wouldn't that guy feel totally betrayed if you hooked up with her later. The trust would be gone...

There is only one girl that you will end up with in the end (unless you believe in Polygamy), so chances are that this girl is not the one you will end up with, and even if it is, why would you put a friend through the turmoil? Chances are better that you will have tons of friends and these friends will be there longer than this girl. Instead take your buddy out for a few beers and go looking for a couple of new girls, forget your buddy's ex...

Even if you do this with one friend, all the rest of your friends would start to not trust you around their GFs for fear that if anything goes wrong in their relationship, you might try to move in on them...

Just put yourself in their shoes, noone wants a friend they can't trust...

Untrustwothry friends have no place in my life...

iceman2032 · 08-04-2003, 10:43 AM

There was this one chick that would come to my appartment and hang out with me and my roommate. There were a couple of times where I would fuck her and then she would head over to my roommates room without even putting her clothes back on and vice versa

raeanna74 · 08-04-2003, 07:03 PM

We've swapped with a couple and then met up with friends of theirs to swap too.

The creepy one to me was one couple we met up with and later I found out the guy had gone to school with my mom and had done business with my grandfather. He wasn't in the same grade as my mom - a much lower one thankfully.

bobw · 08-04-2003, 07:19 PM

depends on how well you know the other person, but generally, I would not do it.

oldtimer · 08-06-2003, 06:39 PM

I don't take sloppy seconds. Either you just met her or she just met you. You shouldn't <i>do</i> someone you know has dated a friend unless (like Mael said) she was <i>lightly tuned</i>.

rodgerd · 08-07-2003, 12:06 AM

I have no problem wtih this, meself. As long as it's all above board and you aren't sneaking around behind the friend's back.

analog · 08-13-2003, 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mael
i have no problem being an ass.)

lol... you stole my personal mantra!

motdakasha · 08-13-2003, 02:21 AM

I've only done it in the past when I know that our mutual friend is okay with the idea of it.

Markaz · 08-13-2003, 02:31 AM

Obviously I would, since I'm a sex deprived coolage student! Aaaaahhh

yournamehere · 08-13-2003, 09:52 AM

In my experience, it was unavoidable - a close circle of friends is going to eventually involve dating someone else's ex. I've been to weddings of quite a few ex-girlfriends, and am good friends with one of my wife's ex-boyfriends.

I mean - hey, if you want someone who "saved themselves" for you, you'd better be clear about that at the beginning of a relationship, and not be a hypocrite about it, either. Otherwise, STFU.

World's King · 08-13-2003, 11:46 AM

Been there, done that...

I've dated best friends... I've been with girls my mates had been with... I've been with my mates... oops.

s8ins child · 08-13-2003, 02:51 PM

Vyk · 08-13-2003, 03:03 PM

I once had sex with a girl my older brother had dated. They'd been broken up for about a year so I didn't see too much of a problem. Was a little odd though if I stopped to think about it.

Course, she was also best friends with the girl I was seeing in an open relationship at the time... erk... that didn't go over too well.

oops.

Vanilla Ice · 08-13-2003, 11:54 PM

I once did it in college with a girl who was previously banging one of our teachers but then left him for me.

We both made sure to keep it a secret as neither of us felt like failing out of college.

View Poll Results: I would...
have sex with someone who has had sex with someone I know (like a friend)	60	71.43%
NOT have sex with someone who has had sex with someone I know (like a friend)	11	13.10%
do it if the other person wasn't that great a friend	12	14.29%
not do it, even if i barely knew the other person.	1	1.19%
Voters: 84. You may not vote on this poll

08-02-2003, 05:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
analog Banned	Sex with someone who's had sex with someone you know... A thought just came to me... would you have sex with someone who has had sex with someone you know (a friend)? Like, if you buddy has sex with a girl, and then you are in a spot to be able to hit it as well. Your thoughts? Last edited by analog; 08-02-2003 at 05:06 PM..

08-02-2003, 05:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
tikki Justified Location: West Lafayette, IN	Sounds like my situation atm. I'll let you know what I do __________________ Take notice. Take interest. Take me with you.

08-02-2003, 07:32 PM	#7 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Unless your buddy is hung up over the girl, it shouldn't be a problem. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

08-04-2003, 02:09 AM	#11 (permalink)
Meta Tilted	I dated a girl once, after about a year it comes out that she was at one time involved with some other guy I used to know from one of my old high schools. (I moved during 10th grade.) Incidentally it turns out he was gay, but I don't think it's her fault. But she did tell me when they were involved they were a lot more experimental, and a good portion of her body was, for lack of a better word, 'used.' Like, "any port in a storm" type used. There's a lot of stuff she wouldn't even consider doing when we were together because of that relationship, and good lord, I wouldn't even want to anyway, but the fact that she was all into some (in my opinion) real wild stuff back in the day was kind of at turn off. __________________ There's room for all God's creatures. Right next to the mashed potatoes.

08-02-2003, 05:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
gbrad64466 Upright Location: inverness	yup been there.. my wife was my best friends girl for a while... we have tossed around the idea of a three way... but my friends wife is kinda prudish about that.. we'r still working on his wife and slowly getting there...

08-02-2003, 05:45 PM	#4 (permalink)
Mephisto2 Junkie	Interesting question analog!! Do you mean WOULD we do it, or HAVE we done it? It's happened to me in the past. I've been with ex's of some of my mates. It's not an ideal situation as there is plenty of scope for awkwardness and resentment from your mate, if they still like the girl/guy you sleep with. And the tables have been turned on me too. Before my wife and I got married, we broke up for a while and she ended up sleeping with one of my "mates" (turned out he was an asshole anyway, but that's another story!). It's not a nice feeling! But if your friend doesn't care, where's the harm? Mr Mephisto

08-02-2003, 07:06 PM	#5 (permalink)
Mael Banned Location: The Hell I Created.	the first girl i ever slept with had the summer before had a one night stand with one of my frat brothers. i felt kinda weird at first about it, but then got over it quick. the only time i would not fuck a girl taht had slept with a friend is if they had been seriously dating (and are now broken up). once a girl has dated a friend, and more than a couple dates, then i consider her off limits for good (or unitl i'm no longer friends with the guy, which has not been the case yet). if it was just a few dates that they had, and it was a while previously, i'd probably do it if my friend had never been madly into her, because i wouldn't want to hurt a friend. saying that though, i would fuck a friend even if i had no interest in dating her and knowing that when she realized that she would be pissed (it actually happened once, but i don't care for 2 reasons. 1: i'm not very good friends with her, but i'm good friends with her old roommate, and 2: i have no problem being an ass.)

08-02-2003, 07:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
Mephisto2 Junkie	LOL I like reason two best. I have no problem being an ass Classic... Mr Mephisto

08-02-2003, 07:41 PM	#8 (permalink)
smithja0423 Guest	Hell, I was trying to hook up with this girl who was a mutual friend with my roomate at the time.. We're partying and we all had a few too many beers. She ends up sleeping with my roomate. No hard feelings tho. We hooked up like three days later and had a pretty good run together. That and it was funny hearing that my roomate had issues maintaining unless he used Detane cream We're still friends. Both the roomate and the girl.

08-02-2003, 10:14 PM	#9 (permalink)
chavos Banned Location: St. Paul, MN	depends on the guy...with a friend's blessing, i might consider one of their ex's. But given that i usually am the one who people go to with all the problems of their relationships, i would already know this chick's bad habits better than she does. Not fun...nor would the idea of getting seconds from my friend. Would have to be pretty exceptional for me to consider it.

08-03-2003, 07:56 PM	#10 (permalink)
Creamies Upright	I am have a girlfriend now. Kinda wierd. My best friend had a roomate few years back and the roomate had a girlfriend. We have all hung out a long time ago. The roomate is a good aquaintance of mine. Anyway, they had a 4 year long relationship and they broke up about a year ago. The roomate found a girlfriend 2 weeks after they break up. And recently i hooked up with his ex. You think its bad/wierd?

08-04-2003, 04:34 AM	#12 (permalink)
platypus Essen meine kurze Hosen Location: NY Burbs	Back in college, a friend of mine had a smoking hot girlfriend that he used to treat rather badly. Not in a physical way, but she was lonely and unhappy with their relationship. She came on to me one evening, probably more to spite him. All of a sudden, she was my girlfriend. He didn't seem to mind and we remained friends. I never understood his attitude toward her as she was a lot of fun. __________________ Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall...nothing but Net.

08-04-2003, 06:07 AM	#14 (permalink)
Screech Powers Upright Location: Denmark	Yeah, I'd hit it.

08-04-2003, 09:10 AM	#15 (permalink)
eci Tilted Location: UK	I don't think it would be a problem if you stay good friends with your mate - after all, you can't control your feelings, right?

08-04-2003, 09:15 AM	#16 (permalink)
blindawg Lord over all I survey Location: Northern Michigan	Been there done that.. A few times.. __________________ ( • Y • ) I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. ( • Y • ) - Jack Handey

08-13-2003, 02:51 PM	#29 (permalink)
s8ins child Tilted	nah!

08-04-2003, 10:18 AM	#17 (permalink)
aintyoboyfriend Insane Location: Arlington, VA	Its ok to do if neither your relationship or your friends relationship was serious with the girl. If either ends up serious, then it makes for a very akward situation down the road. I voted have/would do it. but only if it was purely a sexual relationship.

08-04-2003, 10:39 AM	#18 (permalink)
neoinoakleys Psycho Location: Michigan	Been there done that, and had it done to me.... I am not going to dwell on the specifics, but here is the moral of the story... There is an unwritten rule between my friends that we just don't o after girls that one of us has had, or had an interest in having. This keeps things on a very trusting level. Last thing we want is to constantly be double guessing my friends' motives and interactions with females. With this said, I would tell you to re-evaluate how much this friend of yours means to you. If the relationship with this girl goes sour, or even if it works, is worth loosing this friend over this girl. In my experience, you keep friends for a lot longer than you keep a girlfriend. There are MANY other fish in the sea, why go after this one?? It really doesn't matter what the friend says, even if he says for you to go for it...how do you know this friend didn't just say that to seem like a nice guy, or to seem like he is a bigger man and doesn't want to seem like a prude, but deep inside he is uncomfortable with the whole idea?? Again, my question is, why would you want to put yourself in this situation??? I have a very large group of friends. This includes guys and girls. We regularly hang out together. I will admit that some of the girls in our group are ex-GF of some of the guys, but we are still a happy family of friends and we won't date these girls since they are one of our buddy's ex. Also, what happens if one of us DOES date one of these ex's? How would that affct the dynamics of the group?? And assume for a second if this relationship ended badly...how would THAT affect the dynamics of the friend circle? People would feel like they would have to choose sides, and suddenly we won't be able to just invite everyone to our gatherings because we won't know who will have a problem with whom. In my experience, there are always feelings tied with an ex. No matter how insignificant the relationship is, and you want to be able to trust your friends. Imagine if you were with a current girlfriend, and one day you just have a fight. Do you really want to be worried that one of your friends might be putting the moves on your girl, in the emotional state that she might be in? It's all about trust, man. Also, doesn't it seem a little hypocritical?? If this was a good friend, then he was probably pouring his heart out about all of the problems he might be having in his relationship with this girl and you would have given him advice and maybe even comforted him, wouldn't that guy feel totally betrayed if you hooked up with her later. The trust would be gone... There is only one girl that you will end up with in the end (unless you believe in Polygamy), so chances are that this girl is not the one you will end up with, and even if it is, why would you put a friend through the turmoil? Chances are better that you will have tons of friends and these friends will be there longer than this girl. Instead take your buddy out for a few beers and go looking for a couple of new girls, forget your buddy's ex... Even if you do this with one friend, all the rest of your friends would start to not trust you around their GFs for fear that if anything goes wrong in their relationship, you might try to move in on them... Just put yourself in their shoes, noone wants a friend they can't trust... Untrustwothry friends have no place in my life... __________________ It's My Duty to Please That Booty!!

08-04-2003, 10:43 AM	#19 (permalink)
iceman2032 Crazy	There was this one chick that would come to my appartment and hang out with me and my roommate. There were a couple of times where I would fuck her and then she would head over to my roommates room without even putting her clothes back on and vice versa

08-04-2003, 07:03 PM	#20 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	We've swapped with a couple and then met up with friends of theirs to swap too. The creepy one to me was one couple we met up with and later I found out the guy had gone to school with my mom and had done business with my grandfather. He wasn't in the same grade as my mom - a much lower one thankfully. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

08-04-2003, 07:19 PM	#21 (permalink)
bobw Psycho Location: somewhere....	depends on how well you know the other person, but generally, I would not do it.

08-06-2003, 06:39 PM	#22 (permalink)
oldtimer Addict	I don't take sloppy seconds. Either you just met her or she just met you. You shouldn't <i>do</i> someone you know has dated a friend unless (like Mael said) she was <i>lightly tuned</i>. __________________ Slowly but surely getting over the loss of TFP v. 3.0. Where the hell am I?.... Showering once a month does not make you a better person. "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." Martin Luther King, Jr.

08-07-2003, 12:06 AM	#23 (permalink)
rodgerd Psycho Location: Wellington, New Zealand	I have no problem wtih this, meself. As long as it's all above board and you aren't sneaking around behind the friend's back.

08-13-2003, 02:21 AM	#25 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	I've only done it in the past when I know that our mutual friend is okay with the idea of it. __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

08-13-2003, 02:31 AM	#26 (permalink)
Markaz Tilted	Obviously I would, since I'm a sex deprived coolage student! Aaaaahhh __________________ Tu madre está muy sabrosa

08-13-2003, 09:52 AM	#27 (permalink)
yournamehere Invisible Location: tentative, at best	In my experience, it was unavoidable - a close circle of friends is going to eventually involve dating someone else's ex. I've been to weddings of quite a few ex-girlfriends, and am good friends with one of my wife's ex-boyfriends. I mean - hey, if you want someone who "saved themselves" for you, you'd better be clear about that at the beginning of a relationship, and not be a hypocrite about it, either. Otherwise, STFU. __________________ If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors: "If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too." It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

08-13-2003, 11:46 AM	#28 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Been there, done that... I've dated best friends... I've been with girls my mates had been with... I've been with my mates... oops. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

08-13-2003, 03:03 PM	#30 (permalink)
Vyk Insane Location: Dayton, Ohio	I once had sex with a girl my older brother had dated. They'd been broken up for about a year so I didn't see too much of a problem. Was a little odd though if I stopped to think about it. Course, she was also best friends with the girl I was seeing in an open relationship at the time... erk... that didn't go over too well. oops.

08-13-2003, 11:54 PM	#31 (permalink)
Vanilla Ice Upright	I once did it in college with a girl who was previously banging one of our teachers but then left him for me. We both made sure to keep it a secret as neither of us felt like failing out of college.