fallen_angel

I was wondering how far and what you can do with someone without cheating on your partner. I jsut want honest opinions and i know it is bad to cheat but i would like to know what is ok and what is not and i do know that sex is not ok.

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laxative

anal.

sadistikdreams

oral

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YourNeverThere

ya i think oral as well, everything after kissing is not really that good, but its forgiveable, oral is where then line is i think

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The Other Side

Hell, I consider kissing the root of all cheating. If your significant other is willing to go out and kiss other people, think of the other things they are willing to do. If I ever caught my woman kissing a guy I didn't know...first, I'd whoop his ass then whoop her ass for lieing to me about the whole 'I don't cheat' shit.

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docbungle

Anything you do with someone that you don't want your partner to find out about could be considered a form of cheating, in my mind.

Seeing what you can get away with isn't something that caring couples do to each other.

hambone

I think kissing is the line.

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Buk

I'd have to say even just thinking about cheating with the other person is too far and you need to reign it in.

SiN

good answer

i'd have to pretty much agree...

what exactly is considered cheating is defined by the couple...
but whatever it is, if you don't want your partner to kno, imo, you're doing something wrong.

gah. cheating is lame.

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Phaenx

My right hand gets jealous when I'm whoring sometimes.

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numist

YourNeverThere has it, as far as I;m concerned, although docbungle makes a good point;

so, any kind of sex = cheating
trying to get away with something = cheating

my g/f kisses her guy friends, and is 'close' with her buddies, but is always open about it... where that openess stops, the cheating starts.

crow_daw

I'd be eaten alive with guilt even after kissing, sooooooo, thats my line I guess.

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badflsh

If you are asking yourself if you are cheating then at least part of you feels a little guilty about whatever it is you are doing. If that is the case, you most likely are cheating. Even if your partner isn’t pissed about it, the fact you feel guilty enough to question it means you feel like you are in some way jeopardizing your partner’s trust.

daoist

if you have to use more than a brief paragraph to explain why what you were doing was not cheating, you are probably cheating. Love does not thrive on technicalities.

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Donkeypuncher

kissing would generally be "too far"

agreed with the above - anything you wouldn't freely tell your partner about, knowing it would bother them... is cheating. It's a great rule of thumb because it encompasses whatever unique agreements you may have with each other. If you don't think you could easily tell them, don't do it.

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rodgerd

Seconded. If you wouldn't want your partner to find out you were doing X, you shouldn't be doing it.

If your partner wouldn't care, it's not cheating. Where that boundary is will vary for different relationships.

Scrub0

Kissing is completely fucking unacceptable. How the hell can you think oral is acceptable??

luminus

Well, it depends on the bounds set on your relationship, so I'd tend to agree with the statement that "anything you don't want your partner to find out about" is cheating.

On a more personal note though, I'm pretty much a traditionalist in the relationship sense, and I'd say that kissing, while not necessarily cheating, is grounds for a serious discussion about breaking up. Hell, in many cases sex isn't as intimate as a kiss.

geodaro

I would have to say "double penetration" is definately going too far! Although a little anal bead action coupled with oral would remain in the bounds of good clean fun with an office friend.

Derwood

Kissing, provided the intention behind the kissing was of a lacivious nature. If you generally kiss people who are your friends, no problem. If you are kissing someone cuz they make your naughty bits tingle, that is cheating.

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Bill O'Rights

The answer to your question is simple, you see. Turn it around , and ask yourself how far and what your <b>SO</b> can do with someone without cheating on <b>you</b>. Turn it back around, and <b>that</b>, my friend, is the answer you seek.

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Jim Kata

Flirting isn't even cool in my book. Not that I'm totally innocent.

Taliesin

Nah - flirting is fun. As long as it doesn't lead anywhere.

Tirian

I think it's all about where your intentions and thoughts are. Any emotional investment beyond friendship is cheating on your spouse in my opinion.

For example physically you could hug a friend in an expression of friendship without cheating, but if your mind was thinking about this person in other ways then the thoughts and the hug would both be cheating.

smithja0423

Lots of good opinions here. Bottom line is that if you cross the line of demarcation that you've set in your relationship, it's cheating. Where that line lies should be determined through open and honest communication with your partner.

baudot

Add one more vote on that one.

And if you haven't looked into polyamory - check it out. It's the notion that love SHOULD be shared. Don't call what you're doing that if it doesn't fit. The polyamory movement doesn't need any worse of a name than is already has, thank you very much.

ratbastid

That you're even asking the question is pretty problematic... You're looking for a technical answer, Bill Clinton-style. Danger! Danger!

bigoldalphamale

i am going to go with: if you are even thinking about doing anything you KNOW your significant other wouldnt want you doing, then you need to let that significant other find someone else. as stated above, every relationship has its own rules...but for me...even entertaining the thought of engaging in extracurricular activity with someone else is grounds for dismissal. and that's that.

bigoldalphamale

flirting sucks too. that's a tool for single people to signal to one another that there is interest. there is no reason my girlfriend should be out flirting with random doods. that's about as disrespectful as cheating. and also grounds for dismissal.

ninety09

Flirting is cheating, as long as I'm concerned anyway.

SiN

agreed. it hurts.

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baudot

Again, It's all about the boundries of the relationship as you and she have agreed on them. If you've agreed in advance that you're both poly, then flirting and far more becomes possible. It's about expectations, and desires, and respect. There's no fixed line and anyone who tells you otherwise is speaking about dogma, not life.

Charlatan

My wife and I both flirt with others... it isn't cheating.

Cheating is when you intend to go out and do something you wouldn't have your SO do with another person...

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JStrider

*shrug* in my book if im not there to see it then flirting is ok... but much beyond that... i would start to have issues...
like kissing... that could be bad... unless she was kissing a girl i would like to kiss too... then it might be a go :-D

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SiN

Forks, i think that exactly falls under the

'would the SO be aware and ok with it or not' rule.

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Donkeypuncher

I think the "if you wouldn't bo comfortable telling your SO about it" rule still applies. If they're OK with it, obviously... who cares?

but... for the sake of discussion, let's assume the circumstance is a committed, monogamous relationship with one partner (since I think that's what you meant)...

It's sexual activity with someone other than your partner, it's instantly out of bounds. Period.

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rockogre

I found this one day in my Mens Health magazine and realized what was going on between a friend and I. I knew that I cared for her a little more than I should but this was an eye opener.

According to this I am having an "Emotional Affair" and didn't even know it. She got divorced recently and my marriage has been sour for some years now. We work together and visit a lot at work.

I seem to be cheating in a way I hadn't thought of.

I guess I'm just bad.

http://www.menshealth.com/cda/quizle...-0-549,00.html

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3zos

the issue really comes down to what your confortable with. My girlfriend and i were getting extremly close, to the point where both of us were thinking about marrage..

But the fact that she was thinking that scared her (in fact it scared me too, but not as much as it bothered her) she really loves me, but felt like she had not had enough experences to just be with one guy for the rest of her life (this is the same way i felt, but didn't want to bring it up and hurt her feelings) so eventualy, at what seemed the peak of our relationship we decided to go on a break..

Things were a little odd while we were in the same town, and we acted like we were going out most of the time. But now she is in europe for study abroad, and i recently found out from a friend that is there too that she made out with the british friend of her's while she was there. I know this probably shouldn't bother me because in essence we are broken up right now, and i know that if I found a girl (hard as hell sometimes) I wouldn't stop her or myself from kissing. I guess what really sucks is that I know that she is going to see this guy in a week or two (she is going to visit him on her last free weekend and stay with him and his parents) and who knows whats going to happen then.

I guess what really sucks is that I want her back, but I am scared that I won't trust her anymore, even though I know that if she dose get back together with me she will probably mean it. Another thing is that im worried that she is doing this just to have fun with other guys over the summer, and knows that i'll be here when she gets back... but that could just be me making up situations that don't exist in my head...

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baudot

3zos - sounds like a healthy thing to do.

Why not trust her anymore? It's something you both agreed to.

I understand that you feel like since she's acting on it and seeing someone and you're not that it's a little off. But it would have to be unbalanced one way or the other. Take your time, listen to your feelings, and when you find someone else you can experiment with, jump for it.

Slims

I doubt I can really do much more than give another girl a hug.

I can look at porn, hang out naked w/ friends, etc. but no touching.

That sort of thing is different for each couple though.

I guess you could define cheating as: Doing anything sexual or emotional with someone else if your SO wouldn't be/isn't ok with it.

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