NoFightLeft

Hello.

I am new here seeking advice how to handle my situation. I have been in a relationship for 5 years and the sex is off the chain. Within the last year or so I have stopped having an orgasm during intercourse.

My bf feels like it's him and I don't. I am afraid to have this conversation with him because he is a sensitive person and I don't want to make him feel inadequate. I am totally pleased with our sex life, but since i don't orgasm the way I used too, he feels like he can't please me. No matter what I say that's his position. I have orgasm during oral, finger stimulation and anal.

1. Any men out there reading, how do I approach this situation? I understand men can feel inadequate if the conversation is not approached correctly.

2. Women reading this post, have you had a similiar experience? What did you do. I am in my early 40s and feel like my body is changing; which has nothing to do with my bf pleasing me.

Thanks in advance.

genuinegirly

You should mention this change to your ob/gyn. It is a symptom of pre-menopause. Your boyfriend sounds like an understanding guy who would like to see you happy. Perhaps he will be more at-ease if he is aware that you are seeking treatment. In the meantime, let him know that you're having a good time (even without an orgasm) and that seeing him enjoy makes you feel satisfied. Make sure he knows that you don't blame him for your lack of orgasm.

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Daniel_

Just don't fake it! I can't speak for all guys, but for myself I'd rather talk about the changes in your libido than realise you're faking (as would certainly happen at some point).

Your final sentence throws me - you mention that you have orgasms in several cases; should this be that you USED to? Or can you still orgasm those ways, just not during vaginal sex? That being the case, it may simply be that you have become used to his "moves" during vaginal sex and that the rest still get you off because they're more intense or more "kinky".

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ASU2003

Here are the questions I would be asking:

Are you taking any medications that might be causing this?
Is your blood pressure normal?
Have you tried kegal exercises?
Does using a vibrator work?
How long are you having sex for? If it went longer do you think it would happen?
Is your mind distracted during sex?
Have you tried different positions?
Have you tried taking a week off from having sex?
Are you getting close to orgasm? What happens if you get close using oral or fingers and then switch to sex?
Do you initiate sex? Do you unexpectedly initiate sex?

You don't need to answer them here (even though we don't know who you are), but those are the ones I would think of off the top of my head.

NoFightLeft

Genuinegirly - I am on that. I have an appoint scheduled with the my ob. But thanks for the additive advice of pre-menopause.A friend of mine has been asking me this question for the last 6 months. i guess she sees something I don't.

Daniel - I will honestly say I pride myself on not faking it. And besides, my bf is so intuned with my body he knows an orgasm when he feels one. Even if I was a faker he would know. I know it means a lot to the male populations if women don't fake.

My last sentence is exactly what happens. I do not have vaginal orgasms, but have them the other ways I listed.

ASU2003 - medications could be a factor. we have a no holds barred sexual relationship, the sky is the limit. I am far from being a prude.

I have been overly stressed with another area in my life and i have talked about it way to much, so now i am internalizing it because i need to change for the situation to get better. but i am not willing to roll over and accept. i need the happy medium!

i went from being vaginally multi-orgasmic to not even getting close to an orgasm during intercourse.

As far as my initiation, during the day are my peak moments and let him know usually via text messenging, i have a very demanding job, so it's an automatic escapade as soon as we see each other. our time is very limited. having real time for our escapades is always a challenge, but we manage.

I thank you for your comments. it has helped so much. anything else you want to share i will definitely be checking the post everyday.

Thanks again for your support.

Willravel

Dude here, I'd appreciate frankness in a situation like this. A situation like this has the potential to be problematic in a relationship, so one shouldn't complicate it by parsing words or being overly sensitive. A 5 year long relationship means you're a team, and you're stronger going at this together, imho.

ASU2003

Is the finger stimulation orgasms from inserting them or rubbing your clit? Can you have vaginal orgasms by masturbating by yourself?

mathew856

maybe you should discuss this with a doctor...

chinese crested

Start on evening primrose oil - its very good for your girlie plumbing bits. Yes it could be early sign of menopause - evening primrose seems to keep you going for a bit longer - and I do not believe it can do harm.