Open Relationships?
 

I don't get it. Why would you be with someone in a relationship when you knew they where out screwing around. Now I understand situations like Artelevision (he has two beautiful girlfriends) because it's all open. As in each one knows the other person and is often licking that other person as well. I couldn't handle knowing that the girl I had strong enough feeling for to get into a relationship with is out meeting and making out with other guys... I'm too affraid she'll come home and tell me she's met someone better. Whch wouldn't be hard to do if I'm the compition. Can someone please explain to me how this all works.


I only ask this becasue the girl I'm dating has a boyfriend that lives in San Francsico. Things between the two of us got really serious last night (if you know what I mean) and I can't help but feel bad because in my head she just cheated on her boyfriend with me... I don't wanna be that guy. I may be an ass but I'm not gonna steal a girl from a guy... did I mention that I know her boyfriend too... yeah, we used to be good friends back in the day.


So, anyway, please explain why it isn't cheating so I can continue getting play without feeling so fucking bad.

No matter how much we try to justify it, you still know it's cheating. If you "don't wanna be that guy," then don't.

There may still be hope for you yet. ;)

It's not cheating when there has been a thoughtful discussion first between the two involved parties and then with additional parties, all agreeing.

You will continue feeling badly as long as you know she's already taken. If you all know each other then maybe you should talk things out. By the looks of it though, she apparently doesn't love her boyfriend enough to be faithful to him and because of that fact do you know for sure she wouldn't do the same to you somewhere down the line? Just a thought..

Personally I wouldn't be able to do an "open" relationship. If I am with someone it is because I care enough about them to give them all of me...heart, body and soul. I would want that same in return.
Perhaps I just don't share well! :p
Seriously, I think if you are in a serious relationship .... well, it's monogomous. That's just me though.

The only time there is such thing as an open relationship is when ALL PARTIES know about what is going on. The minute there is a secret......your a cheat.

On a technicality, isn't SHE the cheat?

I may not be the one cheating but niether would she if it wasn't for me.

She's been with this cat for over two years and has never done anything with anyone else until me. That make me think I should have left it all alone. I don't want to be the one that breaks up their relationship.

Unless she comes running to me for surrport and rebound sex. :p :hmm:

it's cheating.
 

If you know before hand that she is in a relationship, then it's cheating. plain and simple. You can call her the cheat or you call yourself, but we all know it takes two to tango.

If you don't want to be that guy, then don't be that guy.

Put yourself in his shoes for a few.

Re: it's cheating.
 

word.

I'm not being sarcastic, but I didn't know that there was a softer side of you, WK. I guess you never cease to amaze & surprise ;)

I'm gonna go against the flow and say be selfish and follow your heart, but before you go for it , be as sure as you can that she really is on the fence about staying with her bf.

I think there are some people out there in the world that truely believe they can have a relationship such that they can have sex with others and remain committed to each other anyway. I haven't seen one that worked for long, but have to admit it could be *possible*.

If you want someone in your life who wants only you, keep looking. If you're not in a relationship when you find the right someone, then you're ready to start something. I've met someone years ago that seemed really neat, but the whole time we knew each other, one or the other of us were always in a relationship with someone else. Unless you've made a commitment, end anything that doesn't work for you, so you're free to start something that might. (just my 2 cents worth, feel free to ignore me)

My first reaction to this was to tell you to fuck off. That would be typical WK style. But since there really is a huge softer side to me that I'm now just becoming aware of I have to say that I never cease to amaze and surprise even myself.

okay... i admire the fact that you have an ounce of concern for the other guy. you really need to let this girl know that you feel like ass for what's going on. what you need to understand is that even if she leaves this fella for you (which opens up one can of worms), she's the type that's prone to stray. remember all of my posts bitching and moaning about how shite the situation with my ex was? if you wanna stay with this bird, we should all expect to see the same from you in a year or so. these girls have one eye on you and the other on potentials. you're a cool guy... don't ruin a friendship (or at the very least a positive aquatinanceship) just to have your heart broken later.

Word.

You're setting yourself up, man.

Unless the other guy know about it,
back off & wait.

She needs to make up her mind.
Otherwise you're just the "other man".

Sometimes the lady needs to make a commitment to the man.
(and I'm not talking marriage, I'm talking emotional integrity & consistency)

None of this wishy-washy bullshit.

if you don't want it done to yourself then don't do it to another person...

Do you really want this woman? You said monogomy is important to you. If she is willing to cheat on her current bf with you, sooner or later she will cheat on you.

As for open relationships -- my sister and her husband have been married over 9 years. They are polygamist and very committed to each other. There are a lot of "poly" sites out there. The key is open communication! (Not something I could do, but it works for them.)

She's begining to think that the whole "Open Relationahip" thing isn't a good idea.

Which means I get the shaft in the end.

Yeah, but you'll feel a whole lot better about yourself when you look in the mirror in the morning.

World's King, technically you are her Secondary. This means if something is second guessed, she is likely going to go back to her Primary. That's just the way things are. If you can't deal with the whole open relationship concept, don't get caught up in it if you strongly believe in monogamy. That's like throwing a monkey wrench in the works.

I'd also like to say that not all open relationships are a dating free-for-all. In fact, in my experience people in open relationships don't usually just go out meeting a bunch of people and start making out with them.

Reading your thread completely changed whatever loose opinion I had of you in the past. (Although since we've never had any direct communication I won't be offended if you tell me to fuck myself)

You're walking a very thin line. I have friends in open relationships, and it seems that one of the key elements is telling the other partner your intentions *before* acting them out. Plus, it's your buddy's girl. There's not any way to take it all back, but you need to find someway to keep things smooth - for your own sanity. Good Luck.

If I had feelings for the girl, like I did for my ex, I could never ever do this willingly.