Sheepy

(This is a minor question)

situation: I like this girl. She is 17 last year of school(17 this year. ) I am 19 finished school, uni in second semester. Good friends. Never clarified if we are just friends, in that sort of twilight zone but haven't 'done' anything. In different cities 5 hours apart. See each other on the island we go to every summer holidays. Share a lot of common interests and send her books. (romantic? ) Anyway, i was hoping to keep it cool and at friends until she turns 18 ....until 4 hours ago i get this email from her after asking her not to bother getting a specific book from the library out as i would send a purchased one down"


------------------------------------------------------
Me:
could you wait a week?

i'm going to send the first one(book of a series) down!

it was meant to be a surprise but hey..haha
-----------------------------------------------------
her: 03 April at 17:33
i'll try too! that'll be so awesome! thank you!
---------------------------------------------------

(Her responding to herself ) 05 April at 19:45
hey! you know Callan McAuliffe? yea well hes spoken to me eleven times now.. still counting haha


You probably have never heard of his name, but that hot shot motherfucker is in fact a movie star and actually features in a lead role in one of the books that turned into a movie we just discussed before:

Basically, The fish i was going for in my red sea? Just got spotted by Moses.

Do you think this is a test for me?
I want her to remain as someone i could enter a relationship in the future with but i don't want to kill her attention on me by sounding like i'm not interested in her by saying something encouraging. I can imagine she would expect some sort of jealous response even if i had a remote interest in her with her movie star bonding tease.

I don't want to play into her game though of giving my feelings away yet?

I know this doesn't seem like such a big deal but this girl is really something to me - hence the movie star attraction.

What would be the best reply to this?

The_Jazz

Best way to respond? Don't.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Sheepy

Would you mind elaborating Jazz?



I wish i could put this post under an existing thread of 'what would you do in this situation' type thing but it doesn't seem to exist

Cynthetiq

I second the don't respond to it.

Why? What's the point of responding? What will you say or think you will say?

Besides.... if you don't already know, you are already in the friend zone.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

The_Jazz

Well, it seems pretty obvious to me that you don't want to play games. You actually said so. That limits your responses to "oh, tell me more" or "...". I vote for the latter.

She sounds like a schoolgirl with a crush. Probably because she is. Regardless of what he actually is, she's deified him, so you'll never compete unless and until they actually have a relationship and he proves to be a jerk.

And honestly, the reason I only gave a short response the first time was because now I'm only repeating your words back to you.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Sheepy

*slow motion* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.........000000oooooooooo....0oooo.....


...School girl with a crush?

She is a lovely lovely women thank you very much. Her enthusiasm just happens to burst out of the explanation mark effecting the all her wording as it unfortunately contains a hole in it between the . and -

The_Jazz

She's 17 and still in high school. She's got a crush on a movie star. There's no other possible definition than "schoolgirl with a crush". I don't care how "mature" or whatever else you'll put between those quotation marks, she's a schoolgirl with a crush. You can't compete. No one can.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Baraka_Guru

Isn't your university co-ed?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Cynthetiq

first, why are you waiting? what you expect to bang her the first go round? Why are you waiting? Trying to get really deep into the friend zone? What different does it make if she's 18? Is that a suddenly magical number?

Also, from my outside perspective, you're the friend she sees every summer, and in between summers she gets books from her friend. She's not pining over you or cherishing the time you spend together or objects you've purchased for her.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cimarron29414

Sheepy,

Dude. He has talked to her eleven times! Not ten times and not twelve times, ELEVEN times! There is just some kryptonite we can't repel, and in this story, that kryptonite is named Callan.

Let this be a lesson to you. If you like a girl, go for it, immediately. Girls worth having are not waiting for your testicles to drop. Now you get to spend your summer talking about book three in the series, while constantly getting interrupted by Callan sext messages. Hey, maybe she'll let you hold the camera for her reply sexts.

__________________
Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

dlish

cyn is right. go in for the move before that McDreamy character makes his own move.

There's no use waiting around for another two years. she's in her prime, and so are you. If it works out for you, then you've saved yourself 2 years of self stimulation.

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

The_Jazz

You guys are missing the obvious answer:

I'm Callan McAuliffe. While Sleepy is wondering where other condom from the 5 pack went, I'm gonna be all up in her teenaged stuff.

Sorry, Sleepy, inside joke. If you want in, go look at the Missing Condom thread in the HOF.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

telekinetic

__________________
twisted no more

Sheepy

- cynthetiq: but isn't 18 a special number? Jazz right now is using her age to define her to some degree Anne Frank was only a 15 year old school girl and she developed some of the most amazing emotional literature to date - not saying she is like her but it just shows us that in some cases age doesn't necessary represent what we can expect from people

I get deep in the friend zone as i understand trying to develop relationships without friendship is like trying to build a solid castle made out of sand,

your outside perspective? wouldn't you want to try have the same single perspective on everything?

hey relationships have ended over girls dumping their current boyfriends for fictional characters especially in vampire books, they are incredibly important

---------- Post added at 02:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:41 AM ----------

thanks guys


is there a drop toilet on this forum? i think i need to flush my self esteem down it now

---------- Post added at 03:00 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:49 AM ----------

- but get this as well at the end cimarron - and counting she said it's counting i feel like Jack Bauer off the 24 Series

Cynthetiq

While you're waiting for her and this either magical number or magic moment, she's getting all the attention from someone she's got a crush on. She's busy figuring out who she likes and who she's interested in. She doesn't see you as a potential suitor she's going to look around to see who is. Meanwhile, you're biding time in the waiting room.

You should either know you have a romantic future or understand that you guys are friends and you are the dude who sends her books.

I don't disagree that relationships are best founded on friendship. My wife is my best friend and we were very good friends for years before we started dating, but we aren't 18 and 19. Different rules apply at different ages and stages in life where girls don't necessarily think they can date friends or convert friends to romantic relationships.

As I tell The Jazz all the time, either shit or get off the pot.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cimarron29414

Sheepy,

Alright, man, I'm not going to sugar coat this because I want you to hear it. You, my friend, seem to be living in the fiction you read. "Where fore art thou?" is SO 16th century, dude. It doesn't work like that nowadays. You are far too young to have so much sensitivity about her coming of age and all that bullshit. You know those tingles you feel when you get an email from her? That is not a sonnet blooming in your heart. It's called an erection and it would like for you to make good use of it this summer on your little bookworm friend.

Email her. Tell her you want to take her out to dinner as soon as the summer starts, to catch up. Take her out to a decent place, have a nice time, and kiss her goodnight. Rinse and repeat. It's that simple.

__________________
Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Sheepy

you brutal honesty -

i think i'm getting an erection already
and this one? i'll let you sugar coat it this time rowl rowl



did he just say 'rowl rowl'?

The_Jazz

Don't talk about yourself in the third person around her. You'll kill the mood before it even gets started.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Cynthetiq

Jimmy used to be like you.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

genuinegirly

Perhaps a female perspective will help you understand what is going on here.

If she likes you, she will tell you. You need to trust that she will do this. She doesn't believe the old adage that guys will only be a girl's friend if they're sexually attracted to them. In fact, she likely thinks you are the proof that this can't possibly be true. She doesn't think you are interested in her, and she is happy with your friendship. If she wanted more, she would have asked for it by now.

Not many men are interested in romantic books or movies. I realize that my experiences are limited. Still, every man I have met who had an interest in the genre came out during their college years. I'm not calling you gay, I'm just telling you that a hetero guy who enjoys romance novels is a rare individual. With all of your reading, you understand women's fantasies very well. Now get out there and use all of that gathered knowledge. You are in college. It is a time to experiment with love. Get out there and learn what it feels like first-hand to break someone's heart, and have your heart torn apart in return.

Stop pining over a high school girl. You are ready for more than fantasy.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Cimarron29414

If this is your typical banter, then your problem is most likely the fact that she views you more as her competition than a potential mate. I'm just sayin.

__________________
Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

xenonman

I'd be careful until she passes her 18th birthday.
I'm aware of too many cases where being under age or having passed the magic 18 has made for serious complications.

Strange Famous

If it was me, and I aint saying this is good advice... I would express the view that I was bigger, and stronger, than this Mcauffle guy - and if it was to occur that we both drank 10 pints of beer and got into a fight outside a kebab shop I would definitely thrash him.

I mean, that way you could be joking, could seem mildly jealous (which presumably was the point) and also are asserting that you are a strong alpha male type.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Ourcrazymodern?

Admit to her you want HER. It doesn't hurt to ask, even if it requires waiting a bit.

Also, I read sharing books as romantic, not that you read romances.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

dippin

I don't know where the OP is, but in most states in the US the age of consent is 16 or 17, and in the majority of states where the age of consent is 18 there are "romeo and juliet" exceptions that would certainly allow a 19 year old to sleep with a 17 year old.


As for the OP, I really don't get the need to wait. This isn't a 14 year old girl we are talking about. Imagine the best case scenario: this girl was into you. Then you simply didn't correspond or didn't show a hint of interest while waiting for 18. At this point, if she had something for you she is already likely trying to get over it.

Not saying that you have to be explicit, or that you have to turn on the charm any time you meet a girl you might be into. But by specifically and consciously holding off, you only set yourself up for disappointment by increasing the stakes of any potential relationship. Will you risk the "friendship" for something more after years of no romantic relationships? Will her?

robot_parade

Ok, I agree with all of the above advice. I would also like to nominate this for the BEST THREAD EVER.

Finally, while I just said I agree with all of the above advice, this is what I would actually do in your situation:

1) Wait until I was as deep in the 'friend zone' as I could possibly be.

2) Send her an overly sentimental 'oooh, I love you soooo much' email/text/voicemail.

3) Get shot down/ignored/whatever

4) Lose touch with her for a few years.

5) Get back in touch with her, and remain semi-awkward semi-friends from then on.

How do I know? Because I've done it.

The_Jazz

Robot, didn't you have a whole thread or threads about exactly that? Or am I confusing you with someone else?

Oh, wait, that's 35% of Titled Sexuality. My bad.

Then there's a guy I do business with who was in the friend zone hardcore, professed his love in an original song at a party (awkward!) and then had to wait a year until he had to go away to college. He eventually got married, had kids, then got divorced. He looked up his old crush on a whim, turns out she had just gotten divorced too. They set each other up, ended up not liking their dates and got married 6 months later. And they have a kid together now. It's kinda sweet, in a John Hughes kinda way.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

dlish

sounds like a romantic comedy Jazz. except you cant make a kiwi movie because kiwi movies suck dog balls..except maybe Once Were Warriors. That movie kicks ass.

sheepy how often are you in contact with her? maybe you need to start wooing her from now until the time you see her. am i right to believe that you see this woman once a year during the break??

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

robot_parade

Probably. Story of my life...

Slightly more seriously, I tend to get really, really honest, open and pathetically sentimental in ways that are completely embarrassing to everyone involved. *Sigh*.

[quote=The_Jazz;2888740]

Oh, wait, that's 35% of Titled Sexuality. My bad.
[QUOTE]

There's a really funny pie chart in here somewhere.

Wow. I always knew I had a talent for Awkward...it's nice to know that there are pros out there. But hey, he got the girl, so who am I to throw stones?

The_Jazz

Obviously a hair pie chart.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

DaveOrion

Ha

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Syriana...have you ever tried liquid MDMA?....Liquid MDMA? No....Arash, when you wanna do this?.....After prayer...

Sheepy

thanks for all the different advice

it's good to know when you hit one of those crossroads, instead of two paths, you actually have a dozen to choose from

robot_parade

Twelve of them don't lead to pussy. Just FYI.

Cynthetiq

ultimately there's only a few things that can happen with those multiple paths.

You either take an action, or you don't. If you decide to not make a choice, that's an action too. Ultimately it becomes as simple as a binary action. Either you do, or you don't. What action you take... now there's where it differs.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

dlish

the only pie needed in here is american apple pie

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Strange Famous

The key thing is really that if you like her you should let her know that you like her.

If you dont, there is a pretty clear chance nothing will happen, if you do - who knows?

But it doesnt hurt to give her the impression that you can drink a lot of beer and are good fighting because these are things that all heterosexual women find attractive (even though some wont admit it)

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Sheepy

reallly? reaaaaaaallllly? haaaha

Plan9

Oh, Hall of Fame... here we come.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Sheepy

oh no it really is a minor thing (first thing stated ) really doesn't belong there !

The_Jazz

Sheepy, Strange Famous has a different approach to relationships than a lot of the folks here. But he gets laid on a semi-regular basis, so I can't say that he's necessarily wrong.

In some ways, women are like real estate. It's all local, as in the individual. There's no such thing as a one-size-fits-all approach to women, just like there isn't for guys.

That said, Strange Famous did say something that shouldn't be overlooked:

That's pretty important. Mull that one over.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo