PhD

What would you do in a near sexless marriage where you have tried everything? The woman just isn't that sexual - full stop.
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Sometimes an important part of mature discussion - which is what we do around here - is being honest with ourselves and each other. Calling someone's statement a lie is not a flame or punishable. You are not required to believe something you know is bullshit. So go ahead and call it when you see it - just be polite about it. The statement's the thing, not the person.

dlish

i think a bit more informationis needed if you are looking for detailed responses.

how old are you two? how long have you been together? kids? is she on medication? how long has this been going on? have you tried councelling? etc etc

all this information is pertinant for us to give you the feedback you're expecting. the more info you give us, the more we can help you.

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

The_Jazz

First, I think we need more information, as dlish pointed out. There are potentially big differences between your "near sexless marriage" and my definition of the same.

Second, I'm very curious why you feel the need to quote me from another thread seemingly out of context. Based on what prompted that statement, especially the behind-the-scenes stuff that you should have no idea about, I read your question in a very different light.

So why don't you come out with it and tell us what's really going on.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Baraka_Guru

For the purposes of being on the same page, I propose a more concrete definition of what a sexless marriage means. One measure suggests it's a marriage in which sexual intimacy occurs less than 10 times per year (which accounts for approximately 20 percent of couples in one survey).

Sexless marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Where do you fit in there?
What is your desired sexual frequency?
Where does she stand?
Any health issues?
Any non-sexual relationship issues?

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

ASU2003

Maybe you should ask YouTube...

levite

What is defined by "sexless?" If you mean that as a hyperbolic euphemism for something like you want it several times a week, minimum, and she wants it every other week, that's an issue, but if the relationship is stellar in every other way, it might be worth just resigning yourself to frequent masturbation and biweekly sex. But if you really mean literally sexless, on the order of your wife is interested only a few times a year, that's a serious obstacle, no matter how great the relationship might be otherwise.

I have been in a number of long-term relationships where my partner had a slightly lower sex drive than I did, and I made my peace with it. But I have to be honest, if I found myself married to someone who simply was not interested in sex, and could only muster up the willingness to do it a couple of times a year, I would probably insist on sex therapy for her/us, or else end the marriage. I personally could not live my life with basically no sex forever; that is just something I am unable to do. You might be different. You might have different balances you can adjust in your life. But for me, that would be a dealbreaker.

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Strange Famous

do you sometimes think youre a bit too aggressive really (verbally)?

__

Anyway, to address the original question... NO ONE can tell you the answers to your life problems, we can only give views based on our own life experiences that you can try to find some value in.

My own view is that different sex drives is one of the biggest reasons relationships fail. If one partner is really sexy and the other just doesnt like it that much, it is very difficult to find any common ground. Either the sexy one will be frustrated all the time, or the unsexy one feel like they have to do stuff they dont really have an interest in to make the other happy: either path leads to tension, resentment, breakdown.

A lot of people come out with stuff like "someone who isnt into sex must be repressed somehow" but my own feelings are just that some people really arent that into it. I dont mean to give a depressing answer or be negative... but if you cannot come to an accomodation (and a lot of marriages like this become half open - which is a very difficult thing and takes more maturity than I have certainly) I dont see how things will ever change

You either have to settle for some middle groudn because the rest of the relationship makes it worth it, or really take a long hard look at things imo.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

The_Jazz

Yes, but this isn't one of those time.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

ASU2003

This notice is on the top of every window I open here:

Maybe they wanted it to be their signature or something...

Ourcrazymodern?

Let's all hope PhD's getting a little RIGHT NOW.

__________________
BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

The_Jazz

That's one of the warning signs of a potential spammer. But PhD has been around long enough not to be, which makes it even more nonsensical.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo