Anonymous Member

Allright, there is a girl I work with. She is technically at the same level as me although she has worked at this company ten years and I have been there one year (her company bought mine and my employment got transfered)

She is ridiculously hard working (she gets in at 6 am most days and leaves after 6PM, works most Saturday's...) but she is in a trap of getting down on herself and thinking she has to work harder and harder that she doesnt seem to be able to get out of. On one side she is caring and likeable, on the other hand she can be quite high handed and harsh with people. I like her a lot personally but find her infuriating at work sometimes. She is intelligent but wastes her time doing trying to change the company dress code and things like that. She also has very low self esteem and constantly beats herself up any time anything she is involved with doesnt go perfect.

If the point of this post isnt already clear, in the last three days twice I had dreams that she was my girlfriend (not sex dreams, but ordinary dreams about day to day life). Ive already been through a relationship with someone I worked with that didnt work out. Not that I think or want to imply she feels the same way cos its doubtful (she's a very nice looking girl a year older than me, I weigh 20 stones and am about half a hooligan)

My question is, how do you stop yourself liking someone when you know it isnt right and you know the circumstances are wrong?

I dont even know whey I bother posting this anonymously because it isnt like any regular member cant tell me from my poor use of English and fucked up life.

Plan9

Today I learned how much I weigh in stones: 12. This is incredibly amusing given how 12 figures into many aspects of my life.

And you're way more than half a hooligan, bro. I mean, you'd pretty much be the shittiest secret agent ever based on your anonymous posting history.

Uh, so:

So she's a Type A self-deprecating perfectionist workaholic. Sounds like my kinda girl. And what about the company dress code is she trying to change?

Please say chicken suit.

...

You can't stop yourself from liking somebody but you can change how you deal with said person in public. Thoughts vs. actions. Self control.

Example: My dorky surfer buddy, his super hot dancer exgirlfriend and my retarded self all go to the same karate school for X years. They had a pretty bad emo break up over compatibility issues or whatever. She starts taking a genuine interest in me whenever I'm working out at the school. As much as I wanna tap her easily-does-the-splits ass, I don't do it because it could have caused a lot of bad blood between my buddy and I as well as the chance that she was just feigning interest to get back at him in some twisted Soap Opera plot. I was friendly with her but never took up her offers to escalate by going on a not-called-a-date date that would most likely quickly escalate into sex. Because it always does. Which is super annoying.

How does any of this unrelated bullshit apply to you? It's simple: You might fancy this bird but knowing what you know, keep your interactions friendly and if you must comment about what a hard worker she is and how she's always putting her self down, treat her like a generic human being instead of a special someone you want to play house with in fantasy land. I've been in situations where I've had crazy play-house fantasies with close female friends and it was always super awkward on the inside (but not nearly as awkward as hiding the throbbing erection and clothes-tearing fuck fantasies).

You've got a crush on a girl. Enjoy it on the inside. Be a mature adult on the outside.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Anonymous Member

Shut the fuck up, Donny. You're out of your element.

The_Jazz

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-+-{Important TFP Staff Message}-+- So I'm not really sure what's going on here. But it does bother me. I'm not sure if there are 2 Anonymouses (Anonymi?) here or if we're now using Anonymous as an excuse to flame other folks. If there's an inside joke going on, I'll go on record as saying that this is an abuse. So I'm going to give everyone a chance to come clean before I crack open the logs to see who this is. If you want to PM me, that's fine. If you want to do it in the thread, that's fine too. But realize that there aren't many options here.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Willravel

I don't know that there's one blanket answer to this that applies to everyone. I've personally found that distraction is a powerful tool in this instance, when combined with avoiding the person as much as is practical given your environment. If you're thinking about *her* at your office, you're probably not concentrating on your work. Get back to work! Not only will you be more efficient, but your mind will be otherwise occupied and not as free to wander to thoughts of her. If you've finished all your work, Minecraft!

I also suggest ramping up your personal life. If you're single and in a position to look for a special someone, go for it. It's better to find someone who you can see yourself being with than pining after someone you can't.

Craven Morehead

Its obvious that you care for her as a person. I think you see in her something that you do like but you know it won't work. So don't let it. Keep it professional and don't put yourself in a position to take it to a higher level.

Strange Famous

The first anon post was me, the second was not.

My post was intended to flame anyone or invite flaming of anyone.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

The_Jazz

S_F, thanks. I assume that you meant that it was NOT intended to flame anyone.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Willravel

/threadjack

SF, were Plan9, Craven and myself able to answer your question? Any updates?

Strange Famous

uh, yeah sorry I meant I didnt. Its a genuine situation, if it somehow echoes something in someone's elses life and they think Im taking the piss out of them; Im not and the connection is accidental.

I guess I know that the best thing is just to wait for it to pass. as crushes always do Part of it is that I moved to a new area for my job and I dont have any mates where I live now and Im finding it a bit lonely. The thing is that I am quite good friends already with the person in question (like we txt each other most evenings, we go out for drinks or to eat fairly often etc),,, but there has never really been any kind of sexual tension or anything like that. I dont know if I am having these kind of emotions just because of the general lonliness I feel at the moment or it means something more, but I dont plan to act on it either way.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

amonkie

From my personal experience, years of platonic friendship somehow transpired in my head to romantic feelings after I relocated to a different city and was incredibly lonely. At the time, it was hard to see it as anything other than what I was telling myself natural friendship progression.


Looking back on it, it was absolutely the loneliness. I did act on my feelings at the time and told the guy how I felt. It made things really awkward because the feelings were not returned. Since I opened my mouth, our friendship has never recovered to the extremely close level we used to have.

__________________
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

Plan9

God, I hope so.

Sorry for the dick move with abusing the Anon feature but it was to prove a point.

Which totally failed because Jazz had to actually look up who did it. I feel so alone.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Jetée

The female in the story sounds like a blank archetype of (one facet) my personality.
Hup..? Oh, the tries-too-hard-for-naught-at-all-but-the-self-deprecation-satisfaction - that part.

To help (as best as my one opinion can): I don't believe you can expressly stop yourself from liking whomever you may come to find attractive, (it's something to do with physiological reactions that either happen instantly, or over time) though some persons cope with the pitfall of falling for the wrong guy/gal by finding an excuse to dislike them (re: a flaw). You have already come to name a few. Avoid her if you'd like to not tempt yourself; strictly discuss inter-office/work-related issues; or, confront her very strongly with your personal brand of political/social/religious views, and maybe she'll come around to hate you instead. (I'm guessing she's either amiable or respectfully ambivalent about you, as the co-worker. You CAN change this however, if you'd like to... oh! but don't harass her.)

I was actually thinking this is somewhat reminiscent of (500) Days of Summer. (film; and actually, it is quite coincidental that pops into my head at this particular juncture, considering the primary work location is "Greeting Card Writer's" office. You don't think this might have something to do with the current seasonality, if at least, in part?)

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As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

kramus

The O/P - you don't stop liking this person, you grind through your days w the stiff upper lip over-riding the stiff nether regions. Eventually you will get to the point where you find her attractive without being overwhelmed by it. You will get to that point because there will be no nurturing of your infatuation. Life will move on. You will move on. Enjoy the rush without letting it overwhelm you. Some folks never feel this in their lives and live a poorer life for it IMHO.

As for the 2nd Anon - I figured that for a P9er from the git go, and that SF was the OP too. The 2nd Anon had P9 humour all over it, and was obviously directed at himself. I never thought anything of it at the time. Nobody means to detract from the OP intent, which can be a bitch if you feel trapped by some feelings, or overwhelmed, or stuck. I wish you well SF, and (seriously) you should do some writing using what you get from this. Your wordsmyth gifts probably could use it in a way most of the rest of us can't even dream of. Seriously.

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