DR_DEATH

Body image in this current day and age is becoming more and more strict. The youth of today would not even take a second look at a member of the opposite sex unless he/she resembled the stereotypical supermodel "image" they associate with real life. Most do not even speak to the "ugly" individual. Well, I hate to say it, but image is probably the VERY LAST thing one would have to look at to find a DECENT partner. The old saying "its what is on the inside that counts" is SO true! Young girls these days starve themselves whip-thin in an effort to remain attractive to the guys, not knowing the possible damage they could be doing to their bodies. NEWSFLASH! Bodies come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. To tell you the truth, i find most thin women unattractive, as they seem to be obsessed with body image. I am in a relationship with a woman 1 year my junior, who isnt exactly what people these days call "attractive". But i know her, we were friends before we got serious, she has a GREAT mind, she is kind and sensitive. Basically what i am saying is - why must people be so blind? Why must they subscribe to a select stereotype? Why must they judge by look only? There are SO many women out there who are lonely because a lot of guys are just plain blind, not to mention stuck up. If i have offended anyone who thinks that being unhealthily thin is beautiful, tough luck, grow up and realise that its NOT all about the image

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=15643 - this is a shockingly powerful message

-Anders

I will shoot my self the day i chose a girl for her looks over her personality.
Period.

(Also, very powerfull pictures indeed)

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Donkeypuncher

I hope it feels good...

/Randal

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"take me down, little *Susie*, take me down
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bigoldalphamale

i have no idea what looks good to everyone and what doesnt. i know what i like and thats that.

lafemmefatale

appearance does play an important role nonetheless, it's not in starving to be thin and all that...but a woman who is unkempt, with poor hygiene, messy hair [unless thats the trend] and looks absolutely dishevelled cannot possibly attract anyone but flies. Whereareas a woman who dresses smart, keeps fit, eats well, naturally demonstrates that she has a perfecctly healthy body image...albeit no perfect, she is more likely to be a in control, responsible, organized, civilized well behaving woman who has enough stamina for a good romp too once in a while [ this goes for men too]. So appearances do play an important role in giving a glimpse into the person's personality, while its not trying to keep up with the latest trends, it is an important element of knowing the other person.

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-poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another-

sportsrule101

If a person looks unkept, it makes you wonder what else they keep unkept, like bank account, or personal life. Outward apperance usually reflects how a person maintains other things

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erion

Body image and fashion sense are two different things. A person can be attractive and not have the "perfect body" as determined by current trends. The modern generations are visually oriented (thank you TV, movies, and video games) and thus place a great deal of importance on physicalities for how they are perceived. Yes, some physical things are important (hygiene & health, for example), but some other physical things are beyond your control.

[not-real-world-example]
Lara Croft is a famous female. She's imposisbly thin-waisted and large-chested, yet all the boys love her and thus all the girls think they need to look like her.

Personally, I think that Lara is a hottie not because of her, ahem , guns, but because she's intelligent, independent, witty, and clever. The physical attributes are secondary.
[/not real world example]

rat

I think that every person has what they would consider an ideal image of the opposite sex. I know I sure do. The sad fact is that so many people fail to hold their own ideals and would rather have mainstream society make those decisions for them.

My ideal image of a woman stems from her eyes and smile, the curvature of her figure, her legs, stomach and chest. Proportionality is mainly what it comes down to. I can't stand rail-thin girls who look like they've eaten once in the last week or so. I prefer girls that have a nicely rounded semi-plump figure, and can fill out the clothes she wears. Chest size is not an issue unless it's disproportionate to the rest of her (either too small or too large...too large is more of a problem for me). An hourglass isn't just an hourglass to me, as my hourglass ideal comes in somewhat larger sizes than most. I refuse to assign numbers to anything, and I keep an open mind, but symmetry is almost as important as a smile and eyes that catch my attention. The eyes of the girl make or break the attraction for me.

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lurkette

There's no point in denying that we are all guilty of "lookism," but there's a difference between what you're describing, lff, which is just taking care of yourself and looking presentable, and the obsession that many people in our society have developed with looks.

You talk about "keeping fit" - I'm smack dab in the middle of the health BMI range, 5'1 and about +/- 115-120 lbs, I lift weights, I'm cardiovascularly fit, I wash my hair and even occasionally wear makeup. And there's no way if I were on the dating market these days I'd get a second look from most people - I'm pear-shaped with A-cup breasts, and there's no way I could ever ever approach the "ideal" that is held up as the standard today, not if I ate salads till I turned green and lived at the gym.

We all see these perfect little underweight bodies that look like 8 year old boys with boob jobs and think that's normal and achievable. We are all willing victims of a culture that takes an impossible body image, displaying the same 1% of people who are deemed attractive by the media, and shoves it in our face 24/7 in order to make us feel inadequate and buy more stuff to make us look like those people.

Well I for one give up. I have stopped watching most television, I don't go to the titty board nearly as often as I used to because it just depresses me (unless there are SuicideGirls to see , I have a collection of images of beauty throughout the ages that I look at to remind myself that it's all made up, and fortunately I have a husband who loves my squeezable butt just the way it is. Pass the buttered popcorn please!

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

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CheapBastid

I don't know art, but I know what I like.

The day I choose a woman as a partner for just her personality is the day I lose all my testosterone.

Period.

crow_daw

For me, its just what I'm attracted to, and I happen to be attracted to skinny girls. I just like em little. I can't help that. But personality matters to me a whole lot too. There was a girl a while back who was interested in me, and she's one of the coolest girls I've ever met. She's incredibly nice, cool, funny, perfect personality. But she's not what you'd call attractive. I still considered going out with her, but I opted not to for two reasons:
1) We were becoming really good friends and I didn't want to screw that up.
2) I really liked her best friend at the time, who became my girlfriend for a long time.

Now that girl is the best girl friend I've got, I can and do tell her everything. She's who always go to when I need to talk to someone. I'm so glad I made the right choice.

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collide

Uhm, most attractions begin with physical attractions. You see something that appeals to you aesthetically and then you get to know more about their personality and thoughts next. Some people weigh one aspect more than the other, and there's nothing wrong with either preference because if it's going to be a long lasting bond, the scale will balance out over time where you learn to love every aspect of that person.

My theory with people obsessed with their body image is low self-esteem. The ones who take it to unhealthy levels are deprived of attention, and will likely be eternally miserable striving for that unattainable ideal.

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*Nikki*

I know I am not everyones ideal. I have misgivings about myself. Yet I am confident, I have a decent personality, I am intelligent, and I always seem to find something I like about myself.
I could sit around all day comparing myself to what men think is perfect. I could over analyze all the comments that men make about women on the titty board. I could say "I look nothing like that!!"
But that would be pointless. Beauty is truely in the eye of the beholder. I won't bring myself down because I am not physically perfect to everyone.

Cynthetiq

while a smart girl is nice... you also have to wake up in the morning next to them. I mean there has to be some level of attractiveness and not repulsiveness.

I will say though that beauty is fleeting, that girl who was in the drunk driving accident was beautiful one day and deformed the next. If she was a beautiful person inside, she's still a beautiful person no matter what she looks like on the outside.

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hobo

Like what the others have said, I don't need someone who is amazingly beautiful but I won't go out with someone repulsive. There are lines that must be drawn. I find that maybe 50% of girls I see around look good. I would be willing to get to know them. That means that most girls that think they aren't attractive are to me, since most girls think they are unattractive and I find baout 50% of girls at least somewhat attractive. I know that the ideal girl as the media has determined is not for me so that isn't what I'm looking for.

Contami22

I think everyone can admit to using someones looks to judge them. If you happen to be an openly social individual even judging by looks sometimes wont mean anything because you will meet so many people the one you grow to love could be something you didnt even think twice about at first sight.

rodgerd

And that's the point, innit? The tastes of real people in the real world are quite different to mass-media images.

Women often seem more critical of themselves, but that's hardly surprising, given the size of the diet, cosmetic, etc, industries trying undermine self image to sell you stuff.

I've seen a couple of surveys which suggested women have quite different perspectives on what an attractive body is; essentially groups of men and women are given a set of pictures nude female bodies, from the neck down, and ask to rate them as underweight, overweight, ideal, etc.

The women in the surveys were alarmingly skewed toward seeing very skinny women as idea at the same time the men in the survey rated those images as too thin; women were rating as overweight the bodies men considered ideal.

Of course, surveys are surveys, and both these had fairly small samples (in the hundreds).

analog

I agree with much of what's being said about the "stereotypical" viewpoint of men and how they go for the thin, the model, the "beautiful", etc., but women are very much in the same stereotype boat as men. If this were not true, then actors, male models, etc., would think and look like albert einstein instead of thinking and looking like Fabio.

Certainly there is a broad difference in the sheer number (percentage) of men who think in this way than women do, but men have many more driving forces to think in such a way. Pressure from their peers, from their surroundings, and mass-exposure to such images and stereotypical ways of thinking help to fuel the testosterone. Testosterone is what gives men that innate desire to compete and conquer- the fastest car, the strongest body, the most money, the hottest girl- the one definitive constant in a world of variables. Guys, by and large, want the best of every aspect of life. Unfortunately, many see "the best" as defined by what OTHERS see as "the best"- those who indulge in the stereotypical male ways of thinking, beauty over brains... after all, what good is YOUR "best" if no one else agrees with you? You are, ideally, weighing "the best" against everything else available.

This way of thinking is unfortunate, and causes many of the female image problems.

For their share, female image problems ALSO stem from a woman's innate (instinctive) desire to be secure, stable, desirable, and to find someone who can provide for those desires. It is in these desires we find the female drive to look the best as compared to others- and what worse template to go by than the male ideal? For sure, it would be advantagious to use the desires of those you wish to attract to best achieve your goals, but to completely live by it like it's the only way is ludicrous.

I think that the truly intelligent, enlightened people (most of us men and women who aren't looking for the stereotypical partner) are looking for a happy balance of brain and beauty. Certainly we can have lots of both, i'm not suggesting you have to subtract from A to give to B, but there are for every person certain levels of intellectual and physical stimulation which are ideal.

It boils down to something i've believed in for a long time. If you want the world, you will never get it, and never be happy, but if you want to be happy, you CAN be happy, and then the world is yours.

As i was writing I realized that many people stand behind the "the person has to be attractive to you, despite their brains, for it to truly last" and others are of the "over time looks won't matter, because we all get gross and old anyway" opinion. Beauty in the mind is not always defined by outward appearance and, over time, it's what's on the inside that keeps 2 people truly happy, NO MATTER how they both looked to begin with- and to many people, inward beauty is what causes the appearance of outward beauty, and the person's actual physiology has little to do with it.

Sorry this was so long, but i'm sick and have nothing better to do right now. I hope it wasn't preachy or anything, and i didn't mean to imply that i think any of this applies to everyone or that it only applies to opposite-sex relationships. They're just my opinions. Thanks for reading.

dunkelhelmut

To each his own

Everybody is right here, to some extent. Each person has some certain procedure they use for choosing women. If you go primarily for looks over personality, then that's your thing. If you want all personality, then that works too. Same goes for a combination of both.

Personally, looks are important, but there is also so much more to the puzzle.

For example, I wouldn't just go ahead and start talking to an ugly (I hate to use that word) girl out of the blue. Looks definately help with that initial social interaction.

For example, my girl is drop-dead gorgeous (a lot of guys are jealous), but she thankfully has an awesome personality and we share a lot of great moments. She's not all beauty and no brains either.

Back to those that aren't blessed with amazing looks, if there is some forced social interaction between us, I may grow very fond of her. We could talk about a subject and just hit it off. Looks will still play some role in whether or not I will like the woman, but it really is what is inside that counts. You need to be able to share moments, feelings, emotions, and times with each other.

RelaX

We are just monkeys, we go for what we see is best. We are all programmed this way by biology. And now society is reinforcing this programming and adding some more asshat rules. I really respect guys who get it with a girl eventhough they could have a more 'beautifull' (by biological and social standarts) girl easily. Unfortunately I don't know many guys like that...

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raeanna74

I'm no where close to the image that I would need to be a model. I have stretch marks from childbirth, several small scars from surgeries, and I'm not a perfect hourglass figure. I'm about 140 and 5'5". I see the charts seem to show me that I'm on the upper limit of my weight. I am a C cup BUT I have nursed for 3 years and consquently sagged a good but. I rarely wear makeup - party because I don't have time with my own child and watching other children all the time.

However I feel good with decent energy, I care about my hygene and I eat right MOST of the time. I don't do planned exercise often but I bike ride with with daughter and husband often and am constantly active and playing with my day care kids. When I go out I have no lack of male attention and have no trouble picking up any man.

They way it seems to me, most men seem to be attracted to a reasonably healthy woman who is confident about herself. I have been told that things that attracted men to me was the fact that I gave them good eye contact and wasn't afraid to make the first move or carry on a decent conversation with them. It think when I'm willing to make the effort it makes the "job" easier for them and aren't most men (and women) more willing to do something if it's easier?

Also I could boil it down to animal instincts. When animals mate they frequently chose the healthier larger animals that are going to be more likely to survive for a longer period of time. Human's tend to do the same even they may not realize it. I know as a woman I find men who are more physically able somewhat more attractive. I think that is just simply inherent in us. The man or woman who is willing to consider someone who is less physically fit gets Kudos from me. It takes an open mind and caring heart.

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GakFace

mainstream beauty... Stereotypical beauty.... ugh

There is the they of women that I am attracted to. and like Cynthetiq said.. You have to wake up next to them. I won't lie by saying physical attraction means nothing to me. But for me, its all about the face. The rest of the body really doesn't matter to me. If I look at a picture of a naked woman, without her face in the photo... I get nothing. I need the face, thats me. But past that, its her personality.... how she is past her physical beauty. Mind you "Different Strokes for Different Folks" We all are attracted to different people.. My type is not your type and your best friend's type may not be my type.

I think when you're young, you look to the mainstream. As well, you're still kinda blind in the way of society, but once you open them, you see things in a new light, and that includes beauty.

oh and uh..
Nikki: You can analyze the titty board and what they say all you want. But people just like that stuff, either its their type or its a mainstream. The mainstream will still "look good" to many people. But mind you this. I have seen your personality on these boards enough times to say you're beautiful with your mind alone. Besides that.. If they gawk at a woman's appearance, why would you care.. Its obviously not for you.

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RoboBlaster:
Welcome to the club! Not that I'm in the club. And there really isn'a a club in the first place. But if there was a club and if I was in it, I would definitely welcome you to it.

SparklingDot

I'm not big, but I'm not small. I am average and healthy. And I damn society for the rare occassions when I feel awful about and how I look. Too often beautiful women are made to feel horrible because they have not been a size 6 since 7th grade. Be it curves, height, musculature,or proportionment, real women can go through hell trying to make prefab clothing fit in a flattering manner. Not many are as lucky as I am. I am usually happy with my body and have a healthy self image. But when I get down on myself, I have a wonderful man to help me put things back into perspective.

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floonine

I don't think that it is horribly piggish to want someone to care about their health. Too skinny or too big, especially if it is the own person's fault, is not healthy and not attractive to me. I am not advocating the use of unecessary means to obtain "healthy looking" status, because drastic changes or try to reconfigure the way your body naturally wants to look is not healthy either. You can tell when a person looks healthy, and sometimes it has nothing to do with how skinny they are.

A girl with no personality will never be attractive to me. The human body is not perfect or symmetrical by any means, and nothing brings out the imperfections on someone's face or body like being bored or annoyed constantly, but someone who knows where they are and knows where they want to be without being extremely annoying or self-righteous is worth ignoring a scar or even a wooden leg or two.

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Brdd99boy

I say personality/ smersonality - beauty/smueatty
all I care about is "will she swallow?"

nowthen

I see from your profile your hobbies are strip clubs and tittie bars - ever reflected on why you always have to pay for it?

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Varese

well when you go on your first date with someone (if you're male that is), you probably wont want to go on another date with this person unless you find them physically attractive. aint no shame in wantin' a hardbody.

bender

Lets take a moment to think about this if we don't find a person attractive they wont get a second glance or chance.

MacGnG

Apperance is the first thing we see.

How I see it:
"It's what's on the inside that counts, but the outside makes you wanna look there."

jimk

"Basically what i am saying is - why must people be so blind? Why must they subscribe to a select stereotype? "

-reminds me of a quote from an old uncle tupelo song........

they pay to move it off the shelf
& into our minds
til you can't tell the truth
when it's right in front of your eyes

maybe doesn't directly apply, but man, the marketers are really in our heads more than we realize.......

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cheesemoney

Ok. Its been said, but girls can be so bleapin' crazy for following what some gay (and I mean this with no disrespect) fasion designer decides will look good in a magazine. I can't remember the last guy that jerked it to some sunken' cheeked tweaked out looking cosmo advert model that becomes an every day eye staple for an insecure perfectly healthy female adolescent. Christ, if girls look good for girls (and I don't buy this crap, sorry), then how can we stop this crap. Women should aspire to have pornstar bodies instead of stickgirl bodies. If an entire generation of women were raised watching porn instead of reading cosmo, we'd have women that weren't anorexic and *WERE* sexually inquisitive, instead of this insecure generation that feeds on diet coke for sustanance.
Just a thought/rant.
Cheese

analog

How can you damn society for something that is purely psychological to you? Your face and name aren't paraded for everyone to marvel at "the not big, but not small woman". There is nothing personal in it. What you see in ads, in fashion shows or wherever you're seeing these "negative" impressions of the female form are being taken into your mind for consideration. If you were truly self-confident, you would see these as the preference of others, and be happy with how you look if you truly feel confident in your beauty. If you're unhappy with your looks it's because you've allowed our damnable "society" to seep into your brain and change the way you look at yourself.

I think it's totally fair for me to say that if you ALLOW others to change your mind for you, it's YOUR fault. Some might say it's a form of "programming" because you're exposed to it so much, but a strong will and confidence go a long way. That's how hate groups and cults get their followers- they prey on the weak-minded, the impressionable, and those who have no self-confidence, because their personal views are easily changed, no matter how horrible the NEW views might be. They feel like it gives them a sense of belonging, that they will be "accepted as they are", which makes them feel special. And then their leader (Calvin Klein, Cosmo, or favorite KKK wizard/cult Father) tell them that if you don't dress this way, or look this way, or think this way, you don't fit in anymore.

Why would someone with low self-confidence and self-esteem see what they perceive as a chance to be "popular" (hate certain people, recruit others for the cult, wear these certain low-rise jeans and be all thin and anorexic-looking) and pass it up? Sure, it may tug on their sensibility for a second, but then hey, why not do it if you can be popular? Anyone here ever do something even slightly immoral/illegal/unusual on a dare because your friends would think you're cool?

And i'm not saying that self-confidence means letting yourself get fat and being happy with it. In fact, most of the time a good self-image makes people WANT to keep up a healthy body/lifestyle because you're proud of what you have and want to keep it in top form. If someone has a car and is proud of it, they're much more likely to keep it waxed and clean and nice-looking than if they don't care about it, right?

Sorry again for this being so long but my late-night ruminations sometimes go on. Peace 'n love, TFP'ers.

BenChuy

Just a question: does anyone else mentally age people they think are attractive? I constantly do this and i found that many of the people who are "attractive" today to my generation are going to end up rather scary looking in the future. Especially with the way they treat their bodies.

either way, the personality is always what has cinched it for me. I HAVE to be sexually attracted, or just physically attracted at first to even conceive of dating them. hehe. and look where it has gotten me. getting Married to a beautiful woman who seems to get more gorgeous every time i see her. Not to mention she is the most feisty vixen in bed! totally hit the jackpot! er... sorry. a tad excited...