Finding out about Boyfriends past.... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

TheBosnianBitch · 10-13-2009, 09:20 AM

Ok.

So I live in an Isolated Community. I moved here about a year ago and met an awesome guy, and we have been together for over 10 months now, I really like him too.
But recently, I am finding out that before I was here, he had slept with some pretty questionable people in town, including seeing the "town slut" for a few months as well.
I feel pretty, weird about this... and its making me second guess my feelings for him. I mean, I thought he might have a little more respect for himself in that way, but he says it was a really low point of his life, and of course, he claims booze had a lot to do with it.

Should I feel weird about this, or just right it off as being the past... Its really been getting to me these past few days....

Any advice?

Manic_Skafe · 10-13-2009, 09:40 AM

Grow up and get over it.

Plan9 · 10-13-2009, 09:46 AM

Isolated towns = bad choices.

Just look at military bases.

...

I'd talk to him about it if you're losing sleep over it.

And STD test the hell outta him. Nobody likes herpes.

Glory's Sun · 10-13-2009, 09:48 AM

I have to go with Manic on this one.

you say he's amazing. focus on that and not his past. the past is called the past for a reason... it shouldn't have any bearing on the future..and the times that it does, is because people bring it into the present.

Shauk · 10-13-2009, 10:48 AM

Everyone has to find the right one someday, are you going to make him keep looking because he started looking in the wrong places before he met you?

Thats like my fucking keys not being where they need to be when i'm looking for them, damn keys, getting all pissed cuz I looked on top of the fridge instead of the couch first. What a whore that refrigerator is.

Plan9 · 10-13-2009, 11:05 AM

PROTIP: Refrain from digging around on his computer and snooping through his cell phone recent call log.

Bill O'Rights · 10-13-2009, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shauk

Everyone has to find the right one someday, are you going to make him keep looking because he started looking in the wrong places before he met you?

Do you, BosnianBitch, have any idea how aggravating that it is when Shauk, SHAUK of all people, is the voice of reason?

Look...while I may not have been as...blunt...as manic or gucci, I do agree with the sentiment. If this guy is, as you say, an awesome guy...are you going to let that go? Just because he's made a few questionable choices in his life? If you do, you're making a making a huge mistake.

Plan9 · 10-13-2009, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

Do you, BosnianBitch, have any idea how aggravating that it is when Shauk, SHAUK of all people, is the voice of reason?

Aawwwh... aawh... whoa, I've developed the most badass headache.

Shauk · 10-13-2009, 11:19 AM

Hey, I'm not such a pariah, I just like to play devil's advocate on the internet... a lot. Until people get mean about it. Then it's not fun anymore

jaymoney · 10-13-2009, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBosnianBitch

Ok.

So I live in an Isolated Community. I moved here about a year ago and met an awesome guy, and we have been together for over 10 months now, I really like him too.
But recently, I am finding out that before I was here, he had slept with some pretty questionable people in town, including seeing the "town slut" for a few months as well.
I feel pretty, weird about this... and its making me second guess my feelings for him. I mean, I thought he might have a little more respect for himself in that way, but he says it was a really low point of his life, and of course, he claims booze had a lot to do with it.

Should I feel weird about this, or just right it off as being the past... Its really been getting to me these past few days....

Any advice?

Get over it every guy has fucked his slut or two before settling down remember we think with our d**ks and also dont dig up the past you might get dirty leave it in the past im pretty sure you have some secrets he might not like

inBOIL · 10-13-2009, 12:35 PM

Am I correct in assuming the male/female ratio in your community is highly skewed towards the sausage fest end of the spectrum? If so, his choice may have been between questionable people and involuntary celibacy.

TheBosnianBitch · 10-13-2009, 12:48 PM

Thank you guys so much! Be as blunt as you like also, I tend to listen better that way.
Ugh. So I guess I gotta just forget about it then. I mean, sure... I DO have secrets I would hate for him to find out, so I mean, who am I to judge?

The ratio of men to women in this town is fucking insane, there is like 5 guys for every 1 girl. Its a town of about 700 so.
Anyways, speaking of ratios, that has also been bothering me. I really have started thinking that, ok.......

He is dating me cause he is really sick of whats in town, and he has most likely spoken to every other girl a million times.
Does anyone think thats 100% bogus or am I just being crazy? To actually think that he started dating me cause I was/ or am "Fresh Meat" in town?

Fuck thats gross to think that but HEY... here we are!!!

ADVICE????

Plan9 · 10-13-2009, 01:03 PM

My spider-sense is tingling... this guy's last name wouldn't be Clay, would it?

TheBosnianBitch · 10-13-2009, 01:16 PM

No. Last name is not Clay...

ugh.

I also gotta figure out what I am gonna be for halloween!

I really hate to think he is with me cause I am fresh in town, but yeah. He is really amazing and great, but I mean... just sometimes... you get that feeling right? You start to doubt things, which I am doing.. and it sucks. But, I guess thats the way she goes.

donmaytee · 10-13-2009, 01:19 PM

I have a reputation that i did not know about where i live untill my girlfriend told me when we first got together that she had been warned off me,

We have now been together 10 months, nearlly 11.. And i haven't cheated on her once. Never will. I love her.

You should give him a chance, fuck everybody else. x

Shauk · 10-13-2009, 01:35 PM

that "feeling" you describe...

It reminds me of this thing my ex had. Every so often she'd break down and have these "omg everything I know is wrong" kind of reverse epiphanies. Where she claimed to not know what love was, or what the point of finding love was, etc...

obviously a bit extreme, but my hypothesis was that she merely had confidence issues. She didn't feel deserving of love or affection because ultimately she was unhappy with herself, her job status, her lack of a social life, and her wavering physical fitness.

My reassurances only worked so many times before she finally convinced herself that it was really true and we separated and she has since begun the cycle anew. It's merely a form of self sabotage stemming from her confidence issues. If there isn't anything wrong with the relationship itself, it's not that hard to make something wrong with it.

Don't be my ex. k?

Plan9 · 10-13-2009, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBosnianBitch

No. Last name is not Clay...

Damnit, I could swear it was him again. I ran into one of his European wives on another forum once. It was creepy.

He refers to everybody as, "Hey, guy!" Dude has a huge knife scar on his face and multiple gunshot scars on his torso.

Xerxys · 10-13-2009, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaymoney

... every guy has fucked his slut or two ...

To be honest, we all really, really loved the slut too!

Toaster126 · 10-13-2009, 03:13 PM

The problem here is you. Sorry.

Aladdin Sane · 10-13-2009, 03:39 PM

Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. That said, people do occasionally grow up.

Borla · 10-13-2009, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheBosnianBitch

I really hate to think he is with me cause I am fresh in town, but yeah.

If you break up with him because of this, couldn't you later provide this line of reasoning to every other guy you might possibly date from this town in the future?

TheBosnianBitch · 10-13-2009, 08:09 PM

Makes sense. Thank you guys so much. This really has helped.
I am not going to break up with him, I decided to forget about it.
I have a "past" I guess as well too, I think its just coming more to a head for me cause I am living in such a small place.... never would of thought of this shit in the city.

Thanks guys, for real.

---------- Post added at 10:09 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:07 PM ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shauk

that "feeling" you describe...

If there isn't anything wrong with the relationship itself, it's not that hard to make something wrong with it.

Don't be my ex. k?

FUCK this is so true! Man, I feel kinda dumb now. Thank god I came to this forum before acting a fool...

Wakazashi · 10-14-2009, 11:37 PM

james t kirk · 10-17-2009, 01:29 PM

Childish judgement on your part.

Also childish judgement about the other women. If they like to have sex, good for them. You're the reason the old double standard persists to this day.

10-13-2009, 09:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
TheBosnianBitch Upright Location: Arctic	Finding out about Boyfriends past.... Ok. So I live in an Isolated Community. I moved here about a year ago and met an awesome guy, and we have been together for over 10 months now, I really like him too. But recently, I am finding out that before I was here, he had slept with some pretty questionable people in town, including seeing the "town slut" for a few months as well. I feel pretty, weird about this... and its making me second guess my feelings for him. I mean, I thought he might have a little more respect for himself in that way, but he says it was a really low point of his life, and of course, he claims booze had a lot to do with it. Should I feel weird about this, or just right it off as being the past... Its really been getting to me these past few days.... Any advice?

10-13-2009, 09:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
Manic_Skafe More Than You Expect Location: Queens	Grow up and get over it. __________________ "Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

10-13-2009, 09:46 AM	#3 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Isolated towns = bad choices. Just look at military bases. ... I'd talk to him about it if you're losing sleep over it. And STD test the hell outta him. Nobody likes herpes. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

10-13-2009, 11:05 AM	#6 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	PROTIP: Refrain from digging around on his computer and snooping through his cell phone recent call log. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

10-13-2009, 12:35 PM	#11 (permalink)
inBOIL I have eaten the slaw	Am I correct in assuming the male/female ratio in your community is highly skewed towards the sausage fest end of the spectrum? If so, his choice may have been between questionable people and involuntary celibacy. __________________ And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

10-13-2009, 09:48 AM	#4 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	I have to go with Manic on this one. you say he's amazing. focus on that and not his past. the past is called the past for a reason... it shouldn't have any bearing on the future..and the times that it does, is because people bring it into the present.

10-13-2009, 10:48 AM	#5 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	Everyone has to find the right one someday, are you going to make him keep looking because he started looking in the wrong places before he met you? Thats like my fucking keys not being where they need to be when i'm looking for them, damn keys, getting all pissed cuz I looked on top of the fridge instead of the couch first. What a whore that refrigerator is.

10-13-2009, 11:19 AM	#9 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	Hey, I'm not such a pariah, I just like to play devil's advocate on the internet... a lot. Until people get mean about it. Then it's not fun anymore

10-13-2009, 12:48 PM	#12 (permalink)
TheBosnianBitch Upright Location: Arctic	Thank you guys so much! Be as blunt as you like also, I tend to listen better that way. Ugh. So I guess I gotta just forget about it then. I mean, sure... I DO have secrets I would hate for him to find out, so I mean, who am I to judge? The ratio of men to women in this town is fucking insane, there is like 5 guys for every 1 girl. Its a town of about 700 so. Anyways, speaking of ratios, that has also been bothering me. I really have started thinking that, ok....... He is dating me cause he is really sick of whats in town, and he has most likely spoken to every other girl a million times. Does anyone think thats 100% bogus or am I just being crazy? To actually think that he started dating me cause I was/ or am "Fresh Meat" in town? Fuck thats gross to think that but HEY... here we are!!! ADVICE????

10-13-2009, 01:03 PM	#13 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	My spider-sense is tingling... this guy's last name wouldn't be Clay, would it? __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

10-13-2009, 01:16 PM	#14 (permalink)
TheBosnianBitch Upright Location: Arctic	No. Last name is not Clay... ugh. I also gotta figure out what I am gonna be for halloween! I really hate to think he is with me cause I am fresh in town, but yeah. He is really amazing and great, but I mean... just sometimes... you get that feeling right? You start to doubt things, which I am doing.. and it sucks. But, I guess thats the way she goes.

10-13-2009, 01:19 PM	#15 (permalink)
donmaytee Upright	I have a reputation that i did not know about where i live untill my girlfriend told me when we first got together that she had been warned off me, We have now been together 10 months, nearlly 11.. And i haven't cheated on her once. Never will. I love her. You should give him a chance, fuck everybody else. x

10-13-2009, 01:35 PM	#16 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	that "feeling" you describe... It reminds me of this thing my ex had. Every so often she'd break down and have these "omg everything I know is wrong" kind of reverse epiphanies. Where she claimed to not know what love was, or what the point of finding love was, etc... obviously a bit extreme, but my hypothesis was that she merely had confidence issues. She didn't feel deserving of love or affection because ultimately she was unhappy with herself, her job status, her lack of a social life, and her wavering physical fitness. My reassurances only worked so many times before she finally convinced herself that it was really true and we separated and she has since begun the cycle anew. It's merely a form of self sabotage stemming from her confidence issues. If there isn't anything wrong with the relationship itself, it's not that hard to make something wrong with it. Don't be my ex. k?

10-13-2009, 03:13 PM	#19 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	The problem here is you. Sorry. __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

10-13-2009, 03:39 PM	#20 (permalink)
Aladdin Sane Degenerate Location: San Marvelous	Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. That said, people do occasionally grow up. __________________ Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

10-14-2009, 11:37 PM	#23 (permalink)
Wakazashi Upright	Last edited by Wakazashi; 10-14-2009 at 11:39 PM.. Reason: erasing original post.

10-17-2009, 01:29 PM	#24 (permalink)
james t kirk Junkie Location: Toronto	Childish judgement on your part. Also childish judgement about the other women. If they like to have sex, good for them. You're the reason the old double standard persists to this day.