hunnychile

The lol response is a waste of space. Get over it. Now...

Thanks,
Everyone here at tfp.

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"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

CinnamonGirl

In a ROW?!



meh...some people freak out about numbers...some don't. Some people STILL adhere to that double standard where guys can (and should) sleep around as much as they want, but women shouldn't. It's annoying. And stupid.

As everyone else has said... don't lie about it. If he can't handle your past, there's not really a reason for him to be in your future, is there?

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"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

highdro69

This is why I have a strict 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. I'm going to pretend I'm like her seventh or eighth and live blissfully in my own ignorance. I'm secure enough to know where my insecurities lay.
If he didn't ask when you he told you his tally, he probably doesn't care, so chill out and show that boy the time of his life :-)

__________________
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

Wakazashi

This is what you say: "I'm not telling"
This is something you should NEVER talk about no matter what your partner says. (Exception, you've been married forever)
how do you respond to "why?"
1. Because it's none of your business.
2. It's in the past, so it doesn't matter now.
3. Because I don't want to tell you <-- recommended response.

It's simple refuse to give anyone such a number. They NEVER really want to know. You should never want to know someone so completely that there are no secrets either. Your supposed to trust for a reason. They will get over not knowing much faster, and I say this from experience, and repeating "I don't want to tell you".

Two more things.
1. If you don't give them a number, you don't have to lie about it.
2. Make sure next time the subject comes up you tell your next partner you don't want to know BEFORE you get a number. Saves you from having to tell.

Toaster126

Except for not lying, I think I literally disagree with everything said.

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"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

FelixP

I'm at zero, and I can tell you that's not too many...I guess it would be more quality than quantity. If most of your partners are all-around decent, then I good for you. If you're sleeping with trash for the sake of getting laid (on a regular basis), then you've probably got a problem.

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Free will lies not in the ability to craft your own fate, but in not knowing what your fate is. --Me

"I have just returned from visting the Marines at the front, and there is not a finer fighting organization in the world." --Douglas MacArthur

curiousbear

I have just one
Sex life started very late and just settled with it

I believe that discussing past-lives with present one is NOT A GOOD IDEA

MSD

The ones you regret are too many for you, the ones who gave you something incurable are the ones that are too many for me. Crompsin said something a while ago along the lines of "people need to stop treating sex as a weaponized commodity," and the same goes for sexual relationships.

If you have a problem with the number of past partners someone has had, it's because you're still putting the act of sex on a pedestal like society tells you you're supposed to instead of enjoying it like 2 million years of human evolution have programmed you for. Yes, there are people who sleep around as a substitute for self esteem, but they're the ones who pride themselves on the count and see it as a measure of their desirability and value as a person. Those people's problems will show up soon enough anyway. On the other end of things, people who have abnormally low numbers tend to be uptight and boring. This will also show up on its own. Don't assume that a number alone is a problem, affirming the consequent is a formal logical fallacy for a reason.

Plan9

Humans are ho-bags.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

james t kirk

I love women that have had allot of sexual partners. I'm always curious to hear the details as I'm very secure in bedroom. In fact, I find being with an experienced woman to be a bit of a turn on because it makes me want to please her all the more. To show her how I'm a better lover than her past experiences.

Also, at my age, I know longer figure that having sex outside of a relationship is necessarily the end of the relationship. I seem quite able to differentiate between sex for sex sake and an affair of the heart. My current GF has my permission to have sex with other men should she desire it, as long as she tells me about it in our own bedroom adventures.

As to my own number, I have no idea.

It all comes down to the people involved and their sexual morality in the end.

Toaster126

Quoted for mother-fucking truth.

Matters of the heart are too awesome to be letting things like personal insecurities screw things up. We all need to grow up sometimes.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Strange Famous

For me double figures is somewhat astonishing, but then Im a bit of a prude really.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Plan9

Fucking two people and not remembering their last name? Okay.

Fucking thirty people and not remembering their last name? All bad.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

streak_56

My number can be counted on one hand. Who cares? really? It doesn't show I sleep around or I haven't slept around (not), I've been in two major relationships in that time that were more than 1 year. I wouldn't even call it putting sex on a pedistal as was said above. I don't think you should ask someone for their number, doesn't matter, never mattered to me. My fiance told me a high number 13... didn't bother me, although I found out later that it was much, much lower than that, which still didn't bother me. We still explore eachother sexually in ways I've never done before with anyone else.

Just because you don't have that many partners make you boring? Another generalization that can be made about someone with too many being slutty. To take such a hard line that sleeping around makes you a slut is ridiculous, I find it to be more of sexual jealousy. That one person couldn't have that many partners. And I do have a cousin and best friend that sleep around for self-esteem. They are both idiots and need to grow up.

Giant Hamburger

1,000,000 might be too many.

Plan9

Depends entirely on how many tentacles you have.

.

.

.

Snowy.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

snowy

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Cimarron29414

I'll bet the number will bother him. I polled some guys around the office and they seemed to think that number would screw with his head. I'd probably just tell him that it's not something you feel comfortable sharing - which is also true. If you are still together in a year or two and it comes back up, then maybe you can place it in context without damaging his ego. Early on, it's going to mess with his performance.

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Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Shaindra

And this is why women lie about their "number".

__________________
"Never regret something that once made you smile."

Plan9

And why men feel inadequate and unhappy when they're with the same partner for a year.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Shaindra

If a man can't handle how many partners I've had, that's his problem. And if he feels inadequate...also his problem. I've had long-term relationships and short-term. I've never lied about my number. But I can see why some women would.

__________________
"Never regret something that once made you smile."

Plan9

...now that we've both stated the obvious...

...

My point was that a woman that has made such life choices is not for me.

I want a partner that is more congruent to my lifestyle and experience.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Shaindra

And if that was the only thing wrong with an otherwise great girl? Ditch her?

What if you're in a relationship with someone and find out later that her number was too high for you? A good relationship?

I get what you're saying about life choices. But why does that particular area need to be congruent? Does it matter if she's had a substantially lower number than you, or is that a good thing?

__________________
"Never regret something that once made you smile."

Plan9

I smell a defensive odor emanating from your posts.

...

It isn't "wrong" and no, I wouldn't ditch a girl over it. You define "great girl" one way, I define it another. It's all personal preference. I'd like to be with someone who's about as reserved and cautious as I am. Safe sex practices include not fucking everybody on the planet. I'm an average guy and I'd love to slap my hips against the backside of plenty more girls... but I'm not in a rush. Courting / dating / fucking is an expensive hobby and comes with some pretty hefty responsibilities if you wanna do it right so you can escape unscathed.

I've had plenty of good relationships and the sexual body count of my partner was never an issue. If we talking are about just this issue in specific, I can make statements like those above. Of course I consider the whole package when I'm with someone... don't be ridiculous. I'm not a complete asshole.

I would prefer someone be able to justify their number, whatever it is, instead of saying, "Yeah, I got totally wasted and let the whole football team triple-plug me my freshman year... I don't really remember how it happened but I've toned it down a bit since then..."

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Shaindra

Nah. I'm well past the age where most people really give a flying fuck about body counts. And when I was that girls age, my number was 2, one of whom I was married to. It's more probing with honest curiosity about how men feel about these things. I'm fascinated by gender differences as you'd rarely find men posting about something like this in reverse.

I hear you. I find myself feeling sad when I hear about someone who's slept with a lot of people at a young age. Mostly it feels like, "What were you looking for? Did you find it?" And that's totally projection on my part because I know if I'd had a high count at that age it would've been in search of love and affection and not just hot sex. I was incapable of separating the two at that time.

I feel less sad about older people. Mainly because I'm well aware of what they were looking for and pretty sure they found it.

__________________
"Never regret something that once made you smile."

LoganSnake

I think I'd be better off not knowing how many sexual partners my partner has had as long as she was clean and didn't start her sentences with "Well, the last guy I've been with... ."

However, that may speak about the simple fact that I would be uncomfortable with dating someone with a high number. By high I mean whatever number would make me uncomfortable at the time of finding out. The Number is not a constant, mind you. Then again, I haven't yet had the pleasure of such an experience, so that remains to be seen.

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Xerxys

I beg to differ ... even though I don't get around the block as much as I want to I'd like to have sex with at least 69,740,862.05 people simply for hot hot sex before I die!!

nice19761976

okay,i m a married man,37 yr old,my wife is 32 yr old ,one day same question asked my wife that how many is too much,i said nothing is too much,we both have relation out side marrage and we both love each other too much ,
i did not count how many i had.i think more than 20.and i still think its not too much

Anonymous Member

Are we counting prostitutes? Because obviously I don't ask them about their activities. Suffice it to say it does not bother me.

Wes Mantooth

I never understood why a significant other would get so hung up on the past number of relationships/sex partners. I really don't, is it a jealousy thing? Is it intimidating? I've had this happen to me in several relationships (as well as seeing it happen to friends)and have been baffled by the wide range of responses from acting hurt to anger to being cold. I can't fathom why somebody who wants to be with you and likes everything about you would flip out about one to many in the past. Is there some unspoken rule about living up to the imagined standards of future relationships?

Anyway to the OP I'd try to test his reaction first does it seem as though he's concerned or curious? If its just curiosity I'd tell him and shrug it off like its nothing. If he wants to know so he can size up your moral code tell him its none of his business or just give a round figure....maybe knock off a dozen or two. Honestly I hate when this question comes up in relationships and the kind of problems it causes, at this point I'd just tell people to lie about it.

Hope this helps.

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telekinetic

Do you date them? Cuz, that's what this thread is about. Or are you asking "do hookers count against my number?" If so I'd say emphatically yes, if not double or triple.

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twisted no more

Xerxys

^^ Ohh man, sex ed really did a number on me. The fact that sleeping with one hooker translates to a hypothetical fucking 18 other men depending on how she gets around still gets my skin crawling!

12Packaday

So far all the formulas for figuring out how many men/how many years has the guys in a single file line. If we take man to the second or even third power...... well you can see how the numbers can really add up rather quickly. And that leaves alot more time for extended monogamous relationships and even a little solo time.

When you get abook at the library you don't wig out about how many people read it before you, so unless you have a list tatooed on your ass tell him what you think HE will be comfortable feeling. Every dude is different and you know this one, so figure it out. Personally, I have been with my gf for ten years and don't want to know. I'd never put her on the spot like that. If I NEEDED to know she would have told me. There are better, more important things to talk about.

BTW, it might be best to act like everything you do with this guy is new to you. Ya know, since he wants to believe you're some kind of virgin.

Good luck.

Plan9

Care to explain what this means in terms that a 7th grader can understand? I'm a little slow.

...

And did you just compare a vagina-toter to a public library book? I didn't know McGraw-Hill products could get STIs or pregnant.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

12Packaday

I mean multiple simultaneous partners. That would dramatically lessen the time required to amass a membership list the length of the average football team roster.

I believe they are called "STDs" and if I picked up a book that one of the previous readers had spilled chili in or glued the pages together with a milkshake or (perish the thought) torn some pages out of so the covers didn't even close right anymore, well I might have to get a different copy of that book. Some books are pretty to look at and some are not, some are hard to read, some the words flow off the page effortlessly. Some books you read once and remember forever, others you want to read over and over and hopefully you find something new every time. Some books you just can't get into no matter how much you try to understand them, as if they're written in a foreign language.

mojo215

Hi. Great place to make a first post.

I think the question itself is a little too broad to really answer, being that it wholly dependent on the person. It's interesting to see how many people are cool with multiple sex partners here as opposed to people on the exact opposite end of the spectrum.

For me, I guess it's more dependent on a few thing. If I'm in a relationship with the person in question: if she's clean and I know that she cares for me, it really doesn't matter. I've only slept with two different women, so I'm aware that chances are who I'm dating is gonna have a higher number than me. Which I am wholly OK with because a woman who knows what she likes in bed is insanely hot.

To address the "don't ask/don't tell" deal, I think that those kinds of secrets are detrimental to a relationship's health, being that relationships are about openness. I'm not really a conservative person, so I'm not gonna shun my girl for saying that she's been with X amount of partners. Of course, if it's a super high number I'll ponder it a little bit, but as long as she's clean and we care for each other, it's all good.

Besides that, I'm not really the hypocritical type: if I weren't in a relationship, I'd be trying to bang as many girls as my morality would allow. Now, as far as casual sex is concerned, I don't think that the number is important. Because there isn't really any meaning behind the act; it's just good ol' spontaneous sex.

telekinetic

18?? More like 18 a week...probably up into 4 digits by the time they 'retire'

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twisted no more

Xerxys

^^ I meant like 18 a day, that is, if she's running a mill ...

UnclearContent

Your previous partner number is something in your past. We move on.

You lying about your number is something you're doing right now, in the present.

You didn't sleep with x number of guys in order to hurt him. It predated the relationship so is a low level factor.

You lying about your sexual count is a directly negative act against your current relationship. You're lying. And by lying you give weight to any insecurity your guy might have because you felt that you needed to lie. If you're open and honest he should see that the number isn't that important. Start lying and you make your past something dirty, or dishonorable, or at least worth keeping in the back of his mind whenever he's with you.

Lady Bear Cub

^That definitely is too many.

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"I give myself very good advice,
But I very seldom follow it,
Will I ever learn to do the things I should?"