Sexuality of the sexless
 

So I'm genuinely curious how many of you out there who are sexless. And of those sexless, who of you are for the most part are fairly cool with it?

By sexless, I mean, you pretty much never have sex.

What I'm interested to know most of all is why you're sexless. Has it been a choice? Does it simply not interest you? A medical condition?

Does it bother you sometimes? Does it bother you at all?

I know its not the easiest thing to talk about sometimes, hell, the shocked looks on faces I get when it comes out the last time I had sex.

So to ease the mood and get some answers happening I'll open up to all. Because I'm seriously interested to know who else out there is similar.

I'm in my mid 20's and have had two sexual partners. The last time I had sex was nearly two years ago, and before that, 7 years.

If I had two words to choose as to why, I would put it down to fear and laziness. In a pure honest sense, it's as simple as that. But of course the reality isn't quite so simple, but if I only had two words to choose.

Let me start by saying I enjoy sex, I think about it quite often in fact. I masturbate no more and no less than anyone else. I think women, especially women with red hair, to be the most beautiful creatures to walk the earth. I'm a fairly social person, have no trouble talking to women, I have it on good authority that I'm easy on the female eyes, the word charming often gets thrown out there. And I suffer no medical conditions. Depression has thrown the odd spanner in the works from time to time, but certainly not a good reason.

So really, I have no excuses, but I've never blamed anyone but myself.

Truth is I do know why, exactly why. I just don't put myself out there. That, and I seem incapable of picking up on even the most basic hints when a lass is interested.

But even on occasion when it's been outright offered, I've politely declined. Mainly on the grounds of standards, and a general unease at the idea of one night stands.

Thing is, I've never been able to comprehend the lengths some people go to just for sex. I've had some shameful moments in the name of love, lust, jealousy, and passion. But just for sex? I'd just as soon save myself all the complications and hassles and just go home and beat Little Friendly like he owes me money.

So there it is, really, fear and laziness, essentially.

How about you?

I am someone with a very high sex drive. The sort of guy who complains he never gets enough, lol. But I understand that there is a continuum of human sexuality and sexual desire. Some people just need it less. There may or may not be physical factors that exacerbate (enhance?) your lack of desire... low testosterone levels or other conditions can depress the libido. I suspect not since you say you think about it and masturbate frequently. Probably you have hit it on the head with your fear & laziness comment.

A large part of your issue with your lack of activity may be the extreme sexualisation of society these days. EVERYTHING is linked to sex. And people who don't (or don't want to) participate, are considered odd, outsiders, strange... or worse.

I certainly have no problem with your choice and feel it you are comfortable with it, no further explanation or examination is required.

There's multiple reasons. Anxiety used to be a big problem but since I figured out that alcohol is a cure for that, its been less and less of an issue. :) Finding someone that I connect with is difficult too. I'm a geeky super-liberal living in a very small redneck town. I'm not interested in one night stands or doomed from the start relationships but that seems to be the only things I can find. Also I have a perception problem where I see women my age and they seem much more mature than me with kids and careers and I see woman younger than me as immature brats that have no respect for anything.

I am not currently sexless but I have had at least a couple of really long spells without it. The longest was 3 years. This was as voluntary as it was involuntary. I ended a relationship and there never seemed to arise the opportunity to have sex with someone during the time after it. Also, I was not looking for it. Easy sex is not something I go looking for. I like to have sex with someone I know and like to some degree. It was never offered to me during that time, nor even insinuated. I don't think it was me, it was just I never met someone who I wanted to flirt back with. I have no problem going without sex for long spells, though I miss it. I just resort to masturbation instead and wait. It eventually comes along. It's always been worth the wait.

Please don't take this as a personal attack, but there is a huge difference between choosing to be celibate and being afraid of the social interactions or situations that would come with sex and thus not having sex in my book. HUGE.

I think it's a completely different set of issues to want something but be afraid to get it so you don't get it vs. not wanting something so you don't get it.

I don't understand where you're coming from with that post. I don't think anyone was implying there was a similarity to anxiety related reasons and general dis-interest. Mr. Friendly just posed the question why are you sexless and shared his personal reasons. The thread is open for anyone to reply with their story be it anxiety related, a medical condition, religious reasons or whatever.

Is sexless a synonym for celibate for you then, Reese? It definitely isn't for me. Perhaps we are merely having a semantic disagreement.

I love the act itself. What I really hate is the bullshit that surrounds relationships in general. The roles society has assigned to both men and women are so distorting that I truly feel we're pushing our basic human instincts to the sidelines. For example. Is it really that bad that a man checks out a hot woman's body? Or a woman checks out a man's hot body? Other animal species don't seem to have a problem with the practice, and even go out of their way to show off. But for human beings, "we're objectifying men/women! It's wrong!"

And don't get me started with that incredibly fake pseudo-holiday called Valentine's Day!

Would it be wrong to hold ourselves to a higher standard?

I'm sexless because of social anxiety. I've had opportunities, I've pussed out. Frankly, I don't think much about sex, only about my lack thereof. I think more about my being a sexual coward than I do about sex itself.

C'mon, Marine. It's easy. Cover your assault team and blitz her rear.

I am currently sexless due to stress, disinterest, and the absence of my preferred partner. Okay, only partner thus far, but the preferred one none the less. Sex has been more spectacular through the emotional connection (call me stereotypical, Cromps, go ahead) than the physical one for the last few years. I have neither the energy or interest in trying to find that type of connection with someone else at the moment, though I definitely miss it. I'm sure it'll change, but I can get release just fine on my own when I need to. The emotional recovery period is a long one for me.

Plus, the LAST thing I need right now is to end up stuck after a romp with some nutjob stalker who just won't go away. Which has happened twice without even getting as far as the romp... just a minor rub. :lol: So, I'll be sexless right now. Doesn't mean I'm un-sexual, though, which irritates me when my friends assume that this is what's going on. There is a difference beween sex-less, asexual, and un-sexual in my mind.

I don't take it an attack at all.

You're right, celibacy is a choice. But so is fear to a degree. A person is entirely responsible for their own actions, health, and happiness.

Thus far I've chosen not to do anything about my situation. I guess sex just isn't important enough.

Lack of sex doesn't trouble me at all. Lack of companionship plays on my mind from time to time. But I think it's only natural we all crave that sometimes. But it's letting someone get close enough is where the fear comes in. I'm so used to living by myself and not being accountable to anyone that the idea of being in a relationship seems almost foreign to me.

I had sex last night...wait I had GREAT sex last night but it was the first time in about 10 months. With the exception of the year previous to this last drought I had sex 7 times in 5 years. To be honest; I hate it - I hate going without sex, sex is one of my fav things in the world but for me I can't just bang anyone. When I was in my very early twenties I had many flings but really grew out of that early. Most of my friends can't figure it out why I don't get some on a regular basis but I just have a really busy life and not much time to go 'fishing'.....I do date but none have made it far enough to advance to the boot knocking phase of the relationship.

Now although I hate going without - I am fine with it. I don't ever want to wake up in the morning and not be able to look myself in the face because I am appalled at what I did for a night of gratification....I got toys for the in-between time :thumbsup: