Touched out
 

Ok, this is for the ladies that are moms. When your kids were little, did you ever feel "touched out"? My wife says this. basically she means the kids have been all over her all day and she doesnt want anyone on her anymore, including me.

She is a stay at home mom and we have an almost 2 year old and an almost 4 year old who are both very snuggly.

So of course, by the time i can get alone time with her at the end of the day, she doesnt want me anywhere near her.

So, were you touched out with your kids? And how long did it take you to get beyond that feeling?


oh, i put this in sexuallity cause its all about me not getting laid more than 2 times a month, in a good month, right now.

Well, I'm not a lady--so ipso facto not a mom--but I can tell you that my wife went through this. Hell, I went through it, too. There are still times that I just want a break from being climbed all over by my daughter and the last thing I want is for my wife to come up and hug me or try to kiss me. I know that as my daughter gets older I'll yearn for the days when she was little and we could just have fun tickling or wrestling ... but still. I need my solitude.

My brother and his wife are in this stage. His suggestion is you both go to bed earlier, and switch to morning-loving. Testosterone peaks in both male and female in the morning, and so long as you both go to bed earlier should feel a bit more energy in the morning.

An analogy: I spend my day at work talking.
To many people. In person and on the phone.
Seems endless.
When I get home some days I am all "talked out".
Doesn't mean I love my wife any less, but it does mean that I won't be a big conversationalist that evening.

Gee, we'd have to be up early - the little ones in our house are up with the birds.

our kids are the same way. if they sleep until 6:30 thats a late morning.

the wife used to be a morning person. but now she is still asleep when i leave for work in the morning.

I get "emoted out" when I've had a tough day.
And I get compassion fatigue easily.
I can empathize with feeling "touched out."

Oh yeah, I went through that with two little ones. I can only describe is, at the end of the day, you just want to scream "GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!!" to anyone who even attempts to touch you. Now obviously you can't scream that at your adorable progeny, so guess who gets it?

The good news? It's not permanent. The bad news? Unless you get get the missus some significant time without the little hangers-on, you're stuck with it for now.

hah, i know i'm stuck with it, thats the question though, how long did it take you to get through it? both kids in school? both kids in college? (AAHHHH!!!!)

:D

What you really need to do is have the grandparents watch them for a weekend and spend time together.

If I have an aggravating day at work, I sometimes get to the point that any sound makes me cringe. I don't even want "hi, how are you doing?" when I get home, I want to go right to my room, close the door, and put earplugs in. People talking verges on physically painful. I'm realizing in the past week or so that I may have an anxiety disorder after having this combined with strong heart palpitations and severe shortness of breath. So I understand how your wife feels even though it's not the same thing.

Depends on the kids. If they're both clingy...decades. If they both get independent, could be next month. But the solution is extended time without the kids hanging on her. Send her off for the day without them. She'll be more open to touching from you when she returns.

Umm. No. I was never a jungle gym. Maybe she needs to understand how to separate herself from her children. Maybe this is an excuse. Hopefully not.


Very snuggly? What does that mean to you? Because the way you type it, to me it means very needy. It sounds like they feel there is no other comfort/protection/safety/ than Mom's arms. Mom is finding as much security in her childrens arms as they are finding in hers. She's hiding behind that.

It's hard for a women to find her place between Mother and Wife. When you have no other choices, it's a tough place to be.

Am I Wife?

Am I a Mother?

Am I a Protector?

Am I a Sex Kitten?

Being a stay at home Mom is hard. It is not as hard as a women who leaves their child in other's care so they can work.

Are you asking my opinion as a stay at home Mom? "Touched Out" sounds like a plea for needs that are not being met.

If she won't let you touch her because the "kids" are touching her all day you have huge problems that can't be solved by this board.


Excuse.


Your Wife is having issues with her body. She thinks you no longer see her as sexual, only maternal. Show her what you feel. Show her that you see her as an equal.

Let her know that she still turns you on.

I'm reading much deeper problems here.

Just curious, how many kids do you have?

Two. One still at home.

I'm just wondering how close together they are. Because it's been my experience that having one infant/small child hanging on you isn't enough to induce "touched out". My kids were 2 years apart, and both nursing at the same time.

I think it also depends on the mothers personality. Some people like and enjoy a lot of touch, others not so much. I just question saying the woman has issues just because she's feeling overwhelmed at the end of a day of caring for little ones.

"Your Wife is having issues with her body. She thinks you no longer see her as sexual, only maternal. Show her what you feel. Show her that you see her as an equal. "

I've seen the opposite as true though. My wife went through a phase where SHE stopped seeing herself as anything other than MOTHER. When I could get her out of the house, away from the kids for a night out, it was as if she could play dress up and become a woman again. We went on a weekend away without the kids for the first time since having them (5 years later - big mistake here) and she did the wise and liberating thing to go and buy new clothes and panties and lingerie before the trip. It was as if a massive weight had been lifted in our relationship. Suddenly she remembered what it was like to FEEL sexy and realized that I had never stopped seeing her as sexy and attractive. It was her perception that had changed of herself all these years. It also meant that from dawn to dusk, her attention and energy could be focused on her interactions with me. Same went for me on that one. Suddenly it was if we were capable of emotions that hadn't been feasible for so many years when our entire life focused on nothing but children.

As for the sex....it was a great sex weekend too. 3 or 4 times a day for 4 days. on the balcony, in the hot tub, on the sofa, on the bed, on the pool table, on the outdoor furniture, on the coffee table, etc... We were all over each other. Hell, we'd get dressed to go out to eat and not even make it out the door.

We try to do this once a year now, and I think we should really do it twice a year because it is that much of a shot of adrenaline for our relationship.

We also have a 2 year old and a four year old and my wife definitely goes through this. It's just something you're going to have to deal with. Don't take it personally and try and find ways to help her with chores and housework to alleviate her exhaustion. She really needs you to help and will appreciate this more than any ham-fisted attempts at fixing her self esteem. Exhaustion is exhaution now matter the body issue.

Can the two kids play together without you in the morning? If you can get the older one to take the little one away for 20 minutes, you both can sleep in a little or even get it on. It works wonders.