Interracial Relationships - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

actinic · 03-22-2009, 03:08 PM

I'm Chinese Buddhist w/French/Irish/English Canadian Catholic. Her grandparents were the most resistant and my parents gave up on me marrying/dating Chinese ages ago...LOL!

Growing up in New Brunswick in the 70's and 80's, I've grown quite a thick skin to jeers, whispers and such. In 2005 we took a cross Canada road trip and it was her first time experiencing of blatant bigotry and at times was quite uncomfortable when we had to fill up, stop to eat, etc, in the smaller towns.

In a small town in Alberta, we were having lunch in a quaint cafe and a woman discreetly slipped a note to me that we had 5mins to eat up, pay get out. When we got to Calgary to see my sister and her husband (white), it was my wife and I that got more attention than my sis and her husband when the Calgary Stampede was going on and the "good ol' boys" flocked in.

Religious differences aside, IME/HO, it's more of a challenge when it's the male that's of "color" in an interracial relationship.

Can't we all frikken get along...LOL!

Man/Amazing · 03-23-2009, 04:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by actinic

I'm Chinese Buddhist w/French/Irish/English Canadian Catholic. Her grandparents were the most resistant and my parents gave up on me marrying/dating Chinese ages ago...LOL!

Growing up in New Brunswick in the 70's and 80's, I've grown quite a thick skin to jeers, whispers and such. In 2005 we took a cross Canada road trip and it was her first time experiencing of blatant bigotry and at times was quite uncomfortable when we had to fill up, stop to eat, etc, in the smaller towns.

In a small town in Alberta, we were having lunch in a quaint cafe and a woman discreetly slipped a note to me that we had 5mins to eat up, pay get out. When we got to Calgary to see my sister and her husband (white), it was my wife and I that got more attention than my sis and her husband when the Calgary Stampede was going on and the "good ol' boys" flocked in.

Religious differences aside, IME/HO, it's more of a challenge when it's the male that's of "color" in an interracial relationship.

Can't we all frikken get along...LOL!

Myself Black/Native American/German, any time I dated someone outside my own races i've got jeers from pass cars, stares the whole nine. Gotten thick skin over the years. As the the OPs question I wouldn't be here if it weren't for a little race mixing back in the day, so I don't see anything wrong with it.

Leto · 03-23-2009, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blar

I am from toronto as well

from your location I am guessing you live downtown if you goto to markham or richmond hill etc etc OMG the looks one gets get he is with a chinese or korean girl

LOL - you 'd be correct. The 'burbs do tend to be a bit ghetto-ized (i.e. very little integration) but yes, I've been up to Richmond Hill / Markham many many times, and find the Asians up there to be far too self consumed to even notice what we do up there. Spent many an hour in the Pacific Mall, and all they want is my $$$.

dlish · 03-23-2009, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by belle_enigma

Okay so here's what I've had to deal with in regard to marrying other ethnicities. I'm white (mix of 6 different western european nationalities) with a Catholic background. I also was born in the US, but have dual citizenship with France too.

So I met this guy in France, we fell in love, but I soon discovered that French are very racist against Albanians. (The stereotype being that they were all drug dealers in gangs trying to find young innocent girls to kidnap and turn into prostitutes/sex slaves.) He was from Kosovo, spoke very little French, and to top it off... was a Muslim. (The Muslim stereotype being that they condone violence towards women and enslave their women as well.) More than once did my mother express to me how she viewed him to be the scum of the earth and I quote "was not like "us"".

Of course there was also the underlying issue that he may be using me to get to America, but I believe to this day that although I'm sure the idea crossed his mind all he ever wanted was to love me and be with me. Both of my parents hated the idea of him and although they let me continue the relationship as far as it could go, they truly made my life a living hell for being with him. All my friends always made dumb Muslim jokes as well and never showed any kind of support of it ever working out. My mother during the course of our relationship always said that I would be miserable because he would expect me to clean and cook and just make babies.

I ended it with him 5 months ago after trying everything I could to get him to America. Unfortunately, I don't have the money to help him or the desire to marry so I figured there was no future and that if I ended it now, he would have better luck finding someone else. However, he still calls me saying he loves me and it breaks my heart to have to ignore his calls as to not give him any hope for us when it's obvious we can't be together. I do love him though and miss him terribly.

as one of the few muslims here on this board, i can say with authority that what your parents speak of is plain stereotpical bigotry. my wife also of lebanese origin does not cook clean and make babies. she actually has a successful career and is one of the best in her field.

education is vital, if only to open up your (and your parents) mind to understand other ways of life. if only for your sake.

at the end of the day, a muslim is the same as the next person. we all want the same thing. believing in a certain religion does not make someone a monster. i certainly do not have those traits that your parents speak of, and quite frankly find it quite offensive. as for your friends, i'd drop them in a flash if they were treating you and your relationship in that fashin

SexyCat · 03-23-2009, 05:24 PM

I am white and married to a black guy, no one really seems to care unless we go to a super small towns with close minded people. We just as a general rule avoid going to little shit towns like those.

belle_enigma · 03-23-2009, 07:16 PM

__________

Terrell · 03-24-2009, 04:55 PM

I've dated women of other ethnicities before and have no problem with it.

KirStang · 03-25-2009, 01:05 AM

I'd imagine a more 'response provoking' question would ask, "How do you feel about other ethnicities dating women of your race?" I thought actinic brought up a good point. Most men will be ok with their own race dating other ethnicities, but when it comes to other men dating their ethnicity, ire arises.

Then again, guys tend to be competitive and consider some attractive woman's boyfriend inferior to themselves...

Terrell · 03-25-2009, 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KirStang

I'd imagine a more 'response provoking' question would ask, "How do you feel about other ethnicities dating women of your race?" I thought actinic brought up a good point. Most men will be ok with their own race dating other ethnicities, but when it comes to other men dating their ethnicity, ire arises.

Then again, guys tend to be competitive and consider some attractive woman's boyfriend inferior to themselves...

I don't have a problem with men of other ethnicities dating women of my same ethnicity either. I never saw much of a point in telling people they couldn't date particular people, simply on the basis of skin color.

Nisses · 03-25-2009, 06:25 AM

Every time I see a thread with something like this in the title, is about the only time I actually consider/realize that I'm in an interracial relationship.

It simply doesn't matter.

Hasn't for the last 4 years.

Just came back from a trip to Japan, to meet my gf's other side of the family, and even there I didn't notice a single person looking twice at me for not being Japanese.

My cousin is dating a black girl;
And my niece (other part of the family) hangs out & has dated several spanish guys.

And we all grew up in a little shit-village as so eloquently put by somebody earlier in this thread.

I suppose if you let it bother you, ...

curiousbear · 04-05-2009, 06:05 AM

It is social behavior evolved out of so many generations. It has a purpose.

Now the power of YOUR love can beat it

Toaster126 · 04-17-2009, 10:41 PM

As someone who is half black/white, every relationship I've been in has been with someone of a different race.

I have dealt with prejudiced comments and outright slurs from people I'm blood related to, so I can say I have enough varying viewpoints to confidently say that all of it is silly and if you love someone go love them. Other people and their reactions are something to consider, but only for your reaction to them, not a reason to not pursue things with someone not like you or what someone else wants for you.

EDIT: Removed response to belle_enigma because I didn't finish reading the thread and I'm a terrible person that can't read good and stuff.

Short Putt · 04-23-2009, 03:40 AM

As a parent, with several married children, I must say that no one seems good enough for your child while they are dating, particularly if they have a stormy relationship. But if they love your child, and treat him/her well, pretty soon they become good enough in your parental heart. What a parent really wants is for their child to be/ to find happiness. Some differences in a mate will not fit the image in a parent's mind, but that will be overcome when the child is happy with their mate over time. That's my experience.

JohnBua · 04-23-2009, 04:52 AM

I have dated may girls of other races. They were filled with the same joys and sorrows of any other relationship. The only odd momemts were suplied by my own family when they awkwardly went out of their way to show how cool they were with me dating a black girl. My ex just laughed and said that they were just trying to be nice. It was a bit uncomfortable. Had we dated longer I am sure all would have been normal.

asaris · 04-23-2009, 05:02 AM

I'm Dutch Protestant, and my fiancee is Jewish. We haven't had any issues from the friends, but it definitely has taken the family a while to warm up to us! Fortunately, she's amazing, so they're coming around

Plan9 · 04-23-2009, 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KirStang

I'd imagine a more 'response provoking' question would ask, "How do you feel about other ethnicities dating women of your race?" I thought actinic brought up a good point. Most men will be ok with their own race dating other ethnicities, but when it comes to other men dating their ethnicity, ire arises.

Then again, guys tend to be competitive and consider some attractive woman's boyfriend inferior to themselves...

Interesting observation. Does that fit in with the "we're all a little racist" thing?

raptor9k · 04-23-2009, 12:33 PM

deleted

cdwonderful · 04-23-2009, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raptor9k

I don't have a problem with interracial relationships. I find women from many races attractive and could see myself dating interracially were I single. Don't have a problem with women doing what they want either. It's your life; if they don't like it fuck'em.

yea, like he said but with more exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anti fishstick · 04-23-2009, 09:27 PM

as an asian, i pretty much ONLY date inter-racially. I am not around a strong asian community so I have always dated caucasian men. I don't see a problem with it and I haven't noticed anyone bothered by it. I think it is more "accepted" for an asian female to date a caucasian male, however. If it were the other way around it might be different.

Plan9 · 04-23-2009, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anti fishstick

as an asian, i pretty much ONLY date inter-racially. I am not around a strong asian community so I have always dated caucasian men. I don't see a problem with it and I haven't noticed anyone bothered by it. I think it is more "accepted" for an asian female to date a caucasian male, however. If it were the other way around it might be different.

Yeah, I've found that "White Guy with Asian Girl" thing seems to be related to the post WWII / Korea / Vietnam phenomena. Just look outside Quantico, VA or Fort Bragg, NC. Seems like a million Caucasian crewcuts with Korean girlfriends. Hah, I was one of them for a while back in the day. Relationship had nothing to do with race, of course. She was smart, funny, and great in the kitchen (especially on the floor).

creepysusie · 04-27-2009, 12:23 AM

Following the, "Oriental Girl" phenomenon, I am a first generation Chinese Canadian and I have never really given thought about the "inter racial couples". It is just normal. When my parents met my boyfriend, they thought he was just a normal white guy. I never really bothered to tell them his cultural background; i didn't think i needed to. My friends are as diverse as the city is and I never really thought about it.

Later, my parents realized that he was mostly Scottish and a bit Aboriginal; had they not already had a good impression of him, things could have gone really differently. I wouldn't say that my parents are consciously racist, but they do have little racists moments that come out that i call out on. I honestly believe that it is because they grew up in a different time and even when there are individuals that "stereotype" mould, there are always excuses for them. And this goes for many people, not just my parents.

In my large extended family, I am the only one who is in a serious relationship with a non-Chinese person. I don't know what they think of him, but I think the world of him and I love him dearly and that is all that matters. (Though, my grandma did say that I "had tons of time to find a nice chinese boy" at the first impression, but has changed her opinion since)

03-22-2009, 03:08 PM	#41 (permalink)
actinic Crazy Location: Toronto, ON	I'm Chinese Buddhist w/French/Irish/English Canadian Catholic. Her grandparents were the most resistant and my parents gave up on me marrying/dating Chinese ages ago...LOL! Growing up in New Brunswick in the 70's and 80's, I've grown quite a thick skin to jeers, whispers and such. In 2005 we took a cross Canada road trip and it was her first time experiencing of blatant bigotry and at times was quite uncomfortable when we had to fill up, stop to eat, etc, in the smaller towns. In a small town in Alberta, we were having lunch in a quaint cafe and a woman discreetly slipped a note to me that we had 5mins to eat up, pay get out. When we got to Calgary to see my sister and her husband (white), it was my wife and I that got more attention than my sis and her husband when the Calgary Stampede was going on and the "good ol' boys" flocked in. Religious differences aside, IME/HO, it's more of a challenge when it's the male that's of "color" in an interracial relationship. Can't we all frikken get along...LOL! __________________ Drugs lead nowhere...but it's the scenic route

03-23-2009, 07:16 PM	#46 (permalink)
belle_enigma Upright	__________ Last edited by belle_enigma; 09-11-2010 at 06:18 PM..

03-25-2009, 06:25 AM	#50 (permalink)
Nisses Shade Location: Belgium	Every time I see a thread with something like this in the title, is about the only time I actually consider/realize that I'm in an interracial relationship. It simply doesn't matter. Hasn't for the last 4 years. Just came back from a trip to Japan, to meet my gf's other side of the family, and even there I didn't notice a single person looking twice at me for not being Japanese. My cousin is dating a black girl; And my niece (other part of the family) hangs out & has dated several spanish guys. And we all grew up in a little shit-village as so eloquently put by somebody earlier in this thread. I suppose if you let it bother you, ... __________________ Moderation should be moderately moderated.

04-17-2009, 10:41 PM	#52 (permalink)
Toaster126 Extreme moderation Location: Kansas City, yo.	As someone who is half black/white, every relationship I've been in has been with someone of a different race. I have dealt with prejudiced comments and outright slurs from people I'm blood related to, so I can say I have enough varying viewpoints to confidently say that all of it is silly and if you love someone go love them. Other people and their reactions are something to consider, but only for your reaction to them, not a reason to not pursue things with someone not like you or what someone else wants for you. EDIT: Removed response to belle_enigma because I didn't finish reading the thread and I'm a terrible person that can't read good and stuff. __________________ "The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand) "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck) Last edited by Toaster126; 04-17-2009 at 10:43 PM..

04-23-2009, 05:02 AM	#55 (permalink)
asaris Mad Philosopher Location: Washington, DC	I'm Dutch Protestant, and my fiancee is Jewish. We haven't had any issues from the friends, but it definitely has taken the family a while to warm up to us! Fortunately, she's amazing, so they're coming around __________________ "Die Deutschen meinen, daß die Kraft sich in Härte und Grausamkeit offenbaren müsse, sie unterwerfen sich dann gerne und mit Bewunderung:[...]. Daß es Kraft giebt in der Milde und Stille, das glauben sie nicht leicht." "The Germans believe that power must reveal itself in hardness and cruelty and then submit themselves gladly and with admiration[...]. They do not believe readily that there is power in meekness and calm." -- Friedrich Nietzsche

03-23-2009, 05:24 PM	#45 (permalink)
SexyCat Meow Location: Michigan	I am white and married to a black guy, no one really seems to care unless we go to a super small towns with close minded people. We just as a general rule avoid going to little shit towns like those.

03-24-2009, 04:55 PM	#47 (permalink)
Terrell Insane Location: Orlando, Florida	I've dated women of other ethnicities before and have no problem with it.

03-25-2009, 01:05 AM	#48 (permalink)
KirStang Future Bureaucrat	I'd imagine a more 'response provoking' question would ask, "How do you feel about other ethnicities dating women of your race?" I thought actinic brought up a good point. Most men will be ok with their own race dating other ethnicities, but when it comes to other men dating their ethnicity, ire arises. Then again, guys tend to be competitive and consider some attractive woman's boyfriend inferior to themselves...

04-05-2009, 06:05 AM	#51 (permalink)
curiousbear Addict Location: WA	It is social behavior evolved out of so many generations. It has a purpose. Now the power of YOUR love can beat it

04-23-2009, 03:40 AM	#53 (permalink)
Short Putt Banned	As a parent, with several married children, I must say that no one seems good enough for your child while they are dating, particularly if they have a stormy relationship. But if they love your child, and treat him/her well, pretty soon they become good enough in your parental heart. What a parent really wants is for their child to be/ to find happiness. Some differences in a mate will not fit the image in a parent's mind, but that will be overcome when the child is happy with their mate over time. That's my experience.

04-23-2009, 04:52 AM	#54 (permalink)
JohnBua Banned	I have dated may girls of other races. They were filled with the same joys and sorrows of any other relationship. The only odd momemts were suplied by my own family when they awkwardly went out of their way to show how cool they were with me dating a black girl. My ex just laughed and said that they were just trying to be nice. It was a bit uncomfortable. Had we dated longer I am sure all would have been normal.

04-23-2009, 12:33 PM	#57 (permalink)
raptor9k Crazy Location: Earth	deleted Last edited by raptor9k; 09-08-2021 at 04:58 AM..

04-23-2009, 09:27 PM	#59 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	as an asian, i pretty much ONLY date inter-racially. I am not around a strong asian community so I have always dated caucasian men. I don't see a problem with it and I haven't noticed anyone bothered by it. I think it is more "accepted" for an asian female to date a caucasian male, however. If it were the other way around it might be different. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

04-27-2009, 12:23 AM	#61 (permalink)
creepysusie Tilted	Following the, "Oriental Girl" phenomenon, I am a first generation Chinese Canadian and I have never really given thought about the "inter racial couples". It is just normal. When my parents met my boyfriend, they thought he was just a normal white guy. I never really bothered to tell them his cultural background; i didn't think i needed to. My friends are as diverse as the city is and I never really thought about it. Later, my parents realized that he was mostly Scottish and a bit Aboriginal; had they not already had a good impression of him, things could have gone really differently. I wouldn't say that my parents are consciously racist, but they do have little racists moments that come out that i call out on. I honestly believe that it is because they grew up in a different time and even when there are individuals that "stereotype" mould, there are always excuses for them. And this goes for many people, not just my parents. In my large extended family, I am the only one who is in a serious relationship with a non-Chinese person. I don't know what they think of him, but I think the world of him and I love him dearly and that is all that matters. (Though, my grandma did say that I "had tons of time to find a nice chinese boy" at the first impression, but has changed her opinion since)