ASU2003

(This post could have gone in the Men's Lounge, but I guess it will go here for now...)

What would your reaction be if you walked in on them in bed together? Would you feel hurt, confused, turned on, worried that she will leave you, wondering how long it was going on behind your back, concerned about STDs, or would you be just fine with her having a girlfriend on the side?

I have never loved or trusted someone, so I'm not sure I can answer it besides the typical male response of "Can I join?"

If you need to know, I am trying to figure out why I would have one reaction if it was a guy (involving a bullet to the head), yet would be fine with her seeing another girl as long as our relationship wasn't impacted very much and she didn't have any STDs.

Slims

We have a Men's lounge???

If my wife were hiding an honest affair, it would be trouble. If it were a fling, I could care less. Well, I would be a little upset I wasn't invited, but I would have no problems inviting myself.

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

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Jozrael

Pretty much all of the above except worried that she'd leave me. I'd be doing the leaving.

ratbastid

I guess those of us whose wives DO have a girlfriend on the side are exempt from this question?

Bear Cub

I would be outraged... that my phone died, causing me to miss out on the start.

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LoganSnake

Same reaction I would have if I had caught her with a man. She's having sex without my knowledge and without my consent with another person. It's a severe blow to my trust and would possibly be grounds for break-up/divorce as I have a very strict no cheating policy.

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Fire

yeah, without my knowledge or consent is a strict no no, and grounds for kicking her to the curb- now if she asks me first, and the prospective fuckee is tested and clean, and not a psyco, then sure, go for it,,,,,,

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Anormalguy

If my wife were simply experimenting I wouldn't be as nearly as upset as I would be if she confessed a deep love for the woman, but I would be hurt and disappointed by the fact that she didn't tell me about having bi curious thoughts.

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In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

Xerxys

Ditto...... Plus I would not get involved in a threesome without her knowledge so why should she??

Stare At The Sun

I could/would care less

Plan9

God, this is simple to figure out. Same rule as most threesome threads. It's the Penis Factor. As long as we're the only penis involved, we don't care who's doing what. And seriously... what man is going to object to multiple sets of female goodies to ogle and/or fondle? Hell, we spend a good portion of our lives staring at breasts.

This situation: I'd be willing to bet that, within at least 2 standard deviations (somebody check my math), this situation can be classified as "impossible bullshit fantasy" and is better used as fap-fap material on a lonely Saturday night... and not something with which to cultivate (more) gray hairs.

Turns out that men primarily think about "just putting it in her" and "let me do what I want" while women primarily think about romance / sunshine / puppies. We're wired that way with few exceptions, in my experience. I believe it helps us procreate and come up with soap opera scripts.

I've also determined that the longer you're in a relationship, the less important sex / sexuality becomes. At least with your current partner, anyway.

People either get hobbies (like buying guns or golf clubs)... or they use other people as hobbies (like your exotic Italian mistress, Claudia).

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Deltona Couple

I disagree with you Crompsin, Not every guy can just turn off the trust factor with seeing his wife in bed with ANYONE, male of female. Personally if I walked in on my wife and another woman I would be PISSED! If I DIDNT kick the other girl out of the house and get into a SERIOUS discussion with my wife, I would be lying. The trust factor is broken, and THAT is the strongest part of a relationship. If I can't trust her with that, then I would CONSTANTLY be wondering how many times she had done it before, if she had done it with a man before...etc. I couldnt believe her if she said it was her first time, because this would have destroyed any trust I had in her. Hell, if a girl even gave me a flirty eye or casually flirted with me I tell my wife, and we laugh about it, have a good time, and who knows, sometimes it makes the sex a little more fun later that night... hehehe. So We tell each other about everything that happens. If I walked in on her in the middle of something, it would destroy me. Now if I came home, and she had a girlfriend sitting with her in the living room and the two of them dragged me into the edroom to watch, that would be different, just dont let me walk into the middle of it already happening without my knowledge.

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Xazy

I would have major trust issues that she would do something like that, especially when she knows I would love to see her with another lady!!! The fact she would do this behind my back without asking me or discussing it would be a major breach of trust considering how honest (well more open about talking about things) our relationship currently is.

special_k_77

I agree with the few on here that have said without prior knowledge and consent it would be a big NO! That would be a big trust issue. But I know this is not the asked question but with prior consent and checking, I would have no problem

LoganSnake

Speak for yourself. Unless it was a royal "we".

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Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past. Wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future. Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot now. - J. Jacques

Prince

Gender makes little difference to me. If it's sex with someone other than me, it's cheating, period.

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Daniel_

If she engineered it so I would find them together as an invitation to a threesome, then I guess it would depend on how things went when I arrived.

If it was another reason, then I'd have serious trust issues.

In either case, I'd rather she talked to me first.

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
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World's King

I'd just be happy to see her strap-on getting some use...

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Daniel_

Can't she use it on you?

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

QuasiMondo

While such a scenario may present itself to be a man's dream come true, few think of the downsides of a lesbian relationship, the big one being that they are uninterested in you.

Once you come to that realization, you'll find that you're left with no choice but to kick her to the curb.

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Cameron originally envisioned the Terminator as a small, unremarkable man, giving it the ability to blend in more easily. As a result, his first choice for the part was Lance Henriksen. O. J. Simpson was on the shortlist but Cameron did not think that such a nice guy could be a ruthless killer.

-From the Collector's Edition DVD of The Terminator

Plan9

Whatever turns you on, chief.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

kutulu

I'd either undress or grab the camera

Hyacinthe

I know I am female but I don't really think it makes much difference - if I walked in on the SO with another man or if I had walked in on a female partner with another woman that would be it.

No previous discussion about whether I would be open to this situation - turn back around walk up the door, next time the other half was at work I would be picking up my stuff and leaving my set of keys at the apartment.

No discussion, excuses, begging.

They went behind my back and planned a sexual liasion with another person.

If it was a preplanned event - well that's different. But if there ws obviously no intention of me being involved in the decision making process that lead to the situation relationships over. I don't care how much I love the SO or how long we have been together - cheating is something I will not condone.


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Though me and my best female friend K have talked about being at the apartment when the SO comes home one night with one of us tied to the bed and the other one covering her in maple syrup (it's a a bit of a dig at the SOs Canadian background).... He is fully aware of our plans though.

That's allowable right?

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"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

Baraka_Guru

I think too many of us assume that the other woman would be into guys. Most lesbians aren't the dyed-blond, fake-nailed, stiletto-wearing fantasies that seem to be popular. Why do we assume that our gf/wife's lover is bisexual?

Also, this asks "what if we caught her cheating?" The key word is cheating. If it were all cool, don't you think she would have asked first? Personally, I'd assume she would be in the process of leaving me for this woman. True, it might not be that bad. Maybe she was just experimenting and was too embarrassed to talk to me about her desire. Whatever. I just wouldn't think it is always a good thing just because of fantasies of threesomes. This isn't necessarily an automatic threesome.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Plan9

NO WAY! Hah, I guess I don't have to mention the utter absurdity of this entire concept. "We" (men / at least 2 standard deviations of us, anyway) are very clearly in a long term monogamous heterosexual relationship and "we" get a "lesbian" slobber-knocker situation without any warning or precursor? How well do we know and understand our partner? Did we meet them yesterday? Perhaps off Craigslist?

My life isn't a soap opera. Somebody fill me in on what it is like.

...

Hah, "royal we" indeed.

...

I guess my problem with this Jerry Springer scenario is everybody stresses the "cheating" part without the "Why is my partner suddenly a switch hitter?" I'm pretty sure my s/o would rather make out with Patrick Stewart than any woman. We can understand infidelity... but sexual orientation flip-a-roo is another flavor of Rubik's cube. I can understand my partner bouncing upon the turgid flesh pistol of another man... that's standard issue infidelity... but I can't imagine her tongue spelunking in the moist reproductive portal of another woman. Hah, my head would totally 'splode like that one dude in Scanners. And not in a good way.

...

Me? I miss the point.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ASU2003

I wanted to see what other's reactions would be. I've learned a lot.

And I never really stated that the other girl was bi and wanted to be with the guy. I actually thought that the other girl would be a lesbian or a close friend and they never thought that it would cause the relationship to break apart. More like if your girlfriend/wife wanted to have a mistress on the side. Or high school friends had a few too many one weekend at college and ended up in bed together to experiment.

Even if I never touched the other girl, I don't think I would have a problem with it as long as they both liked each other. The relationship would have to remain pretty stable though and she couldn't use the excuse that she's already had sex today. But, I could see how it could cause some problems down the road, but with the right attitude and communicating, I would be ok with it. She would have to be able to love two people at the same time though.

QuasiMondo

To butcher a Bill Withers line:

'You're too much for one man, but not enough for two. Dadgumnit, who is she and what is she to you?"

__________________
Cameron originally envisioned the Terminator as a small, unremarkable man, giving it the ability to blend in more easily. As a result, his first choice for the part was Lance Henriksen. O. J. Simpson was on the shortlist but Cameron did not think that such a nice guy could be a ruthless killer.

-From the Collector's Edition DVD of The Terminator

elgeebar

Much as this scenario is pretty much a fantasy of mine (as I believe it probably is with 99% of guys), it still boils down to that trust thing!

Communication and permission is everything!

*Nikki*

All of TFP is essentially a Men's Lounge.

Baraka_Guru

Oh, if only that that were entirely true. But essentially, yes.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Vigilante

If she hid it from me and I walked in on it, I would be livid.

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Plan9

Tilted Weaponry is the unofficial men's lounge. We stand around and talk about guns and scratch our asses and belch.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

eribrav

Wow, thanks man.
Are you the guy who killed Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny too?

vancityboi

ditto

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Strange Famous

I wouldnt say I'd be over the moon, but I probably would be a bit turned on. It wouldnt be the same as she was with another man to me. if it was another guy it would be like an insult to my manhood; if she was fooling around with another girl - in the worst case its something that you cant biologically compete with and in the best case it could actually be a fantastic situation. I wouldnt even need to join in as long as they didnt mind me watching.

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hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
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The Gospel of Thomas

Jenna

My boyfriend would be pretty upset, that's something that we should discuss before it happens. He isn't opposed to me having sexual relationships with other women, as long as he knows about it.

Acetylene

I would be upset that my husband didn't tell me he wanted to experiment with a man, and I would want to know why he didn't trust me with those thoughts.

I'd also want to get a clean bill of health from both of them, ASAP.

Provided he has a reasonable explaination (not sure what that might be) and no one had HIV, I wouldn't be too mad. I know men give better head than women and I know completely straight men who have gay oral-only fuckbuddies for this reason.

I don't think he'll be "turning gay" anytime soon so I am not concerned about him having a serious affair or leaving me for a man. The "Why didn't you tell me" issue is the real biggie.

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MSD

If the relationship is serious enough to consider it cheating, she should know me well enough to know I would rather talk about it first. If she doesn't think it's cheating becuase the "other man" is a woman, our expectations are different enough that it wouldn't work out anyway.

Plan9

Pfft... The_Jazz is to blame for those lost childhood dreams.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

The_Jazz

Me? Let me give you a 5 bullet-point arguement on why that's not right....

Wait. I sell insurance for a living. That alone proves your point. Carry on.

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