Help! - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

vanillacandy · 12-21-2008, 02:48 AM

Hi All

This is my first post, so please be gentle

I've been seeing a guy for about two months. We click really well everywhere else except in the bedroom. In my previous relationships I've rarely found anyone that was able to make me orgasm without detailed instructions or a demonstration. This is soooo not an issue with him! Rather, I cannot make him cum at all. Usually he ends up getting himself close and then having sex with me. It's not from a lack of foreplay either and I'd like to think its not because I've got a bad technique (he's pretty vocal in telling me what he likes so I think he would have told me if I was just not doing it right, plus I've had no complaints before).

He's not into drugs and hasn't been drunk when we've gone at it so I just can't work it out. He's mentioned something about being born with a shortened foreskin but whenever I try and ask him about he just goes bright red and tells me he'd prefer not to talk about it. I've tried googling it but can't really find anything.

Any advice?? It's really starting to make me inadequate (which I've also mentioned but he's kinda avoided responding to)

Thanks heaps!

Daniel_ · 12-21-2008, 04:47 AM

It could be all manner of things, and most of them are improved by communication.

If you're happy as a couple, then you should be able to get over the orgasm problem.

Good luck!

ratbastid · 12-21-2008, 05:31 AM

He's obviously embarrassed about it. But the only thing that's going to make a difference is talking about it.

Part of what it is to have sex is to learn your partner--how their body works, how they respond to things. Guys spend a lot of locker-room time discussing "tricks" or "moves", which is bullshit, because your killer thing for Girl A is potentially a complete flop with Girl B. Everbody wants and likes different things. I think this is much more dramatically true on women, but guys vary too.

So sit him down and tell him you're concerned about your ability to satisfy him, and make sure he knows you don't think there's anything wrong or any inadequacy to overcome or anything--you just want to learn him and learn how he works. And go from there.

SabrinaFair · 12-21-2008, 08:08 AM

Yeah, I agree with Ratbastid. Certain sources (locker rooms, Cosmo, Maxim, etc.) would like us to believe that sex is a one-size fits all approach. It ain't. Every person is different. Moreover, just because something feels good doesn't mean it's going to get you off. It sounds like communication and experimentation is order. :-)

pig · 12-21-2008, 08:26 AM

In addition to that pesky communication thing...I'd suggest finding a scenario where you can watch, or better yet help, him masturbate. He knows what he likes...and you can learn it with time. Good luck.

ratbastid · 12-21-2008, 08:41 AM

To piggy-back back on Sabrina's piggy-back of me... And to say something I mean to say above, but somehow forgot:

There's ONE trick that has stood me well in bed. ONE. Here it is: PAY ATTENTION.

The corollary to the trick is: Remember that what worked before might not work now.

curiousbear · 12-21-2008, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pig

I'd suggest finding a scenario where you can watch, or better yet help, him masturbate.

Exactly what I thought... Please try that

Do you orgasm while he is inside?

Xerxys · 12-21-2008, 10:12 AM

Yeah, answer curiousbear's question, and also, does he masturbate a lot? I know this has been known to desensitize sex. Oh and also, talk to him, make him talk back..... hang him upside down on a tall building Arnold Schwarzenegger style if you have to!!!

ASU2003 · 12-21-2008, 10:20 AM

How long do you go at it for? Does he go soft while having sex? Can he cum from oral sex or handjobs? Have you tried different positions? Are you using condoms? Have you tried lube?

cmc · 12-21-2008, 04:16 PM

I don't know You or your BF - but ... all this advice ...
is sure getting me fired up ! -- Good luck Vanillcandy !

- I believe with your open mind - and deep concern + a list of new things to
put into action - You CAN NOT Fail -- it's just when !

( holy smokes - I guess we'll all hear the sound when it happens ! )

12-21-2008, 02:48 AM	#1 (permalink)
vanillacandy Upright	Help! Hi All This is my first post, so please be gentle I've been seeing a guy for about two months. We click really well everywhere else except in the bedroom. In my previous relationships I've rarely found anyone that was able to make me orgasm without detailed instructions or a demonstration. This is soooo not an issue with him! Rather, I cannot make him cum at all. Usually he ends up getting himself close and then having sex with me. It's not from a lack of foreplay either and I'd like to think its not because I've got a bad technique (he's pretty vocal in telling me what he likes so I think he would have told me if I was just not doing it right, plus I've had no complaints before). He's not into drugs and hasn't been drunk when we've gone at it so I just can't work it out. He's mentioned something about being born with a shortened foreskin but whenever I try and ask him about he just goes bright red and tells me he'd prefer not to talk about it. I've tried googling it but can't really find anything. Any advice?? It's really starting to make me inadequate (which I've also mentioned but he's kinda avoided responding to) Thanks heaps!

12-21-2008, 04:47 AM	#2 (permalink)
Daniel_ Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It! Location: Southern England	It could be all manner of things, and most of them are improved by communication. If you're happy as a couple, then you should be able to get over the orgasm problem. Good luck! __________________ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗ Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

12-21-2008, 08:08 AM	#4 (permalink)
SabrinaFair Junkie Location: Louisville, KY	Yeah, I agree with Ratbastid. Certain sources (locker rooms, Cosmo, Maxim, etc.) would like us to believe that sex is a one-size fits all approach. It ain't. Every person is different. Moreover, just because something feels good doesn't mean it's going to get you off. It sounds like communication and experimentation is order. :-) __________________ "With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy." -Desiderata

12-21-2008, 08:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	In addition to that pesky communication thing...I'd suggest finding a scenario where you can watch, or better yet help, him masturbate. He knows what he likes...and you can learn it with time. Good luck. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

12-21-2008, 10:20 AM	#9 (permalink)
ASU2003 immoral minority Location: Back in Ohio	How long do you go at it for? Does he go soft while having sex? Can he cum from oral sex or handjobs? Have you tried different positions? Are you using condoms? Have you tried lube? Last edited by ASU2003; 12-21-2008 at 10:22 AM..

12-21-2008, 05:31 AM	#3 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	He's obviously embarrassed about it. But the only thing that's going to make a difference is talking about it. Part of what it is to have sex is to learn your partner--how their body works, how they respond to things. Guys spend a lot of locker-room time discussing "tricks" or "moves", which is bullshit, because your killer thing for Girl A is potentially a complete flop with Girl B. Everbody wants and likes different things. I think this is much more dramatically true on women, but guys vary too. So sit him down and tell him you're concerned about your ability to satisfy him, and make sure he knows you don't think there's anything wrong or any inadequacy to overcome or anything--you just want to learn him and learn how he works. And go from there.

12-21-2008, 08:41 AM	#6 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	To piggy-back back on Sabrina's piggy-back of me... And to say something I mean to say above, but somehow forgot: There's ONE trick that has stood me well in bed. ONE. Here it is: PAY ATTENTION. The corollary to the trick is: Remember that what worked before might not work now.

12-21-2008, 10:12 AM	#8 (permalink)
Xerxys Junkie Location: My head.	Yeah, answer curiousbear's question, and also, does he masturbate a lot? I know this has been known to desensitize sex. Oh and also, talk to him, make him talk back..... hang him upside down on a tall building Arnold Schwarzenegger style if you have to!!!

12-21-2008, 04:16 PM	#10 (permalink)
cmc Crazy Location: usa	I don't know You or your BF - but ... all this advice ... is sure getting me fired up ! -- Good luck Vanillcandy ! - I believe with your open mind - and deep concern + a list of new things to put into action - You CAN NOT Fail -- it's just when ! ( holy smokes - I guess we'll all hear the sound when it happens ! )