rahl

My fiance can't get off when she masturbates. We have phone sex when I'm out of town on business, and she plays along but she can't ever seem to get off. She says she never was able to get herself off so she doesn't even bother trying, except when we are playing on the phone.

Does anyone else have the same problem getting themselves off?

SabrinaFair

I *used* to have a problem getting myself off when I was young. My problem was/is that I don't produce a lot of wetness when I'm soloing it. Then I discovered Astroglide, and its become a whole. new. ballgame. Now I'm at serious risk of carpal tunnel syndrome. Has your fiance experimented much with different ways to get herself off? Toys? Lube? It may be worth a try.

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rahl

We've tried toys together but she doesn't play alone. She says it just doesn't feel good to her. She'd rather I do it.

The_Jazz

As a former 15-year old boy, I have never had that problem. However, I have been with women who could not orgasm by masturbation but could during sex. Wetness was an issue with one, and too much sensitivity was the issue with another.

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abaya

Does she have any sex toys (e.g. a vibrator)? If not, is she willing to try one?

Interesting about the wetness... I get more wet when I'm doing it myself than I do during regular sex. I think it just takes me so long to warm up, and when I'm doing it myself I have all the time in the world... so I get wetter that way. I also LOOOVE my vibrator, lol.

How old is your fiance, btw? I should also disclose that I did not really start masturbating until I was 22, since up until that point it had never really occurred to me to try it. (I was also a virgin.) Is your fiance religious?

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Halx

I'm guessing that if she hasn't discovered a vibrator yet, when she does, you may have to pry it from her rigid deathgrip.

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rahl

She is 23. I have used a vibrator on her and she loved it. She describes doing it herself as "trying to tickle yourself" it just doesn't work.

curiousbear

we are on same boat. my girl cant feel a thing when she touches herself. But can orgasm if I use my hands.

So I think the self-touch doesnt feel sensual to some girls.

Or may be some girls dont fantasize, imagine, and think sexy way to trigger a sexual reaction to thier own body by touching themselves.

abaya

Many women are raised to believe that their genitals are "dirty" and should not be touched or played with... and the belief is strongly reinfoced during the monthly period, etc. It's extemely unfortunate, but I know plenty of women who feel that way.

I wasn't raised that way, but for a combination of religious + other reasons, I simply didn't think much about sex or masturbation until I was 22, comfortably single, and had all the time and curiousity in the world to explore down there. It helped to use a mirror at first to check out the plumbing and see where everything was at... would she be okay with that, just so she knows how to find her clit, etc?

Some women are also just afraid/ashamed of looking/feeling around down there, or they feel it is "gross" and they don't want to touch it. (Surprising to some men, but true.) And hell, if she likes vibrators, then get her using that by herself!

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rahl

I'll talk to her and do what I can. It doesn't seem to bother her that she doesn't do it. I just feel bad for her, when I'm out of town for work.

curiousbear

I have exactly same situation. Self-awareness and self-reliance is important isn't it?

I sometimes even wish my girl had a gf with whom she was sexually close

genuinegirly

I've definitely never run into this problem.
Really, some girls can't do it to themselves? Really?

I walk away from this thread a bit wiser.

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abaya

I know girls (who are 30+ years old) who have probably never touched themselves anywhere in that region. Most of them are still virgins for religious reasons, but I am sure there are others who aren't virgins, and still don't like touching themselves there. I want to buy all of them vibrators, but they would find it offensive, I'm sure.

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