Deltona Couple

Why doe sit HAVE to be his midlife, or her daddy issues? what makes it so impossible that someone could just find another person attractive to them? Sorry, but I find offense in such a blanket statement. Not all older/younger couples are bad, or evolve because one or the other has a "problem" with their daddy or a midlife crisis.

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"It is not that I have failed, but that I have found 10,000 ways that it DOESN'T work!" --Thomas Edison

Poppinjay

I don't think it's creepy, because she asked you.

These kinds of things always seem good on paper (or in our perverted little minds) but the generational differences can be really tough to overcome.

At 20, she thinks it's a lark. At 39, you may be thinking lasting relationship. There are a million little fractions that can happen.

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

muthu

You have an excellent point! I think alot of people see men as getting more sophisticated/sexy with age, whereas older women are seen as "grandmas" (which is not sexy).
Actually, in alot of "older man" cases, the woman is after the $ too, so it's not just young men that are viewed that way.
The grandma thing is about all I can think of, or maybe men just age better and that's why they are more accepted? I often wonder about these things myself.
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Muthu

MSD

She's interested and legal. No reason to hold back.

Funny side note: I know I'm getting old when I call someone a MILF and my brother cringes and says she's way too old.
I always thought that was an arbitrary, high-schoolish mindset. I was more mature at 18 than some people I've met who are 40. I'm 24 now and I've met people younger than me who are more mature than I am.
With a huge lie like that for a long time, I'd hold off on getting married until I was sure that we've been honest with everything. I put a lot of weight on trust in a relationship.

Poppinjay

It's true, some people who are 40 are absolute dipshits, and some 20 year olds have it all together. And some of those younger people grow up to be 40 year old dipshits.

It all depends on what happens the ensuing years. Some go get their hearts broken and acquire different sets of motivation. Some never encounter a mature relationship and create warped senses of what a relationship means.

At the least, if the OPer hasn't really had any relationships, it might as well start now. But there's a reason for the song, "Hey 19".

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

anti fishstick

I guess for me, it's just the idea that you're dating someone who's old enough to be your dad. Now I don't think daddy issues or midlife crisis, or anything like that, necessarily. Though, I suppose if the girl is more mature... I hear guys in their 40s are a bit better than guys in their 30s on maturity levels. That's coming from my 30 something friends. I have no experience on dating anyone in their 30s.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

snowy

When I was 20, there were PLENTY of older guys--including some of my professors--that I found attractive. I'm 6 years older now, but I still find men over 50 attractive.

It never hurts to try.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

jewels

When you apply for a job, you can't be (yeah right ) discriminated against for age. Men don't like when women ask what kind of car they drive or what career path they're on. In general (I could care less) women don't like to disclose their age. Age is just another label if you look at it that way. I'm just wondering if it'd be a dealbreaker if for you've been blinded by love and never asked and found out some time later. No lies, it just never came up somehow.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

levite

Maybe, maybe not. Chances are, if it turns out to be a dealbreaker, it's not because of the age difference, it's because she lied to me for 2 years.
-----Added 29/9/2008 at 02 : 09 : 57-----
It doesn't have to be either. I didn't say it was either of those things directly, only that when I saw such a couple, that was my first thought. I would be perfectly prepared to be proven wrong, but I do tend to wonder about a 20-year gap.

From people of completely different generations, with vastly different generational paradigms, one of whom has vastly more life experience than the other, who are at totally different places in life, what would be the subjects held in common? What common ground would these people have on which to base a relationship, over and above sexual attraction?

I'm not saying it can't happen, or that it doesn't happen. I'm just saying I tend to think it doesn't often happen for the right reasons. But I am always happy to be proven wrong in such a situation.

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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Anormalguy

Actually I was giving my .02 regarding the situation described by the original poster. I do agree with you, being older doesn't always "equate being comfortable with yourself." There are a lot of weirded-out geezers around, I'm one myself .

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In a society where the individual is not free to pursue the truth...there is neither progress, stability nor security.--Edward R. Murrow

curiousbear

When I was very young guy, I had fantasies for elder women.
But I wonder onesnow or for that matter any woman when they grwo older will find a 20 yr old chap attractive and ...

snowy

Most are too immature for my tastes. Plus, a 20-year-old couldn't drink. I like the ability to have a beer with my man.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

curiousbear

That is sweet, so when you are 35+ and you find a 20yr chap who could drink beer you would be interested?

I had drinks ever since I was 14. Exactly once a year around my birthday. The once a year rule relaxed only after I crossed 24.

While young I happen to find women who had beared, reared children to be very attractive. But due to some respect I never approached any of them.

snowy

Legally, one must be 21 to drink alcohol in the United States (generally speaking, there are some exceptions, depending on your jurisdiction), and I'm not interested in contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

spongy

I was a month shy of 35 when I met a girl of 19. We kinda flirted for a bit, I finally asked her out. After a bit she said yes ( we had lunch together in the interim).

Seven years later, we have 2 beautiful kids and are quite happily married.

For the record, her folks love me, although I was a bit apprehensive about that.

From someone who has been there, it is possible.

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The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.

Stephen King

genuinegirly

Good question! I'm sure it would make me re-evaluate why they lied, what else they might be lying about. I'd say it could bring up some serious trust issues that would need to be worked through. I probably would not continue with the wedding as planned.

And to be accurate - I don't know about other states, but in California you only need your drivers license to apply for a marriage license, no birth certificate required.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

curiousbear

Amazing. I know few couples with 20+ age difference. But they were arranged marraiges. The guys are very happy. I dont know about the women, I cant ask them ...
-----Added 2/10/2008 at 12 : 43 : 00-----
Are there girls here whos hubby is way younger!?? just curiousity

nsfx

I'd love to date someone older!

To the OP, watch this movie before you decide. Haha, jk. Sick movie, though

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"...as no thought can perish, so no act is without infinite result."
- E. A. Poe

curiousbear

how old are you?
the move had bagged awards, we will try to watch.