cadre

This came up the other day and it caught me off guard, I thought I'd get all of your thoughts and experiences.

I was talking to a guy who I didn't really know well but somehow we got on the topic of him wanting to sleep with me. I told him that it sounded good but that he should know that I'm currently sleeping with other people. The first thing out of his mouth was: "So you're a whore?"

I didn't really know what to say to him after that other than to leave, at which point he tried to take it back without really changing his opinion.

For those of you who have been in a similar position, what did you do? What should I have done?

I should add that since then I've kept my actions to myself more so that I can retain my dignity.

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My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

telekinetic

Sounds like a self correcting situation to me. Your disclosure saved you from sleeping with an asshole, didn't it?

cadre

I don't know, I've encoutered this attitude more often from my age group than I expected. You'd think college-age people would respond differently. Either way, I'm never quite sure how I should feel about it.

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

jewels

If I had been sleeping with someone else or multiple partners, I don't think I would have disclosed it. Why did he need to know? If I'd been in your situation and already said that, I probably would have just walked away at his response. What else can you do?

I've only been called a whore once, and it was by a guy I wouldn't go out with.

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Mark Twain

curiousbear

You shared too much information too soon with a person. May be you wanted to sleep with him too, but were trying to be honest with him?
I think you should never talk to him again... This person doesnt respect other's feelings or respect.

dlish

maybe you should have rephrased it to say that you are seeing other people. whether you sleep with them or not is not his business.

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

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telekinetic

Even if you were going to sleep with them? I know that's information I'd want to have before I sexed someone.

People are going to think whatever they think. Some people think it is wrong to be promiscuous, if you are comfortable with your promiscuity, you're going to have to either grow thicker skin or learn to lie. You can't change them.

jewels

I'd definitely be protecting myself and others if I was "sexing" with more than one.

Should I read every guy my sexual resume before a first date?

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

noodle

the first thing i thought of upon reading the title was, "depends on who it's coming from."
after i read the post, i thought the same thing.
he obviously has some strong, if awfully quick, feelings/judgements about people and their sexuality.
it also depends on how "quippy" or joking he was being.
but they are your feelings and i think you're totally justified in being offended and walking away.

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cadre

See, I'd want to know too which is why I told him. I think it's fair that they get the facts ahead of time. I mean, if I was at a sexually oriented party I may not feel the need to disclose that piece of information but in that situation it seemed necessary.

__________________
My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

lotsofmagnets

hey may have interpreted it as a boast and blurted out his 1sy thought rather than thinking it through

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mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

loquitur

How do I respond to being called a whore?

I shrug. I'm used to it. I'm a lawyer.

World's King

I'd have kicked him the fuckin' balls.




Then suck his dick.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Bill O'Rights

So...um..Jewels. You wanna maybe get some dinner sometime? Catch a movie after?

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Daniel_

Q: What's the difference between a good time girl and a slut?

A: A good time girl will sleep with anyone. A slut will sleep with anyone but me.

You're not a whore, you don't take payment. You're an enthusiastic amateur - if anything you're keeping prostitutes off our streets; think about it - if people weren't giving it away, there would be a bigger market for people buying it.

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

allfullup

YOU be more selective. Screen out monogamous and/or ungraceful people earlier.

jewels

Movie first, then dinner, okay? Resume later.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

abaya

I don't think that he deserved ANY kind of response (other than maybe a violent one), if you ask me. Anyway, he did you a favor by being an asshole before you slept with him... saved you a few wasted hours, at least. Walk away.

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for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
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Willravel

How do I respond? I take my head out of her lap for a second and smile.

I don't like the idea of holding women to a different sexual standard than men. "Whore" is not something I'd call a woman because of it's attempt to cast something normal and healthy as negative. Cadre, you're a normal, healthy person.

cadre

Well I think me telling him the truth did a pretty good job of screening him out don't you?

Thanks everyone who responded thus far, I appreciate your support. The whole experience just kind of freaked me out I think. Don't really know why, but I wasn't sure what to do. Just thought I'd get your opinions and experiences.

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My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

Tully Mars

I think walking was the right solution. IMO, when people say shit like this they either haven't thought it through, which makes them ignorant. Or they have thought it through which makes them an ignorant asshole. Responding to this crap usually just lowers you more then them, as they can't really be any lower.

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girldetective

My name is Sarah Palin and I do it for my country.

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Tully Mars

Shouldn't that read-


My name is Sarah Palin and I'm trying to do it to my country?

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Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club

Just J

A comment as crass as that does not deserve a response.

canuckguy

Was he joking when he said it? Or was it a harsh crisp statement with a frown on his face?

not that joking forgives the comment but some insight on your normal banter with him might help me understand. for example i work with a guy that i think the only non swear word i say to him is "off"....same for him to me. We like to see who can rag on the other the best. If someone over heard us they'd think we were fighting unless they saw us laughing.

allfullup

Whoops, re-reading for comprehension. That was about as early as you could've screened him out.

Personally, in my inner world of infinite confidence, I might have engaged him intellectually on his assumptions and ended the conversation with a demonstration of your selectiveness appropriate to his corrigibility, from an apology that it didn't work out, up to and including him wearing your drink.

In the future, maybe it should be your inquiry. "Can you handle not being the only one?"

Admittedly it's different for me, being a guy. (Ironically I'm fighting off guilt about having occasional fantasies about my two girlfriends, who have separately confided in me some level of attraction to one another, engaging me in a ménage a trois...)

I sympathize that it's tough to play beyond the social limitations of your cohort. Don't let the normals grind you down!

dlish

and both your girlfriends are aware that they are the 'other gf'??

if so...CONGRATULATIONS mate! job well done!

seriously cadre. if i were you i would have slapped him. i know if i said that i'd be expecting a slap.
-----Added 18/9/2008 at 11 : 07 : 01-----
sorry, shes out with me this weekend!

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

cadre

Well, we had only spoken once before this so we didn't have a normal banter. He seemed very serious to me and his attempt at an apology confirmed that he was serious.

Apparently this guy couldn't handle not being the only one! And allfullup, you should never feel guilty about fantasies besides, maybe you should bring this up with them and see what happens.

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My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

inBOIL

There is a chance, albeit a small one, that he meant that as a description, and not an insult. For example: "So you're a whore. Great, so am I. Let us whore together."

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Anormalguy

Even if that is how he truly felt, he should've done a little thinking rather than responding "So you're a whore?".

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Willravel

It was clearly wrong and there's no excuse. Cadre deserves respect.

curiousbear

I too think it is absolutely wrong to ask like that

Starkizzer

You should have asked if he was currently sleeping with other people or had he ever slept with more than one person at a time. If his response was anything other than "no," you should have quoted him and said, "So you're a whore?"

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thespian86

Kiss ass.

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jorgelito

Regardless of my own personal views regarding sexuality and your stated behaviour, there is no excuse for the response you received. Simply put, it is rude and discourteous. In this case, I think an appropriate response would be:

"Excuse me, I beg your pardon?"

or

"That was very rude and uncalled for, please apologize."

Your unfortunate experience was totally unacceptable and I am sorry it happened to you.

P.S. - It would not be unreasonable to respond: "Go to hell!" or "Eat shit and die!"

Wow, this is really offensive and inappropriate.

C'mon now, is this really necessary?

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to the one that endures to the end."

"Demand more from yourself, more than anyone else could ever ask!"

- My recruiter

Hyacinthe

I probably would have reacted a little differently then most people on here simply because some of my best female friends work as prostitutes. I wouldn't have been insulted or angry on my behalf but more on my friends.

RA (random asshole): So you're a whore?
Me: Actually no, however some of my best friends are and I have to tell you they're obviously alot better people then you are

Then I would storm off.

Face it Cadre, the guy was a dick, they're out there and every now and then you will run into them. Don't let them drag you down to their level, I mean what do you care what some random rude assholish guy said?

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"Her emotions were clear waters. You could see the scarring and pockmarks at the bottom of the pool, but it was just a part of her landscape – the consequences of others’ actions in which she claimed no part."

little_tippler

Well it's not that he just called you a whore, I can imagine the tone of a phrase like "So you're a whore?"

That deserves a slap right there.

I have never been called a whore but I'd be pretty pissed off if it happened.

I think you did the right thing, you were upfront with him, which he could have appreciated instead of being a twit. You clearly dodged an asshole in my opinion!

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

dlish

i probably would have added a little more to it

Eat shit and die motherfucker!

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

jorgelito

Ha, but you see, I seldom curse, so for me to muster up what I suggested is quite the achievement. I already feel bad for suggesting such profanity already, but I was just so offended and repulsed by her post (what the guy said to her).

But yes, stronger words would be suitable I think in this case.

__________________
"The race is not always to the swift, nor battle to the strong, but
to the one that endures to the end."

"Demand more from yourself, more than anyone else could ever ask!"

- My recruiter

tenchi069

Im going to stray just a little off topic before i add my own 2 cents into the mix.

This is in response to all of the "kick him in the nuts, slap him in the face..etc" Responding with physical assault in response to words is not only a way to further escalate things, but is also a good way to have to wait around and talk to the cops.
Is the guy a douchebag? Imo yes. A proper response would have been:

a. walk away and speak to him never again

b. Q"so you're a whore?"
A..."and I see you're an asshole."

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