UKking

This article is an essay discussing sex with and without a condom, namely the transition from with to without symbolizing a sign of commitment.

What's your policy on the condom to bareback transition?
Or do you insist on condoms every time?

I've never had sex without a condom. Besides STDs, I like the extra protection from getting a girl pregnant even if she's on the pill.

snowy

Condoms every time. My vagina/uterus is a No Sperm Allowed zone. I'm in a committed long-term relationship, and I'm on birth control, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to risk pregnancy. I can't afford to have a child right now, and my SO can't afford to support one. Therefore, we use condoms, always, and it will be like this for the foreseeable future.

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Willravel

Absolutely always condoms. Unless I'm actively trying to conceive with a woman that I plan on being in a long term, monogamous relationship with, there's just no way.

And the pill.

Cervantes

Condom up and until we've both been thoroughly tested and cleared. After that it's dependent upon if she is comfortable going bareback with some other less cumbersome form of contraceptive. If she isn't, I don't really have a problem with using a condom every time even though it usually kills the thrill of the moment..

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CandleInTheDark

In a serious relationship where we are both healthy, that plastic wrap is gone as soon as she is on a contraceptive. With me and my girlfriend it is simply more pleasurable and enjoyable for both of us.

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World's King

I must be sleeping with whores... Cause I can't remember the last time I used a condom.




And I already knew I was sleeping with whores.

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Ayashe

I couldn't have said it better. Condoms suck in my opinion, it doesn't feel natural. At that point in the relationship we have already explored the "how would we handle if.. " and have come to an understanding in regards to pregnancy etc. anyway. It would be different if it were random reckless sex, but then again.. that is not my preference and quite unlikely to happen.

Seaver

Condoms until we have reached the point of serious dating, at which point we discuss. I hate condoms, and personally can't wait till the male pill which doesn't mess with hormones.

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jewels

Condoms until it's serious enough that we're ready to get tested for AIDS. Then a discussion of birth control options, if applicable.

Shouldn't that be everyone's policy?

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sound chaser

I would insist on some kind of STD test before it got to bareback. Better safe than sorry.

Cynthetiq

contraception fails.

It's either abstinence, or willing to accept the consequences of the actions, STDs or pregnancy.

I don't stick it in until I'm willing to accept the possibility since it increases to something greater than zero.

Skogafoss dislikes condoms, we've rarely used them. Most of the time was withdrawal for us in our early relationship, knowing that we'll have to make some hard decisions if a pregnancy occurs.

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Ayashe

I definitely agree with you there for more reasons than just health. Some STDs can linger undetected for a very long time, particularly in women. At work, I have had the occasion where I found myself counseling ticked off guy/gal that a positive STD test did not necessarily mean that cheating had occurred, particularly if there was no baseline testing at the start.

curiousbear

You need condoms the most when you sleep with whores, isnt it?

Always condoms, never liked my gf taking pills. I think taking internal medicines are not good for her. When we are ready for kids, no condoms . . .

ratbastid

I dislike condoms very much. Enough so that I doubt if I'd have sex with someone whose health status is in any question. Once that's resolved, there leaves only contraception, and I'd use one if it was our only method, but I'd hope she's got something else in play.

diddagirl

Condoms always...except with my current SO. We were each others firsts and and now fourth .... and only because I know for a fact we are both clean and I am very responsible with my pill.

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Plan9

Using both birth control pills and condoms seems like the policy of the paranoid or the politically "conservative."

I'd imagine condoms have a much higher failure rate than the pill. I've broken a few condoms. Never broke a pill.

Then again, I'm down with any type of abortion like the Bush Administration is down with stealing victim's aid funds.

STDs? Best course of action would be: Get tested and switch to something that isn't so damn expensive.

As Merlen reminded me: on a $-a-shot basis, condoms are pretty damn pricey compared to the pill. We would have blown at least 4-5 today.

...

That... and I'm getting a vasectomy.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Willravel

TRY HARDER.

No one likes condoms, but the pill can't protect against STDs and I have to imagine that the pill + condom = pretty safe.

Ayashe

Very true, but I would hope that you wouldn't have to worry about your husband/wife or other Long Term Partner sleeping around on you. Unless of course the relationship is an open one, I wouldn't bother after going through one initial test.

Paq

condoms till both clean an healthy, then nuvaring or pills...

always use something, but condoms can go after a while..

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noodle

i'm latex sensitive/almost allergic.
we learned that after the third or so try with condoms.
and it was NOT fun to have a rash in those areas.
he's the only guy i've been with and was tested like crazy for years...
a little OCD about the health of his penis, for which i do not blame him.
i'm on the pill and saving up to get clamped and cauterized.
but yes, i think the transition in most relationships signifies some level of trust.

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ASU2003

Pills can be broken with some other medicines, and that is the part that would worry me.

But getting rid of condoms does signify that the relationship is more long-term like the article describes.

Plan9

I try all the time. If I can get my little spermies to break that pill... I won't abort the kid. I'll consider it a survivor and name it Hrothgar the Pillbreaker.

...

Linda: "Turns out we're both clean, Tommy. We don't have to use condoms anymore."

Tommy: "Tsk-tsk! Sorry Linda, I still demand to wear an uncomfortable rubber cock-duffel each and every time we exchange sloppy kisses and gropes and play that delightful sausage-hiding game on the couch before your dad comes home from the factory."

...

If you get tested for STDs... you don't have to use a condom anymore, right?

Unless you're into that thing with the dead hookers. Whoreskin suit. Yeah.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

abaya

We used both condoms and NuvaRing until almost our 1 year wedding anniversary. So yeah, for the first 3.5 years that we were together. Been "bare" (NuvaRing only) for less than a year now, and loving it. But condoms were never really an issue for either of us, anyway... it was way, way, WAY worth the peace of mind and knowledge that we would not be having children until we were absolutely ready for it.

I knew from the beginning that I could never have gone through with an abortion... and while ktsp would have been fine with it at the beginning, as our relationship developed... he would have had a harder time with aborting, since we were so much more attached and looking towards marriage and the future. So we were both just fine with doubling up. It had nothing to do with trust of each other (we had basically no partners before each other), and everything to do with not trusting the hormonal BC--for good reason.

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snowy

Condoms are really, really easy to get for free. I know of at least three places in town where I can literally fill my purse with condoms without paying a dime. We usually have an entire shoebox full of freebies as a result. I'm also part of a program where I can get 80 condoms at a time for free.

We also keep using the condoms because without them, I am super-prone to an attack of the yeasties, and it's highly unpleasant, to say the least.

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PonyPotato

I am actually more likely to get a yeast infection when using a condom. I'm also latex-sensitive so more-than-occasional usage makes me itchy and ouchy and unhappy.

My birth control (with insurance) adds up to about $35 for 3 months. Enough condoms for that period of time would undoubtedly cost more. And sure, there are places to get condoms for free.. but why should I take advantage of such programs when I can readily afford to buy them?

I have gotten tested for STDs yearly through college (personal policy, I think it's a good idea) and have Plan B on hand as a "just in case" backup if I have been sloppy with taking my pills. Since I've been taking a birth control pill at the same time every morning for nearly 6 years now, the day I forget a pill comes maybe once a year.

I appreciate the non-sexual benefits of my hormonal birth control, so I don't intend to discontinue it until we are actively trying to conceive. At this point in my life and relationship, I'm okay with having an abortion if necessary. At some point, I will be less comfortable with it.. but that time will probably only come with life circumstances enabling us to raise a child, even if earlier than initially planned.

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cadre

My usual rule is if I'm in a serious relationship and we've both been tested then we go without condoms. My ex and I didn't use condoms for more than two years of our relationship and never had any problems because I was on a bc that worked really well for me. Now however I'm on a new bc every couple months in an effort to find a good substitute for the patch so I'm not as confident about my birth control's effectiveness and I use a condom every time. I've also been seeing multiple partners who are also seeing other people so it's not a tough decision.

As far as the OP is concerned, I wouldn't say that going bareback is the new engagement ring but I would say that it is a form of commitment and it shows trust.

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blahblah454

I will not sleep with someone until they have been tested. I have turned down many sexual chances due to this rule and do not plan on ever changing it. With my last SO it was a long term relationship, she was on the pill and I pulled out, and we were both tested before we started anything. Condoms do not agree with me so I hardly wear them.

Grasshopper Green

I thank the gods we don't use condoms anymore. (Haven't used them in years) I'm not positive I'm allergic to condoms, but they sure as hell made me uncomfortable and itchy down there. I like my IUD just fine and if a pregnancy *were* to occur...then my son would get the sibling he keeps asking for.

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FuriousAvatar

I only use condoms until both parties are tested and an alternate form of BC is established. I absolutely loathe condoms and have a hard time performing with one on.

Plan9

Which would be implied since one party is sticking his Roger, The Furious Salami Sword into her Velveeta, The Human Hot Pocket.

Act itself seems pretty intimate, pretty trusting... or outside the drunken humans-making-bad-choices fuckfest Americans refer to as "college," it is supposed to be.

Man, I dislike how casual sex has become in that the method of protection has become more symbolic than the reality of the act itself.

Example:

Hilda: "I don't know anything about you or your history. Let's fuck."

Adolf: "No sweat. I've got condoms." *miracle holy noise from above*

...

I'm totally confused here. Somebody with a college education should enlighten me:

What is the time bridge between "casual" and "dedicated" relationships these days, anyway?

Everybody talks about "being safe" with their partners. Why are we fucking strangers, again?

If everybody is so god-damn safe... bust out with the STD test right away. Carry it around in your wallet like your Sex Credentials card.

How long does one wanna keep their partner's genitals under condom quarantine?

Crotch paranoia: get the fever.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

kutulu

Married five years, and with the same girl for 13 years. We used condoms for the first couple years, she tried the pill for a little while (didn't like it) and she had a cervical cap for about 6 months (reaction). Since then it's been pulling out. About 10 years worth, averaging a few times per week.

We are trained to think that women are this ocean of fertility but in reality there are only a few days per month when she is fertile. As long as you have the ability to control your orgasm pulling out is safe. Hell for the first week after her cycle is over you don't even need to pull out.

Disclaimer: We have two kids and one miscarriage. The miscarriage was unplanned, the first child was sort of planned and the second child was planned.

abaya

Cromp, like I said earlier, for us it had *nothing* to do with fear of STD's/trust and everything to do with not wanting to get pregnant (and my not wanting to get an abortion, and also ktsp not wanting one, after we had been together for a while and we would have wanted the kid, if it had been conceived--but not been ready for it). We wanted to make sure that we would be 100% ready to support a kid, and 99% sure that the kid would be planned/very much wanted. (Which is why we are now comfortable with trusting the 99% effectiveness of the NuvaRing--but even less than 1% was too much, before.) I do not like surprises of any kind, especially with regards to my body and a crying little being that is going to significantly affect the rest of my life. We saw pregnancy as being worse than an STD, at the time!

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Plan9

Now, I'm not a scientist but I play one on TeeVee.

Anal: Your notion of 100% is seems pretty much impossible with something as fallible as a condom (as applied with other methods of contraception, of course). I've turned a few condoms into ragged hulu skirts and lemme tell ya: pregnancy scares for males in the military about to be deployed are far worse than getting mortared while in said third world shithole.

Chemicals: I'd stick with the pills and shots and rings. They seem like better choices than a see-thru penis-shaped wad of latex.

The A-Bomb: I'd suggest the only option that is actually 100% is that which you are unable to accept: abortion in the case of a mishap.

Crafty Buggers: Stack enough obstacles in the way of sperm and it gets close to 99%.

...

Ever hear about that hot-water-on-the-balls method of male contraception?

I've got this great joke that goes with it.
-----Added 8/9/2008 at 06 : 14 : 38-----
Isn't that how that always goes?

Day 1: "Let's have a baby."

(buys multi-pack of home pregnancy tests, tries one "just for laughs")

Day 2: "Oh shit, you're pregnant already?!"
-----Added 8/9/2008 at 06 : 15 : 40-----
How do you get it over your violin, anyway?
-----Added 8/9/2008 at 06 : 18 : 18-----
Hahah, "ocean of fertility." I like that. As was said earlier in another thread by Jewelz... some women can probably get pregnant off a toilet seat.

I guess my personal feeling would be that the guess-and-pray method isn't a viable option for kids under 23 (post-college?), military personnel, pimps, carnies, and anybody else who isn't in a serious relationship and/or married.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Willravel

Condoms to prevent STDs is only for the initial, exploratory missions. I don't like exploratory missions, so I get tested and respectfully ask if she's willing to do the same. A "No" answer might as well be a "Jesus is watching" or "you don't want to know" answer.

For me, condoms are 100% for birth control purposes. Short of Willravel Jr. breaching the shields of the death star (pill) and the tie fighters (condom), she won't be getting pregnant. Luke is a good name for a boy, though, almost as good as "Pillbuster". Sounds like filibuster.

james t kirk

I only use condoms if it's casual sex and I haven't had that in a while.

With my current GF, we don't use condoms.

In fact, I can't say I've EVER had a GF who insisted on condom use every time. It may start out that way, however, usually by the third time, they are discarded.

Note to the peanut gallery, condoms are not very good at protecting you against herpes, or HPV

abaya

Cromp, read my posts again... we used BOTH hormonal BC (the NuvaRing) and condoms for our first 3.5 years together. Not just condoms, my friend. So yes, I would have to say that BC + condoms is pretty damn near 100%, in that case.

I think you must have misunderstood me. However, I'm so happy to see you posting again here, that I don't really care.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

snowy

Yeah, I don't think we've busted a condom in over 2 years now. I use the NuvaRing, so it's hard to forget to deal with it, but I have Plan B on hand at all times just in case (not necessarily for my benefit, but I've had friends who've needed it from me in the past).

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

lane.myer

I would like to think that I would wait until the girl said that she wanted it before I would take it off, but I think I forced the issue occasionally (bad attitude, I know) out of sheer sexual mindlessness. I'm much calmer now.

Plan9

Oh, I read it sufficiently. You alluded to multiple methods and I noted it in the parentheses of my last post.

OH SNAP. I apologize for posting again. I'll get back to the coal mine.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

abaya

Ah, okay... well, I guess for me, it was as close to 100% as we could get without my being the Virgin Mary (not that it helped her much, either). Huh? No no, keep posting!! Hence my happy face:

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran